Jump to content
imacougarlady

How do we tell existing children about the the new baby in a poly relationship?

Recommended Posts

Female half of a poly couple here. My hubby of seven years and I have recently welcomed Angie (a 25 year old woman) into our marriage. We have a very busy household with our 2 small children (3 and 5 year old boys). Angie is now expecting my hubby's first child. We are all excited about her pregnancy. She is now 7 months and hubby is very excited for sure. How do others tell their existing children about the impending arrival??

Share this post


Link to post
Guest rdy46227

Just the facts, what the kids need to know.

 

- Angie is going to have a baby.

 

- Mommy and Daddy will help take care of it, and you can too.

 

- It will part part of our family, just like Angie is, and like your is.

 

You don't need to define the specific relationship (i.e. half-sibling). Use "family" to include siblings, half-siblings, and cousins.

 

They probably won't want or need that much specificity, but if they persist (or ask at an older age), concentrate on different mothers but equality of love and treatment.

 

---

 

The governor here is how you present your triad to the community. How the 5 year old identifies the new born to outsiders needs to be consistent with how you have presented yourselves.

 

 

Here's some options to consider:

 

-- You could teach the 5yo to always say "new baby" and "Angie's baby". (5yo: we have a new baby. teacher: A new brother or a new sister? 5yo: it's Angie's baby.) It deflects attention from your husband as the father, at the cost of demoting the baby from being a sibling.

 

 

-- If you have the 5yo say "my new cousin", then you can explain that the 5yo calls Angie "aunt", who is "extended family" currently living with you.

 

Ask for their consideration in not making an "uncomfortable situation" more embarrassing for the "unwed mother". If you have to, remind them that this has happened in many families in the past and the details are not their business.

 

 

-- If the 5yo says "my new sister", you may end up being trapped into explaining that he means "half-sister" and then have to divulge the common parent (your husband with you obviously not the mother).

 

Respond that the children are "not truly siblings", but since you adults have agreed to help each other raise the kids in a common household, you are teaching the kids to treat each other other as siblings. Therefore they are being told to say "new sister".

 

Note the weasel phrase and just don't answer questions about it. Reiterate that while they are young that you want them all to live together as siblings no matter what the exact relationship may be.

 

(And don't let the really pesty people force an answer -- it's rude of them to press, so you're not rude by firmly changing the subject!)

 

 

PS: In my experience, it's always good to have a plausible position prepared that will pass public inspection and avoid a lynch mob. It lets everybody save face, even when they strongly suspect it's not the whole story.

Share this post


Link to post

Since this may be a life long situation. Try a version of the truth that they can understand for a lifetime. Eventually they will figure it out. Start with love and compassion for everyone involved. Lots of love for the mother and new arrival from everyone involved in the family.

 

With adults. The same thing.

 

The little white lies now can do more damage later.

 

You have a lot to think about and decide upon.

Share this post


Link to post

What is your explanation of Angie to them? At this point they are so young I doubt they'd understand much regardless of how you explain it. But, how are you explaining her now? The fact that she sleeps with you/ lives there/etc? How do you intend to continue to explain it as they get older. If they are aware of her and how she fits in the family explaining the baby should be no issue.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Jocarter8183
      My wife and I love skinny dipping after our youngest is in bed. We have a daughter in college that comes home on some weekends.

      One weekend recently, she surprised us by coming home early after being out with friends and caught my wife and I in the pool, no swim suits of course. She wasn’t freaked out, she actually was cool about it and hung out by the pool a while. She asked if we would mind if she got in for a swim, we said of course. She went in the house(we thought to get in a swim suit of course)  and she came back out wearing a towel which she soon revealed that she also was nude. She is 20 by the way. She said since  we were skinny dipping it would be ok for her to as well. My wife was totally fine with it. I’m ok with it, it just caught me by surprise and off guard to say the least  to the point where I couldn’t look at her at first since it was my daughter. That went away after a bit.
       
      This is the first time she’s went completely nude with us. My wife and I go nude around the house all the time and she would just go around in a T-shirt and panties when she lived at home and when she comes home now. She never had shown an interest in anything more than that before. Am I just over reacting since it was the first time she’s done that and I’m trying to process it? She’s been a free spirit since she was little,  so it shouldn’t be a surprise to me. She knows we’re swingers and we’re both bisexual and she thinks that’s awesome, so I don’t know why I reacted the way I did with the skinny dipping. Any ideas and opinions are welcome
    • By couplers
      Hi this is Petra, member of a three-woman, two-guy closed poly family. I am a long-time member of the Swingersboard, so if you want more background, you can look at previous posts. We are all now in our thirties and have found that while it used to be that the two guys could adequately take care of us three women, that is shifting. The guys have slacked off a little, while the women's desire for sex has increased. While it helps that we girls are bisexual and can help each other, we also seem to need (or at least want) more frequent sex with the guys. Penis-in-vagina intercourse is what we girls want, and the three of us women cum relatively easily, so a quick screw is satisfying.
       
      Anyone else facing a similar situation? The way we have primarily addressed this is by making one of our guys service two girls, her cumming while he holds back, then taking care of the second. Any thoughts?
    • By JW6145
      I’ve been lurking a while and read a ton here the boards. Now I’ve gotten myself into a situation that is not talked about very much on here. I’ve fallen in love with a playmate. I really didn’t mean for it to happen, and from what she tells me she didn’t mean for it to happen either. Let me start by saying I’ve been completely open and 100% honest with my wife, and my playmate Becca tells me that she has been mostly open with her husband. We’ll get to that in a bit.
       
      Becca and I met at a club, just a few months ago. From the first I thought she was attractive, I mean let’s face it, we’re here to fuck attractive people, right? My wife, Angie, and I went to the club that night to have some fun. We’re experienced swingers-we don’t play alot, swinging does not rule our lives- but we’ve had our share of fun. The night I met Becca was no different; we hoped to meet some fun people, have some good to great sex, and maybe make some friends we could hang out with on a regular basis.
       
      Becca and I both realized pretty quickly that there is a strong physical attraction between the two of us. The sex is effortless and I’ve never fit together with anyone better. After that first night of being together, my wife Angie and Becca’s husband Rob exchanged numbers. Becca asked for my number but I declined, telling her she could just text Angie if she wanted. I don’t normally like to have communication with the women I play with outside of swinging situations. I was not able to get Becca out of my head for the next several days- which is unusual for me. I threw caution to the wind sent her my number via SLS. She texted me a few hours later. Over the next several days we exchanged texts and even spoke on the phone a few times. All with Angie’s knowledge.
       
      We all four got together again a few weeks later-and it was even better than the first time. It was that night that I recognized that I had developed emotional feelings for Becca, and I was pretty sure that she had developed similar feelings for me.
       
      A few days after we were all together the second time I told my wife about my feelings for Becca. I told her I didn’t know if I was getting our sexual chemistry mixed up with emotion but I thought that could be the case. To my surprise Angie did not freak out. She told me she suspected something was up-given the amount of communication between Becca and I. I took a few weeks to sort out my feelings and spent many more hours talking to both Angie and Becca. I realized that I was probably in love with Becca. And I told them both so. Becca told me she feels the same way. This is not the “oh, I’ve just fucked someone new, I hope they like me best” kind of feeling. We’ve both been with other people since we met and it has not cooled our emotions. This is raw, real and deep.
       
      When I told Angie all of this she gave me license to pursue a relationship with Becca and follow it wherever it may lead. I did not ask for this, Angie offered it to me. Angie is secure about our commitment to each other-I am not leaving my wife and Becca and Angie both know that. Becca also has no intention of leaving her husband.
       
      Becca has talked with her husband Rob about us and the feelings we’ve developed for each other. What she has not told him is that she thinks loves me, she does not know how he would react to that (here is the mostly open part that I alluded to in the first paragraph). She has told him our feelings are deep but has not gone into how much we care for each other. Rob is completely comfortable with texts and calls throughout the day, but not with Becca and I meeting without him and Angie there-even for lunch or dinner. I completely understand and respect this. I don’t like it, but I respect it. I suspect if the shoe were on the other foot I would feel the same way. I really genuinely like Rob by the way, he treats both Becca and Angie really well-and he and Angie have really great sex together. Angie has told Rob that it’s just sex between the two of them and Rob feels the same way. They have no other feelings for each other past that.
       
      Becca and I text every day and talk several times a week; I know about her life and children, and she knows about mine. We have similar interests and lives outside of swinging, we are in similar businesses. We have become emotional rocks for each other. I get emotional needs met from her that I do not get from Angie. Again, I have been upfront with Angie about all this and she is fine with it.
       
      So here are my big questions: Do these things really ever work, or are we on the express train to Dramaville?
       
      Is it possible to keep something like this going long term?
       
      How do we navigate the fact that Rob is not comfortable with Becca and I meeting without him around (again, we will not be going against his wishes on this one) and knowing that he and Angie will want to have more variety in their swinging soon, which will leave less opportunity for Becca and I to be together?
       
      Any thoughts from the wise sages on here are welcome. I’m a big boy-if I’ve being naïve about anything please tell me. I can take it.
    • By Bluespruce1
      We have been playing with a couple for about five years on and off. We see them at our club, at some resorts and at local house parties. Wherever we are, she always seeks out my husband. We have all been together many times and I enjoy her husband very much, but for my husband and I, it’s literally just sex.
       
      She is very different with my husband lately than with her other partners. I believe she has fallen for him. When I see them together, she is very passionate and attentive to him in ways that I don’t see when she’s with other men. My husband rolls with it and is always a pleaser.
       
      We don’t want to make things uncomfortable or lose their friendship, but we are getting uncomfortable with the notion that she may be interested in a deeper relationship than we have experienced with other partners.
       
      Should we just go with it? I’m not sure I can handle sharing him that way and I don’t think he’s interested in that type of relationship either. Thoughts about when the sex leads to something more?
    • By Bluespruce1
      So we took in a very good friend about six weeks ago following a very ugly split with her ex. We have know both of them for about ten years and started playing together about three years ago. I actually have known her much longer and before we started hanging out as couples.
       
      Anyway, things have evolved to a point where we are sharing our bed 4-5 nights per week. We are playing together and separately. For example, in the morning it’s not unusual for me to come out of the shower and find her and my husband snuggling, touching and even fucking. I actually love seeing them together and have no feelings of jealousy. She and I are doing the same and actually took the day off Wednesday and simply spent the day in bed alone while he was at work. It’s not all about sex, but it’s clear that she really loves him and I think he feels the same about her. I know that I care deeply for her and may actually be in love as well.
       
      We prepare meals together, hang out in the evenings together, play together and still swing separately, but it is definitely decreasing. Everything feels very natural and relaxed and we are all content - have we found ourselves slipping into a true polyamorous relationship? I never really thought about it and we were talking about it last night.
       
      Thoughts? Warnings? This is uncharted territory.
×
×
  • Create New...