Jump to content
Erik13

Wife getting uncomfortable with where things are going with me and female playmate

Recommended Posts

My wife and I have been in the swinging lifestyle about a year and a half now and it's been great. We have a friend we've know about a year and after a little encouragement from me and the wife she agreed to play with me. She's not comfortable playing with my wife home yet, so we always plan it when she's out. I think it may be going too far, though. We've gone out to dinner twice, alone, which my wife has told me no more. We talk almost everyday, hike and do stuff like that. I'm afraid this is becoming more than the FWB situation we agreed on.

Share this post


Link to post

If YOU have that suspicion about yourself, then who should argue with you?

If you have that suspicion about the lady in question, that is for you and your wife to sort out before you involve the lady in the discussion.

 

My advice, from what you say, is to trust your gut.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

I can understand your friend being uncomfortable fucking in front of your wife the first couple of times, but she should get over it. And why can't your wife join you for dinner and hiking?

Share this post


Link to post
I’m afraid this is becoming more than the FWB situation we agreed on.

 

I strongly suggest you take the very next exit, ‘cuz I believe you are currently heading for ten miles of really bad road.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

Being alone with a sex partner from time-to-time for sex or otherwise is fun and fine, but all the time? Why?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

May I presume this woman has no partner of her own?

 

I suspect not, as there has been no mention of it.

 

It’s pretty obvious that this woman at best, wants a poly arrangement and at worst, wants to replace your wife.

 

You should shut this down yesterday.

Share this post


Link to post

Fast forward to now... I ended it with the girl yesterday. We ended up getting strong feelings for each other, which I was in denial about, but my wife saw it for months. She would come over when my wife was out and we would spend 6-7 hours together watching movies, etc. I had myself and my wife convinced we were just "friends".

I should have listened to everyone warning me about it.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

This is probably a very painful lesson for you. It could have been very, very expensive. I'd suggest you put swinging activities on hiatus for a while and fix your marriage. Trust is a lot easier to maintain than it is to rebuild and you have a lot of work to do.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

The couple that plays together stays together. Couples that play separately have my admiration, but they are playing with fire.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Fast forward to now... I ended it with the girl yesterday. We ended up getting strong feelings for each other...
My wife and I have developed feelings for sex play partners, her "strong" feelings even. We believe it's a good thing actually to care about the people that you're fucking, and it's never diminished the love we have for one another. Besides, those feelings fade after a while.

 

 

Couples that play separately have my admiration, but they are playing with fire.
Fire can be useful, as can be playing alone. It's easier for two people to get together than three or four, and part of the variety.
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
This is probably a very painful lesson for you. It could have been very, very expensive. I'd suggest you put swinging activities on hiatus for a while and fix your marriage. Trust is a lot easier to maintain than it is to rebuild and you have a lot of work to do.

 

Thank you. Funny thing is my wife isn't even mad about it. She's relieved everything is out in the open. Biggest lesson I learned from this...swinging is a team sport. Be very careful when playing separately.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
You need to take your wife on 1. a spectacular vacation or 2. a shopping spree in NY or Chicago.
You and your wife should have taken the girl on a vacation or shopping spree together. Hubby and I did that early on and it led to me becoming bi and our current poly family. Playing alone is fine, but playing together can also be great.
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
You and your wife should have taken the girl on a vacation or shopping spree together. Hubby and I did that early on and it led to me becoming bi and our current poly family. Playing alone is fine, but playing together can also be great.

 

We played alone because my wife found the girl very unattractive and didn't want to be in the house.:lol:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

It sounds to me like you've got an amazing wife and an incredibly strong marriage. You did the right thing by ending it and by doing that you may very well have strengthened the trust and respect you and your wife have for and in each other. Lesson learned and with that in mind give your wife the attention and admiration she deserves. I suspect it won't take long for the two of you to regroup and find a better fit.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

So my wife has agreed to give me another try with the girl with some new rules. No more daily phone calls, no more texting good night cutie/stuff like that. If we have a playdate she has to leave in a reasonable amount of time, and no more making out at the vanilla bar we go to.

Share this post


Link to post
We ended up getting strong feelings for each other, which I was in denial about, but my wife saw it for months.

 

Sounds like you are in denial again and there's no telling how the other woman feels. This is a bad idea. Move on and find someone else. It doesn't sound like either of you are 'playing' anymore and this path is a dead end.

Share this post


Link to post
Sounds like you are in denial again and there's no telling how the other woman feels. This is a bad idea. Move on and find someone else. It doesn't sound like either of you are 'playing' anymore and this path is a dead end.

 

DITTO:redflag:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

I know I should be running in the other direction. This is all new to my wife and I. I'm absolutely positive I don't love this girl, and could never be with her even if I was single, but we have this intense connection. One of us will think something and the other will say it right after...strange stuff like that. She mentioned the term twin flames.

Share this post


Link to post

You are clearly going to do what you want to do. If you are coming here for our blessing or some sort of validation...... Sorry

Share this post


Link to post

I am a single woman and I don’t think it sounds like a good idea. When I date men in open relationships my rules include he initiate a request to see me. I don’t want to hear “let me ask my wife” and I feel I am not interrupting their marriage. They are also not allowed to come to me when they have a problem with their spouse. I have no desire for them as a life partner. Twin flames sounds very intense.

Can I ask what led to your wife allowing another chance? Does your wife have other playmates? Does this other woman have other partners? I imagine her desire for you is very flattering, but please don’t get so caught up you forget to give your wife and your marriage the attention they deserve.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
I'm absolutely positive I don't love this girl, and could never be with her even if I was single, but we have this intense connection.

 

...but are you sure she doesn't love you? You both seemed to have been doing things that are very 'loving' to and with each other. It has already caused a problem and made your wife feel uncomfortable, but you don't seem to (for lack of a better word) care about that. Ask yourself this question...What is more important: your wife or continuing this relationship? We have a hard rule that if one of us says no to anything, the answer from both of us is no. She has said no and even though she is 'saying' yes now, is she just saying that to make you happy? Is she just saying this because you have been moping or nagging about her saying no? There are lots of other playmates, but not lots of other wives (especially wives that are interested in swinging). Pick one, but trying to keep both may very well end up with you having neither...

Share this post


Link to post
I am a single woman and I don’t think it sounds like a good idea. When I date men in open relationships my rules include he initiate a request to see me. I don’t want to hear “let me ask my wife” and I feel I am not interrupting their marriage. They are also not allowed to come to me when they have a problem with their spouse. I have no desire for them as a life partner. Twin flames sounds very intense.

Can I ask what led to your wife allowing another chance? Does your wife have other playmates? Does this other woman have other partners? I imagine her desire for you is very flattering, but please don’t get so caught up you forget to give your wife and your marriage the attention they deserve.

 

She gave us another chance because she is also friends with this girl...I should have said that we knew her for a while before the playing started. She comes to vanilla gatherings at our house and we see her every weekend at the bar. My wife has playmates...more than me lol. And no...I am the first guy this girl had sex with in about 2 years and she lives with her parents. I would end it in a second if it jeopardized my marriage at all.

Share this post


Link to post

On top of everything else, one shouldn't play with friends. What do you think would happen if she decides to tell everyone about what you are doing in the bedroom? We wish you the best...

Share this post


Link to post

So this situation is still going on, but everybody, most importantly my wife, is happy. She's no longer uncomfortable with it.

The girl and I have a playdate every couple weeks, and she leaves shorty after. If we going hiking, it's purely as friends. We haven't kissed in months, other than at playdates.

Share this post


Link to post

So in a strange turn of events...she dumped me after our last playdate! :lol: Met a guy at work and thinks it will go somewhere. I wish her the best...strange thing is she still wants to text me daily and go for hikes, even if things work out with the guy. :confused:

Share this post


Link to post
Rationalizations are more important than sex. Just try going a week without a rationalization.

 

That and you cannot fix 'stupid'. Buddy, why are you fucking a girl who your wife thinks is unattractive ? It will evolve into contempt for you, eventually.

 

On a related note:

 

Back in college I knew this couple, completely monogamous. Then they were going to get serious and he had been her only sexual partner. He suggested she consider at least one other experience. He was being very mature and realistic about life. Well, by accident he met the guy she was considering. He viewed him as a distasteful loser. He explained to her,"If this is the type of guy you want, it's over. I'll line you up if needed, but if you fuck this guy I'll never get out of my mind how you lowered your standards, or that you even have any. Again, another sexual partner is something you should try, but not this loser.

 

He lined her up, she had a great time, and they eventually got married and live a lovely , monogamous vanilla life.

Because I find her attractive? She has played with guys I didn't think were that great looking, and I didn't tell her no.

Share this post


Link to post
It's going to go somewhere alright. I cannot wait until he here's this: "Hey Honey, there's this married guy I text and go on hikes with, it's okay because we stopped fucking." Yeah, everything is going to be fine.
It probably will be fine. He can trust her with him (if monogamy is what he's worried about) because she's already fucked him, got him out of her system, and that's in the past.

Share this post


Link to post

She doesn't plan on telling the new guy we fucked. And I also forgot to mention she was crying in front of my wife at the bar the other night about the whole thing.

Share this post


Link to post

Honestly sounds like a lot of drama to me. Maybe a time out from each other, no communication, is in order.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
She doesn't plan on telling the new guy we fucked. .
My wife and I decided from early in our relationship that we wanted to tell (and hear from) the other everything about our lives, including our sexual experiences and partners. It made us happy knowing what works for the other and started us on the path to the lifestyle. And if I encounter one of my wife's ex-lovers, I prefer knowing.
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

I'm still having sex with this girl, and haven't been with anyone else sexually other than my wife and her for almost two years.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By dccc4fun
      So we are new to swinging for the most part. We've had some experiences in private with other males and females.
       
      We are very interested in going to a swingers club but also nervous at the same time. My husband is worried about boundaries being respected and possibly pushy men. We are a secure couple so that's not the issue, we just don't want to deal with that type of behavior.
       
      Is this a problem we might run into?
    • By Interestme82
      Hi out there. I’m married and in an evolving relationship. Last year I did a burlesque photo shoot for him as a gift. He loved the way it turned out but asked if I’d be willing to do something more risqué in the future. I got a reference from the original photographer (female) and told my husband the new photographer would be a male. Being the protective husband he is we both requested a meeting over a cup of coffee. We met which was great and made things all the more comfortable. I loved what I saw from his book and my husband did as well. 
       
      We had the shoot and the pictures came out great. He got really turned on by knowing another guy was doing the pictures. I was shocked. I asked him if he’d consider doing a couples shoot with me and he said he’d try but was reluctant. Pretty soon after he agreed and we were off again.
       
      Prior to the shoot my husband and the photographer talked about his career. My husband, who’s faithful, shocked me a bit with his envy and open talk about what the photographer experienced. I’m extremely open and joined in the conversation. Both of us felt like we were conversing with someone we really liked and knew a lot longer than we actually did. Unfortunately my husband had difficulties getting hard which is completely out of the ordinary. The photographer said it happened a lot and just to relax. 
       
      Surprisingly at my husband's request he asked for me to do a POV shoot the photographer showed us in his book. Basically it’s the photographer including himself in various ways while taking the pictures. As we started taking the pictures I liked being touched by the photographer even though it wasn’t active foreplay or sex. It really was strictly for the pictures themselves. During the pictures my husband quickly got hard and watched. Eventually the photographer asked him if he was going to get involved. The rest of the shoot went as we planned. Afterwards we all sat around and talked and went through the pictures.
       
      Some time passed again and we talked a lot about the fun we had with it. My husband admitted he liked watching the photographer touch me and if not for that he may have been to nervous to get hard. 

      I really want this to develop further but I’m apprehensive because it’s a major change in life obviously. I’m also not sure about how I feel about seeing him with someone else. When I say I’m not sure I mean most likely not. I don’t even really think he wants to. I almost feel like if I bring that up it will be too much too fast. Multiple times when having sex we’ve dirty talked about me doing another shoot and giving myself up. I’d feel more comfortable to actually do it than talk about it. 
       
      I feel like my husband has opened a door that I want to walk into. Am I reading it wrong? Is it best for me to just set something else up and let it work itself the way it will? Based on our interactions I have no doubt the photographer would be into it also. Would I be going to far given our relationship if I reached out to the him and told him how I feel, how my husband feels, and confirm he’d say yes? 
       
       
    • By HotCplUk3040
      Ok so this may be a bit taboo and yes there are plenty of issues that come with this… but our conversation (and fantasies) revolve around swapping and sex in this fashion.
       
      It might sound silly but is this frowned upon in swinger circles? Would we be blacklisted or is there a place for this?
       
      We wouldn’t be sleeping around and maybe hope to find a regular couple or 2 to have this fun with, but as a general rule what’s the community’s approach to those coming in and looking to have bareback sex?
    • By njbm
      We are laying low, not due to covid but other reasons. But in talking to friends, we just don’t hear as much about house parties, etc.  Has covid subdued interest? Or are we jaded and/or over the hill?
    • By let's do it again
      I haven't seen this addressed here, so I was wondering if anyone has been scammed or attempted to be scammed while swinging? Now we have had single guys lie about having a partner or one couple wanted me to loan them a sizable amount of money. So has any swingers tried to blackmail or scam you?
×
×
  • Create New...