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NotnewNotpros

I need that New Relationship Energy to swing

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As a couple we are somewhere in between swinging and poly. I don’t need full on love but enjoy the playfulness of the “crush” and boyfriend/girlfriend crush feelings.

 

We are slowly proceeding with this with a new couple. Who is also new to the LS. We’ve been there in the past and really enjoyed this type of thing.

 

My “issue” is that the female is very playful and chatty. But her and my husband talk more sexy and more often than she and I do. It doesn’t make me jealous at all, I just would love it too!! The male half is great in person but the chatting and flirting has really slowed down since we’ve played a few times. He seems to be cautious when it comes to sexting. So much fun for my husband and I feel like a little blah...bland. I just want a little more fun and excitement (chat wise) considering we aren’t able to see each other often. She and I can hang out but they want to stick to the “rule of 3” for now.

 

So it’s hard to get to know him more without having some alone time and minimal (slightly bland) chat.

 

We really like them and it’s been a long time since we’ve found such good 4 way chemistry.

 

Any advice? And how often do you chat and what is your expectations?

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Some things are hard to change, and this may be one of them. In our two guys, three women poly family there are plenty of asymmetries in the relationships. We don't try to change the differences in our relationships, they evolve.

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Do either of you have rules about "dating" others? My husband and I have best friends R & J. R and I are in a poly relationship. J and my hubby are just dear friends. The 4 of us play from time to time but R and I also "date"-- we go to dinner, to events, have sleepovers. It gives us the alone time we need to reconnect. During these times J sometimes stays home alone or finds a date of her own, sometimes stays with my hubby, sometimes stays with a friend of hers, M. R and I try to text often, but we are busy, so we also talk on the phone. Is that rule you've discussed? It seems like you texting is not the best way to communicate-my hubby sucks at that!-- so you need to find other methods you all feel comfortable with.

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Seems there is always this unbalance. Mostly gone unspoken, but usually there. It's not in our nature to do this but try to focus on what you enjoy about the situation. Maybe you can join your husband in his replies to her.

Sometimes men back off on the flirting after the relationship is established. He may have seen it as just a seduction tool. He is probably uncomfortable texting, I know I hate it. I always feel like an idiot texting something sexy. I need my buttery baritone voice to push the ideas. lol

Men want to be sexy but fight it tooth and nail. Find his soft spot.

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The other couple at this time doesn’t want to “date” unless it’s at least 3 of us.

I hopeful it will open up more in the future. That would be really helpful on the connection.

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While whatever you do is whatever you do, we would never allow the 3 of us to get together and all texts are either between just the guys, just the girls or all off us (no private texting). Still what needs to be done is to talk to the other couple (or in this case husband). It might just be he is uncomfortable or unsure if he should be texting you 'like that'. Maybe it's just something he doesn't do, maybe he just needs to be told it's okay to do it. No matter what, you should see what the issue is and take it from there.

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What we'd do (and have done) is go some place together where there are several dining choices and you each go to dinner with the other spouse and figure a 2 hour window and meet back up after dinner. We went to Naples, Mrs Doc and the guy went to Capital Grill, she LOVES that place. I took the other wife to Seasons 52. We were finished earlier than they so we walked to another place, texted them where we were and they met us there. We all seemed to have had a terrific time, we drove back to their place where multiple desserts were served. All in all a good evening.

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I would like that. I’m not sure if they are comfy meeting alone yet.

Just looking to talk or connect more...

The flow of chatting just isn’t there for me.

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