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  1. #1

    Default Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Hi this is Petra, member of a three-woman, two-guy closed poly family. I am a long-time member of the Swingersboard, so if you want more background, you can look at previous posts. We are all now in our thirties and have found that while it used to be that the two guys could adequately take care of us three women, that is shifting. The guys have slacked off a little, while the women's desire for sex has increased. While it helps that we girls are bisexual and can help each other, we also seem to need (or at least want) more frequent sex with the guys. Penis-in-vagina intercourse is what we girls want, and the three of us women cum relatively easily, so a quick screw is satisfying.


    Anyone else facing a similar situation? The way we have primarily addressed this is by making one of our guys service two girls, her cumming while he holds back, then taking care of the second. Any thoughts?


  2. #2

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Maybe consider opening your relationship to swinging (again)?

    When the girls play do you use strap-ons? Maybe more of that type of play.

    I'm 43 now and my libido is less than it was in my mid-thirties. It's always an ebb and flow through life it seems.
    Go TeamFun! Read my novella, Rock Hard in the 80's on Kindle or in paperback! Click here to check it out on Amazon

  3. #3

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Quote Originally Posted by funcoupledayton View Post
    Maybe consider opening your relationship to swinging (again)?

    When the girls play do you use strap-ons? Maybe more of that type of play.

    I'm 43 now and my libido is less than it was in my mid-thirties. It's always an ebb and flow through life it seems.
    Thanks for the suggestions.
    Swinging is something we've talked about, and hubby's definitely OK with it, but having a closed group has its advantages. Having said that, when Walter (Lora's ex-husband) visited we played with him like old times and it was good.

    We women don't use strap-ons; something to consider, but I'm not sure it would substitute for what we need from a guy. None of us use toys and enjoy fingers, lips and tongues.

    The situation isn't bad at all, just that our libido has gone up a little, the guys down a little (mostly not being up for a second round, even when working it with oral), and the guys are working more, harder and longer.

  4. #4
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    kikonkrome

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Are the guys hitting the gym and staying in shape? Seriously, we seem to run into a lot of guys that have 'performance' issues and I would hazard a guess this was the number one cause.

    I would also say a bit of variety may help their libido as well? I mean right you would think having two or three women to choose from would do it but, I would certainly believe that they would still desire a total stranger, or somebody outside of the family group. We have a new partner and I am fired up for months with my wife. I am also talking about somebody outside our normal swing circle. I would be really curious if I am the only one?

    I know both of those things effect mine.
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  5. #5

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Quote Originally Posted by kikonkrome View Post
    Are the guys hitting the gym and staying in shape? Seriously, we seem to run into a lot of guys that have 'performance' issues and I would hazard a guess this was the number one cause.
    Actually, hitting the gym (and trail, and pool) is part of the problem. Red and David always make time to work out, but then after work and what they do at home, they're tired. They can perform , then lights out. We women work out, especially Lora and I, but not to the same degree as the guys; it's more of a calorie consciousness with women.

    Quote Originally Posted by kikonkrome View Post
    I would also say a bit of variety may help their libido as well? I mean right you would think having two or three women to choose from would do it but, I would certainly believe that they would still desire a total stranger, or somebody outside of the family group. We have a new partner and I am fired up for months with my wife. I am also talking about somebody outside our normal swing circle. I would be really curious if I am the only one?
    Would the guys take to having some variety? I'm sure they would, and it would be exciting, but it would be a further time drain and I fear that after the enjoyment they would fall asleep. Maybe another couple would work better with a fellow to get excited about us. I don't know.

    A point jumped out at me when you said "you would think having two or three women to choose from would do it." It's not so much the guys any more that choose and initiate sex play, it's us women.

  6. #6

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Have you sat the guys down and told this to them? They may have just become lax in their duties and haven't even noticed. That they are in a situation like they are (the lucky bastards), they need to once again remember how lucky they are and place a higher priority on taking care of the women.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  7. #7

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    Have you sat the guys down and told this to them? They may have just become lax in their duties and haven't even noticed. That they are in a situation like they are (the lucky bastards), they need to once again remember how lucky they are and place a higher priority on taking care of the women.
    Thanks for your suggestions. Don't worry, we remind the guys every day how lucky they are to have us in their lives. But we recognize as well our good fortune in having two really hard-working, intelligent guys to father our children and take good care of us. And we recognize that as just part of human nature and human history, it was usually men that had plural marriages, not the women. We women are lucky to have men that unjealously allow us to seek love and sex between the two of them.

    Lora and I spoke to hubby and Red about how us girls would like/need more sexual attention. They know all three of us are multi-orgasmic, and while in the past they could go two or three times in a session, especially when switching to another woman, it's now sort of one-and-done. They'll do oral on us, but hell, we can do that ourselves.

    One of the things we've agreed to is once again set aside Saturday nights for sex with the guys and two of the women (the third can watch the children). Our past Saturday evenings reserved for sexual play were some of the best, crazy sex, loving nights we ever had among the three (Red, hubby & me), four (when Clair came along), and five (when Lora joined our group) we've ever had. The guys agreed to cut back on the gym/track on Friday and none on Saturday. During the week they will be more conscientious.

    In theory the women having one or more new men to share would be great and acceptable to the guys, but finding someone who meets all of our requirements (whatever those are) and be safe, safe, safe would be hard.

  8. #8

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    From another thread on gangbangs:

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisandAli View Post
    We don't have a problem finding the guys. We play with 4 other couples, so it always involves them.
    ...
    We prefer to GB with our own little group. We think it is safer and more enjoyable. Plus, we can do bareback with them. The other couples feel the same way. We recommend couples considering GB, try to form a close-knit group, where everyone enjoys each other. It is an awesome experience, with the right group.
    Hi, this is Petra just bitching and making unreasonable demands on life.

    Were not looking for gangbangs, but this might be the right direction for us. We like the intimacy and safety of a closed group, and the ability to go bareback. It was fun when Walter played with us before Lora professed her undying love for hubby, divorced Walter and joined our family. It seems odd to me, now that I have two children and think I'm done reproducing, that my sex drive and desire to have sex with other men is higher than ever. (More children in our family would be ok, both Lora and Clair want one more.) In any event, Lora and Clair have the same increased desire for more sex with men.

    The problem with other couples is that another woman is included and that would place demands on the male resources we already have. What we girls would like is a guy or two or three that we could meet at lunch, on the way home, or for a quick weekend diversion. What are the chances that there are married women or committed couples out there that would be interested in some good-looking early 30s women to satisfy their man? We could be the third to a couple, since we're bi, but that involves more alignment of chemistry. Who knows? Writing this makes me have to find one of the guys I already have.

  9. #9

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Not much time, so a quick update; more if anyone asks. Clair has found the solution to our (the three women's) desire for more sex (male sex) than hubby and Red have been giving us. Since Clair is the only one of the adults in the family that is a stay-at-home parent, she has the opportunity to interact with other moms. One woman ("Becky") confided in her that she has totally lost interest in sex and feels sorry for her husband ("Frank") because she only occasionally and reluctantly gives in and puts out. Over the weeks and more with discussion (actually, Clair is a skilled listener), Becky said she wished her husband could find someone she felt comfortable with who would give her husband unattached sex. Clair slowly revealed some of who we are and our family to see how she would react. Becky was open minded and accepting of how such a thing could work.


    We all got together socially a number of times, then after a discussion among our family the question was posed to Becky whether she would consider Clair, Lora and me suitable partners for Frank. Long story short, it has all worked out. We feared that Becky would have regrets once the sex began, but she is very positive. She comes over to our place with him sometimes or is at home when one of us women visits their place. Frank, of course, is quite happy and has been persuaded to engage in some group activity with us as well. Goes to show, there's a solution for just about every problem.


  10. #10

    Default re: Dealing with shifting levels of desire guys vs girls

    Thanks for the update!
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

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