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sunbuckus

The more you know about them...the more human they become?

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I have heard from several members here that the more they get to know a couple, the less they want to have sex with them. Maybe we just haven't been fortunate enough to get to know a couple that well that it reaches that point or maybe I'm not wired that way. Or perhaps there's something else in play (like maybe they meant in terms of seeing them pick their nose or exhibit an unbecoming personality trait). However, for myself, I have found that the more we talk and get to know a couple, the more comfortable I feel with them and I'm more interested in engaging with them in sex. In fact, finding more about other couples almost endears them to me. I know that sounds too intimate but the more I get to know a person, the more I care about them as a person and their well-being. Even if we witness something that is a turn-off, it's even more of a reminder to me that they aren't perfect...not some unattainable, flawless couple who sits on their lofty pedestal.

 

Is this feeling felt more in those who are open to poly or is it not poly-specific? Is the desire of not wanting to know too much about another couple a "protective barrier" so feelings won't develop? Is it just the mindset that swinging is for sex and nothing else so everything outside of that is irrelevant? Or am I just looking too much into this? :) Please share your thoughts on the matter!

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When I was in my early twenties, and in the military, I had lots of one-night-stands with young women I didn't really know. And, as nice as the release was, it wasn't really that satisfying.

 

Then I married and realized how much better sex is when it's lovemaking and with someone you know and care about.

 

When my wife and I began considering who we would swap with, we always chose couples we could also be friends with. I, personally, need to know and like someone to be able to enjoy sex with them.

 

And, as a matter of fact, I find all of my vanilla friends sexually appealing because I like them.

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Sunbucks, I agree. The more you know a couple, the less I want to get attached, but the friendship endures. So sex happens less often, and in some cases never again. I'm rotten, there you have it.

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For me, it's a protective barrier from both stronger feelings developing and to reduce the potential for drama. We would love to become friends with other couples, but once it starts become more about the friendship and less about the sex, I would prefer the sex to stop completely.

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It's an interesting point...

 

For me, it's a mix. I've meet people, gotten to know them and, as the friendship develops, become interested in having sex with them where I really wasn't before. I've also seen frequently seen someone at our klub, thought "damn she's hot, I would love to fuck her" and the second she opened her mouth immediately lost all interest.

 

My wife, in contrast, regularly looses all interest in having random sex with people once she gets to know them. She has no problem with having sex with strangers but, for her, having sex with friends can be "weird."

 

I think it's really just a personality thing.

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If we are going to open ourselves up to another couple, we want to do that with someone who we at least like, have things in common with, and can somewhat trust. For us, part of the attraction is their personalities, almost as much as their looks. We are not looking for one night stands, but enjoy the comfort that knowing someone for awhile brings. We've been seeing one couple for 1 1/2 years now and we still have a great time (and sex) every time we get together.

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We like friends first so we do go out of our way to get to know a couple before things start happening. However we have been on the other side of your question quite a few times. We have had couples tell us that playing with us would be weird since we are like family or are so close... So it's a shame some times but there is nothing we can do about it!

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We're poly, so being close friends is key. Definitely makes them more attractive sexual partners. Random sex is what seems odd to us. Everyone is different!

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The more we get to know the couple, the more I (Mrs) feels more comfortable at the possibility of engaging them in sex. Providing that we have attraction/chemistry/similar personalities etc. I can't have sex with anyone where I'm purely attracted to them physically. I need to have my mind stimulated before the rest of my body follows. Hubby on the other hand understands the value in getting to know more about them before he engages sexually with them, but he does prefer one nighters or out of towners. We have had to compromise, because we don't play alone. And I have to say, that as a couple, we get to know our play partners for a little while before we engage them in sex. Having said that though, we have met couples and singles, become really friendly with them and had chemistry, we've played with them and then it doesn't happen again for various reasons (ie, they move on, we've had couples where one of them begins to object to the friendship even though they knew beforehand how we prefer to roll and according to their profiles, they were the same, or people have moved on or moved away or we just can't seem to tee up a day/time that suits everyone). We have yet to play with a couple more than once, but we have played with singles more than once before. Maybe that's a silent hint....:-)

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We have never been obsessed with the lifestyle. However, we have enjoyed lifestyle activities for more years than most on here. We’ve just been maybe a little more sporadic than some. During that time, we’ve just about tried it all. I must say on this subject that the most enjoyable sex has been with couples that we “got to know and enjoyed spending time with.”

 

Great sex is not all about looks. I mean we all have a body type or a look that turns us on but great sex has a lot more to do with the personality and the person than the looks. Some of the worst sex I’ve ever had was with beautiful women.

 

One couple in particular comes to mind. We met them at a party house one night. I thought we hit it off as one thing lead to another. Then when we got into one of the play areas is where I learned her rules. Now I know everybody has things they enjoy and things they do not, that’s a given. This young lady told me when we got to the play area, I don’t kiss, I don’t give or receive oral, don’t touch my nipples, stay away from my ears, and don’t even think about touching my hair. That was just some of the things I remember of her rules of engagement, I looked over at Mrs. Tahoe she looked at me and we both just burst into laughter as we left them in the room.

 

Now that is not to say that we haven’t had great sex with couples the first time we met them, because we have. I’m just saying that we have had consistently better sex with couple we got to know, became friends with, and enjoyed spending time with.

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Is this feeling felt more in those who are open to poly or is it not poly-specific? Is it just the mindset that swinging is for sex and nothing else so everything outside of that is irrelevant? Or am I just looking too much into this? :) Please share your thoughts on the matter!

 

I don't think it's a "poly-specific" mindset, even though I'm "poly-curious". I'm single so I can't speak to how couples feel but I prefer to get to know the people I have sex with and like them. The most important sexual organ to me is the brain so that needs to turn me on. I've had sex with people that I didn't initially think were sexually attractive to me but after learning more about them I was quite turned on! On a practical note, as a single female I feel safer with friends I know so I'm able to let go much more.

 

I also don't think swinging is just for sex. I enjoy the openness of the people, the freedom of being able to show affection as you desire, the trust and honesty between committed couples. I enjoy the people not just the sex.

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People who are open to poly tend to be more of a private type person as compared to a party type person.

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