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Condoms and fluid bonding - is the decision to wear them easier for swingers than poly?

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As a swinger, it seems easier and more acceptable for couples to engage in safe sex and request for condoms to be used. I can only think of one time where a couple expressed unhappiness about using condoms. However, I can see where a request for condoms might see more resistance in a polyamory situation. For swingers, the primary reason is to avoid STDs/STIs and a secondary reason is to preserve bareback sex with their spouse...or what can also be called fluid bonding. In a poly situation, if each partner within the poly relationship doesn't swing with others but there is still a request for condoms-only for certain partners and not for others, there might be a few questions like: you're intimate with me emotionally, why not go all the way and be fluid bonded; why preserve fluid bonding for the primary (question about hierarchy); and don't you trust me enough to fluid bond with me?

 

What do you think? Do you think the issue of using condoms is easier for swingers than it is for those in poly relationships? Or do you think it's the same?

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I confess the phrase "fluid bonding" is new to me. I've never before run across a serious concept that bareback sex is somehow more intimate. Perhaps it's a factor of my life experience. Having come to sexual maturity around the same time AIDS was first making headlines, condoms and sex just go together in my mind like seat-belts and driving.

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We four in the poly group and the other married couple we swing with all go bareback with each other. We have agreed to all be exclusive in order to have the bareback benefit, which we all prefer. If one of us did have sex with someone else outside the group, it would not be an emotional issue, so it would be discussed objectively.

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If you have a "closed group" that is tried and tested, that you trust, and everyone agrees to be "monogamous" within the group do away with the condoms if pregnancy is not an issue. Otherwise, it is just like swinging- where going bareback is playing with fire IMO.

 

Also, I wouldn't expect someone to trust me enough (besides my husband) to want to bareback it with me. So I don't expect them to expect me to trust them enough. Poly or not, it would take me a heck of a long time to trust someone enough to do that.

 

And no, I don't personally consider it an emotional issue. Bareback feels better. I think everyone (I usually hate using "everyone" but I think I'm okay on this) would agree.

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If you have a "closed group" that is tried and tested, that you trust, and everyone agrees to be "monogamous" within the group do away with the condoms if pregnancy is not an issue. Otherwise, it is just like swinging- where going bareback is playing with fire IMO.

 

Also, I wouldn't expect someone to trust me enough (besides my husband) to want to bareback it with me. So I don't expect them to expect me to trust them enough. Poly or not, it would take me a heck of a long time to trust someone enough to do that.

 

And no, I don't personally consider it an emotional issue. Bareback feels better. I think everyone (I usually hate using "everyone" but I think I'm okay on this) would agree.

 

 

We all trust one another, and that's where we are in balancing it all. But one thing I think you misunderstood - It isn't bareback that I was referring to as an emotional non-issue, but rather that if anyone of us ever "strayed" we would self-report to the rest of us without anyone feeling betrayed. So if one of us came home and said that he/she screwed some other person, we would all discuss the circumstances (whether with condoms, etc.) and we would decide what to do. There would be no emotion in it.

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We all trust one another, and that's where we are in balancing it all. But one thing I think you misunderstood - It isn't bareback that I was referring to as an emotional non-issue, but rather that if anyone of us ever "strayed" we would self-report to the rest of us without anyone feeling betrayed. So if one of us came home and said that he/she screwed some other person, we would all discuss the circumstances (whether with condoms, etc.) and we would decide what to do. There would be no emotion in it.

I was referring to the original post and linked material. ;)

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I LOVE the phrase "fluid bonding"! Never heard of it or thought of it until now. Very interesting. We "fluid bond " when we kiss without thinking of any consequences? "Fluid bonding" is what makes bareback sex so incredibly erotic when another man cums in your wife while he is fucking her or she swallows his cum as she sucks on his cock. They are now "bonded" for life. "Safe" sex with condoms is smart when you are having spontaneous sex with strangers. You will be feel a strong emotional attachment when your relationship with someone develops over time to the point of the first bareback encounter and you have a "fluid bonding" experience.

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I was referring to the original post and linked material. ;)

 

Sorry, I hate it when people speak up without knowing all the facts :blush: (especially when it's right in from of her).

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Guest Ready2dewit

I think the condom/bareback thing is much more applicable to swingers than it is to poly, if by poly you mean that there is a limit to how many partners there are and everybody knows and trusts that "the circle will be unbroken", as the old phrase goes. With swinging, you really can't get the full story or feel for everyone's complete sexual history, so condoms are a must. I would assume that if I was involved with a woman in a poly situation I'd know her husband and all the other partners involved, and if it got to be too long a list then it might be time to start to wrap that rascal for my own safety.

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