Jump to content
km34

Would you swing with a poly group?

Would you play with poly?  

43 members have voted

  1. 1. Would you play with poly?

    • Yes, and the configuration isn't important, the chemistry is
      38
    • Yes, but only if women outnumbered men (ex: FMF triads or the like)
      3
    • Yes, but only if men outnumbered women (ex: MFM triads)
      0
    • No - please explain reason
      1
    • It depends/other - please explain
      3


Recommended Posts

A lot of the threads in the Polyamory & Swinging forum focus on the difficulties (or lack of difficulties in some cases) that come with swinging in a poly relationship.

 

So, whether you are poly, understand poly, or are completely new to the concept of poly, would you as a swinger play with people in a poly relationship?

 

Please explain which option you chose and why you answered the way that you did.

 

If you answer no, is it because it is too complicated of a situation? Or do you prefer to keep the number of people involved lower? Or are you afraid that poly swingers are more likely to get emotionally involved (something that is generally frowned upon)? Or something else entirely?

Share this post


Link to post

It depends . . . Is this the entire poly group? Is it a portion of the group? As with any swinging situation, we'd want the chemistry to be right with any potential playmates and to feel comfortable that their relationship is solid. We'd also have to discuss limitations/ground rules. In essence, we'd handle it the same as we would with a "regular" couple/single. Though the more people you add into the mix, the tougher it's likely to be getting the right chemistry all the way around.

 

=)

Share this post


Link to post

Rules and boundaries can get sticky when more people are involved. I would say yes for me as I "think" I could handle it. My wife would be much more reluctant, just because she is much more conservative in the bedroom. The topic does make me think!

Share this post


Link to post

I agree with sweet TnA. If the chemistry is there we would. Don't see how it is really all that different from playing with a bunch of couples at a house party. Obviously we prefer to play with couples that have a relationship and are comfortable enough to to let us share in that. So a poly group that was similarly committed to each other and wanted to share would not really be any different except in scale. If everyone in the group is comfortable with us being there and taking part we would most likely swing with whomever we felt a mutual attraction. I add the qualification that we wouldn't be interested if the end goal was to get us to join the group. Already have the love of my life...

Share this post


Link to post

Interesting question. :)

 

We have played a little with members of a poly foursome. Both in one-on-one settings, mixed couple settings, and in a group setting. It has never been an issue, and they are four of our favorite people including outside of the swinging environment.

 

It has been fun, and there hasn't been an issue, although we do keep our eyes open for potential ones, as the female of one half of the foursome appears to be somewhat possessive of the male of the other half of the foursome. They've been a foursome for at least seven years now, so I think that adds some stability and confidence in our choice to play with them.

Share this post


Link to post

How others choose to live is their business. IF it works for them great. We are looking for playmates not life partners so the more the merrier.

Share this post


Link to post

Yes for me, iffy for Pet. For that reason, I put if the configuration were the FMF variety rather than MFM. I don't think he'd be comfortable with the latter. I'm more anything goes as long as there's chemistry everywhere.

Share this post


Link to post

It is so hard to find two people where there is a connection but I could see where maybe one of the poly liked me and another one or two of the poly like the mrs, we could find fun things to do but the chemistry is important and the poly would have to understand that one or both may not like all. If they were accepting to that point then we would play with them. Just like in swinging, nobody takes one for the team.

 

The dynamics of the group wouldn't matter. It could be me with another guy in a MFM with the mrs or me with the mrs and two other guys with the wife, etc.

Share this post


Link to post

I have before and would again, even with FFM triads, which isn't a favorite configuration when sex is involved.

Share this post


Link to post

Yes, we like group play, so we'd be open to swinging with a poly group provided the chemistry and interest level was there.

Share this post


Link to post

We would and we do. The polyamorous people of our acquaintance are among the sweetest we know. They only occasionally, however, play as a group. No idea if this is typical.

Share this post


Link to post
We would and we do. The polyamorous people of our acquaintance are among the sweetest we know. They only occasionally, however, play as a group. No idea if this is typical.

 

I think we'd actually be more comfortable playing with a poly triad as a group. Mrs. S is more uncomfortable playing with one part of a couple without the other part of the couple present. Even when we know they are both ok with it.

Share this post


Link to post
I think we'd actually be more comfortable playing with a poly triad as a group. Mrs. S is more uncomfortable playing with one part of a couple without the other part of the couple present. Even when we know they are both ok with it.

 

I've been kind of wondering this since answers started coming in, but have been trying to decide if it deserves it's own thread or not!

 

In general, I assume (which I try not to do too much of) that people who play with one half of a couple without the other being present would be comfortable with playing with part of a poly tangle without the rest present while people who don't take part in playing separately (either themselves or even with others) wouldn't be comfortable unless everyone in the relationship was present. Is that fairly accurate? Do/would you employ the same verification process for a section of a poly group as you do/would for half of a couple to make sure that everything is honest? Or would you be more likely to trust a poly couple when they tell you their other partner(s) are okay but not interested?

Share this post


Link to post

I went with "other, please explain"

 

While I am in what is for all intents and purposes a "poly relationship", (FMF) we are very much swingers FIRST, lovers second and Poly third. Any 'Poly Group" we got together with would have to have those same priorities. I can't imagine it working or ever getting started if that was not the case.

Share this post


Link to post
I went with "other, please explain"

 

While I am in what is for all intents and purposes a "poly relationship", (FMF) we are very much swingers FIRST, lovers second and Poly third. Any 'Poly Group" we got together with would have to have those same priorities. I can't imagine it working or ever getting started if that was not the case.

 

Is there a reason for that? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but the way you describe your relationship is that the three of you are in it for the sex first, the lovers situation second, and love/romance comes last. Why would it matter if another poly group felt differently? If it was a closed triad, for example, where it is basically a group marriage - the three of them firmly committed to one another as a poly family who then choose to swing? They would be poly first and swingers second, but their priorities wouldn't affect your interaction. Just curious if I'm misunderstanding or if there is a reason you wouldn't be comfortable with people who identify primarily as poly but also enjoy swinging.

Share this post


Link to post
km34 said:
Is there a reason for that? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but the way you describe your relationship is that the three of you are in it for the sex first, the lovers situation second, and love/romance comes last. Why would it matter if another poly group felt differently? If it was a closed triad, for example, where it is basically a group marriage - the three of them firmly committed to one another as a poly family who then choose to swing? They would be poly first and swingers second, but their priorities wouldn't affect your interaction. Just curious if I'm misunderstanding or if there is a reason you wouldn't be comfortable with people who identify primarily as poly but also enjoy swinging.

 

You misunderstand, but that may be my fault for expressing my thoughts poorly, so let me rephrase...

 

Our relationship is based on love and respect which trumps all matters of extra-unit sex....in other words love and romance comes FIRST.

When it comes to sex outside the bounds of intimate love however, we are first and foremost swingers, partners of our friends and playmates second, and a Poly unit for the purposes of group encounters last.

 

To be honest, many triads we have encountered are way too bogged down in the poly dynamic to be much fun in a swing situation. It is frankly too much to remember and to be brutishly honest, a bit sanctimonious. A couples rules and preferences are enough to deal with, a third party complicates it even more.

 

This is why while we arrive as a Triad and introduce ourselves as such, we generally check that at the door of the play room. If we were to get together with another poly group, they would have to be like minded. Complicated logistics are a major turn off to all 3 of us.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm having a very difficult time understanding what you mean, and I don't know if it's the cold medicine or the way you're explaining it! I'm so sorry!

 

Do you not generally play as the 3 of you, then, since the dynamic is a bit more difficult?

 

I don't really see why a well-functioning triad would be any more difficult than a couple, but I've only come across one or two of those and none of them were swingers. I would think that 3 people having rules that they've all agreed upon would be pretty much the same as 2 people who have rules that they've agreed upon. Unless it's something like F1 can do anything, F2 can only do soft swap type activities, and M can do anything as long as he doesn't kiss another woman instead of we're all full swap, safe sex only. So, I guess if the rules are as individuals instead of as a group, I could see it getting complicated.

Share this post


Link to post
km34 said:
I'm having a very difficult time understanding what you mean, and I don't know if it's the cold medicine or the way you're explaining it! I'm so sorry!

 

Do you not generally play as the 3 of you, then, since the dynamic is a bit more difficult?

 

I don't really see why a well-functioning triad would be any more difficult than a couple, but I've only come across one or two of those and none of them were swingers. I would think that 3 people having rules that they've all agreed upon would be pretty much the same as 2 people who have rules that they've agreed upon. Unless it's something like F1 can do anything, F2 can only do soft swap type activities, and M can do anything as long as he doesn't kiss another woman instead of we're all full swap, safe sex only. So, I guess if the rules are as individuals instead of as a group, I could see it getting complicated.

 

Sometimes we play as a triad, other times as a a couple in all the possible combinations, sometimes we play separately.

 

I assumed the question was in regards to Poly with an upper case P, in other words referring to those who identify themselves as Polyamorous FIRST with swingers as a secondary identity or discipline. (as is the case with hard core or 24/7 B&D, S&M, D/s and the like)

 

All I am saying is that in my experience, these folks have rules that are simply way too complicated for me. We are "lower case p" poly if you will. That doesn't mean our relationship is any less close or permanent, it just means we are not deeply ingrained in the ways of the subculture

Share this post


Link to post

I would have no problem at all laying with a poly "group". The problem would come from someone trying to "love" me to the point that they became possessive or jealous.

Share this post


Link to post
I would have no problem at all laying with a poly "group". The problem would come from someone trying to "love" me to the point that they became possessive or jealous.

 

Are you more concerned about that with someone who identifies as poly?

 

I personally trust (most) poly people to recognize their emotions and be able to deal with them without causing drama. Usually they're aware of when they start feeling a crush, or like-like someone, or could potentially love someone so it's less likely to "sneak up" like it does with some.

Share this post


Link to post
On 7/24/2012 at 12:34 AM, sweet_tna said:

It depends . . . Is this the entire poly group? Is it a portion of the group? As with any swinging situation, we'd want the chemistry to be right with any potential playmates and to feel comfortable that their relationship is solid. We'd also have to discuss limitations/ground rules. In essence, we'd handle it the same as we would with a "regular" couple/single. Though the more people you add into the mix, the tougher it's likely to be getting the right chemistry all the way around.

Same for us.  We wouldn't go so far as to say poly = never, but we would be giving a really hard look at the dynamics of everything since the more people involved, the more opportunity for something to get off track.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By dccc4fun
      So we are new to swinging for the most part. We've had some experiences in private with other males and females.
       
      We are very interested in going to a swingers club but also nervous at the same time. My husband is worried about boundaries being respected and possibly pushy men. We are a secure couple so that's not the issue, we just don't want to deal with that type of behavior.
       
      Is this a problem we might run into?
    • By Interestme82
      Hi out there. I’m married and in an evolving relationship. Last year I did a burlesque photo shoot for him as a gift. He loved the way it turned out but asked if I’d be willing to do something more risqué in the future. I got a reference from the original photographer (female) and told my husband the new photographer would be a male. Being the protective husband he is we both requested a meeting over a cup of coffee. We met which was great and made things all the more comfortable. I loved what I saw from his book and my husband did as well. 
       
      We had the shoot and the pictures came out great. He got really turned on by knowing another guy was doing the pictures. I was shocked. I asked him if he’d consider doing a couples shoot with me and he said he’d try but was reluctant. Pretty soon after he agreed and we were off again.
       
      Prior to the shoot my husband and the photographer talked about his career. My husband, who’s faithful, shocked me a bit with his envy and open talk about what the photographer experienced. I’m extremely open and joined in the conversation. Both of us felt like we were conversing with someone we really liked and knew a lot longer than we actually did. Unfortunately my husband had difficulties getting hard which is completely out of the ordinary. The photographer said it happened a lot and just to relax. 
       
      Surprisingly at my husband's request he asked for me to do a POV shoot the photographer showed us in his book. Basically it’s the photographer including himself in various ways while taking the pictures. As we started taking the pictures I liked being touched by the photographer even though it wasn’t active foreplay or sex. It really was strictly for the pictures themselves. During the pictures my husband quickly got hard and watched. Eventually the photographer asked him if he was going to get involved. The rest of the shoot went as we planned. Afterwards we all sat around and talked and went through the pictures.
       
      Some time passed again and we talked a lot about the fun we had with it. My husband admitted he liked watching the photographer touch me and if not for that he may have been to nervous to get hard. 

      I really want this to develop further but I’m apprehensive because it’s a major change in life obviously. I’m also not sure about how I feel about seeing him with someone else. When I say I’m not sure I mean most likely not. I don’t even really think he wants to. I almost feel like if I bring that up it will be too much too fast. Multiple times when having sex we’ve dirty talked about me doing another shoot and giving myself up. I’d feel more comfortable to actually do it than talk about it. 
       
      I feel like my husband has opened a door that I want to walk into. Am I reading it wrong? Is it best for me to just set something else up and let it work itself the way it will? Based on our interactions I have no doubt the photographer would be into it also. Would I be going to far given our relationship if I reached out to the him and told him how I feel, how my husband feels, and confirm he’d say yes? 
       
       
    • By uran_690101
      My wife and I are contemplating swinging. I really enjoy performing anilingus and cunilingus on my wife, and I would be willing to do both on other women. I am wondering if these practices are accepted within the swinging lifestyle.
    • By northviking1992
      My wife isn't into oral in general, she'd rather use her hand or feet. Would her not performing oral or no wanting oral on herself an issue for getting into the LS community? 
    • By couplers
      Hi this is Petra, member of a three-woman, two-guy closed poly family. I am a long-time member of the Swingersboard, so if you want more background, you can look at previous posts. We are all now in our thirties and have found that while it used to be that the two guys could adequately take care of us three women, that is shifting. The guys have slacked off a little, while the women's desire for sex has increased. While it helps that we girls are bisexual and can help each other, we also seem to need (or at least want) more frequent sex with the guys. Penis-in-vagina intercourse is what we girls want, and the three of us women cum relatively easily, so a quick screw is satisfying.
       
      Anyone else facing a similar situation? The way we have primarily addressed this is by making one of our guys service two girls, her cumming while he holds back, then taking care of the second. Any thoughts?
×
×
  • Create New...