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  1. #51
    Swap Meet Enthusiast Dont.Stop's Avatar
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    dontstoporlando

    Default re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    After being in the LS a bit longer and actually going to a meeting with the local poly group, I guess I think a bit differently about this.

    It was my assumption that to be truly poly you had to live together. Then I meet these people in relationship where some live together, some live across town, many have lovers across the country. To this outsider it seems like a bunch of people with internet friends that they like to visit and fuck. And it sounded a lot like long distance swinging.

    Of course there is no way to paint everyone's relationships with the same brush, but it surely expanded my thinking.
    You say "oral fixation" like it's a bad thing!

  2. #52

    Default re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    The longer I'm in swinging the more I think 'poly' is a sham for most.

    You have the poly which I've seen fail and cause problems constantly. Thats the living together kind, normally someone gets pissed and buggers off. It seems in the long run the only somewhat stable version is 1 male 2 females or 1 female 2 bi males.

    Then you have the 'we say we are poly because it sounds better than swinging and we are friends' crowd. These are fine until someone actually DOES fall in love, then they go to hell.

    I always get taken to task on these but I still stand by it. The IDEA of poly is great, I'm very open to the idea, the reality seems not so great.

  3. #53
    Swingers Board Addict gatorvol64's Avatar
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    Default

    You know Chicup that I've never completey agreed with on this. I say completely because I've also seen things you've mentioned.

    I was in a poly relationship for four years. Well a poly one for three of the for I suppose. I could have worked even longer otherwise.

    I find the ones who are most truly comfortable with the lifestyle are those that have never fallen for the concept if monogamy at all.

    It is very nice to see true compression and happiness in your SO's relationships with others. It's out there.

    Vol

    Sent from my PantechP9060 using Tapatalk
    He is the Gator and she is the Vol.

  4. #54
    Sunny...For Your Pleasure sunbuckus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    For those who are currently swingers and are not in poly type relationships, do you think you could ever consider doing so? What would keep you from doing considering it? What would allow you to consider it?

    There is often talk here about "falling in love with a swing partner" and how to avoid it, yet it seems that that is exactly what happens for many of the couples who end up in poly type relationships. In most cases they weren't seeking it and would have done their best to avoid it, but it happened and after talking about it with all parties, instead of closing the door and walking away they chose to see where it went. Do you feel you could do that?
    I've mentioned before in the forums that prior to even started our swinging experiences, I knew that "falling in love with someone else" would be a possibility for myself. I tend to care about people easily and it can grow into emotional attachment. From the get-go, Mr. Sun has been uncertain about it and said, "If it happens, we'll deal with it." We had a slight brush with it early on in swinging and Mr. Sun, to his credit, tried to see if he would be okay with a poly situation growing between myself and a playmate but in the end, he wasn't so we ended it.

    Personally, I am still interested in polyamory but I know that Mr. Sun will need to be more comfortable with the idea before we explore it again.
    We've all got "junk", mine just happens to be in the trunk. Actually, it's everywhere except for the headlights!

  5. #55
    Don't Forget to Smile!! kikonkrome's Avatar
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    kikonkrome

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    So I never really got the idea of poly until we got close swinger friends, I must admit.

    Now, at least I get it, I don't think it would be a lifestyle I would currently choose, but at least I understand the concept.

  6. #56

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Somehow I think I could totally handle this and would be open to it. I'm straight, and I share really very well.

  7. #57

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Same here. We've already had conversations with our naughty BFF's about how if anything happened to either of the guys, we hoped that the other couple would take care of the women. Not that we ever expect something to happen, but it's good to know that they would have a support group while going through this.


  8. #58

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    I hate to bring up an old thread but since we are new to this site this is something that I personally (male here) want to happen just as long as the next male or female understands that they are not to make any attempt to steal my wife from out of under me.

    I want this to happen because the end result for me is knowing that if something were every to happen to me I can die knowing that there will be someone there to be with my wife one that day comes.

    I've thought about this many times and have actually cried over this because there is nothing I hate more in this world then having someone living alone.

  9. #59

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Quote Originally Posted by twolovebirds121 View Post
    I hate to bring up an old thread but since we are new to this site this is something that I personally (male here) want to happen just as long as the next male or female understands that they are not to make any attempt to steal my wife from out of under me.

    I want this to happen because the end result for me is knowing that if something were every to happen to me I can die knowing that there will be someone there to be with my wife one that day comes.

    I've thought about this many times and have actually cried over this because there is nothing I hate more in this world then having someone living alone.
    What is your wife's feeling about how she would want to live if you were to pass away before her?

    I think it's pretty rare, even for poly people to have that level of comittment. There's no telling what life will bring, but I don't think that you could count on a poly relationship partner transforming into a live-in situation. I know quite a few people in poly quads. Some have been together for a few years, some have lasted a year or so and then imploded. I don't feel like they are a peace of mind insurance type situation.
    Go TeamFun! Read my novella, Rock Hard in the 80's on Kindle or in paperback! Click here to check it out on Amazon

  10. #60

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Quote Originally Posted by funcoupledayton View Post
    What is your wife's feeling about how she would want to live if you were to pass away before her?

    I think it's pretty rare, even for poly people to have that level of commitment. There's no telling what life will bring, but I don't think that you could count on a poly relationship partner transforming into a live-in situation. I know quite a few people in poly quads. Some have been together for a few years, some have lasted a year or so and then imploded. I don't feel like they are a peace of mind insurance type situation.
    That I have not asked her but she definitely knows how I feel about it. I can say that she is not the type of person that likes being alone because she was for many many years in her early adult life. She has even told me that she felt like that the way things went she would never get to spend her life with someone. She did finally marry someone but the guy turned out to be a jerk and they got divorced, then spent many more years alone. She is not of the social type when it comes to life outside of work. Why? I've asked that myself. She has never told me directly but I think it may be a security thing regarding her looks. I'm sure I will get smacked for this but with her weight sometimes could be the issue.

    I know that there is the chance that it may not work out but I will have at least tried my best to make sure that it doesn't happen to her ever again. She has nothing to worry about while I am here but we are 7 and a half years different in age with me being the oldest.

  11. #61
    Checking It Out Napoleon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Yes. I'm in one. Me and three women.

  12. #62

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Quote Originally Posted by Napoleon View Post
    Yes. I'm in one. Me and three women.
    With us it's two guys and three women.

  13. #63
    Checking It Out Napoleon's Avatar
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    Male with three women in a relationship with me.

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    @Couplers

    Cool

  14. #64

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Last fall we entered into a poly triad with our best male friend. My wife and I have played with him for over 30 years, and have also done a lot of vanilla things together. That means that we have a lot of history together and really know each other. If I died, I am fairly sure my wife would not marry him, but I am sure he and my wife would continue to hang around together a lot. One of the nice things about having a long marriage, 48 yrs for us, is that you have all those memories of what you have done together. Losing those memories would be very hard. Since the three of us have known each other for about 35 years and played together for 30 years, we three have a lot shared memories which would help my wife. Our friend's wife died unexpectedly 3 years ago and I know how much our closeness with him over the years has helped him.

  15. #65

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Quote Originally Posted by couplers View Post
    With us it's two guys and three women.
    Quote Originally Posted by Napoleon View Post
    @Couplers

    Cool
    Yeah, there are many cool parts to our family, but the one that is out of the ordinary is that two guys can get along sharing the women, including fathering our children.


  16. #66

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Quote Originally Posted by oc1234 View Post
    Last fall we entered into a poly triad with our best male friend. My wife and I have played with him for over 30 years, and have also done a lot of vanilla things together. That means that we have a lot of history together and really know each other. If I died, I am fairly sure my wife would not marry him, but I am sure he and my wife would continue to hang around together a lot. One of the nice things about having a long marriage, 48 yrs for us, is that you have all those memories of what you have done together. Losing those memories would be very hard. Since the three of us have known each other for about 35 years and played together for 30 years, we three have a lot shared memories which would help my wife. Our friend's wife died unexpectedly 3 years ago and I know how much our closeness with him over the years has helped him.
    I could accept this scenario because it does provide as in your case, a very close friend, what true love means.

    I love my wife like no other person and I do not want her to be alone. Ever.

    I am very sorry for what had happened in your case but am very happy to hear that you and your wife continue to be as close as you are with your friend. Sure, some may still consider this as a swinging relationship but swingers have one thing on their mind in general and that is just sex. What you and your wife are doing is well beyond that. You truly care about this man and his well being and this is something I would be ok with regarding my wife in a poly relationship with another male or a couple.

    Yes, there could be issue that come about like in a normal loving/caring relationship like any marriage but someone would be there for her in the immediate aftermath upon my passing. I would like to think before I leave this Earth that she will not be left alone.

    Your poly triad, hell the poly lifestyle friendship itself is why I have so much respect for people that opt to live this lifestyle. Folks truly can not show much they care for their fellow human beings as much as those that do in a poly relationship as well as committed couples in general.

    Again, I am sorry for what happened in your lives but I think you now know why I posted what I did the other day.

    I wish the three of you continued success in life. I'm sure his wife is smiling down at you two everyday as well as thanking you folks for allowing him to share his life with you both.

  17. #67

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Quote Originally Posted by oc1234 View Post
    Last fall we entered into a poly triad with our best male friend. My wife and I have played with him for over 30 years, and have also done a lot of vanilla things together. That means that we have a lot of history together and really know each other. If I died, I am fairly sure my wife would not marry him, but I am sure he and my wife would continue to hang around together a lot. One of the nice things about having a long marriage, 48 yrs for us, is that you have all those memories of what you have done together. Losing those memories would be very hard. Since the three of us have known each other for about 35 years and played together for 30 years, we three have a lot shared memories which would help my wife. Our friend's wife died unexpectedly 3 years ago and I know how much our closeness with him over the years has helped him.
    I just wanted to mention that my wife and our poly friend Bill had a play-date Sunday afternoon. Both of them had a wonderful time and I was glad to drop off my wife at his house and pick her up afterwards. One thing that is important to all of us is that we have not only threesomes but that my wife and Bill have some alone play-dates without me. That allows a lot more intimacy between the two of them. I think it's great.

  18. #68

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    I should mention that my wife and I are going on a three week vacation to attend our son's wedding and do some visiting with friends from 30 plus years ago. Bill and my wife's play-date last Sunday was just a last hurrah until we return.

  19. #69

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    Quote Originally Posted by oc1234 View Post
    Last fall we entered into a poly triad with our best male friend. My wife and I have played with him for over 30 years, and have also done a lot of vanilla things together. That means that we have a lot of history together and really know each other. If I died, I am fairly sure my wife would not marry him, but I am sure he and my wife would continue to hang around together a lot. One of the nice things about having a long marriage, 48 yrs for us, is that you have all those memories of what you have done together. Losing those memories would be very hard. Since the three of us have known each other for about 35 years and played together for 30 years, we three have a lot shared memories which would help my wife. Our friend's wife died unexpectedly 3 years ago and I know how much our closeness with him over the years has helped him.
    I'm currently single and looking for a spouse that would swing and also bond with select lovers emotionally to a limited extent. I'd rather not be in a relationship where all of the sweet courtship things are done with other lovers, like Valentines Day and holidays together. Even overnighters might be a bit much. Feeling a bond though? I'm fine with that.
    I say this after swinging with couples through my 20's, then being a staple in a very social poly community for 7 yrs. I'm wore out on egalitarian polyamory, for the most part.

    I could gradually over years shift into something like oc1234 has, but it would be a plan B with super sound people. It's not what I'd seek out.

    I like discussing how to walk that line between swinger and poly, yet not get into all the courtship rituals with side lovers.

  20. #70

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    I haven't read all the replies since 2009, but I thought I'd just put my own thoughts and experiences out there. Mr. intuition and I are poly in theory, but not in practice. At least I don't think so. I have made it clear, at least from my end, that he is encouraged to find good experiences wherever he can. I want this for him. This includes other relationships if he wants them. I just want his life to be full and complete and happy. We haven't discussed this at length yet, but I think it's probably an area that needs to be addressed.

    Frankly, anyone who has dabbled in swinging should at least make a cursory visit to the Poly forum. Sex and emotional attachment are traditionally entangled, and it's one of the social trainings that we need to unlearn. They've been ingrained in us from the get-go, and they're in there deep enough that we owe it to ourselves to devote some time to introspective study, to determine how we really feel, and what we really believe for ourselves. If you discover that, in fact, you don't see how to disconnect love and physical affection, then don't try to. All that's left to determine is whether or not you're monogamous or polygamous.

    I think that, while I have a lot of love to give, I find it difficult to attach myself to someone. Mr. intuition is one of the few people who has ever been up to the task of being relied upon to that degree. I simply can't entrust someone with that much of myself. And I realize that, if he dies before I do, I don't know what will be left of me. I've given away as much of my heart as I can afford without losing myself. I have nothing left to give anyone else, other than warmth and affection. It's genuine love, the universal kind, but it's not an attached kind of love. Does that make any sense? I don't need to make a life with someone to genuinely love them.
    Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

  21. #71

    Default Re: Swingers, could you be open to poly?

    My wife fell in love with the first man I talked her into having sex with. Our first time, her first time, couldn't have been more perfect.

    It took me a long time trying to talk her into trying it and when she did she LOVED it!

    Over time he moved in with us and the three of us slept together in the same bed. We shared her equally. It was as if she had two husbands.

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