Do you Facebook with your swinging playmate couples?

[NYFlirts 158]

A simple poll: Do you facebook connect / friend your swinging / lifestyle couples?

 

I was thinking just "yes or no" but I'm thinking there are cases where "it depends".

 

Regardless of how you respond to the poll, I'd love to hear details on why you choose to or not to!

 

For those that have, has it caused any problems? Have you had to unfriend any of your lifestyle connections?

[slevin 1,374]

We never do, now. We've added a few people we met via swinging earlier on. One couple that ended up being too clingy and we regretted adding them, the others ended up as friends rather than playmates. Now if we're playmates we just don't want to complicate things by doing something like adding them on Facebook. Keep it simple

[angelkin 1,326]

Nope, we keep our lives very separate. I also do not connect with work "friends" on facebook either. Facebook is my personal life and really, I don't use it all that much. I just stay connected and tuned into what other people are doing.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

Several lifestyle friends and acquaintances are Facebook friends. Everybody respects our privacy. Why would thy not? Other Facebook friend know potentially embarrassing stuff and do not discuss. Why would swing lifestyle friends behave differently?

[km34 672]

I will add pretty much anyone that I hang out with on a regular basis - hanging out, though, means vanilla activities (game nights, going out to dinner, etc). So, if it is a person/couple that we see regularly for all kinds of stuff, a Facebook friendship is just fine. If it is a person/couple we ONLY see to have sex with or go to swinging-related things with, no Facebook. I have a lot of family on there, so if I don't know/trust someone well enough to hang out with them just because, then I probably don't know/trust them enough to not say something stupid in public.

 

I have deleted people we met via swinging on Facebook but not BECAUSE they were swingers. We just fell out of touch, and I stay pretty on top of my friends list so that I don't have a bunch of people I never speak to on there. I really do use Facebook to keep up with people I care about, so if I'm not interacting with you - I probably don't care and don't need you on my list. Sounds harsh, but it's the way I like it. I'll still text or email or whatever on occasion even if we're not Facebook official.

[CalendarGirl 148]

I answered "It depends." If I would do "vanilla" things with my lifestyle friends then I'm apt to add them on Facebook but only if they send the request. Just as I would never ask the last name of a couple, I respect their privacy and if they choose to send me a request that's fine. However as a single I have less to "lose" than a couple may so I have no problem having them as FB friends but never take it personally if they don't want to. I never post anything that may "out" them. I'm a nudist as well and have nudist friends on FB too. Same rules apply, keep your mouth shut, it's not my story to share. Just like Angelkin I don't let anyone employed at my company on my FB because I do know the dangers there. I'm new to town and the couples I've met in this lifestyle have been lifesavers, recommending a good mechanic or dentist even sending recipes and ads for a new couch!

[two4youinswva 3,067]

Several lifestyle friends and acquaintances are Facebook friends. Everybody respects our privacy. Why would thy not? Other Facebook friend know potentially embarrassing stuff and do not discuss. Why would swing lifestyle friends behave differently?

 

Yep, and same here. It has never been an issue.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

I answered "it depends," because the answer is yes, but only if we know your name, which hasn't always been the case. We've never had a problem, probably because - name issues notwithstanding - we're pretty picky and quite sensitive to anything that feels off, including clinginess.

[Tobacouple 111]

Facebook is just for the Vanilla side of our life.

[exploringRM 305]

We have a number of L/S friends on facebook. All are people we know well and don't just add anyone. We also have a secret group where we plan both plain social events as well as l/s events. We also have a group of l/s friends where we have taken a trip each each to a shore home, and have a secret group for that for planning the trip.

[NYFlirts 158]

Great responses everyone... thanks so much for all the help! The diversity in how people responded is very interesting.

 

We're still pretty new, but so far we've friended a couple that we met at a party and just hang out with. We're both in the lifestyle but don't really do stuff together other than party and hang out.

 

We friended another couple we swapped with and since we're both really discreet it hasn't been an issue with privacy, etc., but there have been some lifestyle related "issues" that have come up that make me wonder if we should have connected to them.

 

Another couple we've played with has requested us as friends and I'm not sure I'm ready to accept them... not because of privacy stuff, but because I just don't like the thought of friending someone and then having to potentially unfriend them in the relatively near future... unfriending people is always kinda awkward, especially if you see them at events. It's almost easier to just not accept the friend request in the first place... but maybe not that much easier since that's kinda awkward too.

[lebcpl2swing 15]

We have some friends that are in the lifestyle but we have not connected with them yet. We have kept it as a vanilla relationship on FB. In fact they don't know that we are swingers yet.

[M&S 265]

I have friended a limited number of L/S friends. My facebook presence is pretty family oriented and very vanilla. I have friended L/S friends that would have an interest in that part of my life.

[CandyCane 33]

I answered it depends... I have friended lifestyle friends on Facebook after spending time with them.. They are the ones that we can have around our family and vanilla friends.In our area, people in the lifestyle have made secret lifestyle groups on Facebook. I belong to a couple of them and that's where you can see drama erupt..

[CaptainAndNurse 17]

Nurse and I have three FB accounts. Super vanilla for parents, children, and the holy rollers, semi-vanilla for our cool friends who like to get crazy and obnoxious, and then our swinger profile. None of the previous friends except one couple appears in or knows about our swingers profile. ~Captain

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

We have a handful of swinging friends that we have friended on Facebook. Our general rule is that we keep FB vanilla and will friend others who do the same. That said, those that I have friended on FB are ones I really do consider FRIENDS.

[ALilOEverything 900]

I have a handful on my Facebook. It depends on what type of people they are. They have to truly be what I consider GOOD people. By that I mean positive attitude, good parents, trustworthy and someone I enjoying integrating into other aspects of my vanilla life.

[SAMnTINA 362]

We have made friends in the lifestyle, these are the people we share more than sex with, they know us, our children and not only don't mind spending time dressed and in public with us but they also know how to be appropriate. We also have Fuck Buddies or sex friends people that we get naked with but who other than sex we don't share much in common and who sometimes don't realize that it's not always play time. Our friends we connect with on Facebook the rest we connect with through SDC or SLS but do not share Facebook connections.

[Lionheart72 2,186]

I have a couple of people who I have made friends with through the lifestyle or lifestyle related social media who are "friended" on FB. I remember the first time it happened, my wife totally wigged out. She prefers to keep the two worlds separate... but then she realized it wasn't such a big deal and the individual in question was a friend rather than a play partner. On the whole, my FB friends are actually friends/people I know and I know lots of people for diverse places and interests. If someone isn't polite and respectful, I don't make friends with them in the first place and if they are, I see no reason not to treat them as friends.

 

Interestingly, most of my lifestyle friends are people we haven't actually played with and most of the people we've played with I only know their first name (if that). I'm sure that says something... but I'm not sure what.

[NYFlirts 158]

We have a couple who we've played with and who have friend requested us. I'm holding off on accepting the request since I'm not sure we'll have a "long term" relationship and I think it would be awkward to accept and then remove them later. On the flip side my wife really wants to accept their friend request since she thinks that not accepting it is even more awkward.

 

What would you do?

 

Other questions:

 

1) Would you both be okay with one of you being friends with a couple but you not being friends with them on FB?

2) Are you okay with your spouse being FB friends with both people in the couple?

3) How do you politely decline a FB request while you're still playing with the people and getting to know them?

[two4youinswva 3,067]

We have a couple who we've played with and who have friend requested us. I'm holding off on accepting the request since I'm not sure we'll have a "long term" relationship and I think it would be awkward to accept and then remove them later. On the flip side my wife really wants to accept their friend request since she thinks that not accepting it is even more awkward.

 

What would you do?

 

Other questions:

 

1) Would you both be okay with one of you being friends with a couple but you not being friends with them on FB?

2) Are you okay with your spouse being FB friends with both people in the couple?

3) How do you politely decline a FB request while you're still playing with the people and getting to know them?

 

Just let them know you prefer to keep the two world's separate. You can always change your mind later. We were recently turned down on FB by a couple we really respect for that reason, and we have no problem with it at all. We get it, and it's cool. They will probably be cool with it too.

[CandLinPC 92]

We have a separate, non-vanilla FB account that is listed on our "business cards". Any of our play partners are free to add us on that account. Otherwise, the vanilla, real-name accounts stay vanilla.

[Marbledoor DFW 16]

I have two profiles. I keep one for regular people. One I have under Marbledoor. I will talk and post anything I want on that one.

[Mareellen 66]

My hubby and I are part of two private groups on Facebook that are only swingers. We also have most of those people on our friends list but of course they know not to post or say anything that family or vanilla friends can see.

 

Mareellen

[LFM2 1,481]

Dave and I have many swinger friends on FB.

 

It's all strictly vanilla. We don't mention parties, plans or other stuff having to do with our hobby.

 

It works for us.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Our local club has a secret Facebook group for members to share stories, photos, etc......just stuff regular Facebook won't allow!

[two4youinswva 3,067]

Our local club has a secret Facebook group for members to share stories, photos, etc......just stuff regular Facebook won't allow!

 

We know of a few clubs/groups like this, but I just can't trust FB enough to be involved with these private groups. I don't think they would do anything nefarious, or on purpose, but FB does have a history of changes in personal privacy settings and the like. I don't think it's likely something would happen, but it concerns me enough to refrain from posting in the groups I have been added to. I always end up leaving these groups at some point after I'm added.

 

One private group I was added to screwed up and added someone that apparently didn't appreciate the add. It seemed that instead of leaving the group, the person just started reporting any picture that violated the TOS. Facebook would go in, remove the picture, and give the person that posted the picture a multiple day time-out from their FB account. I didn't stick around, but I did hear the group was abandoned at some point after that.

 

Funny enough, there is a group of us that rent a cabin in the mountains a couple weekends a year, and we have a private FB group that is opened to anyone that has attended at least one weekend. It is a private group, but we keep all conversations and picture vanilla enough that if the group were ever compromised, it would appear to be just a group of friends that enjoy an occasional weekend getaway.

[sweet_tna 680]

Most of our lifestyle friends have spilled into our vanilla lives, so I do have quite a few of them on my Facebook. We all know that discretion over what is said and posted is important, and I utilize the security settings to control what everyone sees.

 

=)

[NYFlirts 158]

We've been thinking about creating a "couples account" just for the purpose of maintaining separate lives.

 

We do have a few couples on FB that are connected to our private accounts, but now I'm wondering if over time we'll drift apart... I guess at that point we just "unfriend" and move on.

[Emily & Art 19]

We do friend our lifestyle friends on Facebook. But..... With one important note. We perv there Facebook profile prior to initiating or accepting a friend request. This way we ensure that they understand the meaning of discretion.

 

And we typically only friend those that we have a vanilla connection with as well as a life style connection.

[NYFlirts 158]

We've now become FB friends with a LOT of people we've met in the lifestyle. For the most part there have been no problems.

 

We don have about 5 people who have requested us as friends and we've denied them since their public profiles are way too scandalous / open for us to be actively tied to.

 

Pretty much everyone else in the lifestyle we are friends with on FB have family and kids and share the same level of concern and discretion we have. I guess we're not too worried since there is a sense of "mutually assured destruction" if anybody leaks stuff they shouldn't.

 

It's actually been fun to communicate on FB and we're glad we do it.

[intuition897 2,177]

I only have one or two FB friends that I have met through the lifestyle. I'm pretty selective about that because my family, friends and co-workers (and boss) are all on my friends list, too. With FB constantly reinventing its privacy policies, I just assume that everything I post and everything my friends post, is available to everyone. So I do NOT put up with thinly veiled jokes or comments that might cause someone to furrow their brow and ask me, "What did they mean by that?" If you post anything to my wall, and it refers to anything swinger-y, expect to be unfriended. I'm not ashamed; I'm just discrete and I am doing my best to protect people - people who have no choice but to have me in their life - from having to deal with the discomfort of knowing about some of my lesser-known hobbies. There is simply no good that can come from that.

[Mochacino 188]

I voted it depends... We have a joint FB account just for LS friends. It's the same as our SN on all our accounts and anyone who is LS relatable we friend through that account first. Now when we get to know some one very well hubby and have no problem adding them to our personal FB profiles. But one thing we have noticed is even when people know they are added to the "no holds barred" LS account they are still incredibly discreet and respectful. We have never had an issue with anyone on either list making trouble or being innapropriate. We also use our joint account to keep up with the several "secret" LS groups that are on FB. That way we never have to worry about anything risque potentially popping up in our vanilla feed.

[SwingSetWife 442]

It depends. Hubby probably wouldn't have any problem with it. But I am much more private. He has probably over 500 people on his page and I have under 30. That will show the disparity if nothing else will. Lol all of my friends on fb are people we/I hang out with regularly or old friends that post the political/religious/social brain food that I love.

 

Also, I don't even have my last name on my fb. Why? Because I don't want people to find me. If I wanna add you, I'll send the request. Those that do find me through mutual friends and attempt to add me, I usually don't add them (even if they are great friends). It's nothing personal, I just keep my circle tight.

[mrmrsjiggly 111]

Yes, We have lifestyle friends on Facebook. Mrsjiggly LOVES her facebook and she has friends ranging from super vanilla to super crazy. She has her account set up different ways for different people. My facebook account is 100% public, sorry to say folks, if its on the internet and someone want it they can get it. I put NOTHING personal on my FB page, ever, just dumb random stuff.

 

What we do have is a secret facebook page. The funny thing is we have some lifestyle friends on our regular page that do not wish to participate in the secret page and vice versa. I set up the secret page and invited people I know personally. The people I know personally can invite anyone they know personally but I have to approve them. No friends of friends of friends. I have also made it clear to everyone that the page should not be used to make new FB friends. I recently had a couple people sending out friend requests so I added this pinned post to my group

 

"I am grateful for all of you being on and contributing to this group. I want to remind everyone that this is a secret page. It allows our lifestyle friends a Facebook outlet and a place to share info.That being said we all have a vanilla worlds and we all like to be sure that our privacy is maintained there. If you decide to send someone on this page a friend request and they don't accept it don't take any offense. We all have different levels of privacy feelings and not everybody wants to share everything. Share lifestyle stuff here, we can all enjoy it, but keep others privacy in mind in the vanilla world."

 

Some of the stuff we put on the page is well outside FB rules but as long as no one reports it they never look.

[2good4better 35]

The poll question assumes both people use Facebook to the same extent which makes it difficult for us to answer correctly.

 

Mr2good4better does not have a Facebook account as his social graces mimic the cave dwelling hermit.

 

Mrs2good4better has friended a bunch of people we know from the lifestyle. Both ones that we have played with and ones we haven't. We are fortunate to have met so many great people through swinging and many of the conversations we have with them deal with vanilla things. Connecting with them through Facebook just seems like a natural way of continuing the friendship. Especially since most of them live in different parts of the country.