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  1. #1
    Is cumming "on" a woman (with her asking of course) more personal than cumming "inside" her?


  2. #2
    Sunny...For Your Pleasure sunbuckus's Avatar
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    For some people, maybe. For others, probably not. Personally, it depends on who it is, where they do it, and maybe their intentions of why they are doing it. I have asked a playmate to cum on my back because it felt a lot less intimate, which is what I wanted with that particular person. However, if a playmate found it incredibly more intimate to cum on me and I wasn't comfortable with that, then I might decline. In terms of Mr. Sun, if I were to give my permission to cum on my face (instead of back) that would be both intimate and rare since I never let anyone do that.
    We've all got "junk", mine just happens to be in the trunk. Actually, it's everywhere except for the headlights!

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict mauijanedoe's Avatar
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    I certainly don't think so, although I like one more than the other.

  4. #4
    Well I mean he's gotta cum somewhere -- in me (via condom of course), on me, near me...whatever! Just not in my hair or eyes please and thank you! Look, if he's fucked me things have already gotten quite personal, right?

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict Sensualbicouple's Avatar
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    I wouldn't consider that anymore intimate but as the previous poster...it has to be somewhere and things are already intimate by that point. :-)

  6. #6
    Sex and intimacy aren't always the same thing though.
    My lady prefers that another guy NOT cum inside her vaginally, but just about anywhere else is fine. She just wants to reserve that particular thing as an "only us" ending. So even though the ACT and the INTIMACY are separate, she has made that one act more intimate for us by reserving it...

    I can imagine many ways a preference would arise, in either direction. The important part, again, is that both partners communicate and respect each others' boundaries.

  7. #7
    This is kind of interesting ... the initial question gave me the feeling of "out of sight ... out of mind" or less personal when you can't see it. Others I read here seem to imply that it is more personal when it's in you. Just very fascinating. Not sure where I lean on this one, although I've never seen the attraction of coming on someone's face or having someone come on my face (yes I'm bi). However, cumming on the body is very sexy ... but not sure if it is more personal or not.

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict DigginIt's Avatar
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    Our views have changed over time. To us, there is really no basis for such arguments as "this is more intimate that that" when you really think about it. We just smile inwardly when we meet couples that say things like:

    "I don't mind you sticking your cock in my mouth but not your tongue" or "You can cum here but not there" (because it's too intimate - not to be confused with them just not enjoying it or concerns with pregnancy, etc.). Reserving something "special" for ourselves is completely out the door also. I mean really, what's more intimate than sex...period? What is it that makes sticking one's cock in another's mouth versus their vagina or their ass more intimate than the other? Our opinion, the same mindset that keeps vanillas from becoming swingers; jealousy, fear, the need to keep a feeling of control.

    All opinions but put us in the "go with what feels good" camp.

  9. #9
    I ask where I can cum. It does have to go somewhere. Its part of the game. I had one woman that liked it on her hair. I said ok. Just in swinging situations I think what she is doing next and will it be a problem if she keeps going with her next partner that night. I personally like to plant my seed deep in the woman I am playing with. It goes against my every instinct to pull out and shoot it some where.

    Always ask and don't assume she wants it on her at all.


  10. #10
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigginIt View Post
    . . . the need to keep a feeling of control. . .
    This, I believe, is most often the reason.
    Pedo ergo sum.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by DigginIt View Post
    ...there is really no basis for such arguments...

    ...the same mindset that keeps vanilla's from becoming swingers, jealousy, fear, the need to keep a feeling of control...
    You mean no basis for such arguments EXCEPT the one where each person's preferences is as valid as the next, right? I mean, the fact that some people don't choose the same thing that you do doesn't make them wrong.

    As well, saying that the only thing that prevents anyone from doing something is a set of negative emotions is pretty pompous. That's like saying that a straight guy should just get over it and suck some dick. That's the sort of statement that would make me sure to not share anything personal, as it passes a de facto judgment on anything different than your choices.


    Always ask and don't assume
    That gets us a lot farther, and not just with the action either... I may sometimes guess, but I don't assume I'm right about motivations and preferences. What someone else wants and why they want it is their call, not mine, and if I expect them to respect my preferences and boundaries I better be reciprocating from the start.

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Addict DigginIt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by christnthms View Post
    You mean no basis for such arguments EXCEPT the one where each person's preferences is as valid as the next, right? I mean, the fact that some people don't choose the same thing that you do doesn't make them wrong.
    You completely overlooked during your quoting above that our statement was based on the fact that... "Our views have changed over time." Our perceptions have changed from when we first entered the lifestyle. If you search enough you will be able to find statements from us where we did reserve some things that we felt were special for ourselves and we did believe somethings were more intimate. Our smiling inwards is more about how we feel we have grown since we entered the lifestyle versus then and now.

    It was never about right or wrong but what makes one thing more intimate than another to a couple.

    Quote Originally Posted by christnthms View Post
    As well, saying that the only thing that prevents anyone from doing something is a set of negative emotions is pretty pompous. That's like saying that a straight guy should just get over it and suck some dick. That's the sort of statement that would make me sure to not share anything personal, as it passes a de facto judgment on anything different than your choices.
    Well, I'll agree it could absolutely sound pompous but again, we were talking only about a single thing which is what makes anyone feel one sexual act is more "intimate" than the other (we gave our opinion for those reasons) with the exclusion of not liking things as one example. I don't like a dick up my ass but if I did, I doubt I would think it was more intimate than sticking it in my mouth. There lies the difference what I said versus what you interpreted.

    I would be interested in hearing your thoughts about what you believe makes something more "intimate" than the other for truly a real reason escapes me other than some basic primal instinct.

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict DigginIt's Avatar
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    I was reading the tread to MD and she brought up another point and she took this a step further. When we have sex with others, it's a physical act but when we have sex together its "intimate" because of the bond that we share between us. We think this is something that almost everyone can agree with who is in the lifestyle.

    But when you look at it objectively...there is nothing different between the sexual acts with them and the sexual acts between us. The difference is only distinguished by the emotional connection we share. That emotional connection makes pretty much everything we do together intimate and nothing intimate that we do with anyone else. So, circling back around...to say that anything done with anyone else is intimate should be an alarm bell that there is still some room for growth in the relationship and that's a pretty exciting revelation.

  14. #14
    I think couples, especially new couples, have a certain fear of losing that intimacy. We don't do anal just because neither of us like it, but otherwise we never had any "don't do this" rule. It never really occurred to us to have one when we started. Perhaps the best thing to come out of swinging was figuring out that while sex is important to our relationship it wasn't about sex.

  15. #15
    Sunny...For Your Pleasure sunbuckus's Avatar
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    I was the first one to respond to this thread and I want to apologize. For some reason I took the word "personal" to mean intimate or intimacy. The OP might not have meant it to be taken in that way.
    We've all got "junk", mine just happens to be in the trunk. Actually, it's everywhere except for the headlights!

  16. #16
    Swingers Board Addict DigginIt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicup View Post
    the best thing to come out of swinging was figuring out that while sex is important to our relationship it wasn't about sex.
    that little statement says a whole lot.

    Sunbuckus - I read it the same way you interpreted it too.

  17. #17
    As has been stated by others, we had a lot of what now seems silly rules in the beginning because we might have seen them as being too "personal". So although we know where some new couples are coming from (no pun intended), it now seems ridiculous if they say things for example like sucking a cock and maybe even cumming in the mouth is OK, but kissing is forbidden .

    I mean if one is already naked and having any type of sexual relations with other people you are already beyond being "too personal" or some arbitrary line being crossed. Too many rules and concerns that that one will somehow loose something among themselves by being with other people seem like the domain of vanillas and not swingers.

    To us, the only things sexually we do not do with others are those things which we do not do between ourselves like anal or S&M/B&D since we do not find them pleasurable or of interest and has nothing to do with them being "intimate". I would imagine that if we were into such things then we would see no issue in including others in them as well.

    But to try to answer the OP's main question if I use our past insecurities as a reference, I would be of the opinion that actually cumming on someone would be LESS personal then cumming inside them. Though it's hard to describe perfectly, but for us ejaculating vaginally makes the act "complete" and something shared between both people, while a woman swallowing makes it seem like she is totally "accepting" the man and thus makes it more intimate if you will.

    So, I'd have no issue finishing on another woman if that's what she wanted or the guy doing the same for Mrs. Four's and wouldn't feel differently then any other variation. Though so far the issue has been moot since I've so far never ejaculated on anyone other than the wife and even then it's not been a common occurrence since we're really not into the whole porn-inspired money-shot thing and rather finish either vaginally or oral with both ourselves or others.


  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Sexinthetardis View Post
    Well I mean he's gotta cum somewhere -- in me (via condom of course), on me, near me...whatever! Just not in my hair or eyes please and thank you! Look, if he's fucked me things have already gotten quite personal, right?
    This had me laughing because it is so true. Though this swinging is still pretty new for us, sex is not. In my younger days I always hated if I guy came in my hair, and damn it does burn the eyes. I have never had a problem with swallowing but I know guys sometimes watch to many movies, and yes I have been told to open my mouth and let him shoot. Mike has told me that there is no better feeling than me taking him in my mouth. He said to stop and use his hand is a waste. I have on birth control since I was 16 so except for fear of an std I never thought much of a guy pulling out before finishing especially if he was covered. Yes I have had guys cum on my back and my boobs and on my belly but truth is I rather him keep going until he can't. And yes, not in my hair.

  19. #19
    I consider cumming on her face to be personal. Cumming inside her is normal.

  20. #20
    I think "in" is more personal. I prefer in. My wife prefers in. A friend was doing her recently in our 3some fun time and he pulls his cock out in the last second and shoots it in her mouth and face, he then grabs her head and pulls her to his cock to clean up. I was in shock... and she did it licking his dick like a popcicle.

  21. #21
    At least for Mrs. E, it's not that it's "personal", just that it's a mess.

    She's mostly over that, as long as there's somewhere convenient to clean up. Otherwise, she's always regarded getting fucked as less "intimate" or "personal" than anything to do with her face or mouth.

  22. #22
    I prefer men to come inside of me. Even when they are wearing a condom, those last few thrust when they arae cumming just feel so good both physically and emotionally. Obviously its best without the condom. Realistically, a certain amount of 'becoming a swinger’ is the freedom allowing yourself to be more of a 'nasty girl.’ In that context, it is kind of thrilling to have guy cumming on your breasts or other body parts, especially if its two or more guys doing it to you.

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