Jump to content
jafo2k

I prefer same rooms, but we ended up in separate rooms

Recommended Posts

I'm sure this has been posted a lot, sorry.

 

The Mrs and I are new to swinging. We have only been with two couples and three times ended up in separate rooms. I have talked to the Mrs and told her I only wanted same room because that is why I got in to swinging. I feel my first mistake was to do separate rooms the first time.

Last time I enter where she was with the other guy and when she seen me came to a dead stop. I'm not sure how to deal with it. We do talk a lot about each other feelings and what we expect. She claims she was embarrassed.

 

Is this a common thing? I will not do separate room again, and told her I would ask the other couple to leave first.

 

We are getting together again soon with a couple we really enjoyed.. I'm honestly afraid my thoughts are going to be worrying if she is enjoying her self and distract me to appoint where things may not work. Just being honest.

 

We are madly in love and swinging has made us even closer and our personal sex life improved.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

So, I have not looked at your other threads. Usually, when I see someone has only posted a few times I will but I don't have a lot of time at the moment. I would say this, that everyone is different. I don't know how long you have been together or what your relationship is like but you DO run across couples where one or the other feels embarrassed, guilty, but you get the idea.

 

My advice to you would be that you need to work this out or eventfully things will start to unravel quickly in you relationship. There is clearly something here that needs to be resolved. I would postpone your next adventure until you two get things worked out, not put an ultimatum on the play.

Share this post


Link to post
So, I have not looked at your other threads. Usually, when I see someone has only posted a few times I will but I don't have a lot of time at the moment. I would say this, that everyone is different. I don't know how long you have been together or what your relationship is like but you DO run across couples where one or the other feels embarrassed, guilty, but you get the idea.

 

My advice to you would be that you need to work this out or eventfully things will start to unravel quickly in you relationship. There is clearly something here that needs to be resolved. I would postpone your next adventure until you two get things worked out, not put an ultimatum on the play.

 

We have been together for 16 years. With both of us the longest was 3 years before. We have a great relationship and are very open in communications. Hmm.. Just typing that I realized maybe she is just embarrassed. We are very open with each other. Sometimes I over think things. We decided to try one more time with a couple we both like and both agreed if it doesn't work out, we would stop and we'd both be fine with it. But our relationship means more to us then swinging. I just like to share :)

Share this post


Link to post
Last time I enter where she was with the other guy and when she seen me came to a dead stop. I'm not sure how to deal with it. We do talk a lot about each other feelings and what we expect. She claims she was embarrassed.

 

Language matters. Your wife didn't "claim" to be embarrassed, she told you she stopped because she was embarrassed. Believe her.

 

I have a lot of experience with sex, including a lot where I was observed, and the first few times Mr. Doe and I had swinging sex I was vaguely embarrassed and a little inhibited. I really wasn't sure he'd approve of what I was doing or even like me when we were done. It took a long conversation and a significant dose of reassurance for me to get over it. You might want to try that (it will probably require you to keep your own feelings to yourself until you're sure your wife is in a more settled frame of mind).

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Language matters. Your wife didn't "claim" to be embarrassed, she told you she stopped because she was embarrassed. Believe her.

 

I have a lot of experience with sex, including a lot where I was observed, and the first few times Mr. Doe and I had swinging sex I was vaguely embarrassed and a little inhibited. I really wasn't sure he'd approve of what I was doing or even like me when we were done. It took a long conversation and a significant dose of reassurance for me to get over it. You might want to try that (it will probably require you to keep your own feelings to yourself until you're sure your wife is in a more settled frame of mind).

 

Thanks Mrs Doe. I see your point. Maybe she was embarrassed and thought I wouldn't approve. She going to get some reassurance.. I approved and loved it. We talk about it too which seems to help her as well. :D Thanks again!

Share this post


Link to post

I was wondering why you chose to start with separate room play. Was it talked about beforehand or is it just the way things happened? When we first got into this I told and convinced Mrs. T that the sight of seeing her having sex was one of my biggest fantasies. Maybe it’s not the norm I don’t know but we didn’t try separate room play until much later and then only with couples we knew and were very comfortable with.

 

Also you might be reading too much into the fact your entering the room kind of threw good water on her fun. I think when you’re just getting into this having anybody walk in on you while you’re having sex might throw a little cold water on the action. If she didn’t know you were going to be joining them her mind set had to be on her and the guy she was with. Then to have somebody enter the room she had to at least wonder why you were there and what was going on. That alone could take her out of the moment with him I would think.

 

Has she told you that she isn’t into having sex with somebody else while you’re in the same room? Or is it that your experiences so far have just all worked out to be separate room play? Could it be that just having you walk in on them unannounced was what embarrassed her.

 

You might try to reassure her that seeing her having sex is one of the biggest turn-on in this kind of play for you. See if she would be willing to try same room play on your next play date. Maybe on your next play date instead of everybody heading off to separate bedrooms to play set up some pillows and mats on the living room floor along with some candles and adult videos to set the mood. Start your play time there with the bedroom as an option if she just couldn’t get in the mood there. Just some thoughts I had after reading your post.

Share this post


Link to post

We also started separate room the first time and second time. We had very few rules and were open to trying it. We just went with whatever the other couple preferred. It went well the first time, the second time, I wasn't into the guy and it was probably a mistake, but oh well. The next couple we tried same room twice, it was a fun time, but the other guy couldn't get it up either time. The fourth couple we played same room and everything went great. We still play same and separate, however it works out. There are definitely pros and cons to both.

 

I would suggest trying same room and see how you both like it. Then communicate about what you and she like about same and separate. I know many couples who compromise b/c one likes one type of play and the other the opposite. So sometimes they play one way, sometimes the other. Then everyone is happy.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
I was wondering why you chose to start with separate room play. Was it talked about beforehand or is it just the way things happened? When we first got into this I told and convinced Mrs. T that the sight of seeing her having sex was one of my biggest fantasies. Maybe it’s not the norm I don’t know but we didn’t try separate room play until much later and then only with couples we knew and were very comfortable with.

 

I did talk to Mrs Jafo, we both agreed to same room. When the night finally came I could tell she was extremely nervous. I did tell her if she want to do separate room the first time be ok. Perhaps I chosen poorly. I do think back and regret that decision.

 

Also you might be reading too much into the fact your entering the room kind of threw good water on her fun. I think when you’re just getting into this having anybody walk in on you while you’re having sex might throw a little cold water on the action. If she didn’t know you were going to be joining them her mind set had to be on her and the guy she was with. Then to have somebody enter the room she had to at least wonder why you were there and what was going on. That alone could take her out of the moment with him I would think.

 

The other lady and I were in a room (home bar) right next to them, she knew I was there it is pretty open. I had to walk by twice and each time she stopped. Perhaps it is like throwing cold water on it. She says she was embarrassed. Mind you, originally they were to come upstairs and join us. The other lady and I played upstairs until it set in that they were not coming up.. and well then I was done. Disappointment set in and ruined my night after that.

 

Has she told you that she isn’t into having sex with somebody else while you’re in the same room? Or is it that your experiences so far have just all worked out to be separate room play? Could it be that just having you walk in on them unannounced was what embarrassed her.

 

Of the three times we did once watch each other. Only because I started it by asking if she wanted to see the other lady give me a BJ, she kinda in shock and said yes. (shock cause I used to be shy about my body, then for some reason I excepted who I am and realized.. ain't no one perfect) Then bending her over the bed ask if she wanted me to take her (worded differently of course) and she said yes. She and the lady's husband watched. The husband unfortunately paid attention to his wife and kinda ignore her. That didn't help. After that she gave him a BJ while I played with her, but can to an end shortly when the other fellow had an issue. That didn't help either. She says she wants to have sex in the same room. We talk about it quite a bit. As she says that night was a clusterf*ck, I think she thinks the other guy will ignore her if we are in the same room. Then our next night together is when it start separate.. again. We have chosen not to be with that couple again.

 

You might try to reassure her that seeing her having sex is one of the biggest turn-on in this kind of play for you. See if she would be willing to try same room play on your next play date. Maybe on your next play date instead of everybody heading off to separate bedrooms to play set up some pillows and mats on the living room floor along with some candles and adult videos to set the mood. Start your play time there with the bedroom as an option if she just couldn’t get in the mood there. Just some thoughts I had after reading your post.

 

I have been trying to reassure her, she has a beautiful body (she not quite comfortable with it, but trust me she is beautiful). I tell her I want to see a man pleasure her. I do believe I tell her the right stuff.. I like your idea with the pillows and mats. I will try that. Thank you for taking the time to reply. We did agree next time same room and if she still not comfortable we shouldn't do it at all.

Share this post


Link to post
We also started separate room the first time and second time. We had very few rules and were open to trying it. We just went with whatever the other couple preferred. It went well the first time, the second time, I wasn't into the guy and it was probably a mistake, but oh well. The next couple we tried same room twice, it was a fun time, but the other guy couldn't get it up either time. The fourth couple we played same room and everything went great. We still play same and separate, however it works out. There are definitely pros and cons to both.

 

I would suggest trying same room and see how you both like it. Then communicate about what you and she like about same and separate. I know many couples who compromise b/c one likes one type of play and the other the opposite. So sometimes they play one way, sometimes the other. Then everyone is happy.

 

We will try same room, possibly this weekend.. I hope if plans work out. I so much want to watch her, but my first priority is to make sure she is comfortable and happy. Perhaps same room may never work for us. Her happiness comes before my same room fantasy.

Share this post


Link to post

The first few times dh came in while I was playing, I was embarrassed. Here I was with another guy, and I was worried that I was enjoying myself too much. It took some reassuring and now dh finds it totally hot to watch me get my groove on. :)

Share this post


Link to post
The first few times dh came in while I was playing, I was embarrassed. Here I was with another guy, and I was worried that I was enjoying myself too much. It took some reassuring and now dh finds it totally hot to watch me get my groove on. :)

 

I been telling her that as well. I told her everyone is different and she will hook up with someone larger.. better.. whatever. I told her I love watching her have a good time, and it doesn't matter to me if she enjoying too much, after all that's what we are there for. We are making progress. I been using advise from here and thank all of you.

Share this post


Link to post

We have met 2 couples and both were in same room. For us, we discussed that it is exciting to watch our partner enjoying. With both couples it started with me and the other female before the guys joined in. Me being the more experienced (before we were married) was more ready for what we might do. Out talk before we me another couple was always how he wanted to watch me but I was still nervous about his reaction.

Share this post


Link to post

We have done only MFM threesomes for years, but early on when we were playing with another couple, my wife and I seemed to prefer separate-room play. While I enjoyed watching her have sex with my friend, and she enjoyed watching me have sex with his wife, we both found it a lot easier to really connect with our playmates when my wife and I were playing in separate rooms. Having said that, the couple we were playing with were very close friends and there was never any jealousy involved.

Share this post


Link to post

We know where you are coming from. To say we have a preference for separate room play would be overstating it since we are perfectly fine with either and don't try to force one or the other, but especially when we were starting out, more often than not, the separate room just seemed to be what we gravitated to without really trying to.

Share this post


Link to post

We prefer same room, so we can play together in group. But we are ok doing separate rooms as well, for example on occasions when the other couple requested it or when the other male is having performance problems (usually separate rooms release some pressure from the male).

Share this post


Link to post

With us, separate rooms never came up. We got into this because we wanted to watch as well as be watched. I can honestly say that watching my wife with a woman had been an ongoing fantasy of mine. I may have had some second thoughts of watching her with a man but after our first experience I can say it was not a problem. I think I enjoyed watching her almost as much as enjoying my play time

Share this post


Link to post

Hi everyone. Pretty new to this but we do same room so far. I think part of the fun of this is to share the experience. Our first experience was watching another couple at a club and having them watch us. We didn't engage another couple at the club but we made friends who we met at another time for our first swap. They were more experienced and liked that we chose the for a first experience. Mike my husband was a gentleman and urged me to join the other couple so he could watch. We think we are doing this as a couple and should enjoy everything together.

Share this post


Link to post

Hi folks, sorry for delay in replying. I am happy to say our 4some in same room went great. and again and again. Thank you all for your advice and wise words!

Share this post


Link to post

Sex is very mental for us.  We have a hard time turning off our brains, so we can enjoy the experience.  You want a show but she doesn't like to be watched, if she is like me, she starts to worry if she is making too much noise, will it make you jealous if she seems to like it too much, or are you analyzing what she said in the heat of the moment, does she look sexy or does she look fat in this position, are you staring at her butt hole... etc etc etc. Weird shit goes through our mind all the time.  It is hard for us to focus, she was probably finally into it and enjoying it judgement free and you walked in and poof she was no longer in the moment, she was in her head with a 1000 questions.  Now you might not be thinking anything she is worried about but it doesn't matter, cause she is thinking it.  This is exactly why I prefer sex in separate rooms.  

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...