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Performance issue with play partner

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I'm registered here, but have gone unregistered for this one as I never know if playmates are on this site.

 

We met a couple a few months ago. They had contacted us via email, we met and go along well. Due to scheduling issues we did not play right away, but did meet a few times socially. All got along. I will call them Jim and Joan for this email.

 

We finally had some chances to play but the only times we have played have been at a few parties, never really 2 on 2 exclusive. When we have played at parties it has been 1 on 1 as opportunities arose for Jim and my wife and Joan and I to be together. Joan and I have hit it off very well. Jim appears attracted to my wife but the times that Jim and she have been together he has not been able to maintain an erection. Being a guy I know it happens, but my wife is feeling a bit off about the situation. The time's it's happened to me has been:

 

1) Tired, long day/week

2) Too late in the evening

3) Too much to drink

4) Situational, too much distraction

5) Just not really into my playmate

 

For those that have been in this situation, how did you handle it? I'm thinking we need to do a more exclusive meetup, perhaps that will be better. But what if it's not? We do enjoy being with this couple socially and also want the sexual side to work out as well.

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The quick answer would be they make some really good pills for that. The better answer would be; 1. try to plan ahead. Get some rest, and don't drink too much. I don't know how old you are, but if you are over 35 get your testosterone levels chkd. I found out about 2 years ago mine were low, really low. I was 44 at the time. Started getting treated for it and it a miracle drug for me. As far as performance it's like i'm 18 again.

 

As far as the last two; If you are not into the other person then it's most likely not going to work. I know there are some guys who can and do sleep with just about anything no matter what the women are like (Tiger Woods). But sex is as much about stimulateing the mind for me as the body. As far as distractions you can only find a place that is a little less so.

 

Short of some type health problem just let it go and jump back in the saddle so to speak.

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I am usually patient...particularly the first time or maybe two of meeting a new partner (whether in a swing or vanilla type hook up). By the 2nd or 3rd time of meeting, if the guy is still having erectile issues its the elephant in the room and needs to be addressed directly. Acknowledge that it is a common issue and candidly ask if there is anything in particular that I could do differently (short of him not wearing a condom), or evening saying "mr. xyz has dealt with this a few times and we've found some things that have helped".

 

Even though logically I know that ultimately erectile issues may have nothing to do with me...it is a blow to the ego and can hurt your feelings after multiple attempts and would probably move on.

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erectile issues can happen for so many reasons and can be a real problem for your ego, Have never had this problem with my wife but at times with other women its happens, sometimes I can nail it down to something obvious, such as she doesn't seem into it, my wife is loud and moves alot, shes into it, and lets you know your doing it right, some just lay there and I start feeling am I doing it wrong for her? Then other times my wife distracts me as I said shes loud and has the tastiest pussy I've ever encountered and that is what I need at that time.

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I think it's up to your wife.

 

If she feels she's given Jim enough chances (2,3, or more? you weren't specific) and Jim is still having ED problems, he knows he's got a problem and he hasn't overcome it. What is the point in bringing it up to him now? I think your wife's decision must be based on how much she wants to be with Jim despite his ED issue never changing. If he provides her enough fun without keeping an erection, your wife may want to continue. But my thought is she's been continuing with Jim because she knows you want to continue playing with his wife. Your wife would probably be happy being friends without benefits, but that might be tough on you. And if she tells Jim she's not interested in playing with him anymore, Joan may not want to play with you and your wife may not want you to lose Joan.

 

I get the feeling your wife is taking one for the team at this point.

 

LM

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I agree with LikeMinds. We have been there too where performance is an issue and Mrs. T. sort of took it the wrong way. So, we are just on the lookout for somebody that catches her eye.

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It happens--to all guys, at some point. But if you've changed the dynamics of the play situation, and Jim still isn't able to maintain an erection, I can see where your wife might be getting frustrated. She wants to have a good time, too.

 

You could try talking to the guy, but it's entirely possible that talking to him won't fix the problem, and you're faced with the same decision. So what does your wife want to do? Is she willing to give him yet another chance, and risk the (perfectly understandable) blow to the ego if he can't get it up again?

 

Chances are, you'll have to stop playing with them, and hope the friendship survives.

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Ive had this happen and it sucks but if the guys not willing to deal with it then its not your wifes fault.

 

My own experience, I work long hours most of the year, 70 sometimes 80 hour weeks.Im constantly moving from one town to the next for work and away from home.I eat like shit on the road and get little if any excercise on the road.And Im not as young as I used to be.

 

It happened a few times with my wife, then it happened with a play partner and then it happened in a threesome I really wanted to participate in.I realized it was becoming a problem so i went to the doctor, she prescribed me some viagra and it works well.But we didnt stop there, were also looking for the unlying cause and trying some other pills, right now Im trying the low daily dose tablets of cialis and waiting for some test results to come back, if theyre normal Im going to ask for my testosterone levels to be checked.Ive also started eating better and excercising daily, just havent been able to quit smoking yet LOL.

 

Also the situation Im in Ive been very open and up front about my ED problem with the other partner, she knows it happens and generally will work through it with me without both of us feeling uncomfortable about it.The thing about it is even if its not a serious problem it fucks with your mind, if it happens enough its all you think about when it comes time to play and that alone is enough to cause it.

 

If the guys not willing to address the problem then your wifes certainly not the one responsible for addressing it, much less the cause of it.I found out the hard way that ignoring it and trying to force a bad situation to get betters only going to make it more awkward for everyone.

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I agree with LikeMinds321, let your wife determine if and when she wants to pull the plug. If she is starting to feel like she is taking one for the team, then it is not good for anyone.

 

How has this situation been addressed when it happens? Does he talk about it or do they just keep quiet and move on? If he is willing to talk about it, then you might be able to find a solution, if your wife has enough interest in him to try that. If not, maybe its best to just move on.

 

A few points to consider as causes beyond those already mentioned.

 

Are they new to the LS? It took me a while to wrap my head around being with another woman, even though it was my wife's idea, I had her full blessing and she was doing the same. I was just a mental block and took a little time to get over.

 

Another issue I have faced is drinking too little, water that is. I am real bad about not drinking or eating when I am busy, I will just forget about it when I am heads down in work. On days we are going out to meet someone things get so hectic I don't stop to take the time to eat/drink enough. When I am dehydrated it makes things much more difficult, sometimes impossible. If I am fully hydrated things go well. I know that sounds crazy, but it is the case with me.

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I am going through this right now both with MrsVan and our GF. It has been a very big problem. I either can't get an erection or I can't stay firm. Add to this that I also am having issues reaching climax and well I have a recipe for major ego issues. :(

 

I have talked to both MrsVan and our GF and they both at first also where thinking, like most woman, that they where not doing it for me. Well that was just not the case and it always felt great, I just couldn't keep things going. I was even having some firmness issues while masturbating, so I knew something was up.

 

I went to the doctor and all my labs have checked out fine (no testosterone checkup yet) and since I do wake up more often than not in the morning with an erection, the urologist felt that there was most likely no issues physically. So he has given me a script for the low dose daily caelis. I am going to give that a shot along with some other things.

 

Since finally starting work again back in August after almost two years out of work I have completely fallen off the exercise and healthy eating habits. I am sure this has contributed to at least my firmness and possibly my ability to stay hard. I am not a doctor but I do know that when a person is exercising regularly that the body does "create" or use more blood "vessels" to get the blood and nutrients to the various body parts more effectively. I would only guess that being so far out of shape compared to where I used to be might be having a negative effect. So I have gotten back to working out regularly again and trying to eat more healthy again.

 

As for the mental side of things, which I am sure is playing a big part of it again, I have talked with both ladies and just explained that if it doesn't work it doesn't work, let's leave it be that night and I will just focus on pleasing them with all that I can. I am going to see how things go over the course of the next few months.

 

-Van

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