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thongLover

First experience didn't go well... would like a second chance

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Hello. I finally got together with a really nice couple recently, but I have to say, I didn't perform the way I should have.

 

I was completely nervous and I couldn't function at all. I WAS able to perform orally but when it came to being erect, forget it! Now, don't get me wrong, the female was quite attractive and I was attracted to her, but the whole thing of her husband being there just kept me from really getting into it. There is absolutely nothing against him, I suppose it's just the whole idea, or something. I've never been thru anything like this before.

 

I would very much like to meet with them again, I need to figure out how to get over the newbie jitters.

 

Any thoughts/ideas on this folks? Thanks in advance.

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I can understand your situation, please dont be put off, it can happen to the best of us. I dont know the back ground of your situation, but I'll attempt to give you some basic advice.

 

As you stated oral was no problem for you, but the master wouldn't rise to the occasion. There are a few different ways to solve this problem:

 

1. Get your SO to try and give you a jump start as that always seems to help.

 

2. If that fails you could always try stepping back from the actual full swing and try soft swinging until you feel at ease with the other hubby be around.

 

3. If neither of those work try 1, viagra, 2, finding a different couple who you can totally relax around the male.

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Originally posted by thongLover

 

I need to figure out how to get over the newbie jitters.

 

I would say, practice, practice, practice :lol:

 

Did the couple enjoy themselves? Did you talk with them about what was going on with you? I would think that if they're the kind of people you would want to be with they would understand your situation and perhaps give it another go.

 

I wouldn't worry a lot about it and just let things happen next time.

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Thanks guys!, I spoke with them this morning and I also told them last night that I was kinda rattled and the totally understood. But you know us men, we sometimes have complexes about such things. The couple did enjoy themselves and I informed them that I did also, so I think there's open communication there. The hubby made a comment along the lines of next time that her and I spend a bit of time together first before he gets involved. I honestly feel I can relax around him, it's just getting past that first hurdle.

 

Thing is, I will NOT let this happen again! hehe!

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thongLover,

 

My husband had the same problem the first few times out but patience is a virtue. He was able to function better the 2nd time out as when I noticed he was in trouble, I came and helped out a little. :bj: Did the trick and really not a problem since. Don't get over worked up as will only make the problem worse.

 

Relax and you will come around.

 

Have fun...:8-0::

 

Rhonda

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I hate to say it but maybe you just aren't cut out for swinging. I've encountered many guys who love the fantasy of the idea of group sex or fucking some other guys wife but when it comes down to they just can't handle having another guy in the room. Whether they just don't want to share or have major homophobia or whatever the reason may be, they just can't handle it.

 

Fantasy and reality are two different things and sometimes they just don't mesh well.

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Been there, it will get better with time! It's much easier when there is some foreplay. A little teasing, undressing her, her undressing you, etc... definitely helps. Hanging out on the bed with the hubby drinking a beer and suddenly she bursts out of the bathroom naked and ready to jump on both of you, makes it a little tough to perform. I usually don't get much resistance from a couple, the ladys seem to enjoy unwrapping a new toy and the hubby has fun watching her? It's all about them! You might suggest a drink in the lounge first as well just to get all the jitters out and prime your pump!!! Good Luck.......

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Thanks for the input. There has been another get together planned soon with them. I fell a bit better about this one too.

 

Julie, my dear, I hope to make you eat your words, LOL, j/k kidding. ?

 

I think it just went a bit too fast. We didn't start til around 10 or so, went to the hot tub for about 30 minutes, I did to much talking (obvious for a first timer) then right out of the hot tub to the bed next to it.

 

However, they didn't do anything wrong in my book, I just got chilly feet at first. I think I'll be better next time.

 

I'll keep you all posted on how my next shot goes.

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Originally posted by thongLover

Hello. I finally got together with a really nice couple recently, but I have to say, I didn't perform the way I should have.

 

I was completely nervous and I couldn't function at all. I WAS able to perform orally but when it came to being erect, forget it! Now, dont get me wrong, the female was quite attractive and I was attracted to her, but the whole thing of her husband being there just kept me from really getting into it. There is absolutely nothing against him, I suppose it's just the whole idea, or something. I've never been thru anything like this before.

 

I would very much like to meet with them again, I need to figure out how to get over the newbie jitters.

 

I'm sure you all have run across this kind of story before, and with the size of this board, I didn't want to kill half the day trying to find a related topic.

 

WOW you are so cool to post this.

 

This happens to everyone at some time. If it hasn't happened to any readers rest assured it will.

 

Don't count on this couple again unless they were very understanding. Just chalk it up to newbie jitters. You need to go slower when you get to the actual incident. They should take time to lighten up with you also. A single guy has a lot on his mind during the first encounter.

 

I have been on both sides of that fence. I have also made love to probably well a lot of females. Both with hubbies and without. It can happen. Just remember that the ole boy works. It will not always let you down. Do not make a big issue out of it in your own head cuz that's dangerous.

 

Be aware of your physical and emotional condition. If you drink slow down. If you are stressed out then cancel. Sometimes its just that simple.

 

One more thing. I have had three swinging relationships in which we included single males. We NEVER swung on the first meet unless we met at a club which can or may not be different. After you meet them once or twice the comfort level bar gets lowered.

 

If you met them and coaxed them, even if they coaxed you into a same night meeting that can cause undo stress...just a thought, that may not be applicable.

 

about all I can say...

 

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One other suggestion...go easy on the booze. Nothing will kill an erection faster than too many drinks. It might give you courage, but courage does no good without the tools to do the job.

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Originally posted by thongLover

I finally got together with a really nice couple recently, but I have to say, I didn't perform the way I should have.

Not performing well on a first visit is not uncommon. It happens to the best of us. Might I ask where your girlfriend was? Or did she not know in the same way that she didn't when you were planning your visit to a nudist beach without her knowledge? Just curious as you don't seem to mention her now at all. Well except for the fact that she wanted you to find another couple to play with, without her. Did you break up and you are flying solo now? It does seem as though you were flying solo to begin with based on your previous postings anyway.

 

I'll be quite frank here. I don't think you have any right to try and introduce yourself or portray yourself as a swinger. And you are making it that much harder for the truly single males to gain respect. I feel that you are either playing around on a wife or girlfriend and trying to get some sympathy which you are not deserving of. I've always said that given enough rope any deceitful person will hang themselves.

 

Why not give the truly single guys around here the breaks they deserve. This is not a site to pick up women, cheat on your girlfriend/wife (whatever today's explanation is) or think that after a few postings that you can talk to women like they are your best buddy. Doesn't fly with me. Never has. Never will.

 

Lori ~ Who can't believe the audacity of some people.

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Whoa sis,

 

What did I miss here? A visit to a nudist camp without her knowledge? Most of the things you referred to I did not find in the original post. Did I miss something?

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It isn't what you missed here, it was just an accumulation of posts that he has made since joining this site. I actually went back and read the old posts just to make sure I didn't make a mistake and see if I needed to offer an apology since I went by recall.

 

What I remembered was pretty much correct with the exception of he just didn't want her to know just yet about the nudist camp. Basically thru his own words, when he joined he had a girlfriend. Within a week or so he got interested in swinging as was looking for a couple to introduce him to the lifestyle. Still has the girlfriend and is very happy in their relationship a week later but SHE wants him to find a couple to introduce him to swinging so that he can come home and tell her all about it. Looking for takers. He is wouldn't mind a hot older women because they are past the bullshit and once you please them under the sheets...."Well...Ooh Baby". Now he has had his first time experience. I wonder where this girlfriend is in all this? They were so happy. Several of his previous posts were very indicative of pick up lines. The reason he stuck out in my mind was that in one of his previous postings he referred to Julie as "Jules", I let that go as it struck a nerve with me but I figured I'd let it go as a typo even though the necessary keys for typing it correctly aren't remotely close on the key board to the ones type written.

 

I'm sorry John but I don't buy it. Now who knows maybe he broke up with the *girlfriend*, but if you are in such a great relationship why isn't she included here? I don't buy the fact that any girlfriend is just gonna sit by and say "Oh honey, go out and get laid and come back and tell me all about it."

 

Doesn't wash with me at all. Never has. Never will.

 

Lori

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Originally posted by OhioCouple

I don't buy the fact that any girlfriend is just gonna sit by and say "Oh honey, go out and get laid and come back and tell me all about it."

 

Doesn't wash with me at all. Never has. Never will.

 

Lori

 

It is the oldest line in the book. I see your point now.

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It's always interesting to go back and view people's previous posts when responding to questions, you never know what you might find that may help you with the answer you give them.

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Wow, Ohio Couple really let me have it!!!

 

OK, I guess I should back up to the past, which I dont normally do anyway, since it's in the past and it stays there, but I'll oblige Ohio_Couple anyway.

 

Yes, my girlfriend and I broke up some time ago because I made the decision to quite a $14 an hour job to pursue a career in the medical field and she was against it because of the money I was making. She told me I should have just stuck it out, stuck it out in a dead end job, where I couldn't step up in the job. I spent the better half 2002 on lay off,and knew staying where I was, I would be laid off again this year, which IS the case as I type this.

 

As for the nude beach thing, she had absolutely no problem with it. I posted that I was planning it, but I didn't mention "as a surprise". That also explains why she "didn't have a problem with it">

 

Now, on the aspect of "pretending to be a single male in the swinger's lifestyle"......I AM a single male. You're quite quick to judge, IMHO. BUT, on the same token, I can understand it, Single guys get a bad rap in this lifestyle, but it is ti be expected. One bad apple spoils the bunch. You'll never truly know me until you speak to me on a daily basis, rather than just going by 1, single, Uno, topic that I post in here. (besides the first posts when I joined) Have I ever or can anyone on this board quote me as seeming like an arrogant, typical, bulls**t, single male member? I have been nothing but nice to everyone, never started or indulged in arguments.

 

Lori, Miss, ma'am, (whatever you wish to be called) Please, I only ask of 1 thing from you, and especially you since you seem to be the only one in here that has so much time on your hands to analyze the heck out me; Just get to know me. I'm a nice guy, otherwise I would have gone off on you like any other typical ***hole single male. but I didn't. and I remained civilized. Please dont be narrow minded against a single male swinger.

 

I am here to make friends, to meet people. I am NOT here to "nail some dude's wife" just for a good one-nighter. I actually prefer to meet and get to know people before we venture to the bedroom. I want them to got to know ME. If you'd like to read 2 profiles of mine, email me and I will give you the links to where you might find them. I am discreet as can be, that's why I ask to be emailed.

 

I'll leave it on this note:

 

Many thank you's to those who DID hear what I had to say, and gave advise or expressed understanding with what I went thru on my first time as a NEW and remaining swinger.

 

Thank you, I'm here all week. ?

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Oh, I forgot to mention, too much to drink was no where near the issue, I have 1 beer and it took me almsot 2 hours to finish it.

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Whoops, I also didn't catch this other error.

 

I posted about nude beaches some time ago, and the words nude camp were used.

 

 

Uhh it WAS a nude beach and it WAS Haulover Beach Miami Florida. Very nice place I might add.

 

I wonder if Ohio_Couple will respond to this one........ my long, well explained reply. Also, please forgive me for not doing the proper thing, with my limited time at that particular moment, by not doing a search for a specific place to post my news.

 

 

Any other questions you all may have, feel free to ask away. I have nothing to hide except the names of the couples I have, or will meet.

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ThongLover you are right, I do have absolutely too much time on my hands. Perhaps that is why I remember certain things and attach posts to different people. When I responded initially it was based on recall. After being questioned by John I reviewed your posts to see if perhaps I had stuck both feet in my mouth and owed you an apology. I did have one recollection incorrect but it was minor in nature and I stated that.

 

As for what I like to be called. You can just call me Lori. That is what my friends and associates call me. I am not a "Miss" I am a "Mrs." and the only ones that refer to me as ma'am are my southern relatives. You can't call me "the bitch" as my ex-husband has exclusive rights to that and an asshole I think is a little extreme.

 

With all that said and since I have so much time to analyze you, let's put it all in order here.

 

 

Originally posted by thongLover 10/18/2002

Right now I am a full time student in the Medical field.

Interesting....hmmmm full time student on October 18, 2002.

 

 

Originally posted by thongLover 03/04/03

Yes, my girlfriend and I broke up some time ago because I made the decision to quite a $14 an hour job to persure a career in the medical field and she was against it because of the money I was making. She told me I should have just stuck it out, stuck it out in a dead end job, where I couldnt step up in the job. I spent the better half 2002 on lay off,and knew staying where I was, I would be laid off again this year, which IS the case as I type this.

Originally posted by thongLover 10/21/2002

Ok, forgive me if this thread is in the wrong spot but I am planning a trip without my girlfriend knowing just yet and I am wondering where you all have been (if anyone) to hit a nude beach??

Hmmmm, what did you tell you girlfriend while you were away at class? One would have to assume that you had been in classes for at least a month. Did she believe that you were still working your $14 an hour job? You are obviously still together on the 21st.

 

Originally posted by thongLover 03/04/03

As for the nude beach thing, she had absolutely no problem with it. I posted that I was planning it, but I didnt mention "as a surprise". That also explains why she"didnt have a problem with it">

It was never stated in this thread that she had no problem with it. According to your post you didn't want her to know just yet. It is a later thread, where she has no problem with "it".

 

Originally posted by thongLover 10/30/2002

I guess I'm looking for the same thing, BUT, but, I am very happy with the relationship me and my girlfriend have, but she and I have talked and she would like me to find a cou0ple looking for a single male, for now, so that I can come back and tell her what it's like and such.

 

I just have to FIND that couple looking for a single male, which isnt going to be easy. hell I'm even willing to just start off rather slow and meet and just chit cjat online for now.

Still with your girlfriend on the 30th (she must still be in the dark about you quiting your job to attend school) and it is here where you express that she in essence has no problem with you looking for a couple to "break" you in to the lifestyle and you will come back and tell her about it.

 

So I ask you ThongLover, what have I misunderstood here? You contradicted yourself again in your most recent posting as you say you broke up due to her dislike of you quitting your job to attend school. When did you break up? Two, three months into your schooling? You were in a very happy relationship on October 30, 2002 according to your own type written words as of which time you would have been in school for several weeks if not a month or more.

 

The only thing I will buy out of this is that you might be a single male "now" as myself as a female would have ran, not walked out on someone that I was dating who seemed to put his sexual desires over and above our relationship.

 

No need to wonder if I will respond, I have.

 

Lori

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Hmm, well it seems that Lori knows me better than myself, God or even my own mother.

 

I'm just going let Lori have her golden moment rather than spend forever trying to explain and re-explain things. it seems as though Lori, that you have appointed yourself sole investigator for this message board. "To the fires of hell with any single guys" who's stories dont make sence to me. "Oh, a new member, lets make sure he's for real first".

 

I felt as though I'd come in here and be welcome to express myself freely without needing to tell every aspect of my life, from when I got in a argument with my girlfriend and what we argued about so that you could pick it apart.

 

I'll also add that I AM real, I am NOT like the other asshole single guys that are new to swinging. But you'll never know the truth will you? All you had to do, and all that I asked was, get to know me better. But you choose not to. These are just words on a screen off of the internet. It is VERY easy to misunderstand something. I've met people as opinionated as Lori, and I have walked away because they aren't worth the lead it would take to shoot them. Harsh was that?, Sorry but that's just MHO. It shouldn't matter what happened in the past, more of, what happens in the future.

 

I'm fine with that, and I am moving on to somewhere that I will feel more welcome.

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Well thongLover, I've 'investigated' your history too, so let's review:

 

No location, no status in your profile. Hmmm...odd.

 

Your posts confuse me. First you're asking about a nude beach, and say that you're hiding your plans from your girlfriend. It implied you were going to tell her before visiting and you were going together, but you don't really say. From that, we gathered you were a couple, particularly when you said you were in a 'loving relationship'.

 

Next you're telling us that your girlfriend wants you to find a couple to swing with so you can 'tell her all about it'. Sorry, but we hear that all the time from cheating boyfriends and husbands. I can't recall ever hearing from a woman who honestly told her partner to go and do that. If any would like to step forward now, I would appreciate being enlightened.

 

Then you talk about wanting to find an 'older woman'. Exactly what is it that you really want? We can't tell.

 

Now you tell us you are single. Maybe you have you been all along. We value honesty here and the things you have said and done make us suspicious. Honest mistakes or deliberate obfuscation? Again, we can't tell.

 

And, to be blunt, you haven't been here long enough or contributed enough to make yourself so overly familiar with Julie and other board members. We are friendly, but to me you come across as cheeky and somewhat forward. I've been here a while, but would never think of calling Julie , 'Jules' or 'dear'. We have not established that kind of relationship and it would be presumptuous of me.

 

Finally, you said, "if this is what someone goes thru in here, I'm better of sewing my head to the carpet." I beg to differ. Since you joined in October, hundreds of people have joined this board. Most have treated people with honesty and respect and that is what they have received in return.

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Originally posted by thongLover

Just get to know me. I'm a nice guy, otherwise I would have gone off on you like any other typical ***hole single male. bUt I didnt. and I remained civilized. Please dont be narrow minded against a single male swinger.

I would have to think that considering that you profess to be a single male wishing to be recognized as such, you would be a tad more hesitant about referring to 'typical single males' in such a manner.

 

Originally posted by thongLover

I'll also add that I AM real, I am NOT like the other asshole single guys that are new to swinging. But you'll never know the truth will you? All you had to do, and all that I asked was, get to know me better. But you choose not to. These are just words on a screen off of the internet. It is VERY easy to misunderstand something.

 

So you are the real deal with your conflicting stories? Please, like I said before and will say again, "GIVE THE TRULY SINGLE HONEST MEN A BREAK" !

 

Contrary to what you may believe, I did not single you out to pick on. I for one am very PRO single males in the lifestyle. Any number of posts you look back on mine will reflect that. I just don't like when anyone, male, female or a couple, come in here and try to think they can fool people. That just flat out ticks me off.

 

Lori

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Originally posted by thongLover

 

I'll also add that I AM real, I am NOT like the other asshole single guys that are new to swinging.. [/b]

 

I believe the word OTHER says it all. Lori and anyone else that followed this thread knows that that was a Freudian slip.

 

Lori has been an asset to this board since day one that she joined. I can see why you left. I just can't wait to see what name you use next time. I'm sure this isn't the first time you have been here though. You even mention hourly wages. LOL. Is that how you value yourself?

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Hello Lori,

 

Please can you explain what the letters IMHO or MHO could means ? I can't find it in my dictionary ? I've read this on several post already.

 

I suppose the question is stupid but i bet that may be people would have the same difficulties with a foreign language. Slang is not always easy also to pick up in my dictionary ;)

 

Take Care.

 

JC who prefers to have You as friend than as adversary... LOL

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JC who prefers to have You as friend than as adversary... LOL

Ahhh, I bark a lot but rarely bite. I have been known to nip on occasion though....;)

 

Lori

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Thank You Lori. And in order You do not bite my fingers I shall be careful where do i put them.... LOL

 

Take Care

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