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  1. #1

    Default ED issues multiple times with the same couple...

    I wish I'd known about this forum a little sooner, it would have prevented some problems for my fiancé and I. We got together with another couple recently and it ended poorly.

    We both are very sexual and have had amazing fantasy experiences together, talking about what we want to do in very vivid detail. We finally decided to give it a try, can't tell you which one of us actually made the first move in looking for someone to meet. We found a great couple that is open and that we were both attracted to. We spent lots of time talking about it and, while he did go back and forth a couple times, we decided to go forward with it.

    The first time we met with the other couple, it was more of a soft swap foreplay situation. I was on that wonderful monthly thing that women get, so there were limits on activities and he felt a little left out. The evening didn't end well, but we thought the reasons were due to that. We decided to not go forward with things.

    Fast forward a month later and we decided to try it again, changing the situation to make sure that everyone was more involved and talking a lot about what was okay and not okay. We also added a recreational chemical to the mix. The situation was much more enjoyable, but my guy had "performance issues" which we decided was the chemicals. He had a couple green monsters, but we talked about it and decided to go forward and meet them again the next weekend without the chemicals.

    This time he still had the same problem, but even I couldn't help him like I did the last weekend. The other man was a little pushy and started with me before my guy was ready with the other woman. So there my guy is, watching me with another man while he is standing there in not so much glory. We ended up leaving very soon after and have been struggling through in the days since. He says he can’t get that picture out of his mind.

    If we had gone slower, we may have realized there was a problem. Unfortunately, he wasn’t talking to me as much as I thought he was. The reality was definitely more complicated than the fantasy. I know that there are other people out there that have had similar problems. What can I do to repair things between us after we've realized we made a mistake?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Now What?

    My first time that we were with another couple I was nervous, a bit drunk, and to top it off, I was tired because the evening had gone on kind of late. My performance simply was not there. This actually seems to happen quite a bit and I know the frustration that had to have been going on.

    The second time I vowed not to let the nerves get to me. I stayed off the alcohol 100% and that helped. It was still difficult for me to get there because I am not used to condoms but eventually I did. I realized that even then the nerves were slowing me down. I think I'm going to be a lot better here on out on not being so damned nervous.

    I would simply have to give him the same advice. Try to relax. Lay off anything that might make performance an issue.

    I don't know how much this helps, but at least if he reads this he'll know that he certainly isn't alone, and yes, it gets better.

    Mr. Truelove
    The most fun I can never tell anyone about!

  3. #3

    Default Re: Now What?

    Well, performance issues are common among first-timers, second-timers and so on. If he's not a porn star, he probably can't perform on command. There are other ways he could have been pleasing his partner for the night, besides intercourse. We don't do chemicals, so I can't really say that it would be good or bad. I think Mr. LFM might have a beer before we go somewhere, but that's the extent of it.

    If he was jealous that you were having fun while he was having performance issues, I still believe that there are other ways for him to please a woman. Nervousness certainly has a lot to do with performance. Mr. LFM and probably most of the men on this board knows this all too well. Relaxing and enjoying the company before-hand seems to work for us. Like Mr. Truelove says, it does get better.
    Dave & Holly

  4. #4

    Default Re: Now What?

    I'm sure you'll get a lot of negative reactions to this, but I totally recommend,

    Caverject... yeh yeh, I know. Auuuggghhh. No chemicals. Oooo oooo Penile injections? Yuck etc. etc. etc.

    You can go through all the emotional stuff, all the counseling stuff, etc. yada yada. I'm sorry, but this caverject stuff gets the job done; it fricking cuts to the damn chase, makes short work of it, and the big plus is that it opens all of the ductwork up in a long lasting way. For instance, after one or two injections for one or two sex sessions, then you find you don't need injections after that for several months.

    For me, it's a lot better than viagra, etc., and I only give myself a shot about every year and a half or so. Generally, as long as I keep my cock in action, it "remembers" how to be hard for a wonderfully long time.

    Just suck it up, follow the directions, and go have fun.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Now What?

    but I totally recommend,

    Oh please...dude has a hiccup and you would care to have him do what?

    Great, now he not only doesn't have his head straight...he has a raging hard-on... are you talking about???
    resident martian anthropologist...observing the

  6. #6

    Default Re: Now What?

    Quote Originally Posted by spectraschain
    Oh please...dude has a hiccup and you would care to have him do what?

    Great, now he not only doesn't have his head straight...he has a raging hard-on... are you talking about???

    .... I predicted...

    You can go about it via the "fix-the-brain" approach or you can cut to the chase.

    Done it both ways; only wish I hadn't been so insecure as to try the cut-to-the-chase way the first time.

    To each his own... I'm just putting an option out there that's been pretty good for me. I predicted the criticism, but I'm tough... I can take it...

    Bring it on....

  7. #7

    Default Re: Now What?

    I think resorting to the above methods described for erectile disfunction is a little extreme (injections etc). Perhaps if this was something that was occurring with more frequency. But as described this appears to simply be nerves acting up.

    Mr. Truelove
    The most fun I can never tell anyone about!

  8. #8

    Default Re: Now What?

    I think there are way more issues than his not being able to perform. It doesn't sound like he's ready ... if watching his girl doesn't turn him on and instead makes him jealous and weak in the stomach (and other places), he needs to work on THAT.

    I couldn't perform if I were upset either. That's his issue.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Now What?

    Quote Originally Posted by clutch
    I'm sure you'll get a lot of negative reactions to this, but I totally recommend,

    Caverject... yeh yeh, I know. Auuuggghhh. No chemicals. Oooo oooo Penile injections? Yuck etc. etc. etc.
    Well.....with a statement like this, I'd expect negative reactions too. You're recommending poking needles in his dick If it works for you Clutch.....more power to ya. But at the very least, I'd investigate one of the usual penis pills looooooooong before I'd start pricking my prick

    Look SexyScorp, I'd guess nearly all of us guys in the lifestyle have experienced erection problems at least once Like Mr Truelove, I too experienced it the first time we played. We ended up in our hotel room after a dance with two other couples. Imagine having 3 hotties all wanting to have sex, and I was the only one that couldn't get it up Not that I didn't have fun facelick....but it was an ego killer for quite a while. Never.....never before in my life had I not been able to get it up. Just a case of the nerves. And it's happened a couple times since. But I've learned to relax and focus on the foreplay and block out the distractions that can be around you. Just being more into the partner I'm with. The more comfortable your are in a play situation, the more likely you'll be your normal self and rise to the occasion. Good luck and I'll also tell you it does get better

    Take it easy baby......but take as much as you can.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Now What?

    Lets pretend my choices were.....

    Never swing again vrs injections in my penis.

    Well looks like I'll be playing a lot more video games on Saturday nights!

    This is like recommending someone fish with hand grenades because they can't get a good hook set.

  11. #11
    anything boys can do.... prettylady's Avatar
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    Default Re: Now What?

    There is soooo much more to sex then, well the sex part.
    Your man became to fixated on what your partner was doing for you rather then what he could be doing for his partner. Work other areas of the body, make the playfriend feel good in other ways. I for one loved to be kissed and carressed all over, with attention paid to one particular baby finger, what the heck do you think I ment. *Sick people*
    If the woman is treated right, she most likely wont get upset about your SO not being able to "perform". That could lead to another meeting which could then lead to a comfort level for your SO.
    Don't focus on the bad, life is WAY to short for that sort of thing.
    Your friend,
    To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Now What?

    The issue here has nothing to do with hard dicks or the lack there of. This is all an issue of comfort, chemistry and compatability. The reasons you had three separate bad times is that you forced yourselves into it.

    You two and this other couple are not clicking and you keep going back trying to make it happen and the chemistry is just not there. It is very common to not have the chemistry needed to have an enjoyable encounter. The hardest part of swinging with couples as a couple is to find the right people where all 4 click. You have to just let the mood of the moment determine where things are going to go. If you try and set a goal and force yourselves into achieving that goal you will be disappointed every time.

    If you just go with the flow and let the mood be your guide you will have less encounters but they will be very natural, uplifting and enjoyable. When it does happen you will be amazed at how natural and easy it is.

    Keep getting out and meet people. Don't be afraid to say it was nice to meet you but this is all the further it is going to go. There will be dry spells from time to time but then there will also be times you just meet someone and the majic takes over.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Now What?

    It sounds to me like the issue is being pushed. No one says you HAVE to swing. If it's not right for him, it's not right for the two of you. I'd let it die for a long time, and if it was ever brought up again, I'd let him be the one bringing it up.
    Oooh! Ahhh! That's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming. - Dr. Ian Malcom, Jurassic Park II: The Lost World

  14. #14

    Default Re: Now What?

    Caverject... yeh yeh, I know. Auuuggghhh. No chemicals. Oooo oooo Penile injections? Yuck etc. etc. etc.

    I have to admit us guys have all(maybe not all don't wanna offend anyone) have had the nerovous problem in the past or present.. Your with someone new your asking yourself if your doing everything right and somehow now your doing everything wrong... Just hopefully if that happens you realize that theres more to the sex than just that. There are many other things you could be doing for the young lady than being concerned about that... then its funny how alot of the time it just all seems to start working. But hey who am I to say anything..I'm just one of the new guys from a new couple here...

  15. #15

    Default Re: Now What?

    Knock on wood, I have never had a situation where I couldn't get it up. Mrs. Cpl wishes that would happen sometimes, but no luck for her. LOL Anyway: When the old soldier is slow to rise and shine I have found that the best thing to get his attention is a putting my mouth to work. This gets the lady very in the mood (have yet to find a woman who does not appreciate tongue), takes my mind off of what may or may not be happening elsewhere, and once the tongue goes there, peter wants to follow. As other posters said: This is a matter of letting outside conditions affect the inside. Slow down, decide if swinging is really right for you, and then find the right people to swing with. I have yet to find a rule that says that you have to screw everyone else who swings.

  16. #16

    Default Re: Now What?

    What can I do to repair things between us after we've realized we made a mistake?
    Talk and Listen to each other.

    Find any stinking thinking stuff about each other and learn to stop it.

    Remind each other how much you love each other, ALL THE TIME.

    If necessary, hunt for a counselor who is lifestyle friendly so you have a bit of pro guidance.

    Evel Knievel died of natural causes. Looks like I will too.

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