Jump to content
MrLee & MsBee

Swinging Solo and Jealousy

Recommended Posts

Hello there. Mr. here. First time poster, long time reader. I've been putting this off for a long time trying to sort thru things and figure them out myself as we go along. We've gotten to a point now though, that I think I need some outside input from other people who are familiar with these types of situations.

 

Wife and I have been married 11 years. We have always been very "open" sexually. It wasn't until earlier this year that we dabbled in swinging though. First mmf went down about 3 months ago. It wasn't a horrible experience, but it wasn't a very good one either. Both my wife and the other guy were too drunk to remember or perform lol. Morning after went a little smoother, but the other guy was too passive and soft for my wife's tastes.

 

Fast forward to this last weekend, and our second mmf went down. Great time all around. Wife was able to just let go and lose herself. There was no awkwardness between the other guy and myself. Just a great sexual experience. So here comes my dilemma....

 

My wife wants to have sex with this other guy solo now. I'm not sure how to react to this. Before our night together she had hung out with this guy a few times, and they had kissed and did some petting. She had expressed to me that she was really interested in having sex with this guy alone. Now that we've all had sex together, and him and I somewhat know each other, she really wants to have sex with him solo. The prospect of it both scares me and excites me. I'm not sure how to contain my jealousy though.

 

I find myself getting super jealous of them hanging out together. I don't mind someone having sex with my wife, but the prospect of someone "dating" my wife and doing things with her that I would want to do really get me worked up. I have talked to her about how I feel. She's tries her best to reassure me, but there's something in me that just won't let go and roll with it.

 

So, here I am. Using all of you beautiful people as a backboard to maybe help me sort some things out that I haven't been able to wrap my head around. Thanks

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

IOHO, NO! You are in this as a couple and you should only play as a couple. Nothing good can come from this and the fact that you are having problems with it only confirms this.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

We do have some friends that we do play solo with on occasion, but that is something we added to our list fairly recently, meaning we had some experience already. Before we even considered the playing solo, we had already established a couple to couple connection with them, so the solo play is sort of an occasional treat sort of thing, but overall, it's still very much a couple on couple dynamic. Threesomes are a different thing all together of course, and we don't look for those, so not going to be able to help you there, but I would suggest the same general guidelines would apply - wait until you have some solid experience in swinging before considering it, and make the solo play an add-on or extension of playing together as a couple.

 

One other thing I noted from your post is there seemed to be a jump from what she said to what you said. She said she wants to have sex with him solo, and then you said the idea of them doing things together, or "dating", is what is bothering you. One can do the first without doing the second.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Couple play is out, for now. My wife has 0 interest in couple play. I think, ideally, in her perfect world, she wants an open relationship. She wants to be able to go out and play, do as she pleases, and mix in threesomes with me here and there. I do not think anything can come of this, at least not in the current direction it is headed.

Share this post


Link to post
We do have some friends that we do play solo with on occasion, but that is something we added to our list fairly recently, meaning we had some experience already. Before we even considered the playing solo, we had already established a couple to couple connection with them, so the solo play is sort of an occasional treat sort of thing, but overall, it's still very much a couple on couple dynamic. Threesomes are a different thing all together of course, and we don't look for those, so not going to be able to help you there, but I would suggest the same general guidelines would apply - wait until you have some solid experience in swinging before considering it, and make the solo play an add-on or extension of playing together as a couple.

 

One other thing I noted from your post is there seemed to be a jump from what she said to what you said. She said she wants to have sex with him solo, and then you said the idea of them doing things together, or "dating", is what is bothering you. One can do the first without doing the second.

 

I'm trying to nutshell all of this. It's hard to fit all the pieces in when the situation as a whole is very complicated. She's been "dating" different guys for awhile. No sex, no nothing, just going out and having fun. Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes I'm okay with it. I guess it just depends on which way the wind is blowing. I've never been the insecure/jealous type, so it's usually a non-issue.

 

In the past (before this most recent guy), she went on these dates trying to find the right fit for us as a threesome. She can't just have sex with someone she doesn't know, so she wanted to get to know the guy to see if the potential fit was there. We tried meeting guys together, but I can be a pretty intimidating guy. Not by choice mind you, I'm actually a huge goof ball, but all a new guy sees is either 6'1" of muscle, so they're intimidated by size, or the dark hair, tanned skin, light eyes, so they're intimidated by looks. At first it was kind of humorous, but after a few times it became counterproductive for us to both meet the guy for the first time. Which is fine.

 

So, yah, maybe it's just this particular guy that I don't want "dating" my wife. Maybe it's because I know she's not doing this just us in mind, but also for her own solo enjoyment at some point. I don't know.

Share this post


Link to post
She's trying to reassure you that it's all good. I'd reassure her that just because you're not comfortable with it now doesn't mean that you never will be.

 

Like cplnuswing, we moved into solo play well after we had become seasoned swingers, learning how to handle the bumps in the road and various other situations. With time you might be more open to the idea of solo play, and if you aren't, well, that's OK too.

 

Bottom line: You aren't comfortable with it right now, and that needs to be respected. We go only as fast as the slowest person around here. ;)

 

And that's the thing. I'm not TOTALLY uncomfortable with her going solo. The kink side of me actually finds it a little exciting (I think that's called hotwifing these days?). I think it's my heart side or logic side that's really twisting this for me. She doesn't push it, but I know she wants it. She's told me that while she would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage or us, she really wants to play solo at some point. And now that she's found a guy that's compatible with us and we've already had a threesome with, she wants to go solo with him. The whole thing leaves me confused most days as I have trouble making sense of my own emotions.

Share this post


Link to post
And that's the thing. I'm not TOTALLY uncomfortable with her going solo.

 

When you're closer to "totally comfortable" with her going solo, then pull the trigger.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Well, couple play is out, for now. My wife has 0 interest in couple play. I think, ideally, in her perfect world, she wants an open relationship. She wants to be able to go out and play, do as she pleases, and mix in threesomes with me here and there. I tend to agree with you, to a point. I do not think anything can come of this, at least not in the current direction it is headed.

 

I'm not trying to put words in GoldCoCouple's mouth, but I think what they meant is that you need to be in this together as a couple, even for threesomes. It does sound like maybe this is more of an open marriage or poly type scenario. That is whole another ball of wax, and while I am always impressed by people who make that work for them and live a richer life for it, I don't have any experience with it so won't even try to go there on advice on that.

 

The best advice I can give is you aren't comfortable where this is headed, so that's a sign that it would be wise to slow down or even pull off the road entirely and really think and talk about where this road is taking you.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you all for your insight.

 

We sat down and had a discussion last night. For now, the solo play has been put off. For how long though, I don't know. We are all going out again next Friday, which I'm sure will end in more threesome fun. She threw a total curveball at me last night though. She wants me to bring home another girl Next Friday to join in and play with all of us.(Herculean task anybody?!?) I mean, I'm good, but damn...find a woman to hook up with, then have her be okay with hooking up with my wife and another guy she just met besides me? I've always said I like a good challenge...but I digress.

 

This is completely out of the norm for her, as she's always been anti sharing me, and the one time we had a group situation she did not like the other women touching me, at all. When I asked her about the total 180, she just said she thinks it could be fun for all of us, and that she wants me to have my fun too. I'm trying not to read too much into this, and I asked her if she was just messing with me, but she said she's serious, so we'll see. Feels kind of like a give me something I want to get what she wants compromise. Maybe I'm wrong though. She loves playing with women, and she told me that maybe it would be easier for her to see me with another woman if she had someone occupying her. The whole thing was punctuated by a "who knows though, I may hate it and flip out" statement lol. So yah, who knows.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
My wife wants to have sex with this other guy solo now. I'm not sure how to react to this. Before our night together she had hung out with this guy a few times, and they had kissed and did some petting. She had expressed to me that she was really interested in having sex with this guy alone.

 

She wants me to bring home another girl Next Friday to join in and play with all of us.

 

This is completely out of the norm for her, as she's always been anti sharing me, and the one time we had a group situation she did not like the other women touching me, at all. When I asked her about the total 180, she just said she thinks it could be fun for all of us, and that she wants me to have my fun too.

 

Call me a cynic or a negative nellie but to me, something isn't right. How long ago was it that she didn't want to share you with other women?

 

If it wasn't all that long ago that she wasn't into other women touching you (I'm assuming you mean all women and not just one situation with a specific woman) and now she's ready to share you...I think she's trying to set you up and say, "Hey, I'm willing to let you have your fun with another woman as long as I get my fun alone with this guy."

 

There's a difference between wanting your partner to have pleasure and happiness just because you want to see them happy and because you love them versus wanting your partner to be happy so you can get something you want in return.

 

I hope I'm reading the situation wrong though. If she's really ready to see you with another woman, why not just go the couple route if she wants to know if she can handle seeing your with another woman while also being "preoccupied"?

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Call me a cynic or a negative nellie but to me, something isn't right. How long ago was it that she didn't want to share you with other women?

 

If it wasn't all that long ago that she wasn't into other women touching you (I'm assuming you mean all women and not just one situation with a specific woman) and now she's ready to share you...I think she's trying to set you up and say, "Hey, I'm willing to let you have your fun with another woman as long as I get my fun alone with this guy."

 

There's a difference between wanting your partner to have pleasure and happiness just because you want to see them happy and because you love them versus wanting your partner to be happy so you can get something you want in return.

 

I hope I'm reading the situation wrong though. If she's really ready to see you with another woman, why not just go the couple route if she wants to know if she can handle seeing your with another woman while also being "preoccupied"?

 

She's never wanted to share me Sun. She's told me, that she didn't care if I had something on the side (solo), as long as she didn't have to see it. Her sudden 180 came after I told her that I wasn't ready for her to play solo, and that for the sake of our marriage, to slow up on that front. Like you, I'm trying not to read into it either, but, also like you, my conclusions are leaning towards "Hey, I'm willing to let you have your fun with another woman as long as I get my fun alone with this guy."

Share this post


Link to post
Thank you all for your insight.

 

We sat down and had a discussion last night. For now, the solo play has been put off. For how long though, I don't know. We are all going out again next Friday, which I'm sure will end in more threesome fun. She threw a total curveball at me last night though. She wants me to bring home another girl Next Friday to join in and play with all of us.(Herculean task anybody?!?) I mean, I'm good, but damn...find a woman to hook up with, then have her be okay with hooking up with my wife and another guy she just met besides me? I've always said I like a good challenge...but I digress.

 

This is completely out of the norm for her, as she's always been anti sharing me, and the one time we had a group situation she did not like the other women touching me, at all. When I asked her about the total 180, she just said she thinks it could be fun for all of us, and that she wants me to have my fun too. I'm trying not to read too much into this, and I asked her if she was just messing with me, but she said she's serious, so we'll see. Feels kind of like a give me something I want to get what she wants compromise. Maybe I'm wrong though. She loves playing with women, and she told me that maybe it would be easier for her to see me with another woman if she had someone occupying her. The whole thing was punctuated by a "who knows though, I may hate it and flip out" statement lol. So yah, who knows.

 

I see you're from Northern Cali too GoldCoCouple :)

 

I would say it all depends... If you are the kind of folks that like in general to experiment, and where if something doesn't go quite right (one of you doesn't like something) you can calmly discuss it and adjust, then I'd say go for it. As to making a 180° turn, that's the way it happened with me - I was jealousy, didn't want hubby to play at all, then one day I faced my fears. And I'm glad I did.

Share this post


Link to post

Hubby & I have discussed me playing solo sometimes with our OM. Honestly, for me it is mostly about Hubby & I's fun & enjoyment than it is about me just wanting to run out & screw OM. I want hubby to know I'm doing it & be so hot for me by the time he gets home from work that he barely makes it through the door before having to have me. Me telling him all about it (he is turned on by other men looking at, wanting me & thoughts of other men having sex with me).

 

If hubby wasn't into it, I wouldn't want to play solo. I get great sex from him & don't need OM, it's all about exciting & enhancing our sex life. If that makes sense. We were actually discussing that this evening & yes, I'll admit that it is exciting to be breaking taboos by me going alone to play with OM (who BTW we both know as a friend & trust implicitly) but if Hubby is not into it it don't happen.

 

"Only go as fast as the slowest person can handle" is an excellent rule.

-She

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you again for all the replies. It's good to get different points of views, and it's helped me sort thru some of my own thoughts that are twisting around in my head.

 

My next question to you all is, how did you deal with jealousy? My jealous emotion really roller coasters sometimes. It's never about sex though. For me, the jealousy monster really rears it's head when she's out with the other guy and I'm at home alone. Something as simple as the two of them just hanging out down by the river having fun sets me off way more than the thought of her having sex solo. I'm not sure why either. Have any of you ran into this?

Share this post


Link to post
Thank you again for all the replies. It's good to get different points of views, and it's helped me sort thru some of my own thoughts that are twisting around in my head.

 

My next question to you all is, how did you deal with jealousy? My jealous emotion really roller coasters sometimes. It's never about sex though. For me, the jealousy monster really rears it's head when she's out with the other guy and I'm at home alone. Something as simple as the two of them just hanging out down by the river having fun sets me off way more than the thought of her having sex solo. I'm not sure why either. Have any of you ran into this?

 

The saying “each to their own,” comes to mind. In other words, what works for one couple doesn’t always work for another. How we, as a couple, handle jealousy is by avoiding the situations that create jealousy in either of us. In my case if, we are at a party or with another couple and I see my wife having sex with another man that would turn me on. However, if I were to happen to run across my wife walking down the street hand-in-hand with another man that would probably lead to war. That might not be the same reaction as you would find in other couples, but that’s the reaction you would find in ours.

 

It’s human to error. However, the definition of insanity is to continue doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. The most critical component to the longevity of a relationship is an open and honest line of communication. If through that open communication an activity leads to either of you being uncomfortable I would suggest not doing that activity. If you engage in an activity that one member of the couple was not comfortable with not engaging in that activity again.

 

We don’t have control of our fantasies; we do however have control, of which fantasies become reality. Make sure both of you are onboard before that fantasy becomes a reality.

Share this post


Link to post
Thank you again for all the replies. It's good to get different points of views, and it's helped me sort thru some of my own thoughts that are twisting around in my head.

 

My next question to you all is, how did you deal with jealousy? My jealous emotion really roller coasters sometimes. It's never about sex though. For me, the jealousy monster really rears it's head when she's out with the other guy and I'm at home alone. Something as simple as the two of them just hanging out down by the river having fun sets me off way more than the thought of her having sex solo. I'm not sure why either. Have any of you ran into this?

 

You resolve most problems by asking the same question: "Why?", and by letting the answer just roll into your head without thinking too much about it. How did we deal with jealousy? By recognizing first that we have more control over our beliefs and thoughts than we think we do, and deciding to eradicate it from our relationship. We recognized it as a illogical, negative and pointless waste of energy. And probably most importantly, we stopped looking at jealousy as a problem and started seeing it as a symptom of the actual problem. I'll sometimes feel a twinge of jealousy now and then, but it's a knee-jerk reaction, and instead of getting freaked out by the fact that I'm experiencing an uncomfortable emotion, I immediately become objective about it. "Oh, that's weird. Why in the world would I feel jealous that he's flirting with her?" I step back for a moment and look at the situation and zero in on the moment that it "got weird". Usually it comes down to 1) having to guess what your partner is thinking/feeling instead of knowing it for a fact (and your imagination fills in the blanks in the most negative way possible), 2) worrying that the other person is getting something from your partner that you're not (not spending enough time together? Not getting enough affection/tenderness? Not enough emotional intimacy? What is he/she getting that you're missing?) or sometimes 3) maybe the other person is an asshole who is getting off on driving a wedge between you and your partner, and you can see it but your partner is oblivious to it. #3 is probably rare, but worth mentioning. I've seen it happen to a friend of mine, and it was a horrible, horrible situation.

 

Anyway, the solution is always the same: clearing the air, and talking it out.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

(Sorry all I'm on my phone & don't know how to reply with quotes when I only want to quote part of the post).

 

"My jealous emotion really roller coasters sometimes. It's never about sex though. For me, the jealousy monster really rears it's head when she's out with the other guy and I'm at home alone. Something as simple as the two of them just hanging out down by the river having fun sets me off way more than the thought of her having sex solo. I'm not sure why either. Have any of you ran into this?" QUOTE

 

My thought on this is that it is the possibility of emotional estrangement. Sex can be "just sex" in your mind, but something like your partner spending "quality" time with the Other person, bonding emotionally, is what tears you up. If you explained it that way to your partner then you would both know those type situations are to be avoided. Maybe club sex or one time meetings with another person would be best for you? Just my thoughts.

 

Our OM was our friend for several years before we invited him to sleep with me. My Mr has no problems with me going & hanging out alone with OM as friends or for sex. Actually he finds that hot. But like said in another person's comment, "To each his own" & you both have to be on the same page with your boundaries before adding another person to the mix or you'll be headed for trouble.

 

-She.

Share this post


Link to post

Two comments here:

 

First: love, trust and communication. If all three are secured and stable, jealousy (at least in our case) isn't a problem. Neither of us have any doubt that we love each other, trust each other not to do anything wrong, and will talk about things when something is bothering either one of us. I used to be VERY jealous, but we have found (once again for us) that this has worked for us.

 

Second: We don't allow anyone to spend emotional one-on-one time with others. Both women or both men being together is fine as is all four of us being together, but NO other combinations are allowed (one 'non-couple' guy/girl or one couple and one of the other couple). This prevents any possible misunderstandings from happening. We want some emotional connection to be there, but we have chosen to try and limit it to be an emotional connection between the two couples and not any individuals.

 

Hope that helps...

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Sudhit
      One of my friends was mentioning that his wife got invited for a vacation with one of their regular playmates. It would be a 4 day vacation, where only the wife goes with the BF, hubby stays back.
       
      Has anyone any experience of this scenario, they are swinger and cuckold couple.
    • By StartingOver60
      My wife and I went to a Lifestyle get-together last weekend.  When we got there, we mingled and as it turned out, my wife meet a couple.  She was sitting next to them having drinks, laughing, and having a good time.  I walked over she introduced me.  I sat next to his wife, and we were all enjoying the evening.   
       
      The other wife and I got up to get some drinks and we chatted at the bar.  "It looks like my wife has taking a liking to your husband," I said.  "Yes, they both are," she replied.  I asked, "Do you think you guys would like to come over to our house and we could continue the party there?"  She politely made it very clear she was not interested in having sex tonight.  I said, "OK, thanks for the heads up."
       
      As we sat there at the bar a friend come over to say hello.  She got up excused herself and returned to the table with her husband and my wife.  
       
      As the evening progressed my wife came over to me at the bar and told me she invited them to come home with us.  I was a bit confused but said sure.   We all left together, my wife in his car, and his wife in my car.  Our conversation during the drive was very nice and easy, and I thought she had changed her mind.  In the club, I could see my wife was very excited to be with her new friend.  
       
      We got to our house and sat around and had some drinks. All seemed to be good. However, when we decide to go upstairs, his wife restated she was not interested in playing tonight. My wife and I left them in the room to talk, and when we came back, he apologized and said sharing tonight is not going to happen.  I felt bad for my wife who was starry eyed at this guy.  He was telling her she looked like a women who was beautiful and fun, and he was very much looking forward to being with her tonight but maybe some other time. 
       
      My wife and I went in the kitchen to get some drinks for everyone, and I explained to her that the other wife had told me she was not interested in the bar.  "I thought she changed her mind, but I guess not," I explained. "I see you want this guy.  I don’t want you to be disappointed, I see and feel the attraction you two have.  When we go back into the room why don’t you ask him if he wants to see the view from our bedroom? That is our usual break the ice move to get things started.  I think this was his game plan all along to be with you even though she was not participating.  But I’m OK with it for your pleasure."
       
      I saw how hot she was for him. So I thought to myself don’t screw this up for her, she should get to enjoy the moment. 
       
      He jumped at the request, and they were off.  I sat with his wife and said, "Are you ok with them going upstairs because I don’t think they care about the view?".  She did not say anything but also did not object to what was going to happen. 
       
      As it goes, my wife had a great experience, so they were up there for an hour. I am sure they enjoyed each other.  When they came down my wife gave me a sweet kiss. We sat for a while then all politely said goodbye.
       
      The next weekend we went to a party at our friends' house. It was a vanilla evening but a number of friends were there.  We had played with the host couple once before, but tonight was not that type of party. 
       
      The next morning my wife realized she left her purse at Tim and Jean's house.  She asked me to go and pick it up.  I said I would on the way back from my bike ride.  On the way back I detoured and stopped at the house.  Jean answered the door and asked me in.  She asked if I would like a cup of coffee, I said sure.  I asked where Tim was, and she said he had left early this morning for an overnight ski trip with some of his buddies. 
       
      We were in the kitchen and Jean was filling the coffee cups. I was looking at her in her robe as she delivered the hot coffee.  We sipped the coffee and chatted but my thoughts while looking at this beautiful woman, came out of my mouth, “Are you wearing anything under that robe?”  She smiled and got up and brought her cup to the sink.  She walked back to the table where I was sitting and said, "You will have to find out for yourself."  I was stunned thinking she was kidding.  She said again,  "All it takes to find out is to pull the robe's belt and open the robe."
       
      She stood in front of me as I sat in the chair. I pulled the robe belt and opened slowly opened the robe.  She was naked and moved her chair in front of me and opened the robe and leaned forward and kissed me deep.  She moved my head down into her crotch and I got on my knees and went at it not believing what was happening.  She was enjoying the moment, she moaned she was coming and squeezed her legs around my head. 
       
      When she released my head from the grasp of her legs she took my hand and brought me into her bedroom.  She sat on the bed as I undressed. I rubbed her legs gently and picked them up high and spread them apart, she fell back, and I penetrated that wet beautiful tasting pussy. 
       
      I pounded her over and over and when I stopped I got on the bed.  I laid on my back and she put my hard cock in her mouth and started sucking me and would not stop until I came, and she told me how good I taste.  We laid there for a few minutes not speaking and I was ready again and I turned her on her side and lifted one leg over my shoulder and began pounding her again.  We went on for awhile and she had another orgasm and told me to cum inside her.  She got on top and pounded me and made me explode inside her. 
       
      We laid there together for a while, eyes closed resting, when her phone rang.  It was Tim, he made it to the mountains and just checking in.  I was feeling bad for what just happened, but it was a great experience.  She repeated out loud what Tim asked - "What are you doing?" Jean replied - "Well, Allan stopped over to pick up Susan’s purse she left over here last night.  I invited him in and we had a cup of coffee.  I was in my robe and one thing led to another and I had Allan’s face in my crotch. Then we took it to the bedroom, and we had a giant orgasmic experience.  I will tell you all about it when you get home.  Are you OK with this?  Good, I will tell Allan.  Have fun skiing.”
       
      So, in discussing this with Jane I said I was shocked at what she just told Tim.  She said, “We are always honest with each other.  It will be so hot when he returns home, I will be in for another great time.  So, I am also going to be honest with you.  You wife left the purse here on purpose.  She asked me if I would give you some great sex because you were a sweetheart last weekend.  You worked it out so she could be with the gentleman she picked up at the club and she felt that you missed out, so she came up with this idea.  But please understand, I was looking forward to it and it was a fantastic morning fuck with a good friend.  Tim was not aware of this, but I will work it out with him when I explain the story.  Susan said she the four of us can get together, or she will get with Tim alone if he prefers and you are OK with it.  You have a great caring wife Allan.  Please tell her thanks for including me in this scheme.”
    • By 2TexasTornados
      My wife and I have been married for 14 years and began our journey into swinging over 2 years ago. We have a model marriage, rock solid and exceptionally sexually charged. It all started when our best (vanilla) friends asked my wife to video them having sex, and she was shocked. We discussed it, and I really liked the idea. It didn't happen, but we began discussing our private fantasies. My ultimate fantasy is to watch her having sex with another man. That desire took us down the road to swinging. We found our first swinger couple online, and became full swap. Only rule: We play together; same room sex. On that bases, we're able to signal each other if anything negative comes up.
       
      Fast forward to present day. We've had a mutual (married) friend that we've known since college (15 years). This summer my wife confided in the guy of the other couple that we were swingers. He thought the idea was tantalizing, and immediately started introducing the idea to his wife. Within two months all the ground work had been laid and I ended up giving his wife a massage that ended up nude and I had sex with her (completely sanctioned by our spouses). We were alone in the living room late at night- the other two had left us alone because I was working on my assignment. Upon notifying my wife and the other husband, they went directly to the upstairs bedroom and caught up. This stretched our same room swinging rule, but since we were introducing vanilla friends to the wide world of recreational sex it was acceptable.
       
      By chance we had already planned a mutual vacation in Las Vegas for the following month. In all the hot discussions with our friends with new benefits we ended up negotiating an overnight wife swap. All three of them wanted it, and I decided since it was Vegas, lets try it all. One night became all 4 nights almost right away. I didn't want that, didn't like it, but I reserved judgement. I wasn't going to be the Debbie Downer of the group in Las Vegas. So we went ahead as planned. 4 nights of separate closed door sex. I couldn't believe I had gotten myself into.
       
      Now my wife and her (boy)friend of 15 years have all but established our group as a polyamorous. They only play behind that goddammed closed door, and I hate it. I have the same privilege with his wife, but for me I only consider myself a NSA swinger. Not a closed polyamorous "I love you" relationship. My wife is in love with this guy, we see them on 6 week intervals (240 miles separate us) and I don't know what to do. It's so far along now that I'll destroy the friendship if I pull the All-Stop lever now. I don't see the other-wife that I've been assigned as being in the same attraction class as my wife. He, on the other hand is ga-ga over my wife, and they have talked up a bond that rivals my own marriage. She's admitted to me that they're saying their I-Love-You's behind that damn closed door.
       
      I've imposed time limits on them now, 1.5 hours is it behind that door. My wife respects that and follows it, but I know she (they) want more and likely resent it. I'm iron clad on that, and have shut out all discussions about more time -> all night swaps again. If I had foreseen any of this when we started swinging 2 years ago I would have squashed it. But now I'm here, and I'm conflicted. I can suppress my (is it jitters? jealousy?), but it keeps popping up and I become moody over the worst case scenario of those two running off and starting a bakery together. I don't want to stop what's possibly a good thing, but my primary fantasy has been permanently removed: watching my wife enjoy sex with another man.
       
      I've deleted all our swingers profiles on the lifestyle sites in protest. I might just passively remove myself from the group. I'm so afraid of damaging my awesome marriage over this. Tell me, what would you do?
    • By kayjay2k
      Wow, ok, where to begin...jealousy is tearing me (Mrs. Jay) apart. I've told my husband on several occasions that I am fine with everything and he has developed a very non-threatening relationship with another lady. I know her and we hang out on occasion and she is a great girl! She is not interested in women at all, so it has developed as just an awesome relationship for my husband. And she is completely aware of the situation and totally fine with what she has with my husband and actually knows that eventually she will move on and find a husband of her own.
       
      Unfortunately I have been dealing with a lot of feelings of jealousy, which I never thought would happen and found myself trying to hide it... from myself first and therefore also from my husband. Over the last two months however, it has been rearing its ugly head pretty much every few days. And I have very badly jaded my husband by it. I didn't even realize that it was happening even though my husband on several occasions told me that it was likely the culprit.
       
      I had another freak out session yesterday and have completely turned my husband off to me for the time being. I fear I am trying to hold so tight to him now that I just keep pushing him further away. I feel rather helpless and hopeless at this point. Any constructive advice would be great! (Please no, "you shouldn't have gotten into this in the first place..." We knew exactly what we were getting into.)
    • By lizandtom
      My wife and I have been together for 22 years, married 16 and have always had a good relationship. We've been in the LS for just over 4 years. Our first full swap was 3 1/2 years ago. She hit it off with the other guy great; she described him as a tomcat seeking prey. Apparently she likes a somewhat domineering male. Although I was with his wife 1 or 2 times, I really didn't feel the right chemistry, so that was it for me, with exception of some parties we had where it just worked out that I did her. He had asked my wife to call him after that first time, and they have been in in phone contact ever since, once or twice a week, which I had no problem with because my wife has always been upfront with me about all.
       
      When it was known that his wife wasn't my type, he told my wife not to tell me that they had phoned each other because he didn't want me going into aol chat and telling his wife that they had been in contact. Apparently he kept things from his wife. My wife tells me everything so I said that wasn't cool at all. Nevertheless, after 1 MFM with my wife and him, I wasn't into him telling my wife to keep things from me, and him going behind his wifes back to do as he wanted. My wife was enamored with him and though I expressed my grave concern that he was cheating on his wife, I allowed my wife to get together with him on occasion, like once every few months over the past few years but still saying I didn't like him keeping this a secret from his wife, as its something I never would do.
       
      Fast forward to our local club last month. We were chatting with a couple newly acquainted with us in our off premise club, and they said they knew that other couple (we didn't say anything about my wife being with that guy for the past 3 years occasionally), but the other couple says "we know them, his wife cheated on him a few years back; he found out was pissed and told the other woman and they nearly got divorced over it."
       
      Well that was it. When I heard that drama, I said to my wife "that's VERY uncool, and if relative strangers are knowledgeable about their drama, you will probably become known as the other woman of a cheating spouse, and we'll be blacklisted from our local LS community."
       
      So anyway, last night I said why don't we have 3 couples over Sat night because we've only gone dancing at our local club for the past month but haven't had any playtime. She said great, and that she had planned to go out on Friday night with this guy if ok with me. I said, here I am thinking about something for both of us on Sat., and she already has made plans for herself on Friday for an intimate encounter. So now I'm thinking that she really only goes along with all our playdates to keep me in the game, so I'll allow her to keep on going with this other guy. I called her out on it, and she says she just really likes him, but if I demand it's over then she'll be mopey and dissappointed, but will have to deal with it. Anyway, we talked some more and as a solution I am trying to convince her to convince this guy to get his wife in on it; I'll do his wife to take one for the team (she's actually very foxxy) for my wife to be happy and see the guy, but for her to keep on going with him while he's doing it all behind her back is just not cool with me.
       
      What do you think? Thanks.
×
×
  • Create New...