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JellyInjector

Taking One For the Team

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Just a quick question, because this has happened to us before, and I'm curious as to whether others have experienced this before...

 

We've been to a number of events before, but the last one kinda threw me for a loop. We were talking with another couple, and just before we decided to head to one of the open rooms, I heard the husband of our friends tell his wife under his breath that it was her turn 'to take one for the team'. I was a little hurt by this, but upon reflection maybe this happens more often than not. Let's face it, couples are not equally attractive, and it wouldn't matter if they were. There have certainly been times in our experience when I'll find our female friend very attractive, while my wife believes our male friend only moderately so. And I'll be honest...my wife is definitely more of the "Halle Berry" quality, while I am more of a "Gary Busey" type.

 

I guess my question would be, would you join an experience that you wouldn't ordinarily, if only because your partner really, really wants to? Possibly with the expectation that the roles would be reversed in the future?

 

Please raise your hands if this has happened to you before.

 

Thanks!

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It has happened before, and I will admit this. I am the one with a more sensitive eye. It's much harder to impress me than it is my other half. He's impressed if someone has boobs, or hair, or all their teeth. Me... not so much.

 

So, knowing that Dave was VERY impressed by a woman, I did take one for the team so he could play. I wasn't repelled by the male, but just felt there wasn't much chemistry to call it a good foursome. To be fair, Dave had no idea I felt this way. We haven't played with them again, and probably won't. It was a good night all around and we both had a nice time. I wouldn't expect Dave to take one for the team so I could enjoy myself more than him. That wouldn't be nice at all.

 

Now, If I'd heard him tell her it was her turn to take one for the team, I would have spoke up and said something. I think I would have cut off all playtime right there.

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I feel like I say this at least once a week, so stop me if you've heard me before, but I'm more than willing to try a new partner even if I'm not feeling it in the moment, so long as I'm not actively repulsed. I certainly wouldn't expect a quid pro quo, though, because my willingness to be open is a choice I'm making for me.

 

However, if I had heard what you did, I would have called a halt immediately and explained it later to Mr. Doe.

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Guest sandraandalex

See, I never have taken one for the team, but never was in a situation where it was an option. That being said, if a husband says to a wife that it's her turn to take one for the team, that's a completely different deal. There are problems if there's an active quid pro quo with Playing. Especially if he's reminding her of the obligation. Now, as some women have said, in the right moment, they may choose to do so. But it's their choice, not their husband's expectation. That's a big difference.

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If there is a wife my husband is into, I have played with men to try them out when I haven't been very attracted. There was nothing repulsive and they seemed nice. Quite a few times this has worked out very well for me. I don't consider it taking one for the team.

 

If I played with someone I didn't like, or had tried and wasn't sexually compatible with I wouldn't play with them again. I'd let my husband just play with the wife or as a threesome.

 

If I heard someone telling their partner to take one for the team, I would be offended and would not play with them. I haven't heard this personally.

 

I did have a friend tell me that her husband felt he was taking one for the team often. This is a couple we had played with a lot. I felt really bad for a minute. Then I realized he sought me out to play even when she wasn't playing. I don't think she was talking about me personally. But, I still didn't like hearing that at all.

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I'd never ask my wife to take one for the team. That said, I did and would again.

 

And if I overheard the husband of the other couple say that it's his wife's turn to take one for the team, well sure, I'd feel a little defensive. But if my wife wanted the guy then I'd simply let the other wife know that I heard and tell her that we don't have to participate equally. I just don't want to have sex with an unwilling, or even less than enthusiastic, partner.

 

But, honestly, I don't think my wife would find a man who'd say that very appealing anyway!

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That's one issue that my spouse and I decided early on in our venture into the LS. We both agreed never to just take one for the team.

 

Yes, that probably the reason why we have not been involved with a lot of other couples, as it is not easy to find a couple where all four of us are comfortable and there is some chemistry between us all. However, for the ones that we have been fortunate enough to meet and have the experience with, it has been a fantastic experience. For us, we are more about quality than quantity. Not knocking anyone that is different, as we usually just say. "to each their own." That's just the way we feel.

 

And to be honest, neither my spouse nor myself are never really satisfied unless our play partners are really into it and satisfied as well. That is the way we have always been between ourselves, so why would we change for our play partners.

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I've never been asked, but rather decided on my own once or twice to play with a husband I found less than desireable because my husband was into the wife. The results were disasterous and I felt terrible about my choices. On one such occasion, I stopped in the middle of play and put my clothes on and we left. I can often find something attractive about most men and have no trouble taking a test run; in this particular situation, once we were naked his body was immediately repulsive to me and I just could not continue.

 

After that experience, I no longer compromise for the satisfaction of anyone, not even my husband. We now are able to play separately in many situations, so he is free to pursue any wife he has interest in without it being necessary for me to have interest in her spouse.

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When we hear "take one for the team" it almost always seems to involve the woman an making the sacrifice. In most cases we meet a nice lady with a guy that's overweight or that has more hair than an ape, yet expects to play, totally not happening. We've had reactions range from pissed off to hurt when we break the news. Here's a news flash, all women are beautiful, but men have to really go the extra mile to be fit and well groomed if they want to play. I know it's not fair, but it's reality. The best lifestyle investment for a guy is a gym membership.

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I haven't and don't plan on it, nor would I ask or expect my wife to take one for the team either.

 

But attraction is a funny thing. It is not a black and white thing. It is more shades of gray along a spectrum, from hell no on one end, to hell yes on the other end. We have met some couples that, unless they meet a hell yes, then it is a no go. I suspect in some cases these people are really not in the lifestyle for anything more than the social aspect, SwINO's - Swingers In Name Only, if you will. After all it is too easy to find imperfections be it physical or personality. I am married to the most perfect woman I know and she is not perfect (no am I), and I don't expect her to be. So why on earth would I expect that in anyone else.

 

The example I am about use is for illustration purposes only, we are no where near this precise or scientific. It is just a numerical way of explaining our thought process.

On a scale from 1 to 100, a 1 being "not if they were the last person on earth," 50 being "Maybe, it could go either way," and 100 being "This would fulfill my wildest fantasies."

 

The closer my wife gets to finding a 100 the further from 100 I am willing to go, but there is a limit. At some point I would just have to say it isn't going to happen. Is that limit 50? Is it lower? I don't know because we have never been tested. Usually we agree and if one seems to have little interest the other will move on. But then again neither of us have ever found some one that would be a 100. IF either of us show only marginal interest we just keep looking. Our encounters are usually fall somewhere along the lines of "there is something about them that turns me on," let's call that a 65, to "I am REALLY interested in pursuing this," let's call that an 85. I don't consider that as taking one for the team.

 

But I am certainly willing to at least entertain the idea of a "maybe" if my wife finds that 90 to 100 kind of guy.

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I am a lot less picky than he is, so if there was a woman that he was really into and I knew it, and I was on the fence about her husband I'd do it, probably. But, I'd have to at least be on the fence. If it was a straight up "no way" situation then, nope, sorry honey.

 

That being said, if a husband says to a wife that it's her turn to take one for the team, that's a completely different deal.

 

I have to agree with this. If I heard this being said, I think we'd take a pass just on the basis of having heard it. And, knowing me, I'd probably say something to them about having heard it.

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When we hear "take one for the team" it almost always seems to involve the woman an making the sacrifice... Here's a news flash, all women are beautiful, but men have to really go the extra mile to be fit and well groomed if they want to play. I know it's not fair, but it's reality. The best lifestyle investment for a guy is a gym membership.

 

I laughed at this, but it's true. To often we find couples with a smoking hot female and male is... not so hot. We made the decision when we first started not to take one for the team. With that being said, there are a whole range of things we find attractive about another couple. If one is a 6 on the physical scale and a 10 on personality, and the other half is reversed it might still work out. It all depends on what we are looking for that night.

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Now, If I'd heard him tell her it was her turn to take one for the team, I would have spoke up and said something. I think I would have cut off all playtime right there.

 

Absolutely. How rude and demeaning can someone get. Especially since the wife didn't make the comment. Did she agree or give any indication of how she felt. Funny looks etc???

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Absolutely. How rude and demeaning can someone get. Especially since the wife didn't make the comment. Did she agree or give any indication of how she felt. Funny looks etc???

 

2nd this. This is very insulting and demeaning and we would have put a stop to this instantly. We don't have very many rules, but a big rule is that either it's four (or more) yes's or the answer is no for everyone. We don't want to play with anyone this classless anyways.

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I have done it definitely more than my less picky half. It's unspoken but he knows. I can't be totally repulsed by the guy though. I really don't like hairy guys (and i mean a hair shirt) so he's out of luck. The rest depends on where we land on a spectrum of how much he really wants to play with the wife and how much I don't want to play with her husband. I will say when I did take one for the team, they were not bad experiences, some were actually fantastic.

 

If I heard what you did, I would have walked away immediately.

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There are not many accidents in what we say

. ( taking one for the team) he said that on porpuse. . There are some really smart people here that are experts in manipulating others. By him saying what he did, he is driving a wedge between you and them. In essence one is trying to break the couple into a single, I have seen this before. I would not play with that couple again. It is unfortunate that he did that. It had to hurt hearing that.

 

When we play we play as a couple. You either like us enough to treat us with the respect that we give you, or we do not play. When we play we put each other first. Yes there are differences in outward looks, but it is the personality that makes the person or couple.

 

As for taking one for the team is a overused statement that is demeaning and hurtful. It would be better if we did not use that term. Its hard to have the same attraction between four people, hell even in a couple's relationship there is a difference in attraction. I know I like my wife more than she likes me. We are just different when it comes to desire. I am hard pressed to compete with a man that has a 9 inch nail as my wife is hard pressed to match the looks of a woman that is younger than herself. We swing to meet new couples and experience new techniques. We do not do this to ever rip on another couple and judge them. I live by a model to do no harm. In fact I feel best when I am in a mutual admiration type of relationship. Life is hard enough without hearing crap like I am taking one for the team. Just saying taking one for the team is wrong it lessons the humility between participants and just causes too much unneeded strife.

 

Dont take on for the team. Make a new experience and see what you can glean for a new wonderful couple.

 

Lizard.

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I've taken one for the team twice and its never a good thing.

 

Now perhaps there were times where I was the one being taken for the team. I'd not want to know it, but if so I survived :)

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Back in the late 80's-early 90's when I was with my ex-wife and really into swinging I had a similar experience but I was the one who was NOT wanted in the foursome by the wife of the other couple. At the time my wife was a fairly tall, well built athletic build with waist long brownish blonde hair with big boobs and a dazzling smile. I on the other hand had admittedly let myself go and packed on more than a few pounds but I knew it and I was working on it. Nevertheless, but I was working on it, all four ended up back at their home where things went fairly well. Despite feeling a little 'left out' I didn't really give things much thought and just 'stayed in the game' until the final buzzer rang so to speak.

 

It wasn't until a couple of months later while hosting a party and OUR home, to which they had been invited, that 'he' said, totally seriously and laughing, something to a mutual friend who 'he' didn't know I was very close to that "...had it NOT been for his wife and the talk of how well he was hung we would'a ditched his [mine!] fat ass along the way back home!" When my friend told me, of course we ALL are standing around naked, I wanted to melt into the carpet and vaporize! But then it hit me! This fool has NO idea how to be kind, how to have class, and further he just insulted me in MY HOME while drinking MY booze for free while eating the food I prepared and thinking he's going to get to bang my wife again...so before beating his ass and feeding his pulp to my dogs I took the moral high ground. The wife and I both collected their clothes, walked calmly over to them (along the way she said let me take the lead on this one! Hey! We both were in law enforcement and I was use to the good/bad scene! LOL), when we arrived at where they were she calmly took their drinks and set them on a side table and then she said, and I will NEVER forget this and I QUOTE VERBATIM! "It was a nice time we had a few months ago, and it has been a pleasure knowing you, but you are rude, immature, classless and WE have decided it is time for you to leave our home and circle of friends and by the way "HER NAME" if that little thing gets you off well good for you but I'll take my fat assed husband with a gorgeous big cock and most importantly CLASS! Now here are you clothes...you can dress in your car...the door is that way, please see yourself out!"

 

It was the most amazing scene! I was so proud of my wife and couldn't have felt sexier! After that we NEVER saw or heard from them in any group we had contact with again.

 

So on the heels of all that...Yes it happens more than probably ANY of us know of or are willing to admit to. After being on the receiving end of such I've never really gone the whole "take one for the team" thing. I have said I'll follow your lead or you follow mine but that was with a mutually agreed upon rule number one of "we each have a vote and if we can't agree WE move on!"

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That's why we are very careful and prefer 3-somes. Foursomes are difficult because of that. I HATE the feeling I'm second class. Of our little twosome I am the older uglier one.

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If I heard someone say that, we would be done. It's one thing to do it... it's quite another to make it a plan. I won't say that this hasn't happened to us. It happened twice that I can remember - in our first year. The first one was a couple where my wife was very attracted to the male half and unfortunately, I couldn't even get it up for the female half... so she had to settle for oral. I felt bad but she didn't seem to mind that much. My wife had one of the best orgasms I have ever seen her have with someone else... so, in my mind it was worth it. The second time was with a couple where the female was HOT HOT HOT and the guy had a big ol' beer belly. My wife chose to play with him so that she could play with her... and I received the benefit of her sacrifice.

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If I heard someone say that, we would be done. It's one thing to do it... it's quite another to make it a plan. I won't say that this hasn't happened to us. It happened twice that I can remember - in our first year. The first one was a couple where my wife was very attracted to the male half and unfortunately, I couldn't even get it up for the female half... so she had to settle for oral. I felt bad but she didn't seem to mind that much. My wife had one of the best orgasms I have ever seen her have with someone else... so, in my mind it was worth it. The second time was with a couple where the female was HOT HOT HOT and the guy had a big ol' beer belly. My wife chose to play with him so that she could play with her... and I received the benefit of her sacrifice.

 

Is this really taking one for the team? Not every situation in life, sexual or otherwise, is going to be optimal. I wouldn't have sex with someone I was repulsed by, but is it really taking one for the team to do something that isn't my first choice to give my partner pleasure? I wouldn't do something that violated my moral beliefs, but otherwise, this just sounds like making the best choice given the circumstances. Do you think I'm misreading this?

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Is this really taking one for the team? Not every situation in life, sexual or otherwise, is going to be optimal. I wouldn't have sex with someone I was repulsed by, but is it really taking one for the team to do something that isn't my first choice to give my partner pleasure? I wouldn't do something that violated my moral beliefs, but otherwise, this just sounds like making the best choice given the circumstances. Do you think I'm misreading this?

 

What you describe is exactly "taking one for the team". Basically, you are not really attracted to the other person... but you know you SO is attracted to the other person and you go along to get along.

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Ya, too often "TOFT" is discussed as being binary "Yes" or "No", but there are tons of shades of gray. Some girls I'm SUPER into, some I would never touch, and most are somewhere inbetween. I think all of us TOFT from time to time... we just have different levels of what we are willing to "take".

 

I'm in an interesting situation where my wife is a swinger male's DREAM come true! She's super hot, easily turned on, and very responsive. Guys that would be considered mediocre by many other girls will all of a sudden feel like they are f'ing Brad Pitt / Don Juan with my wife. A few touches by almost any guy who (in her words) "... as long as they don't repulse me" and she's all over them... making out, sucking their cocks off, and riding them cowgirl like a sex maniac that hasn't gotten any for a year! On the other hand, I'm average in most ways and often wonder if the women are TOFT with me... especially since I'm married to a woman that responds amazingly to almost everything I do, and when I don't get that from other women, I just assume they are taking one for the team... when they may actually just have totally different response levels.

 

Another thing: It's way WAY easier for a girl to fake like she's into a guy than the other way around. A girl can fake a wet pussy (a little lube goes a long way), but a guy... without some pre-pill help, it's pretty difficult for a guy to fake an erection!

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One thing I've found is that being in shape has helped dramatically in the women I attract. My wife has a pretty big strike zone but I think a lot of women in swinging are looking for men better looking than their husbands. I don't mean they are looking for an upgrade as much as they are more forgiving of their husbands flaws in appearance.

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First off, I wanted to thank everyone for their responses. My wife and I really appreciate the honesty.

 

It's been a couple of months since I originally posted this, and yeah, I've taken a step back and realized that it's never going to be a perfect match. Everything to everyone, and all that. Given the fact that my wife is a 9.3 and I'm around a 5.8, it's almost to be expected, although not usually verbalized quite so crassly. Not long ago the roles were actually reversed, when we went to a Mimes Versus Clowns party, and I'll admit that my wife agreed to play with a falsely advertised Mime because I was very interested in the Clown (and in the end, we had to stop play when a pepper came out), but afterwards we talked it out and voiced out feelings. And that's the most important thing.

 

And as far as faking an erection, it is possible. I usually use some Mexican Cialis and the EZ Grip Penis Pump (widely available), which I keep handy in our toy bag (no peppers in there!). I just excuse myself for a few minutes before playtime and get ready.

 

Well, again - thanks for everything friends!

 

- Dave M

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