First time going to club - advice please

Long story short we are completely new. Despite that we may become so bold to attend a club in the next month or so. Having never been to a club is there any words of wisdom? We don't want to come off as "fresh meat" or wander around with "deer in the headlights" look. These fears may be enough to keep us away. Given that, any tips or words would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Is the club you plan attending an on-premises or off-premises club?

If I understand the differences correctly, it is on premises.

The first time my wife and I went to a club, we had no idea what to expect but more importantly, we had no idea what we really wanted to get out of it. It wasn't a bad experience, but it wasn't a great one either.

So here is my advice...

Talk together beforehand and establish some ground rules, like how far you are willing to go, what is or is not acceptable, etc.

Don't go expecting to get laid. Go expecting to have a fun night out, maybe do some dancing (lots of clubs have dance floors) and meet some interesting people. If you feel comfortable hooking up (see item 1), go for it but don't feel like to you have to.

Keep communication open between the two of you while at the club. While getting caught up in the heat of moment can sometime lead to regrets in the morning, you might find while you are there that the guidelines you established (see item 1) don't fit for the situation you're in. As long as you keep a cool head and talk honestly with each other, you may be able to "adjust on the fly" ... but see item 2 (you don't need to hook up).

Be aware of the club rules... big rules include "no means no" and "don't touch without permission." These are important. Don't break them... but also, if someone else if stepping over the line with you, don't be afraid to call them on it. Know how to identify club staff in case there is a problem (note: We have never had a problem at any club we have ever gone to, but it doesn't hurt to be ready just in case.)

Above all, have fun!

We went and simply played with each other in new sexy surroundings. Did a lot of watching, talked with a few folks but did not stress out over playing with anyone. It was 'us' time. And it helped us see how others acted at a club.

You can't help being fresh new meat other than don't let anyone take a bite until you are less fresh to the scene.

I club I highly recommend, is Dream Catchers in Manteca, Just a couple of hours from you. I wish we would have found them when we first started out.

They do a Hotel party once a month, next one is tomorrow. They do a lot of games and things so people mix and you don't feel like newbees or not part of the clic.

Have fun, be bad...

It really depends on how fast you two are looking to move forward, I think. If its not very fast, try to have your 'no, thank you' excuses pinned down well; otherwise, you'll be pretty susceptible to the smooth talkers.

Also, in our experience, the on-premise clubs can be a bit cliquey. Don't be discouraged if it seems like a lot of people know each other...but pay attention to couples others are avoiding!

Don't get drunk! People tend to make bad decisions when they are drunk. Get drunk the second time!

As with any time you do something new and don't want to look like "newbies" just hold your head up high and act like you belong!

Hiding in the corner looking scared is the fastest way to give the impression that you are .... scared.

Before you go, make sure you agree on what you are both ok with happening that evening and stick to it. If you go and allow yourselves to be separated (whether physically or mentally in relation to the rules you've set) then you will leave less than happy and wonder what went wrong.

Be friendly, try to talk to those around you and get a feel for other people. Dance when the mood strikes you and most importantly just enjoy each other. If you go and just enjoy each other, you will be seen not as "fresh meat" but just as a couple having a good time. People will be drawn to you then for the right reason.

Most of the LS clubs we've been to are just like regular nightclubs, except with sex. Even then, the sex is not always that overt in the front area, there are lots of people who attend just to suck up the atmosphere or prime their evening.

I can concur that keeping your expectations low will make you more likely to have a great time. It took us a long time (months) before we actually played with anyone (other than each other) at a club, and then it was with a couple we'd met on an LS site first. We wouldn't go back and change a thing. In that time we met a lot of people, got more and more comfortable with the LS, and talked a lot together about what we saw, felt, and thought. When our first play experience happened we were ready, and it was amazing.

A few of things that has worked well for us:

1. Ask for a tour. Most club owners/managers are more than happy to give new members a tour and explain the rules. Many will also offer to make introductions etc, so your night is enjoyable.

2. Keep your expectations low. If you set goals, make them easily achievable. i.e: We're going to speak to (or dance with) 2 new couples tonight.

3. Keep it fun. Our favourite club has projection screens where they show a loop of porn and music video clips. We have a game called "is it porn or hip-hop?" which we play throughout the evening. Leaning over to each other whispering, "Definitely porn!" or vis-vera - this helps lighten the mood if you're feeling overwhelmed.

4. Do your homework. The local swinger site for Toronto has a very strong representation by all of the local clubs. We like to check the "who's attending" list for the night we're going and pick out profiles that interest us. If we feel like it, we can send a message beforehand: "We're going to be at the club on Saturday, we're (new/shy/scared witless), please say hi if you see us." It helps break the ice and prime things so to speak.

5. If someone says hi, assume they are just being friendly. Feel free to say hi to others and expect the same. If someone makes overtures you are not interested in, simply say no.

6. Treat it like the adventure it is.