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JustAskJulie

Did you BabyStep it, or just Dive In?

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How many of you took the baby step approach? How many others just dove into the deep end right off?

 

If you aren't sure what I mean,

 

Baby Steps (took things very slowly investigating the idea of swinging step by step, discussing each piece along the way to ensure there would be no issues before advancing to the next level).

 

Dive In - discussed swinging, decided it was for you, and jumped into full swap on your first time out (without feeling the need to test the waters so to speak by doing soft swap only, visiting strip clubs together, etc).

 

Why did you choose to go the route that you took? For those who dove in - what do you think it was that allowed you to do that without feeling the need to baby step it? For those who did baby steps, what held you back from just diving in?

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We did what we do in many areas of our lives: we talk a lot, we do research, we convince ourselves we're going to be conservative, we plan, we talk some more, we stick one toe out... and the rest of our bodies follow the toes right off the cliff :).

 

Why do we choose this route? Mostly because it's both of our dispositions to be analytical, but my disposition to make decisions based on "gut feel" after a certain amount of talking and research. Mr. Fuse is easy to get along with, so we do well together.

 

What allowed us to go this way? A strong marriage bond, absolute faith that we each have the other's best interest at heart, and fantastic luck with our first playmates.

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We did a lot of talking as well, it was years after first bringing it up before we actually went ahead with it. Though through those years it wasn't as if we were continuously taking baby steps, it just too us that long to decide that life is too short to not do what we both think would be fun. We were also confident in our relationship, just concerned about the unknown. Once we decided to actually meet someone we found someone, arranged to meet them at the club and played with them all within a week. We didn't do full swap though, we stuck with softswap. So I guess we're babysteppers :)

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We started by going to a club or two to just dance and see what was going on. Then after lots of talking decided to try it softly for about 4 or 5 times then took the plunge. So I guess you can say we started off with baby steps.

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SPLASH! We dove right on in! Why? Well, usually once I make up my mind to do something, it's as good as done.

 

Mr. Sweet and I were in a great place in our marriage, and had begun exploring new things in the bedroom anyway. When the idea was presented to us, it was like hitting the jackpot.

 

=)

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We talked for just a short while (an evening) about swinging and decided to try it out. Our first time to a club we really did not what to do and just hit the group room (twice). Our second (or third?) time we jumped into full swap with a couple we had met that evening. So there was not really a long progression of soft to full swap, if you can really count the group room as soft since we just interacted with each other.

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We "took the plunge". Our only problem, once we agreed to get ourselves into it, was finding willing accomplices. Our eagerness scared some experienced couples.

 

Reason for getting into it: JoAnn always liked sex and I knew it right from the time we met (second date). I always like sex and sex knew it right from the start. The only surprise was that we were both aware of "The Lifestyle" but I was afraid to bring it up. She did not fear the idea of it but thought that swingers all looked and acted like young people in an Anette Funicello and Frankie Avalon beach-party movie. One she learned that "ordinary" people did it, it was only a matter of time.

 

~Michael

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We dove in with MFM, no discussion up front, it just happened. We had just renewed our vows for our 10th anniversary, and over the last year had opened up more sexually with fantasies, watching porn, reading sexy stories to each other, so we were open and ready to explore more.

 

After that, we joined a few sites, and started going to a local on-premise club. It took a few months to find someone we were comfortable enough with, but first time out was full swap.

 

So I guess that's dove in, then a few baby steps, then dove in deeper...

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We talked about it a lot ahead of time and agreed that it was something we wanted to do. When the time was right, we went to the (now defunct) Club Sensitivity in Florida where we met with the owners alone on the first night. That night we did separate room, full swap. It was exactly the right thing for us to do to start: jump in and not waste a lot of time doing it.

 

Interestingly, after that it was more than a year before we did it again. There didn't seem to be the right time. Then we went to a club in INDY and loved it. That started a monthly ritual at that club till the owner died and the club closed.

 

We had been married a long time before we started and the bond was unbreakable. Starting was more to satisfy my curiosity (maybe a midlife crisis?) than hers. Once we started she got into it just fine, and we had a lot of fun for several years.

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We actually discussed and researched it for about a year. Once we decided to do it, we pretty much jumped right in with a full swap on our second club visit.

 

Why? Because we thought that was the way it was done. We would do it the same way had we to do it over again.

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As you know, after Dave mentioned to me that he wanted to swing, I came here for a little research. I read everything in sight. Well, after that, we discussed our boundaries and we jumped right in. Full Swap on our first outing. I'm still in awe of our no jealousy night. It was just awesome!!

 

Why did we do it that way? Because even though I read about soft swapping on here, it never occurred to us that we should try that. I don't even think it was brought up in our initial talks.

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He mentioned it in August, I said you must be kidding. Then, in early October, we started talking about it. Two weeks later we were at a club for the first time and full-swapped that night. For us, it was the way to go. No looking back a year and a half later.

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Guest ENCRYPTEDTX

A running leap off the diving board head first.

 

Luckily the pool of water was full. My first experience was massaging and some oral, but a few days later we got together again for full on fun.

 

I was young (22ish) so at that age there is very little that is done halfway....I was a little naive to the large picture of the lifestyle, but after my first couple experiences I really started to understand my role as a single male and what I brought to the table.

 

I am not sure if I had baby-stepped in how the future would have turned out. I was slowly using the internet to meet people, and doing research about people who shared the same views as me. A tiny bite of the forbidden fruit may have not totally quenched my palate and I may have moved on....I am very glad that I hadnt!

 

Kyle

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We dove right in head-first and have never really looked back. But that is how Mrs. WS is, much more impetuous than I and attacks everything she does head-on like that.

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With my history we've had a lot of open discussions about it over the past few years. We had a couple spontaneous MFMs that presented itself that we went for. Last week we were talking about it and thought we would be ready to try a club. It was a little different because we weren't on the same learning curve with my experience and his lack of experience. We still didn't know how we were respond together as a couple so that was really exciting for me. We didn't take any baby steps, we jumped right in and we had our first amazing experience together with another couple and there was nothing tame or moderate about it. We'll go to a club again, hopefully some time again this summer. I don't intend on putting anything on SLS or any other ad sites, that was distracting from family life in the past.

 

FYI, when I was in the lifestyle a few years ago we just jumped right in too. Just like someone said before, when I put my mind to something I ready to roll and my husband is the same way.

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We more or less dove in. It was something short of a full gainer off the high board, but we didn't just hop in the shallow end either. We started off with just talking about and planning a visit to a club just to check things out. Before we even had a chance to make it to a club, that led to conversations about putting up an online profile after deciding we were interested in both soft and full swap. We attended a SB Meet-up and made the club visit, had a great time, and that gave us the confidence to go ahead and jump into full swap the next time out. All of that happened in about six weeks.

 

I think what allowed us to dive right in was a combination of good advice, good communication, and most of all trust. We trust each other immensely, and with the trust came the understanding that neither of us would do anything that would cause harm to the other or our relationship. We're a good match on things like this, one of us is more the researcher who gets things lined out up front to start the conversation, and the other is more cautious at first but then more impetuous once the initial hesitancy is overcome. More times than not, this formula always seems to bring us to the best decision for us.

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