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Cloud of Love

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About Cloud of Love

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    Married Male
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    Planet Earth
  1. I understand your point, but I guess I just don't see it as disobedience...certainly the fruits of this have been good so far in our lives. We are more loving, more open, more compassionate with each other and with other people, gentler, friendler, more generous, and all around much happier since we decided we would do this. I'm not saying it would work for everyone...on the contrary, I imagine it would be very, very damaging for many relationships. But for us it is taking a wonderful relationship and making it even more intimite and loving, breaking down our remaining ego barriers. If this be disobedience, then I guess I'm disobedient.
  2. My sense of religious guilt melted away on the day when I realized the following. 1) My wife loves me so unconditionally that she wants to swing with me and isn't jealous or threatened by it. She takes joy in my joy and our joy together. 2) I love my wife so unconditionally that I want to swing with her and I'm not jealous or threatened by it. I take joy in her joy and our joy together. 3) God, by definition (at least the only definition that I can accept) is Love...and God, by definition, CANNOT love us less than I love my wife or she loves me. God's love is unconditional. As long as we are in this together, with full communication and acceptance on both our parts, and as long as we are with couples who have the same kind of relationship, swinging isn't sinning....on the contrary, it seems to us a very LOVING and INTIMATE thing we share together, that brings us closer together and improves our lives. How can that be sin? How can that be wrong if it increases love? It makes our hearts sing.
  3. Interesting topic...if a bit discouraging for someone like me....due to my very high testosterone levels I have a lot of hair. But my skin is so sensitive that even shaving my face is a big hassle. If I shave more than once every three days my skin breaks out like crazy. Fortunately I have a job where 3-day shadow is not an issue and my wife doesn't mind as long as it doesn't get too out of control. Shaving the rest of me....scary thought! I'd feel like Steve Carrell in the 40-Year-Old Virgin. Of course we're not official swingers yet, so i imagine we'll have plenty of time to find partners who don't mind some hair. I hope!
  4. To follow up on this thread after a few weeks... After many days of discussion, we've decided that we are going to give swinging a try once our youngest child is out of diapers and able to stay overnight with a friend. This puts the timetable at 2-3 years down the road, depending on how long it takes the child to mature, but it gives us enough time for us to research and think more and continue to explore the concept in fantasy, etc. But it's gone from "we might or might not try swinging someday in the distant future" to "we will try swinging within 2-3 years". Both of us are committed to this. The next step will be a co-visit to a strip club.
  5. Well, there's another benefit....we've been actively talking about the implications of this for a month now....and our sex life has really revved up again.... ....even just talking about it is exciting, even if we never do it. We've decided that jealousy would not be an issue for either of us. We've also decided that guilt would not be an issue for her....she is still concerned that it might be an issue for me, although my recent experiments with lap dances at strip clubs (which she has encouraged) have not resulted in any guilt. One thing that we have decided is this: we really need another couple to talk about sex with...none of our current friends have the same kind of unconditional love relationship that we do, and none of them are comfortable discussing issues of relationships and intimacy. We've decided that we really need to meet other couples who are secure like we are, to be friends with and bounce ideas off of. So right now we are trying to figure out how to meet other couples, not for actual physical swinging purposes but just to be friends with and talk with stuff about.
  6. My wife and I had another good talk about this last night....I don't want to get into the details here, other than to say that we are communicating extremely well. I understand her concerns and she understands mine. Discussing these issues together has brought us into an even more intimate place and cemented the bonds of trust between us.
  7. My wife and I do lots of kissing and oral sex mixed in with intercourse...we have no problems sharing our flavors with each other...she'll kiss me after I eat her out, and I will kiss her after she sucks me off. We have not played with others at this point...in theory it wouldn't be a problem aside from the standard concerns about catching something. But with the right people it wouldn't bother us.
  8. Yes, this is true. Part of the reason we have considered this is that the descriptions of successful swinging couples sound so much like us...a relationship built on love and unconditional trust. My wife and I are still very much in love after 15 years, we are very in tune, we communicate extremely well and are very honest and open with each other. Few of our current friends have the same kind of marriage that we do. Almost all of our friends have relationships where they snip and snipe at each other and communicate poorly, and frankly at times it is hard to be friends with some of them as a couple...they are busy sniping at each other, while my wife and I are holding hands or flirting or sending each other positive vibes. And frankly, the few people we know who seem to have happy relationships like ours are swingers or at least swing-curious. Which is why we started talking about swinging in the first place....we saw ourselves in the descriptions of the happy swinging couples.
  9. One other point: my wife points out that I am emotionally "wired like a girl" and that she is more "wired like a guy," in that it has always been more difficult for me to seperate love from sex than it has been for her. She says she's more worried about swinging causing emotional confusion for me than it would for her, which I find an interesting point.
  10. Well, I didn't say I object to swinging...I think it's a cool idea but we've just decided not to do it right now. We continue to discuss it and we've both come to the conclusion that we have no objection to it in theory. We don't think it would harm our relationship. . .neither of us have sexual jealousy about the other or have ever gotten our feelings hurt over sexual issues. It's just the timing doesn't seem right in our lives right now. That's all I was trying to say.
  11. Number One: My first college girlfriend and I went parking at the lake. Somehow, we managed to contort ourselves in the back seat of my tiny subcompact to a position where we could pleasure each other orally....69 in the backseat of a 1970s subcompact...tight fit but fun. That was great...until a friendly sheriff's deputy knocked on the car window, shined his flashlight in, and asked my girl "are you OK, miss? Do you want to be here?" She stammered "yes", and he said "You two finish up and be gone in five minutes when I get back." Number Two: My wife and I are driving down a rural highway. She asks me if I want a BJ. I say "sure." We pull off to the side of the road. She proceeds to give me a BJ. Seconds after I cum, a state trooper pulls up behind us, gets out, and comes up to ask if we are OK. My wife, wetness on her lips, quickly covers me with a blanket and tells the trooper that her husband was sick and we had stopped because I was dizzy. I don't think he believed us...but he told us to have a nice day and left us alone.
  12. Louie, I must say that if this is the way you feel about swinging, you really shouldn't do it. Stop now...it doesn't sound like you are psychologically ready for this. Since I am not an actual swinger, I hope the other posters will correct me if I am wrong about this, but swinging is something that couples must do together as couples, in order for it to enhance the relationship rather than damage it. Sex is a very powerful and wonderful thing, and in a rock-solid relationship it is something that can be explored together in many different ways by a loving couple. For some couples that can include swinging, for others not. But ultimately, you have to trust your instincts on this. If swinging is making you unhappy or damaging your relationship, causing doubt and fear rather than joy, you need to stop, now. It isn't for you, not at this point in your life anyway. Again, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but your post set off a lot of alarm bells in my head. Take care.
  13. Married 14 years, together for three before that for a total of 17 wonderful, love and lust-filled years.
  14. Wanting to protect our kids (ages 7 and 1) is part of the reason we have decided not to pursue swinging at this time....it would just be too hard to explain if the topic came up. So we will wait until they are older before more active consideration.
  15. My belief: God is Love....limitless, undying and unconditional love. It is the very essence of our Being...most of us have just forgotten it, and our task on Earth is to remember our true nature as God's children. It is our fears and our limited egos that prevent us from seeing this most of the time. Sex is like anything else on Earth....it can be a liberating thing and bring you closer to other people, or it can trap you into excess egoism and seperation from others. God made sex...it seems to me that means it is a good thing, it it is understood properly. Now, I'm not a swinger....just an interested French Vanilla. But it SEEMS to me from reading about this, that swinging is something that, if it brings you closer to your spouse and enhances the unconditional love you have for your spouse, that it can be a good thing, a life and love enhancing thing. But I can also see how it can be a bad thing for people who might get obsessed with it, or who destroy their marraiges over it. Note that I'd say the same thing about monogamy....it can be a glorious thing that makes your life better, or it can trap you into a cycle of despair. So, is swinging a sin? If it hurts you, hurts your spouse, hurts the people you swing with, then yes. If it makes you happy, makes your spouse happy, makes the people you swing with happy, then no, it's not. Ultimately it depends on the people involved and their psychological and spiritual needs. In my newbie French Vanilla opinion, of course!
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