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cali_couple

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15 Good

About cali_couple

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    California
  1. I know and it breaks my heart. There has been so many things over the years that he has done that show me how much he doesn't care but I kept trying to make things "right", trying harder and harder thinking that if I just gave enough things would be OK. I know that it's not going to happen. I've also come across a term called Gaslighting (google it). This explains so much and everything I read about it could be describing him to a T. He will not change this behavior and all I can do is take myself out of the mix and save myself the heartache.
  2. Thank you all. I have doubted what I thought and felt. So hurt and betrayed and confused that he saw nothing wrong with this that I started to doubt that I wasn't the one causing problems like he claimed. If I wasn't upset about it there wouldn't be a problem, right? He did what he wanted to do regardless of what it did to me or to us. When I asked why he was letting this s*&t come between us (sorry for the term but I was so angry) he said that I was the one letting her come between us by even being upset about it. Absolutely no way to win this argument. There could be no more trust when he refuses to see or acknowledge what his actions did.
  3. This wasn't a situation with another couple but with a single woman. My partner and I had been seeing each other for about 6 years. We had an ad on AFF and connected with a woman. She and I emailed and chatted and then met for a drink. All went well and we set a date for all of us to get together. Well, everythiing went fine, as far as I was concerend. Everyone came, all seemed to have a good time. There were a couple of worrisome things from her though. When she and I met for drinks she commented on the men that were looking at me, smiling at me. She said that men never noticed her. Then, the night we all got together she and I walked to a burger place to bring dinner back to the hotel. She again commented on how men looked at me and not her. To my mind this was absolutely unnecessary to say and it sounded like insecurity on her part. During the next week or so she and I IM'd but her responses were getting less and less. I told my partner that she hadn't responded to me in days and he finally admitted that she was IM'ing with him. He said it was my fault that she wasn't communicating with me because I didn't "treat her like the slut she wanted to be treated like." He said that of course since I had disappointed her by telling her that I would she was justified in turning to him to get what she needed. WTF??? I never told her such a thing and in fact I had told her that I wasn't a dominant type, HE was. He didn't believe me. I wanted to tell this woman that if she didn't want US then move on. He was setting up a gang bang with her and his friends supposedly just for her, that he wouldn't have sex with her, and if I messed it up for him then there would be hell to pay. OMG... how could he do this to me, to us? How could he let this woman ignore me and reward her for it? And then try and bar me from contacting her? AND blame me for her actions and his? This was beyond any pain that I can describe. There has to be trust that NO ONE, for ANY REASON will ever come between us in these situations. I truly believe that this woman, who expressed her insecurity and jealousy of men looking at me turned to him and deliberately left me out, painted me as the bad guy in all of this. For his own selfish and hurtfull reasons he let it happen, encouraged it even. A long time later I forwarded him the email that I had responded to her statements that she liked to be told what to do and I had said that I wasn't that type but he was. It didn't matter. To this day he says it's my fault that she did that and he was obliged to fulfill what she expressed that she wanted because I hadn't.
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