Driven2please

Thanks for sharing your experience!

Guys (both male and female), I truly would love to stick around. This lifestyle fascinates the heck out of me. But I don't think I will ever see me being able to participate. And I certainly don't want to be viewed as a lurker. Maybe I'll drop in to say hi once in a while. (Imagine the kid sitting in the yard watching the other kids in the pool) I just wish that I could convince the wife. And you are correct. It would be devastating to even consider going outside the boundaries on my own. I am sure she would agree to it,well 99%, but I have a gut feeling she would resent that she gave approval. And I wouldn't be too thrilled at causing her the pain. The pleasure is just not worth the potential. I think it would be a wonderful present to her, to fulfill her fantasies, but she has told me hundreds of times that there is no act that she desires, that we haven't done. She has contemplated scenarios, but in no way shape or form does she desire pursuing them. She has a BIG hangup with menage' trois. Even 2 guys in the same room taking turns. She really isn't into toys, and feels self-conscious with them. Personally, I love seeing her with them. Told her hundreds of times. She just can't get past the religious view of it. Fastdog, if you looked at my posts, I was not looking for any approvals. I was more pointing out that , IN MY OPINION, the married guys (and single for that matter) were looked upon as pariah. Both here and in SLS. It was disheartening. You were very fortunate to be able to have your wife agree to this lifestyle. Unfortunately, I am not at this time. But I was enlightened to many of the troubles that couple find when seeking a male for their "party". I never gave that portion any consideration. I understand more now, and have come to the conclusion that I will not be able to participate, unless she has a major change of heart. I realize I couldn't do it without her, anyways. Not everyone can release their jealousies, and insecurities to be able to swing. So I enter limbo.... Please tell me, though..... Is meeting someone new, and having that encounter....does it seem like the first time you dated? The anticipation? The butterflies? The exhilaration?? Does it ever "get old" or is it always like riding the edge of a canyon? How do you feel afterwards? Gratification? Conquest? Or that first sip of coffee in the morning. Great while it is there, but no different in 30 seconds?

I think "sereneiders" pretty much said it in a nutshell. That post made a whole lot of sense. I appreciate all posters input (yes, even the flamethrowers), and thank you all. You probably saved me from making a mistake I would regret. I would take issue over those who doubt our communication , but it really ends up a zero net gain in the whole scheme of things. We have worked through many issues, but I feel this one would end up being insurmountable. Too much baggage. And this is primarily why I am thanking you all. I had SOME misconceptions , and probably didn't think EVERYTHING through as I should have. All of you have brought many good points to light. I probably WOULD have cheated, and tried to find some lame ass way of making it right in my head. And NOT been able to justify it in my head, in the end. Thank you. I guess I saw a large group of people able to experience something I had yearned for, for so long. Then basically saw the psuedo attacks on the Single guys, to full out slaughter on the married guys.(Especially SLS) And now I can understand why. Honestly, I never considered guys hiring some girl to "front" for them. (I guess I was never desparate enough?) And yes, it would be a pain to "verify", and not worth the hassles. I hope someday the opportunity exists for me, but not without my wife. Thank you again, and enjoy it to the fullest.

I guess I still didn't get my main point across, after re-reading it. I am not calling swingers cheaters, by any means. I meant no reference to such. I just don't see the difference in a "married with permission" and a single, or a married with swing partner. I should even preface that with "married with Verifiable permission". Although there is definatly a stigma to any male without a partner here. But the fact still remains..too many men, too few women.. sorry to waste your time. (Still envious, though!)

OK, I think I am thoroughly toasted... Surrender. Can someone pass the Aloe? Just to clear a lot of misconception.. My wife and I get along famously. We do everything together, including work together. We have had 4 arguments in 24 years of being together, so the communication argument should be considered nil. Our sex is pretty good. Neither leaves the bed unfulfilled, in the physical sense. Mentally, I would like a bit more. Although she is satisfied. Do we have a tough time when it comes to "Special Events"? Yes. Thanks to a rigid Catholic background, it does make introducing new things difficult, if not impossible. We do talk about it. You may liken it to a person scared of heights to try a rollercoaster. For some things come easy. For others, seemingly easy tasks can be arduous. I think many had misinterpreted the thrust of my original post. And that's the only reason I responded in the first place. What difference is there, if a non-swing wife gives permission to the spouse vs. a participating wife? Many have vehemently protested the Married with permission guys. YES, THAT DOES NOT APPLY TO ME. I KNOW THAT. But , if the married with permission gets blown away what sense is there in even broaching the subject with the wife, and risk her emotional distress. Only a few posters cared to take enough time to read my post before donning the flame suit and go troll hunting. For those few that did, I appreciate it. Thank you. I truly mean it. One (Alura) appears to have hit it on the head. Men are in an overabundance in this lifestyle, so you can be picky. I guess that says it all. I wish you all the best, in every facet of your lives.

Honestly, I began to sign up, then stopped for some reason, read quite a bit of the forums, then decided to sign up anyways. I guess you could say I belong in the "pariah" group, as a Married "single" guy. Why even bother to post? I guess my "mission", if you will, is to enlighten some of the closed minds. I know that I will be flamed as a cheater. Hold onto your keyboards. I haven't cheated. Maybe in the future, who knows? Before automatically assuming that a person such as myself is a lecherous jerk, let me ask you to identify cheating. Is it the act of having a different partner? If so, that would identify every active swinger, correct?? What if that Married guy had "permission"? Wouldn't he be the same as the male in a swinging couple? The fact that the wife isn't playing, really isn't germane, so long as he is advertised as a "single" and has permission. But the guy whose wife, who refuses to play is still looked at as a leper in the community. He is the worst kind of a "cheater". Yes, I understand there are many men (and women) who pose as Singles. Pose as married with permission. Etc. There are also couples who simply use this venue for "private entertainment". Meaning, that they will set up a meeting, and get cold feet and back out. My thought would be that they had no intentions of ever meeting. Let's take this one step further, if you are able to open your minds to possible circumstances before acting as judge and jury. Let's take a happily married man, who enjoys a healthy sex life at home, who yearns to experience the lifestyle for so many years. He doesn't want to leave her for another woman. He doesn't just want to get his rocks off. If he did, he would be in the bars. Quite successfully, with much less hassle. He wants to feel the same exhilaration that he felt when he first met his wife. We wants to replay those same nervous stomach incidents of the exploration of a new partner, but TRULY prefer to do that with his wife again. To further explore flavors other than vanilla. To be part of a MFM or a FMF. The very fantasies that led most of you here. And she wants no part of it, regardless of the angles of persuasion. The woman you dearly love, wants no part of fulfilling fantasies you have had for so many years. She can not get past the "heavy hand of religious dominance" that says this is wrong. You couples that indulge, are truly fortunate. Able to ward off jealousy, and be confident enough in your relationship that you can allow each other to enjoy the company of another "lover". Its not all about the sex, IMO. The relationships, the sexual tensions, the anticipation buildup... It must be a powerful drug. I envy you. This isn't posted as a whine-fest. It is more of a plea to ask you to look further than what's directly in front of you. Its to ask you to realize that even married men want the very same things that YOU did, when you came here. I surrender, but flame if you must..