tigerfly

So many have responded and I thank you all. I sent this thread to him. He read it and was rather upset. Saying that I made him look a-hole. I told him I wrote what was true and how I felt. If he felt I made him look like that, I said maybe that is because that is how he was acting. One good thing came out of this. We sat and had a long talk. He said our relationship would not end if I wanted out of the lifestyle as long as he could stay in it. I then asked, "if I didn't want you in the lifestyle, what then"? He said we would have to work on it (our relationship). To me, that is not what I wanted to hear, but I look at it as being a fair answer and accept it. He said he will try hard to accept me going at my own pace and not his pace or that of some others. Some one said that everyone shows love in different ways. I believe this to be very true. I'm the type of person that will wait on the one I love hand and foot, give hugs and kisses (a real touchy feely person). I only say "I Love You" if I really love that person. To me "passion" in the act of sex is only given to the one I love. Intimacy, to me is a close, private relationship (espically sexual) with the person you love. My partner (I believe) shows his love by giving me his home to live in and taking care of me in many other financial ways. To him "passion" has nothing to do with love...it is just an action in bed with another. Intimacy, to him is, he and I sitting and talking alone. Maybe this will shed some light on our different ways of thinking and maybe someone out there can relate. I once again thank all who have posted. Hope this won't be the end here, because it is making me do some thinking and I know it is making him think also. If this helps us build on our relationship, great. If it helps bring it to an end...well, then I guess that is where it should be. Tigerfly

Gary, You are ever so correct. I still wanted to know what others thought. I know I'm not the only one who thinks as I do. Thanks for your input. Tigerfly

J & K: ...he loves me, but is "in love" with sex. Coolwetbreeze: (They are both in it for themselves and could care less about our feelings.) This statement you made, is so true. My boyfriend says he wants me to enjoy myself at the parties, but he knows I need the extra social time to relax enought to enjoy myself. I don't drink, so it is not the booze that relaxes me. It's getting to know the people, the air of everyone, so to speak. More times then not, he manages to piss me off over something before we even get to the party. It's like he does it just so I'm not in the mood to party. Like he wants to play with as many women as he can, but really doesn't want me to play. I just don't understand. I'm so totally confused as to just where and what I am to him. I'm in love with the man...but... I sent this thread to him...I figure he has read it already, but so far he hasn't said a word to me about it. I was kinda hoping he would jump in and tell how he feels, thinks etc....but them maybe not...don't need a family feud going on. Thanks for letting me vent..somewhat. Tigerfly

John. Funny you should say "addicted". I have felt and thought that, about him for a long time. He will spend hours up hours on his computer, going from one swinger site to another and contacting people. That is his only interest in the computer. I go to different swingers sites, but I don't let it be my only thought. Don't bother saying he needs help, because I couldn't even go there with him. He thinks he is normal, as far as lifestylers go and I'm the abnormal one. Thanks so much for adding to this. I believe, I will be sending this whole thread to him, as I'm not sure he will be reading this section, although he is in here several times a day. Thanks, Tigerfly

Thanks, Julie. That is how I feel. I have asked him if all I was good for to him was the lifestyle, but of course he said no. So hard to believe that. Tigerfly

He is a member here (in fact he has us down as a couple). He reads the boards everyday, but I think he is mostly into the swinger stories. Thanks for your imput. I also hope others will join in here. Tigerfly

Dragons, Thanks for replying. We have a good relationship. We have a lot of things in common, such as dancing, darts, singing karaokee, etc.. The only thing we ever seem to argue about is the lifestyle. We host several parties a year and go to parties and a few clubs. I enjoy the lifestyle, but at "my" pace and he thinks it should be at his pace and his way of thinking. I can't go off and "play" with someone on a first meeting, unless I'm very comfortable with them. That happens almost never. I may have to be around someone several times before I will play with them. He will play with anyone on first meeting. At a party, it takes me awhile to get started. Say the party starts at 7 ends at 12 or later, we arrive at 7, it may be 9 or 10 before I'm ready to play. I have to get the feel of the lay out and the people there. He is ready to play within minutes. We, from time to time go to clubs, I will not play at clubs (unless there is someone there I know and have played with before). He get upset with me because of this. I have no problem with him playing to his hearts content at parties or the clubs, I just don't want to be pressured into playing until I'm ready. If I'm pressured, I do not enjoy and isn't the lifestyle all about enjoying? As to your question about how long has he been saying "if I want out of the lifestyle, we are through"... for a couple years now. I'm not in the lifestyle to keep him happy. I enjoy it, when I can do things at my pace. I have to admit, when I first thought about getting into the lifestyle, it was to please him, but once I got in, I found that I enjoy it. I love him, but I feel that the only reason he wants me with him is to get him invited to parties etc. He says he loves me, but then says if I ever decide to get out of the lifestyle, our relationship would be over. He said it would be to much of a culture shock to him. I'm just so danged confused. Thanks for listening and any more thoughts or comments from you or anyone are most welcomed. Tigerfly

My significant other and I have been together for 7 yrs and in the lifestyle 4 of those. I enjoy the lifestyle, but it is not #1 in my life as it is his. I feel as if I'm being used. Just want to hear from others and what they think. Here is the situation...He told me that if I should ever want out of the lifestyle, our relatationship would be over. He is always saying that it is hard for a single male to get invited to parties. Do you thing he is using me for the lifestyle? Would like your truthful thoughts/feelings on this. Thanks, Tigerfly