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funseeking

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  1. Why such anger towards me? My wife knows all about all my manipulations...I have told her everything buddy I admit my manipulation and I am sorry....we all make mistakes you know but I guess that doesn't include you. I fucked up...I guess I am a sick bastard for having such fantasies and manipulating as I did but I do love my wife. My wife and I love each other very much and have a good marriage.
  2. Thank you. Trouble is she just told me that she is sure that she will not fall in love with this man or leave me because of the intimacy. We need to talk about that more because I am not sure this is possible since she admits that she has "feelings" for him and he said that he wants to make her fall in love with him.
  3. Thank you for the replies and advice. I don't want to be "balled out" as I already feel terrible and admit my mistakes. I just want some help...some advice....and I want some of this advice to not only be directed to me but to my wife. I will ask her to read this thread.
  4. Okay, I have been a dink. I have been manipulative, immature and stupid!!! I am ashamed of myself I have told her everything about how I manipulated her and even how I asked for this kind of advice on this board. There ARE NO SECRETS Please direct your replies to my wife as well as to me. I will ask her to read this thread. I encouraged my wife to do as she wished with a male friend that was very attracted to her, mainly to satisfy my own fantasies of her with another man, and of her learning to like sex more in general. Now I am very worried! This man is married. He has also told my wife that he does not love his wife and is just waiting for the right time to leave. My wife thinks that his wife knows about his affair and isn't that pissed because of the lack of love between them. I think they stay together because they have a profitable business. My wife has now been intimate with him. She likes being with him. She likes his caressing touch, him holding her and kissing her. They have "necked" but that is as far as they have gone. She said that if she feels more comfortable with him, and feels like it is the right time, then she will have sex with him. She said that he has personality qualities that she really likes and wishes I had. She said that she has "feelings" for him but does not love him. She has told him that she loves me very much. It is clear to my wife and I that he has fallen in love, which we both agree is not true love but "romantic love". Never the less this love is a powerful force and it worries me. He has now told her that he will not stop until he makes her fall in love with him. He wants her to go away with him. He says that she is the complete package. It is clear to both of us that he wants to take her away from me. I told my wife that I would like it if she stopped seeing him because I have come to realize that my fantasies are not worth the risk of her falling in love and getting hurt, and especially not worth the risk of loosing her. She told me that she wants to continue on with this relationship because she is having fun and is enjoying herself . She was a little upset with me that I told her that I wanted her to stop when all along I have encouraged her. I told her that I will not force her to stop since I started this whole thing in the first place, and because she wants to continue on. I want her to stop because she wants to and not because I insist. She is happy with me allowing her to continue on even though I want her to stop. She does appreciates this and has thanked me. She says that she appreciates the opportunity I have given her to be with him. She said that she thinks he will end the relationship when he figures out that he is wasting his time trying to get her to leave me. She said that she will not trade me for him. I feel comforted with that statement because I know she loves me deeply and we have a good marriage. BUT I am still very worried and afraid of loosing her because she has "feelings" for him that might grow. I don't want her hurt and if she falls into romantic love with her she WILL get hurt and she knows it. Is there any way that one can PREVENT oneself from "falling in love"...this blind romantic love of the "in love experience"? Is it possible to keep some emotional distance so this does not happen and if so how do you accomplish that? She does admit that she would be a fool to think that she could never fall in love with him even though she loves me. She also admits that she would be a fool to think that he had ZERO chance of winning her from me in the end and feels that she is "playing with fire" to some degree. I NEED HELP! Now what do I do? As I mentioned I will ask my wife to read this thread to hear your replies.....so direct some to her as well as to me please. Thank you
  5. That was good advice and I appreciate it. This is the kind of stuff I want to hear and not that this thread is "asinine".
  6. I know I am being manipulative BUT I don't want to be. I just want my wife to be interested in swinging...is that so damn wrong? You admitted "harshness" is not nice or warranted here. My manipulative ways were made clear to me by some of the posters on this board. I was not aware that I was manipulating until I heard what others had to say. I am not posting the same question with different words this time. All I want to know is how to interest my wife WITHOUT being manipulative. You mean to tell me that neither one of you had to do anything or say anything to get the other one interested in swinging? I also posted a couple of real concerns that I would like more opinions on. I guess there is nothing I can do now. I feel stuck.
  7. How can I interest my wife in swinging WITHOUT ! being a manipulative SOB....that I have been and that members on this board have made clear to me. My eyes have been opened to my ways...now what can I do? Is my only recourse to "shut up" forever? What about this idea? I think this idea may put "the ball" into her corner so to speak......but first a bit of history much of which you will also find in my very first post but that I think I need to state here . My wife is friends with a guy that is married, but his marriage is very poor and he told me that he is thinking about leaving and that he does not "really" love his wife, whatever that means. My wife wants only friendship with this guy at this time and has told me but she does think he is good looking although not as good looking as me He is VERY attracted to my wife, as are all men. He has told her this and has even said stuff like "you make me horny' and you are "very hot" but as I said he respects her boundaries. He knows that have told my wife to do anything with him that she wants to, should she want to. I did tell her today that I think she should wait until he leaves his wife before she gets physical with him, should she ever desire this. I give members on this board credit for waking me up on this one. He thinks I am nuts by the way My wife has the "walls" and "barriers" up and he knows it and because he is a good guy and respects her he has not tired to be "forward" at all. I think this also has to do with the fact that he is still with his wife and he doesn't feel comfortable going after my wife for sex while still with her. Now for "the idea" ...which I think puts "the ball" into my wife's corner and gives her some real meat to chew on I think. My wife has a very strong fantasy about being fucked and licked at the same time....I would like to see this one unfold with me as the licker and another man as the one doing doggy. Never tried it but I think it can be done. Here are my concerns....... Would it be appropriate for this man to be "the man", if he does leave his wife that is? I don't want him doing this while he is with his wife. He is my wife's good friend and in becoming "the man" the friendship would never be the same again and in fact it could end the friendship altogether. What do you think here? But I don't see why he could not continue to be a good but all be it different kind of friend. I am also concerned that because they are good friends there is the possibility that either he, or my my wife, or both ,will "fall in love". I highly doubt that my wife would simply because of our very strong love for each other and for the fact that she said that she would never trade me for her male friend, even IF she got physical with him in the future....which she doubts she will do. Thanx all
  8. You have spoken the truth about me and you are right. You have a good way about you so I feel comforatble talking to you. Yes I am playing "house" and I am frustrated that the dollies won't play together. But, isn't it possible for them to have a sexual relationship just for the fun of it and without "falling in love"? Sure there is some risk that she will "fall in love" but I am so confident in my wifes love for me that I really doubt this will happen. However, he may fall in love with my wife and then she would have to end the relationship and that would be hurting him and I would be responsible because I instigated the whole sex thing. I don't want that to happen. I want my wife to have fun and the thrills that go along with that...there goes the "I" word again. Yes, I do have this fantasy. The fantasy is about my wife having a really exciting time. I want here to be as happy as she can be....and yes this is a turn on to me.....but I am thinking about her too and not just me. I have talked with this man and he has told me that he is seriously considering leaving his wife but I don't want a sexual realtionship with my wife to be the "final straw" in causing this to happen. In fact after reading your post I told me wife that she should not have sex with him, should she ever want to, while he is with his wife. Also, know what, I guess I just want to be a swinger and I know that my wife never will and that bugs me....so I am trying to manipulate things so that she does try sex with another in hopes that she really likes it so that her "barriers" will go away and she will become a swinger. I know this is not the right thing to do.
  9. I appreciate your bluntness...I like tactful bluntness like this...and you have a point. I am indeed very lucky. But you misunderstand me a bit I think.....this is not about my fantasy, although I think most men have had such a fantasy and that includes me This is about is about her. But as I have told her, SHE is in control,and she should only do what SHE wants to do and not what I or her male friend want her to do. I have made that very clear. I just happen to think that it will benefit her and I have told her that. I guess I need to just shut up now as she already knows how I feel and think. I just wanted some of other opinions from experienced people on this board and that's why I am here. I also wonder if perhaps there is the chance that I am deceiving myself with the way I think. A friend of mine, that does not know my wife, said that I am a very "different" fellow for not feeling "threatened" with the thought of my wife with another man but he respects me and this ideation.
  10. Thanx for the replies and you all have made some good points. Any other replies would be well appreciated. Yes, I need to leave this alone and let her decide. I have told her how I feel and that is enough. You are right it should not be about what I think or about how I feel but about what she thinks and feels. However, I still think it can do her a lot of good to be with another man. She will have a really good time and experience quite the thrill I think. I want her to be really thrilled because I want all the best for her.... yes it is a "tune on" for me to know that she is really enjoying sex and experiencing new "thrills" but this is not the primary reason why I want her to try sex with this fellow. I think she will learn a lot about sex and enjoy sex even more after such an encounter and that it will spill over into a deeper love for me. I do think we will become even closer than we are now as a result, especially since she really respects and appreciates how I think on this matter. I love her fully and have given her complete freedom with no "reservation" on my part. I think all this potential good(for her) will happen mainly because she has NEVER even kissed another man let alone had sex with another man. If she does have sex with this fellow there is no doubt that the friendship will change. As was said it could end the friendship, or it could continue on with a new "twist", or it actually could result in one or both of them "falling in love" with the other. Personally I think that I could emotionally "detached" and not fall in love because I really believe that sex is simply an act of pleasure UNLESS there is a deep rooted love for the other person. This love takes a long time to develop and can only happen AFTER the "in love" experience has gone away.....which usually happens in 1-2 years after a relationship starts. My wife also agrees with this definition of real love but I am not totally sure that she can "emotionally detached" from this guy should she have sex with him. So I am playing with fire to some extent. There is already some emotional attachment (friendship) as she really likes to spend time with him. She likes the "fun" things they do together. However, she is not sexually attracted to him, even though she thinks he is fairly good looking and with a good body. This is probably because my wife is NOT "visual" like we men are. As most of you would agree most women are nowhere near as "visual" as men are. My wife is LESS visual than most women....she doesn't even notice good looking men. Yet after all is said, I do trust her to be able to have fun with this guy, a guy I like and respect, without allowing herself to get TOO attached to him and getting into what we both consider the early immature infatuation of the "falling in love" experience, which isn't real love at all. She even told me that she would end the relationship should she start feeling that she is really starting to like this guy in a way that is beyond friendship. A little about "him". He is married but has a very poor marriage. It is a marriage on convenience for sure. My wife has told him how I think and feel and he thinks I am crazy. So far he hasn't been "forward" because my wife has made it perfectly clear to him that all she wants is friendship. My wife is in control not me and she is free to do what SHE wants to. I am not in control and do not want to be. I can let her do what she wants and I have no feeling of jealousy and I do not feel threatened. I am like this because I have a very mature and deep love for her and she feels the same towards me. She is having a lot of fun in her "coming out of her shell" experience of the last five years and I have encouraged her to do anything she wants to do to make this experience more complete. I guess it is time to "back off" on my part though. BUT....isn't there anyone out there that thinks it will benefit her, and potentially even us as a couple, for her to have a sexual relationship with this man? Am I just crazy and foolish or am I on to something? Again any replies are appreciated and especially from the ladies in the crowd.
  11. Hello all. This is my first post and I am hoping to help my wife please bear with me as I explain.... My wife has been "blooming" these past 5 years for the first time. She has discovered that she is a very good looking woman after years of thinking she was plain. One of the things she wanted to do in this "coming out" process was to have a close male friend, not for sex but for simple friendship. I encouraged her to and she has found one. As I mentioned she only wants friendship but I have encouraged her to try a sexual relationship with this man. She has never been with another man besides me. I want her to do this for the fun and thrill of it. I honestly think it will be a good experience for her and that the experience will actually make her like sex more and benefit our own sex life. It will be a great part of her "discovering herself" experience that she has been going through these past 5 years. I am convinced it will benefit her in many ways. This male friend of hers finds her very attractive and has told her. This does make her feel good. At this time he will not even hug her because my wife has told him all she wants is friendship. I asked her if she thought it would be fun to be with another man and she said that it probably would be but that she does not think about that. She then said that she is afraid anyway. I asked her what she was afraid of and she said that she was afraid that she would not live up to HIS expectations. This is unfounded I can assure you as she is very good in bed. Never the less she has this insecurity. Conquering this insecurity by having good sex with another man would be a big boost to her sexual self-esteem too. By the way I have no desire to be with another woman and this may be because she doesn't like the idea. The idea of her with another man is a turn on to me....I am really turned on by seeing her enjoy sex and I honestly think that having sex with a new partner would be the ultimate thrill for her...and this thought turns me on. We have a very good marriage and she has told me that she will never trade me for any man and I believe her. Of course I don't want to loose her and I don't think I will no matter how far she goes with this man because our love for each other is so mature. She is impressed with my ability to let her do as she pleases and she really appreciates that but at this time she does not want to "experiment" even though I have told her many times that it would be a good experience for her and would very likely benefit us as a couple. How can I get her to break down her "barriers" and try being with this man sexually? Any comments appreciated.
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