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bellerophon

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About bellerophon

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    Just Getting Started

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    Your typical newbie!
  1. Yes, please do elaborate (and others if you care to)... if you are not comfortable revealing on the forums, please feel free to PM. We are interested in as many viewpoints and experiences as possible and appreciate how helpful everyone has been.
  2. Thanks again for the replies... definitely paying attention and definitely not planning on just 'jumping right in'... in fact, if we are going to do anything, we are still several months away! I do want to point out it is not the jealousy we are currently having issues with (of actually 'seeing the other having sex') but the ackwardness and distraction of it. I want her to have a great time (and hope to enjoy the same myself)! Just at the moment I get the sense we will enjoy the experience more without the anxiety of feeling you have to perform in conjunction with the other couple (which I imagine happens when you are more inexperienced). We have gone to strip clubs together, gotten lap dances and we have invited another woman into our bed together... so we are not making quite as large of a leap as it might appear at first. All these experiences have been positive ones for us and brought us closer together. Our jealousy is not a foregone conclusion, we are just trying to plan accordingly if it does rear its ugly head. I am not the only person my wife has slept with and I have never felt jealous about it, only curious about her experiences. 7 years ago my wife (girlfriend at the time) did deal with jealousy issues over women I had slept with but she has matured a lot since then (who does not have jealousy issues when they are 18 years old?) and jealousy simply does not exist in our marriage right now. It has not come up with going to the strip club and getting lap dances, it has not come up with having a threesome and it has not come up knowing both of us do like to flirt with others. But could it come up? Of course... we are both willing to admit that. We are trying to be as informed as possible about this and are very grateful to those members of this forum who have opened up about their thoughts and experiences. Intuition897, Are you speaking from experience? Did you and your partner go through similar emotions from seperate room sex? Did you start out that way thinking it was the best initial way to go? How strong was your relationship at the time and how open were you with each other? Sorry, I am all questions! I really appreciate your post and again, my wife and I still have a lot of talking to do. As of right now, we both *want* seperate room sex... I just want to go about it the right way. Perhaps we should start out with more mild swapping with a couple and same room activities to make sure we want to go all the way (as we both think we do)... I guess there is no harm in that, and it is never a mistake to go slowly. To make my current thoughts clear -- I do not have any problem whatsoever with the thought of my wife having sex with another man (given that I have met him, trust him, know he is in a committed relationship and in this for the same reason we are), I just do not know if it will arouse me to see his hairy ass bobbing up and down above her (to put it bluntly) let alone if it could simply be an ackward distraction which lessens our positive experience. It *could* be arousing for both of us to be in the same room... but we both *know* it would be arousing to be in seperate rooms. My initial thoughts were it would be better to start in seperate rooms and work our way into the unknown of whether we enjoy same room.... and I am suprised to learn this is the complete opposite of most others! We will ultimately do what we feel is best for us, but I hope to read more experiences.... Like, did anyone here start with seperate room sex and have the issues brought up by intuition897 occur? Can it start out positive if gone in with preperation? I am going to bring all these up with my wife and we will continue to talk more about it... thanks for bringing them up!
  3. That is a very legitimate concern, and a large reason why I think "friends with benefits" and doing our own seperate thing in that manner is a very bad idea. Two things which I hope make this safer 1) I want to know the couple we are with pretty well beforehand and 2) We will be within yelling distance if need be. I think there is a low probability of this actually occuring (and from reading around it sounds like respect is very high within this community), but it's best to be as safe as possible. Adjoining rooms seems fine to me... hell, even opposite sides of a couch could work I guess This is definitely something we need to talk about more. That is good to hear. I fully expect our tastes and desires to evolve over time but so often it seems the answer is simply to be open and honest with each other, the couple you are with and just as importantly -- all need to be having fun I hope to read more comments and thoughts!
  4. Thanks for the replies! I'm not sure how voyeuristic we are... maybe we will get turned on by seeing the other in the moment but right now I kinda view it as more of a distraction. We want our own seperate experience and it seems like you will feel pressure to match the pace and intensity of the other couple. My wife is loud, will my partner feel pressure to 'act' accordingly? I tend to last a while, will the other guy feel a bit inadequate if he is finished well before I am with his spouse? My wife is capable of multiple orgasms, what if the woman I am with is not? If the actual sex ends up not as enjoyable for one couple, will it spoil the mood for the others seeing it as such? I just do not want the expectations of performing for the other couple. Whether it is planned or not, I have to imagine this does set in. It seems like this would not be as much of a concern once you were into the lifestyle more and were completely at ease with the other couple. I guess I am just suprised to find most not only prefer same room sex, but actually start out that way as well... it just seems more ackward to me thinking about it. "Cheating with permission" -- I like that term and think that is more of what we are after. Our initial talk involved each of us having a few "friends with benefits"... but I think that would be a mistake. Too many intangibles involved and too many chances for dishonesty. In other words, "inviting too many potential problems". This feeling has been reinforced by reading this board and other sites. But in an environment which is safe and controlled as possible I think we would be very happy having our own 'private' moment... unfortunately it looks like we might have trouble finding similar couples to share this with Is this viewed somewhat negatively by other swingers? That perhaps we are not as secure in our relationship if we want seperate room sex? In my mind, it shows how much we are trusting of each other and willing to give the other a full, private experience while at the same time we are going into it together and going home together. It's definitely going to be a decision we make together but I really do appreciate everyone's input... thanks!
  5. Hi! My wife and I have just begun to explore getting involved in this and are experiencing the emotions I must imagine are usual: Excitement, nervous, fear of jealosy, arousal... We have been talking a while and both seem to be on the same page... we are going to go slow, talk a lot and make sure we really have similar expectations, but we are both ultimately interested in full swap. My question is, it seems most couples I read online are mainly into same room sex. While that may be something we eventually get into if it turns out a turn on for us, both of us would prefer a little couples play and then venturing off to seperate rooms. Starting off, it seems like a little much to be able to see your wife or husband, err... "putting it" to someone else right in front of you. I read a lot of couples get turned on by watching their spouse getting it from another person, but we're not so sure we will be (foreplay yes, actual sex - not sure). Also, I suppose we are both being a bit selfish... we do want to do this as a couple but we also want our own seperate experience. Is that unusual? Especially for beginners? And will we have difficulty finding other couples willing to seperate once it gets to real action? I know ultimately we will have to decide for ourselves, but I am curious if others have had success or if the chances for jealosy are higher because you are in seperate rooms (as of right now, we really do not think it will be a problem). Thanks for your thoughts and we have learned a lot reading the great posts on this board!
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