SwingHile

RMRx2-- The process. Couldnt find a word for it till now. Your right. It was slow at first. I wouldnt allow myself to be angry and hate her for what she's done to me and our little family. So I was stuck in a part of that loop untill I just recently let it all out instead of beging and crying for her to come back. I feel better although now the process seems to be speeding up and now I go through a range of emotions in one day instead of draging them out by trying to force myself to feel differently than I realy do. I hate to say it, but allowing myself to hate her makes me feel better. I have never understood the fact that in order to truly hate someone you must also love them at the same time. I've told her what I think of her, what she's done to our family, our friends, and our son. Agian it fell on def ears. Allthough she appologized agian for hurting me and what she has done, but I told her she was full of it and that she obviously was not otherwise she wouldnt have done what she did or left me for him on christmas day. I finnaly told her that I was no longer in love with her, that I hate her, and that I will allways love her for the beautifull little life we created together. That was by far the hardest thing I think I've ever had to say to anyone. Now I move on. Right after I scream in my pillow, hit a few walls, and cry like a baby one more time. Bodyscape--- Thank you. You where right. I think I've found a light at the end of the tunnel now. Fueled by my true emotions instead of what once was. I am now on a mission. A mission to find myself. Who I am and what I want In life. I have a veary large to do list and now I am free to do as I wish without her telling me what to do anymore. Free at last, free at last, O lordie free at last. I have to say that I've allways been a one person man. Never allowing myself the pleasure to indulge in the fantasies I've kept stuffed in a closet in my head. I know theres a bi couple out there somewhere that would absolutly adore me. facelick That will be part of finding myself I think. Maby someday I'll find a partner along the way who will want a good looking, sensitive, overly loving man. But not yet. In the mean time I'm gonna have a lot of fun, and make a lot of money. Thank you all agian. S

Intuition897 your reading my mind. The things I know to be self evident at least, but choose to ignore because of empty hope. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. Your so veary right. Thank you. I also feel veary bad for her. Its not like her to be like this, I fear for her safety, and her sanity. You see.. She has a long family history of mental illness. Her father impaticularly is extremely bi polar. She grew up with her father cheating on her mother about 15 times that he would admit before her mother finaly left him. He would take her along sometimes to visit dadys friends. Living under the roof of a cop that was a severe controll freak and worked in forensics having to deal with grewsome murders on a day to day basis caused even worse problems for her. If it wasnt for her mother she would have probably grown up locked in the house never alowed to leave. He didnt handel the adult cases, he had to handel the children's murder cases. Needles to say he eventualy lost it, tried to kill himself several times and damn near succeded. So, you see why I fear for her. She's allways needed help, but she would never listen to me, now Im powerless to do anything at all except watch her fall, and pray she can pick herself back up. About 2 weeks after we found out she was pregnant with our son was when the shit hit the fan. I thought it was just hormonal, but it kept geting worse year after year. The anger, having to walk on egshells, nothing was good enough, everything had to be perfect, glass aways half empty, snaping about the smallest of issues, stop or go, pass or fail, no inbetween, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, verbaly abusive, anger anger anger, I became numb, and unfeeling. In a sense.. I guess I left her first, just never packed a bag, or cheated. I played my part I know. I never gave an inch, allways puting it back in her face, never backing down. She says that I played the part of a victm all the time, that I had no ambition, and that I never listened. The waters became muddy and unclear. I could no longer determin weather or not it was her being angry all the time or if it was me. Your right funn. This guy may be a home wrecker, but Ive met him, he's not stupid. She left her husband of 7 years after everything she did. He couldnt posibly think that she wouldnt do the same to him as well. Sexyshelby- Sound advice. Im allready doing everything I can to get over her, and maby some things I shouldnt. I found someone to have some temporary fun with, but unfortunatly I didnt expect 7 years of loyalty to haunt me in the middle of rebound sex. Opps. Way too soon to have tried that. I ended up asking her to stop. For some stupid reason I felt as though I was cheating. Made it up to her in the morning though. She was happy. Dont think Ill try that agian for a while. Thank you all.

Hello agian all... I know its been a while since I last wrote anything, but unfortunatly I was right about my feelings. My wife had been cheating on me for about 3 months with this guy, and an emotional relationship for about a year. Im so stupid.. I cant belive I didnt see it coming. She stoped it with him, but refused to stop being his friend. I couldnt handel it. I tried everything, being his friend, saying its ok to be his friend, and bringing him into the bedroom anyway trying to keep my wife, but in the end when I found out her true feelings for him, and I told her its him or me....... Big mistake... She left me for him on christmass day.... Im having to learn how to live all over agian. Im seeing a shrink and on lots of meds, but getting better everyday. Doc says Ive gotta move on, but I feel as though Ive lost my other half, and I dont know how to be whole without her reguardless of what she's done, or still doing. She is still seeing him and back to sleeping with him agian, taking up a swingers lifestyle with him, and not me. He won, I lost, my life, my car, my job, my home, and my son 3 and a half days out of the week. I never cheated on her, lied to her, hurt her, or treated her badly for 7 years, but she says that it wasnt me, and definetly not a problem in the bedroom. I allready know why she's chosin him. Ive hung out with them, and yes even taken part in sex with them. They get along better than her and I have since our son was born. Two peas in a pod....... I worked days, she nights. I worked 70 80 hrs a week to support us and she a part time job. Wed see eachother for about 3 hrs a day If she came home from work, and 1 day out of the week. I did what I could, and I still failed...... You all have been so helpfull thus far. I would appreciate any advice you can give me on how to win her back. Allthough I dont see her coming back to me from the talks weve had shes allready gone, but I foolishly keep hope and love in my heart. I miss who she used to be, not what she's become. I was right in my theory of begining swingers. Theres only 2 types of couples that get into swinging. Those who are stable and honest to a falt with eachother and respect eachother, or the couple reaching out to save their marrage as a last ditch effort witch eventualy leds to a catastrophic end in which one leaves happy and in new love and the other is left in a hole of despair and pain with veary little light to find any way out. Im fighting a losing battle in my mind trying not to hate her for the lies, cheating, manipulation, and eventualy leaving me for him on christmass day of all days. Sounds stupid after everything shes done doesnt it? Shes a good person, a caring friend to all and a wonderfull momy. Just not to me. She says she will allways love me and that sometimes she misses me, but that shes not "in love" with me anymore. I was left the day after christmass, on my knees in the pouring rain, beging her not to go, when with tears in her eyes and a veary empty hungry kiss, she scooped up our son and drove away taking my sanity, my life, and my soul with her. A lesson to an ending. Now what?

Hi. Just figured I'd add my 2 cents worth. My wife and I are new to swingin as well, and I had the same thought as you did. I didnt want there to be any kissing either. That was until I mentioned this to my wife. She got this funny look on her face and slowly said "ok?". I, at that moment came to the conclusion that if we where to be intimate with others that leaving out the most intimate act would seem odd. I then thought how I'd feel kissing another woman and also came to the conlusion that it wouldnt ever be the same as kissing my wife. So with that said I relized that she feels the same way which ultimatly made me feel ok about it. Personaly I dont think it matters much what others want from you when you swing, If it does'nt make you two feel comfortable theres a saying I have "When in doubt, Dont.".

Still Reading.

Glad to find this thread!! My wife has this same fantasy, of me being with another guy and her at the same time. She would love to see me go down on him, watch him go down on me, me doing him, and him doing me. All the while one of us doing her. I had gone all the way with a guy when I was 15, but that was it, and she knows about it. Now she wants it. I've read other threads where other women who have had this fantasy come true weren't that impressed with it for one reason or another. I'm actually thinking about it now after much coercing from my wife, but I'm concerned that she might be thinking it is going to be different than it really is. From what I've read in this thread most of you ladies definitely seem to like the idea, but don't seem to know why it is such a big turn-on. So to further our "investigation"... How would you ladies like the event to transpire in detail? What would your ultimate mmf event be like?

Thanks. You know I guess your right. We both thought that a threesome would be kinda uneven for a first time, but you kinda hit a spot when you spoke of it being more intimate.

We have set some basic ground rules, but stop signs are a veary good idea. Hadnt thought of that yet either. A nice way to say stop or slow down without making the other/others in play uncomfortable, seems like a nice touch. I think it will be a little while before anything happens and thats ok by me. Go only as fast as the slowest person, sounds like sound advice to me. Something else we had disscused is to allow the younger of the 2 of us choose the age range. No problem for me considering she's 25 and I'm 31;)

Thank you agian for your posts.. Yea.. I jumped the gun agian. She was just asking him if he was into that kind of thing, and if he might be interested. I talked to her and told her that Id realy need to get to know this guy first, and she's totaly with me about that. I've also thought about it alot, and I think I feel most comfortable with the idea of a woman in the play as well as a man. Considering its our first time, I think it will even things out for me, if that makes any sense.

No taking our time now. You see my wife allready has a man in mind, and allready asked him to join us! Ballsy little thing my wife is! Im feeling a bit weird about the fact that ive never meet this guy before. Talk about putting faith in your other half?! He said he wants to meet me first, and I agreed with that. Im a little peeved with the wife for jumping the gun like that. Makes me wonder If she realy wants me to join or if she would be just as happy by herself, or she could just be suffering from "New Toy Syndrome".

rmrx2. Thank you. Best advice yet. I like that saying, I mght have to steal it. "New Toy syndrome". I hadnt quite thought of it that way.

Thank you all for your positive feedback. My wife was a little apprihensive about me posting our dirty little secrets, but after seeing your responses she feels a bit more comfortable now. It seems Im still a bit nervous about all this, as Ive been talking my wifes ears off about it. Trying to figure out ground rules ect, ect. I seem to be driving her insane is more like it.

Hello everyone! My wife and I have been together for about 5 years now (married for 2 of it), and just recently found out that we both have been harboring the urge to splurge. We had discussed our fantasies before involving others in our relationship, but that was it... just fantasies, nothing more. Ours usually involved people we never knew. Kinda just bodies in the bedroom so to speak. Enough to spice things up but not enough to complicate our marriage. Over time our fantasy bodies grew faces, but apparently we were both worried that the other would be appalled of such a thing and shun the other for the very notion. For about the last 2 weeks something was affecting my wife. It is the kind of thing only a husband would see. You know. That gut feeling that something is up? I became concerned. At this point I knew something was up, so I asked her "What's going on?". Of course her reply was "what do you mean?". Well through the next 15 minutes of prying she started to open up a little more about the fact that she was unhappy with our relationship. I was shocked, scared, and definitely worried as she and my son are my life. Through her tears, and her ideas of taking some time apart, I tried to stay calm. When she started to get into the fact that we got together when she was 18, and that she never got the chance to "find herself", I immediately found myself asking her if there was someone else she was finding herself with! "Of course not!", was her reply. My next question was if she wanted to end our marriage. "No (sob)" was her reply. My last question hit the nail on the head. Are you thinking of someone else?. Silence. You see my wife and I are on a rotating schedule. I work days, and she works nights. We see each other for about 5 minutes a day and 1 day a week as I work 6 days a week. We do this to avoid costly daycare we can't afford. My wife works in an office consisting of mostly women, gay men, and bi-sexual men. When a women is denied the emotional support of her man for whatever reason, she will find it elsewhere, and she found it in a bi-guy named Mike. Now don't get me wrong she's not messing around with him so she says, and I trust her. She's been having these fantasies about him, her, and myself all having fun with each other. I was quiet for a moment and then exclaimed "Bout time!". A look of shock hit her face like a bug on a windshield, and I laughed. Even more confusion washed over her! You see she's never admitted to being attracted to another (not a bedroom body) man before. These things are normal. However she thought it was going to hurt my feelings, so she pent it up. Not good. It seems that the lines of communication from her have been down for quite some time, and when you stop talking to your spouse all your left with is the occasional argument about the dishes you didn't do last night. Doesn't make for a very good relationship. We talked all night about all the things we thought we could never talk to each other about that we had been holding back for about 3 years! We rediscovered why it was we got married in the first place. We have more in common than we had originally thought! She then explained to me that it wasn't just her she wanted him to have. It was me too! Wow. Haven't thought about another guy in that way since I was curious at the age of 15 (now 31). Not too sure about that yet, but I will think about it. We are exited to jump on the band wagon to pleasure, so we jumped online to check out our new lifestyle, and got hit in the face like an airbag. We found that we didn't like the idea of strangers in bed. We want to at least know the person or people we are going to sleep with. Which cuts our chances down to about 1 in a 1000. Which leads to my original question "Now what?" About a day later my paranoid mind started to work after my excitement calmed down. I started to think about all the things she said and it leading to sleeping with another man. Down the drain went my mind into a serious bout of mistrust and jealousy, so bad to the point I honestly considered having her followed on her Thursday nights out. You see, this guy Mike sits next to her at work everyday. Not to mention when she's hanging out at the local club with her friends on Thursdays for 80's night, it seems he's there as well. Her nights out at the club usually result in her being a little too tipsy to drive so the last 2 Thursdays she's spent the night at her girlfriends to sober up before driving (this is what she tells me), and gets home at about 7:30 in the morning. There's been a little more time spent after work than normal. However she says its because there has been a strange man milling around outside, and she's been waiting for her supervisors to close up to walk her out, and of course he's there during this time as well. Hmmmmmm. You can see how if I didn't truly trust her how this about could end up. After she came home that night we had a talk about it, and I laid it out for her to see all the connections I had made about all that was said and all the time that had transpired between the 2 of them. Very calmly she asked me to stop getting crazy... So I did. I know in my heart of hearts she would never cheat on me. But hey! If she can do it with my consent, and even with me involved, isn't that the whole idea?! I guess I was jealous of her affection for this guy, but when we realized we didn't want a stranger in our bed it made sense. So now we ask the question "Now What?".