I know my wife likes the "confident" guy and I know that borders on aggressive but that doesn't mean that whenever he sees her she is free to be pawed, caressed, kissed, or fondled. That happens during play. I don't ever want to be told to "cool it", so I am a lot reserved in that regard but once things start I know what to do. Even in the straight world (non lifestyle) friends give hugs to my wife, but I do not solicit them from the other wives, even though I would like them. If the other woman doesn't offer the hug I wont initiate. I know I lose some great hugs this way but better to feel better about myself than to be thought of as pushy or perverted.
Let's say If we were to attend a party or club, I wouldn't want another guy thinking he has full access to my wife at all times, even though we might have played with him previously. It should be almost as if he would treat us like friends and then see if we were interested in playing with him that night, not just assume he is that sure thing. He might not be what we were looking for. So my suggestion is to be cool until that time of agreement, then be confident in what you want and proceed from there. Just my views on this.