MScouple04

My wife loves me deeply and we have talked and we are going to stop for a little while and talk to a counselor and get myself back on my anxiety medication .. My wife has done nothing wrong .. We talk everyday about what is in our minds no matter what it is .. She knows how i am feeling because i tell her .. We are 100 % honest with each other and that was another aggrement we had before doing this that no matter what we would be honest with each other.. She knows what i'm going through and she is helping me through it and she was the one that mentioned us stopping until i get straightened out .. I love my wife with all of my heart and soul and know that she is my soulmate, lover,best friend and my entire life wouldn't be worth crap if she wasn't in it .. I thank everyone again for the advice that has been givin and the advice that i will seek in the future .. Thanks everyone ..

I think everyone missunderstood what i said about our friend and his wife .. They are swingers and they play seperately .. I think my problem is I just dove right in .. didn't do much research on it or anything and instead of starting off as playing together we just jumped in head first .. It may be my fault but I love my wife very much and I am 99 % sure of our relationship and the reason it's only 99 is because the other 1 % isn't because i don't trust her it's because i feel like eventually especially the type of person i am will wind up pushing her away if i don't get my emotions under control .. I can't live with that .. I want to die by her side .. I never want to be 1 second without her .. I will do anything to make this work because my wife likes it and i love seeing the smiles on her face .. I have fun also so it's not completely terrible .. I just need to get over my insecurities .. I know she loves me she tells me and shows me everyday .. I feel like she deserves better than me and that's my problem .. I know she deserves better and now that it's a reality that she may actually find someone better I don't think she would leave me but you never truly know i don't want her to leave but if she found someone that could make her truly happy and feel more loved than i do then i wish her the greatest of luck ( not saying i wouldn't stalk her for awhile though ) .. My whole life from the time i married her is and always will be keep her happy, make her feel the greatest love that I can give and doing anything to keep her in my life .. Without her i know i would be nothing .. On that note i am completely sure about our relationship.. She hasn't done a single thing wrong since we've been married and that's what scares me .. I've done alot wrong and the thought of her being hurt makes me want to kill myself , and if she asked i would do it in a heartbeat.. I know she wouldn't though cause i see it in her eyes that she loves me just as much if not more than i love her .. Our friends are swingers and his wife knew about them being together yesterday .. We are going to play together and only with them for awhile until i get more comfortable with it or start taking illegal drugs .. lol .. i'm kidding .. They are great people and they are great friends and even if we did get out of the lifestyle i know they would still be our friends ... Most of the problems i am having right now are MY problems , nothing that my wife or our friends have done.. I appreciate all of your advice and would like to get more from all of you .. Thanks ..

Hello everyone, my wife and i are newbies in the lifestyle and i was the one to bring it up and i was the one interested in it and she tried it cause she was curious .. After playing the first time i i have had these same jealousy issues and fear of losing my wife that ophelia is having. I am trying really hard to get over them and just have fun because my wife loves the lifestyle and the openess.. I on the other hand realize truly how much i love her and want ONLY her .. I haven't come right out and said i want to stop because i'm afraid that she will hate me for taking something away from her .. I would endure any pain i cause myself while doing this just to see her happy and having fun .. Deep down inside i don't want to do it anymore but i keep doing it because she wants to .. I'm the type of person that prepares for the worst and no matter how many times she tells me she loves me i keep thinking that there must be something that she doesn't love if she still wants to do be in the lifestyle and i am setting myself up for a huge fall i know i am .. I love my wife very much and would do anything for her to see her happy.. We were playing seperatley and she went to one of our friends house yesterday while his wife was out of town and the entire day i was fighting back tears .. Before we started playing we made the rule that we would always use protection .. The first time we played on the trip to our friends house i kept reminding her to use a condom and she assured me she would .. I asked her if she did and she said no .. That right there threw me back a little in my work on getting over my jealousy .. The entire day she was over at our friends house i was thinking she's not going to use a condom and i was picturing them laying in bed holding each other in their arms and slowly kissing and staring in each others eyes.. I'm not mad at anyone for this and for the way i feel because it was my idea and i had an idea on what was going to happen .. I just wasn't ready for it as i thought i was .. I'm continuing with the lifestyle cause i want her to have fun but it is tearing away at my self respect and the image i have of myself but to me it's all worth it to see her smile .. I would appreciate any advice that yall have to give ..