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lovemonkey#1

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About lovemonkey#1

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 12/02/1977

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    M of a Couple
  • Location
    NC
  • Interests
    Playing music, reading, video games, cooking, old movies
  • Occupation
    Musician
  1. Hi gang, It's been quite a while since I've posted. After taking a break from swinging, my wife and I have been toying around with checking out a local on-premises club in the DC/MD area. One of the main reasons we stopped playing is we just grew tired of relying on SLS and AFF to find potential playmates. We found the process to be tedious and hit-or-miss and now that we have a young child we just simply don't have the time for that any more. So I brought up the idea of trying out a club and my wife sounded intrigued. We were both very against it before (we're just not club type people in general) but now I think we're open to giving it a shot. I did a little research and I ran across Tabu and The Crucible, both are pretty close to us. Unfortunately, I'm having some trouble finding many reviews for these places. Have any of you guys been to either or both of these clubs? If so, how do they compare? We're both in our early 40's so what's the usual crowd look like age-wise? Are they good places for newbies like us? Are there any other clubs in the area that might be better? We honestly don't know what we're looking for here so any guidance would be great! Thanks!
  2. Hmmm, interesting topic. My wife and I have been talking about a possible MMF threesome for a while now and I think we're going to try one this summer. At first, I was getting excited about the possibility of just watching her with another man but the concept of full on group play never occurred to me until now. I agree with the poster who said that guys like dicks and seeing them shoot off. I consider myself straight but I do like watching cumshot vids and sometimes I'll even go out of my way to find cumshot compilations on one of the many free video sites I frequent. The idea of giving or receiving oral sex from another man seems exciting but I'm definitely not interested in anal engagement of kissing. Just not for me!
  3. Here's my advice. See a sex therapist, particularly one who isn't threatened by swinging and can guide you without judgment. The reason I say this is my wife and I have had several issues come up about swinging and having a third party present in our discussions was very helpful for our communication. We explored lots of things (i.e., why I was so interested in it, why my wife was resistant, ways to talk about it without it ending up in arguments). Ultimately, we ended up trying it for a couple of years, backing out for a couple more and now we're talking about getting involved again. Our therapist helped guide us through those transitions by helping us learn to respect each other more and how to honestly hear what the other person is saying. The process made us so much healthier and we're looking forward to trying things out again but from a more enlightened perspective. I agree with everyone who says that you shouldn't rush it and that things take time. People's ideas and opinions change and if you can keep a healthy dialog going about it then you'll both probably be able to get at least some aspect of what you want. If you rush it then that will inevitably lead to resentment and that can take years to recover from and set you both even farther back!
  4. agreed. i'm not into the wife-only profiles or the ones where people look like they're not having fun or taking the pictures against their will. i once saw a profile on SLS that absolutely floored me. i can't remember what the profile actually said but what i do remember is that the guy was a complete waste of oxygen. he was one of those super egotistical, body builder types and he couldn't have been more chauvinistic and bigoted if he tried. the thing that got me though is that he had one picture of himself up (naked and flexing his muscles of course) but the rest were of his girlfriend who was obviously not into at all. she almost looked scared in all of the pics and in many of them she was holding a sign that said "property of" whatever the guy's handle name was. according to the profile she was also like 20 years younger than him (he was in his 40's). it was just really sad to me and it turned my stomach. poor girl.
  5. i'm not a big fan of pics where you can tell that the people just aren't even trying at all. i mean, you don't have to dress up and be someone you're not but at least have pictures where the both of you aren't sitting on the couch while watching tv in your dingy work clothes, laundry all over the place, and your baby with an obviously dirty diaper crawling on the floor. at least TRY to be SOMEWHAT sexy and enticing. i also dislike the ones that you can tell were Polaroids from 1982 or that are so small that you can't even see them.
  6. Honestly, I think that the other guy should have made some sort of effort to clue everyone else into what he was "planning". I'm glad that the OP's wife got to squirt and i agree that things like this happen in the lifestyle and you have to learn to get over it. What I don't like though are the assumptions people make about where limits are or how some people just don't seem to take them into consideration at all. If I was the other guy, I would have at least talked to the husband about it first. I think it's rude to just dive right in and start doing whatever I wanted to the other person's wife without verifying that it was ok with everyone first. Yes, they said some soft playing, but even so, there still has to be communication. I mean, I wasn't there so I didn't see how it all went down but I based on what the OP's saying, I think the other guy overstepped his bounds a little bit. It would have made me uncomfortable too and the OP even said that his wife was somewhat uneasy about it. I'm surprised at how many people are just like "deal with it, man. as long as your wife got off you should be happy." Uum, NO... isn't swinging supposed to be about the couples and their comfort levels? It's obvious that there needs to be more communication here. I personally wouldn't play with this couple again because the male half seems to show a lack of respect.
  7. we prefer SLS for all the reasons that have been mentioned above but it seems like we're getting a hell of a lot more action off of AFF lately. the only thing about AFF that i like is that sometimes, when i'm feel particularly raunchy, it's fun to look through some of the sex pics. i mean, say what you want but boobies are boobies and i love them all btw, did you know that you can download people's pics off of their AFF site? so, be careful what you put up if you don't want someone left clicking on it. you can't download pics on SLS.
  8. i agree with this post. i think if you're interested in trying out some things but are uncomfortable doing it in the club you should maybe augment your club visits with some more private get togethers with a select couple or single. also, we found that a good way to break the ice and discover each other's comfort levels is to play a game like spin the bottle or truth or dare. sure, it's kind of childish but it lets you experiment with different scenerios in a low pressure environment. you can always think to yourself, "this doesn't really count, it's only a game". some of our sexist encounters have been during truth or dare ***thinks about this past weekend***.
  9. yes, this is the most important thing to me: personality. and i think they should be able to kiss too!
  10. this is a funny topic. are we talking about the actual vaginal canal or the lips or the clit or what here? personally, i like big lips very very very much... i've seen some monster clits though and sometimes they can be kind of scary
  11. we chatted once with a couple online and it went pretty well. apparently we could all type very fast so it wasn't that big of a deal. we set up another chat with them later on and they stood us up and fell of the planet. we haven't chatted with anyone online since. we usually write a few emails back in form through SLS and then arrange to meet somewhere to talk more if we feel like they are worthwhile. so far that's worked well and we've ended up playing with every couple that we've meet in person. we've only talked on the phone once with a couple but that was to tell that them we couldn't get together with them. honestly, i just don't like talking on the phone anyway and i prefer to hide behind a keyboard
  12. hmmmmm.......... maybe swinger couples relate to other swinger couples much like men relate to other men. in other words, they tend to bond over an activity (i.e., bowling, karaoke, swinging). as long as they have that to share, there will always be a common thread between them. once the activity is taken away, they don't know how to relate to each other anymore and they chose to let the relationship dissolve. just a thought
  13. we're both nonsmokers and we prefer to play with nonsmokers. no offensive to anyone, but i just plain HATE cigarette smoke. almost everyone in my family smokes (dad, mom, most of my aunts, uncles and cousins, grandparents, etc.) so i'd always smell like it. i'd get in trouble at school because i reeked of it and all my teachers and friends would accuse me of sneaking off to light up between classes. my clothes all smelt horrible and the worst part was, i didn't even realize until somebody would point it out to me. i'm also a musician and it sucks to be up on stage trying to play while your eyes are burning and you can barely breathe because more than half of the audience is smoking right in front of you and you can't get away from it. i was so relieved when DC finally banned smoking in the bars and restaurants. so, sorry to say, it is definitely a deal breaker for me. i have been exposed to it my entire life and i have no desire whatsoever to be around it if i can help it. all my friends know that i'm not very tolerant of it so the ones that smoke do their best not to do it around me. i hate to be prejudiced about it but i can't stand it
  14. i both agree and disagree with this statement. i don't think that anyone on this board has illusions about swinging not being primarily about sex. to me, the debate centers more on how different people are defining it and how they want to apply that towards their experience. by using the term "sex" are we talking about just the physical, biological act of intercourse itself or are we talking about the whole sphere of human sexuality? to some, swinging may be a very impersonal and functional affair while others want something more intimate and "meaningful". either way is fine but for those of us who want something more intimate you have to admit that there is a sort of gray area where boundaries can get blurred (sex/friendship, sex/love, etc.). so to say swinging is JUST about sex (whatever your definition) seems to not do some people's experiences or expectations justice. friendship, as i've discovered, is also a very complex issue and whether or not it is a requirement for sex in the swinging world also seems to be in debate. let's face it, sex is a very complicated subject no matter how you approach it. like politics and religion, it's one of those things that has the power to divide or to bring people together. it's usually an emotionally charged topic and we all respond to that in different ways. i certainly don't think it's something than can just be stripped down to it's basic components.
  15. while i've never been to a club, i have to admit that when my wife and i first started talking about swinging we considered it. we weren't sure we would be into it, didn't know what to expect and even tried to read up on it a little bit. we thought that it might be beneficial for us to go just to see what it was all about (swinging, that is). we weren't sure if we wanted to actually participate but we felt like just being in a sexually charged atmosphere would be a good way to initiate ourselves into taking the plunge. we never went obviously, but had we gone our motivation wouldn't have been to go just for the sake of exploiting other couples or treating them like zoo exhibits. like the previous poster pointed out, some people need to evolve into being more open sexually and we are counted among those who need a little more time to adjust. we know what we WANT to do and how we WANT things to be but as we all can attest, those things aren't always in sync with what our instincts tell us. for us, there was a step, then evaluation, another step, another evaluation. we've come to many new conclusions along the way but we choose to see our sexual progress/experimentation as a process and a growing experience. i do sense a certain prejudice against newbies or people that want to take things a little slower and part of me can see why. nobody wants to be jerked around and have their time wasted. some newbies do drag their feet or bring in a lot of drama. i get that. but some of the more experienced swingers need to realize how intimidating it can all be. i mean, we've ALL been there on some level. i'm not going to go so far as to say that there are no bad apples in a swing club but i do think that a fair share of those voyeur couples probably have the best intentions and are simply curious about what it's all about and trying to come to terms with their own comfort levels. how courteous they are in the moment, i can't say... but they might just be uncomfortable or struggling with their own issues. dunno, just a thought...
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