I have to agree with the last two posts. I have had a similar experience, tho not as horrendous as Big Mama or the "polyamory" couple.
Swinging is just sex. Nothing more. It's about you and yours having fun, then going back to your life.
My husband and I met what we thought were a really nice couple. Everything clicked at first and we thought, "Wow, we can be great friends!"
Yeah, right.
During our third "visit" with them, we all had a bad night as the guys couldn't get hard and all that stuff that goes along with being new swingers. No biggie. We'll call it a night. Just as I get in bed, my husband goes into the kitchen to get a drink of water and the other woman basically corners him. Then, she, my husband and her husband proceed with a threesome. Now I know what you're thinking. Why didn't she get up and tell them to stop? The reality is that when you're in a situation like this (which is so new) you don't know what the hell is going on. I was paralized, basically. I knew my absence would send my husband into the room to find out what was the matter. Guess what? He didn't "come" after me.
So, after he "finished", we got into a big fight, left their house, etc. My husband was truly sorry. He's really a good guy, but I had a really hard time with this. I had doubts about myself, our relationship. I mean, swinging was supposed to be FUN!
The next day, the guy emails and says something to the degree of "that was a fantasy of mine", etc. I couldn't believe it. I wrote him back and told him what I thought. They wanted to "meet" and sort through matters. I had to summon all my courage and we met them, talked about it, they said they were sorry and we could all be friends.
So, trust was somewhat re-instated.
We continue to see them on a very regular basis (big mistake) and became what we thought were really close friends. However, the other guy could NEVER get hard with me. NEVER!! We'd all start out doing stuff, then my husband and the other woman would have sex and I'd end up feeling left out becuase this guy didn't "work". This caused a lot of problems in our marriage. It was like we were getting together with them so she and my husband could have sex (no, it was never making love, thank God!) And I went along because I felt they were our friends and I didn't want to hurt their feelings and I didn't want to seem like a bitch and I wanted my husband to enjoy that even if I couldn't. Yet, afterwards, I'd tear into him and make both of us feel like crap about it. And he'd come up with "solutions" as to what we could all do to make the other guy comfortable. This went on for about three months. A very miserable three months in my life. I mean, you get this idea about swinging, how fun it should be and all this (and I'm sure it is!) but what I was experiencing was far from fun.
It all came to a head one night we got together. I thought, I'll give this guy one more chance. We all start and he seems to be okay. But, of course, in the end, he couldn't keep a hard-on. I suggest we go into another room and start fresh and he looks over at my husband and his wife and pointedly says "No." He momentarily leaves the room and I'm sitting there watching them and she moans my husband's name!
I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like such an idiot. Like I was being played or something.
Well, I'm like, forget it and go into another room and have a cigarette. He follows me and we make lame chitchat while my husband is having sex with his wife a room away. Then, she comes into the room after its over and tells us to come back into the living room, turns and flips off the light without a second glance or thought.
That night, I told my husband I never wanted to see these people again, etc. He's like, We can still be friends and I'm sorry and I feel like crap and all that. Then he calls them and says, Everyone is not happy here because she and I are the only ones doing anything. I think we should take the sex part out. They agree, however sounding hurt (he says) they agree.
Fine. We see them socially one more time, but then I notice the emails have slowed down. We don't get any phone calls. We had always been the ones to invite them, so we decided to see if they would invite us to dinner or anything. Guess what? They didn't.
They invited us camping once, then said he was sick and couldn't go. This happened a few times, so I emailed them and said if they didn't want to be friends, fine, just let us know. They call back and say, Oh, no , we want to be friends and where did you ever get that idea?
So, this goes on for a few months. By this time, I am sick of thinking about them. I know these people really aren't our friends. My husband still thinks they are. We finally meet them for lunch and I don't say much. What are you going to say? Thanks for snubbing me? Afterwards, they give us an email saying they thought we were giving them the cold shoulder and didn't want anything to do with us. They also made up all this crap about having to walk on eggshells around us and some other nonsense.
That was basically my swinging experience.
The thing is, you don't know these people. Not everyone has your best interst at heart. These people, in a way, took advantage of us. They were probably into it only for her to have sex with someone. (There has to be an explination of why he never did it with me.) If they had been our "friends", they would have noticed it wasn't working. In the end, it all ended up being our fault (to them at least). They claimed to not wanting to meet every weekend and only did it because we wanted to. The fact was, we treated them rather nicely. We made them dinners, mixed drinks, drove them around in our car, etc. They took full advantage and didn't recriproicate. The fact is, they used us and were never our friends and was only into it to see what they could get.
Be into it for the sex and the fun, then leave it. I know I'll get flamed on this, but these are my feelings. It can work, but I don't believe you can really be friends with people you're having sex with. There are too many egos involved, too many dynamics and feelings.
I am only writing this because when I entered into swinging, I was very naive about it. Hopefully, others can read this and learn from my mistakes.
