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applevenus

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About applevenus

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  • Relationship Status
    M.Male
  • Location
    Ireland
  1. Thanks for the responses. I'm thinking carefully about how to move forward from here. I'm sure I could have handled this better and my partner will have a different perspective. I'm no angel I'm sure. I don't want to paint my partner as a cold sexless person. She isn't. However it's clear to me that I've touched a boundary that piques my imagination but leaves her cold. I'd do anything for her. I don't know if it's fair of me to ask the same of her. She didn't sign up for that :-)
  2. Thank for the inputs. I'm not willing to lose her and I'm willing to try and park my curiosity for her. Yes there have been times when I've wondered if I should have stuck it out so long but with kids etc I cannot allow my desires & interests to run slipshod over everyone else. It might require a bunch of self-discipline - possibly even having to stop reading this site.
  3. I've read this site for 10 years and appreciate the information and sharing. I realised around that time that I was very, very curious about the lifestyle and wanted to explore beyond the vanilla sexual relationship I have with my partner. Over time I have shared with her my fantasies which include observing, going to parties and hanging out with open-minded people who are comfortable discussing sexual activity, going to erotic shows (hell burlesque would be fun I'm sure). Yes I've shared that I'm curious about group sex. Every time, every topic the answer has been 'no'. She is not willing to discuss and does not have fantasies. None. Zero. This weekend we visited a European city for a short holiday and among all the tourist things to do there included a visit to a theatre with an adult show. Yes there was live (well I suspect simulated) sex but at the same time there was a guy dressed in a gorilla costume - all very theatrical and not to be taken seriously. I told my partner that I'd like for us to go and just see what it was like. She agreed to go along and see. I thought that it might be fun and give us something to talk about - hell the sight of other normal regular people might help my partner see why I find non-vanilla sexual subject matter interesting. That evening over dinner I asked if she was still ok with going to the show later and she said yes. Her mood and body language completely changed when we got to the theatre. Despite the fact that it was clean, obviously a 'show' and there were other couples who looked just like us her body language completely changed and she refused to even take off her coat when we sat down. After a few minutes her phone rang and she said she had to leave because there was a problem at home. Stormed out of the theatre leaving me following feeling embarrassed and stupid. So obviously my partner was not comfortable with this show and it blew into an argument. Of course. I said I was tired of trying to be open and honest with how I felt, I didn't know why she said yes when she meant no, I cannot read minds... and so on. She asked what I wanted and I said all I wanted was to live and explore and have fun so long as she was comfortable with it and was having fun too but I am tired of always being the one to initiate absolutely everything. I want something different, my partner is not comfortable with that so I'm finally accepting that 10 years of trying to open up communication hasn't worked. I think it's time I moved on and dropped this. I'm weary of the constant 'no' and the refusal to even discuss. I'm not even talking about participating in swinging... I'm talking about exploring clubs, parties, shows. I've explained this. Repeatedly. My question is this: do any of you have advice for one-side-of-the-couple who has to set aside their curiosity ? How do I park all of that and move on? My interests do not make her happy so it's time to stop.
  4. I don't think it's something to be embarassed about. My experience is that it has taken many years for my wife to feel comfortable sharing. It's frustrating but not embarassing.
  5. That's shocking. I'm glad you've recovered. Have you told the hosts about the positive test?
  6. Thanks for sharing, this sounds like a great start to exploring new things. Unfortunately where I live it might be a little cold to try that
  7. There's some good life advice. I'm not brave enough to always take it but you know what? dodgechevy is 100% right. We get one shot at this and if someone else has a problem with it then screw them.
  8. I'm very sorry to read this. It sounds like a wicked and nasty thing to do to another human being. The advice above is very sound. Law enforcement agencies will be able to trace those emails. A lot of IT professionals would be very capable of doing an investigation but you should leave this in the hands of the police. For the sake of your own sanity & mental health pursue this only as long as you feel able for it.
  9. I have zero experience in the lifestyle but plenty of life experience. I'd send them a note saying that you "understand if something happened that caused them to pull out at the last minute, don't worry about it, life is too short to stress the small things, want to try again? If not that's cool just let us know" Give them a way out of whatever happened. I assume the best in people until proved otherwise. This has served me well.
  10. How is it embarrassing? I've been talking with my partner about playing with others for over 7 years. She is not ready to do anything sexual involving another person or persons and I have to be ok with that because it's not all about me.
  11. This. Jumps out at me. This is beyond a red flag. Forget about swinging/lifestyle/sex/threesomes. This is such a basic issue that , for me, would end a friendship and I'd question whether there was a friendship to begin with or whether I could maintain any sort of honest relationship.
  12. I put 'other'. My wife does not want to swing. Simple as that. She knows this is something I desire and believe we'll enjoy. She doesn't agree. As long as she doesn't want to then that's that as far as I'm concerned.
  13. My wife squirted for the first time last night. I was incredibly erotic for both of us. I'm with Mareellen on this: it was thicker, clearer and slicker. Once she started she couldn't stop.
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