Sexygirltina

Just my 2 cents but I think it is kind of like the bell bottoms and platform shoes every 20 years or so everything gets recycled and everything old is new again. The sixties from what I have read were a time of free love. Now a little late on the 20 year time frame the idea is coming back. I have to say that in the two years that I have been in the lifestyle I have seen a steady growth in the number of swingers at organized events so I have to believe that it is growing in popularity. The interesting thing will be to see if 20 years from now swinging is main-stream and non-swingers are considered to be different.

I gave it a valiant try with single males. Being a single female and economically stable I felt that I understood your point of view better than anyone else. I will get basted for this but what I found was that 60% of single males weren't really single males they fit into one of two categories they were either (separated which is the same as being married or married and lying) or dating a woman whom they had not yet informed that they were in the lifestyle. Now while I certainly reserve and exercise the right to date outside of the lifestyle and that is something that I am upfront about with any male or couple that I meet and it is part of my base profile. I have personally through my own experiences found that is all too frequently the case with single males. In the urge of full disclosure I will mention that I attended an event at a local club which as a single female I did not need a male to attend with but I chose to attend with a male that I met via SLS. I actually had to make the arrangements as the club refused to deal with a male without talking to the female first. In talking to the club owners I discovered that while I was welcome as single female if I attended with a male I would be unwelcome without that male for 6 months after we attended as a couple. I informed said single male that was the case and he informed me that was not an issue and he would be available every other weekend when he did not have his kids which did not coincide with the club event weekends. When the date came for the next event the aforementioned single male informed me that he had been dating another woman and that he was not sure how he would tell her that he was a swinger as he was sure that she would not be interested in the lifestyle. Needless to say I missed that event and while I could work around the fringes to gain re-admittance it did was a serious blow to my confidence in single males. The second nightmare and the one that was really the cincher was I attended an event with another single male. We made plans to attend another event. The night of the event at 10pm long after the start of the event I received an e-mail from him informing me that something had happened in his personal life and that he was sorry. This single male had my cell phone number and could easily have phoned me to have informed me that he could not make it. And while not easily pardonable would have been forgivable. What absolutely amazes me is that I still continue to receive messages from both of the aforementioned males that I choose not to respond to. Which make me wonder if they have done this to other women and the women still talk to them or whether they are either clueless (which is not the impression that I got from them) or the worst possible scenario I am horrible judge of character? But in the end what it comes down to is that I have never had experiences like this with couples. With couples I see the good and the bad upfront and there aren't any games or deliberate misleading statements. Also I will confess with couples I have the cheat factor in that you can find out from the female what the male likes and from the female what the male likes and satisfy both while being satisfied at the same time. I haven't totally written off single males but I certainly approach them with the concept that they may not be what they purport to be. This to my point of view is really unfortunate because the lifestyle is really about letting go of the hang ups and enjoying what life offers. But even in enjoying what is life offers I must if not out of a sense of a sense of human decency but of a sense of being a woman and understanding the intricacies of the emotions involved in entering the lifestyle respect the rules and boundaries of the lifestyle. But then again my sex drive is so high I can’t imagine a woman that my spouse (o.k. I don’t have one but potentially I could)) might be attracted to that I wouldn’t be attracted to as well. But then again I can get turned on by the check-out girl at the grocery store provided that she is over 21. O.K I need to go grocery shopping.

I just want to post an update. I've finally found my couple Just as I ready to pack away my profile for the winter and take a hiatus I received an e-mail message from a couple that seemed to great to be real. They are caring, sexy and intelligent. Now looking back I can see some things that made it harder for me to finally find them. First of all I was looking for a couple that matched me 100%. Well they match my profile 60% but match my personality 100%. So I won't say that I was being too picky but I will say that I wasn't looking at the whole picture of what I wanted in a couple. Now the the other major factor was that as a smoker I wanted a couple that smoked as well. Neither one of them smoke. I have such a great time when I am with them that I don't want to smoke. And coming from me that is the highest compliment I can issue. Well off to more wickedness. Tina

Judging by the way that my thighs starting shaking just reading this post I have say that I would love to be an active participant in a guy/guy/girl mix. I think that the only thing that would be better would be to have to guys who were comfortable with it and not just doing it to make the female happy. By the way you owe me now I have a new fantasy to fulfill. Poor gay men they are no longer safe

I think a lot of people are raised with certain prejudices and until they have a chance to get to know someone from another ethinicity they don't have a chance to find out that these things that Mom and or Dad taught them are not true. There is that old saying" Kill them with kindness" and with situations where race becomes and issue that is the best way to handle it. I 've had a chance to deal with this issue a couple of times in the lifestyle. I knew a couple for about a year who attended dances regularly. The male was always really friendly. One night the wife of my triad and I borrowed him for some fun and had a great time. From that moment forth if I walked into a room he was there like white on rice. A couple of months later his wife took me aside and said "thank ou for getting to know him, before he met you my daughter and I had to listen to him use the N word every day and he blamed African-Americans for everything that was wrong with the world. But since he's met you I have not heard him use the N word and all he can talk about is how cool you are." I had no idea that this man had issues with other races and if you had bet me I would never in a million years have believed you. But this is case that just by getting a chance to know another race he got past those prejudices. My other stories are not so nice. While at a swing club one night and talking to a couple of couples one of the wives said to me that she didn't play with black men because her daddy didn't raise her like that. But this women spent half of the night trying to ram her tongue down my throat and was upset that I wasn't interested in her. So for the unbalanced individuals like her a black single female is acceptable and black married male is unacceptable? While I am sure that her father raised her with these prejudices she can no longer blame him for her racial prejudices as now she is old to enough to learn enough about other cultures and races to get over this issue. While in Hedo we were all lounging at the pool when a rather aggressive male came over and joined our conversation. While a few of us were checking out a rather well endowed pool boy (jamaican) this man thought that it was appropriate to issue the following statement, "I was born a little black boy but decided that I wanted to be a little white boy so I had a surgery to fix that". At which point I looked over at him and said "well they did an excellent job you certainly look like a little boy". The entire pool had a great laugh on that one. But I did feel a little guilty taking a pot shot at his manhood so I apologized and then informed him that I thought that his joke was tasteless and while it may have seemed funny in his head it was never appropriate to tell racial jokes no matter how entertaining one finds them as it promotes racism. How individuals can come into the lifestyle as racists amazes me. I mean here we are choosing a lifestyle that in itself is judged harshly by those not in the lifestyle and being offended that we are judged for that lifestyle choice but certain individual think nothing of judging another individual based upon their race. Tina

EB. I am going to take this section of post If you wanted to play with another couple, what about the couple you came with? Wouldn't you be restricted to them, somewhat? At the least, wouldn't they feel that if you had come with them, you should stay with them? Herein lies problem. And this is why it is so important to be honest upfront. If I come with a couple I am not restricted to that couple and I am honest about that upfront. And vice versa that couple is not restricted to me. Should any of us feel the pulled in another direction we are free to follow it. That said you can rest assured that we will all be smiling before the night is over and if I come with couple I will play with that couple but that doesn't preclude play with another couple or a single. Depending on the couple that you are with the three of you may play with others or not it depends. As part of triad we all agreed that we were free to play with whomever. We tried to play as five and it didn't work as the male we brought in had performance issues when he realized there were there really three women there. The female and I would occasionally take a single male to play with or husband loaned to us for our personal enjoyment those times when our alpha male was out of town and couldn't attend the club with us. While at the farm I found a single female that I was drawn to but did not like my couple. We talked about it and they told me to play with her because if they had the chance they would. Now anyone who knows me knows that while I am bi beyond belief I have to have a male to reach the Big O. So by the time I got back to our room I was dying to share all the exploits of the night and to have a go at both members of my couple. The wife of the triad never tired of romping with single men and exercised that right frequently while at clubs. I know of other couples where both women are straight so that can leave one of the women not getting any depending on the males ability to do a repeat performance in short time span. Really it just comes down to personal preferences. Just like some people only go to house parties and hotel parties whereas some only go to organized events like swing clubs and conventions we have a personal preference for couples and swing clubs. It is kind of hard because you have to go to a good club and see how much fun it can be. Now as to the No means No thing. It is true. However I am just not the kind of person who would go complaining to club owners because someone touched me. The problem is that frequently the individual touches before asking if they can touch. In a case like that it is hard to say anything because you never had a chance to say no. You would have if you had been asked. While people should always ask before touching- Even I ask before touching another woman (shockingly not all are bi) many people in the lifestyle do it then apologize later.

Lets Hunt together! The two of us together in a club focused and intent on our goals would be one heck of a force to be reckoned with. Are you close to the Farm? Interested in the Canadian Swing clubs? BTW the bathroom analogy is perfect

Eternally Single pretty much hit the nail on the head I love going to swing clubs but have found that it is too much of a challenge to do it by myself. The reason that I am looking for couple or a single to go to clubs are and you pick any from the list but on any given night one will happen: 1. Someone mistakes Single Female for Walking Buffett even after being informed that I am not interested. At which point I get to play my favorite game of peel the octopus off. 2. I am really tired of going to events and and not having the click that I need to take it to the next level. As any couple that attends the clubs will tell you some nights you just dont feel attracted to any one at the club. As a result I slip out a little earlier than closing and end up back in my room frustrated and unsatisfied. I could choose someone that I am not attracted to but I live with the belief of "no regrets". Having a couple I click with would solve that problem. There are couples out there and few single men who are interested in the same thing. I say this because when I was with the couple I came into the lifestyle with these very individuals invested a great deal of time doing all they could to split us up so that they could move into their spot. Unfortunately for them the couple I was with were important to me and I was not going to split with them for another couple only as a result of our interactions no longer working out for us. As the club scene rotates a lot of the people you meet either go to other clubs or drop out of the lifestyle so I am not really aware of any of the aforementioned couples or singles but I know they exist. Why would a couple want to have single female and go to a club? Because it is fun and because everyone is guaranteed to have sexually charged night with the culmination being when the three of you are alone. Because as any man who has ever been part of triad will tell you there are very few pleasures quite as great as walking into a club with a woman on each arm. You are right that I do have the type of personality that I could go on my own. But that is more of business persona that I have to maintain Monday thru Friday. On the weekends I want to be free to be woman, soft, passionate, and 100% woman. Going on my own doesn't allow me that freedom.

I am glad that I am not the only one who has approached this like a business project. The only problem is that while I have desired goal and what seems like good team members. My team members don't deliver their portion of the project within the timeline of the project goal. Or they want a million pictures of what the finished project should look like. If this were a real business I would be firing and starting a new team. Despite what I think is a pretty clear objective in my profile I still get the pic collectors, and single men masquerading as couples or married men masquerading as singles. Where do these people come from. HR has done a poor job of pre-screening. I am on the verge of shelving this project and making another go at being a good girl.

If you are looking for MMF and you are in PA you should go to the Farm. I was there a couple years ago with a couple and there were a bunch of single guys on shore leave. You should have no problem arranging a MMF there. But are you sure you want to. I mean maybe I am little shyer than most but even after two years I haven't worked my way up to a mmf threesome.

Happy, Too be honest from what I have seen single females are exclusive to their couples. For me in the beginning just being with a couple was such a new experience that they knocked my socks off every time I was with them and I just wasn't curious about other couples. But this is really something that needs to be discussed up front and honestly. If you all say that you have the freedom to play with others your had better do it in the beginning or you'll have hell to pay later on. It is really easy to work out the jealousy issues in the beginning but if you are exculsive for a long time like a year or more then when you do decide to play you might as well place your head on the chopping block. I've seen arrangements where the single female and the couple were free to play as they chose and arrangements where the single females were exclusive. Both types work it is just important to be truthful. I've also seen triads who have approved play lists which is something I have never been able to fathom but it worked for them so who am I to judge. I personally prefer to be with a primary couple with the understanding that we are all free to play with whomever we wish. They may have a set of rules between the two of them that they follow but other than letting them know that you are going off to play so that they know you are safe you'll want to avoid establishing any play rules amongst the three of you if you are not interested in being exclusive. As to the safety of the clubs. I can honestly tell you that you will not need someone to walk you to your car as in the lifestyle NO means NO. You will have to learn to say No and be clear about it. I still struggle with that aspect of the lifestyle as I prefer to try to wiggle my way out of uncomfortable situations. But when cornered I've been known to issue a not interested at this time because ____? When I first entered the lifestyle there was another single female and she had no problem saying no. To this day I envy her that skill. Although at the time I thought she was just being brutal I now know that she preferred to be thought of as being rude than having to peel off a pair of hands that were intent upon delving into her underwear without even asking if it was o.k. The walking buffet thing is rather specific it is not like that at all clubs and most members are not like that. It is just that at a lot of the clubs there are one or two of them who will think that you are a free for all and take liberties that they would not take if you were married or with a couple. Your first trip to a club would should be with a couple, you can contact the club you are interested in and ask if a host couple can show you around. The first time around the host couple will make sure that you are safe. After that your fair game especially to the host couple. Tina

It could help as my favorite club Close Encounters is in Toronto. I am attending a lifestyle convention there August 6th. And thanks to the Fast Ferry it is only 2 hours away. Tina

I think that you are all on to something here. I've reworked my profile to be a little less demanding as the items on it were more like a wish list. There was so much e-mail coming in that I had a time to just managing what was in the inbox. But after getting through all of that e-mail I would find that I was right back at the same point of still not having anyone who actually wanted to attend the clubs. So I've taken EternallySingles advice and sent a few e-mails out to a couple of couples and singles. I am going to try to be proactive here and see if maybe things will work out a bit different. I am hoping that if I actually select people whose profiles do match what I am looking for instead of just replying to people who send me e-mail but who haven't read my profile that things will work out better. I think that as an African-American female I was a little hesistant to send send e-mail to other members as I realize that not everyone is into the multi-cultural kind of thing. But nothing ventured- nothing gained. Now as to Eternally singles offer: If you lived within NY or PA I would be there with bells on. However six hour drives leave me with a numb derrier. It really is too bad that you don't live in this region because single guys with good attitudes are welcomed wholeheartedly at a couple of the local clubs. One of the clubs actually has a single guys night but while a ton of single guys usually sign up only one or two show up. And those two will gravitate towads each other and not really interact with the rest of the group despite everyone's attempt to engage them in conversation. Thanks for all of the great advice and I will keep you all posted on how things work out. Tina

OK here goes. I've been in and out of the lifestyle for the last two years. I came in with a couple and spent a year with them before things went downhill quickly. I've had some time to sit back and reflect and do the single female thing and have decided that while I enjoy being a single female I would still like to attend swing events. I have found that it is a bit of a challenge to attend swing events as a single because a few individuals assume that because I am single I am a walking buffet. To that end I have placed to personals looking for a swing partner or a swing couple to attend these events with and for fun before and after. After a month of doing the e-mail thing and a few meetings I seem to only meet or talk to people who are either afraid of the clubs or who say that they can't get babysitters long enough to go to the clubs. Can someone please tell me what I am doing wrong here? I am at a loss. I always thought that a string free arrangement with a once or twice a month time commitment would be ideal and that going to the clubs knowing that you were going have your cake and eat it to would be ideal. But it has been like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I became interested in swinging becuase of the freedom that it represented. I wasn't interested in finding mister right but I didn't want to remain celibate either. I needed an environment where I could explore my sexuality and not have any strings attached. The lifestyle presented that opportunity.