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Sweet&Salty

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About Sweet&Salty

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 12/09/1982

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Europe
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    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. Thank you for your insight, it gave me something to think about. Polyamory as a term is something I have been looking at, as I do recognize in me the need for a deeper connection to fully enjoy our experiences in LS. I have no intention ever, how ever much feeling there would come, to leave my true love, the man I trust in this world more than anyone else and know he will stand by me as well. On another hand I somehow have started to feel that having a bit deeper connection with someone other than my husband wouldn't be something that would take away from him. I read from a description of polyamory that it is similar to having multiple children. The amount of love you feel for your children is not something that will be divided in shares, having a certain maximum amount. There is always more to be given. I enjoy the contact with my male friend, I feel he understands and shares some interests that I don't share with my husband, it is nice to have the ability to have a contact like that. However nice I feel this guy is, he has done things in his life my morals would never approve, which is also one thing that has made me think that this is safe to continue. Never ever could I want to actually share a life with a person like that, no matter what happened. Still, having this frienship has helped me to step down a bit from moral highground, to actually be able to be more understanding about people and life, which I think will also help in the future when trying to teach teenage kids about life and be understanding of their possible misshaps. I sure used to be one tough lady with my ideas what is right and what is wrong. Still, for me these criteria have remained the same, however it helps in human relationships to be less judgemental and I enjoy the new me. ?
  2. When I look back at how we lived prior to this new hobby of ours, its easy to see why I feel selfish. We practically had one night during the previous year when still "vanilla" we took an overnight trip, me and hubby. Other than that, life was about family, working mad hours during the week making extra cash from overtime was a way for me to ease my mind about being away from my family, because all I did was benefiting them. Then weekends family time and getting sleep to manage next week of work. That was my life for over two years working in another city. Now my life is quite different after I recovered from the surgeries. I go to the gym, started twerk lessons, go to basketball lessons once a week (used to play when I was a kid). Don't work as much, only a little overtime so I'm not quite as lucrative as I used to be, do less free work for my employer and have spent time with hubby arranging going to clubs, meets and play dates. Grandparents live near and have been a big help for overnights with kids so that fex hubby has come overnight to my work location (the rental has actually been a place where we have hosted a few times) and there is a swingers club in that city as well. So actually I have really been selfish, and that is not something I'm used to. My hubby genuinely seems happy for the situation, me being more relaxed and letting him unwind as well (playing sports etc.), although I always did let him, I just did not show a happy face afterwards as I felt he was being selfish (I know, stupid of me ). I think I will have a discussion with him about the foursome, at least enough for him to understand we won't be meeting them again. Prior to first foursome I remember thinking; will I be jealous? No, I wasn't. There was this happiness I felt having my hubby banging and licking her to orgasm, he must have been pleased with himself. A confidence boost of sorts. This time,although I was having a crappy time, whenever I had a chance to watch him doing her, I was having a grin on my face, happy to see him perform well. Is this weird? Is it a bad sign that neither of us feels jealous of each other? Neither of us had any other sexual partners prior to getting together when just teenagers, so those women are the second and third ever for him.
  3. Thank you, advice much appreciated. I was the initiator of everything and also the one spending time online messaging with potential play friends etc. He is not that into spending that much time to all of this which I totally understand, him being really busy with sports, work, kids hobbies etc. Also, I'm the one with a higher sex drive. I feel like he is into this swinging thing, he has said though that he would not have been able to suggest such a thing himself, somehow because he is a man and would consider it being bad. He is the one first to say if there is any bad feelings, that is this hobby worth having those feelings, and should we just call it quits? Not that he isn't into the experiences we've had, but he genuinely wants me to be happy, as I for him. The connection between us is super strong, we are able to discuss about anything. But to what extent should I tell him how bad the last experience was for me? It was my choice, which was made for his benefit, but I have no desire to make him feel bad about it. I'm an adult, made my own bed and still happy for my hubby to have had a great experience. About me meeting this other guy. My husband is fully aware, besides of our undying love, also my pretty much concrete fixed traditional values about families and marriages. I would best describe myself as a swan relationship wise. I have found my mate, built a life with him, have a family. If all would be lost I would never even consider having another spouse/family, I believe there is something after all this here, so that wouldn't sit well having multiple spouses on the other side ��. Well, enough of beliefs. It is a mixed cake of feelings (lust, friendship, affection and attraction) that I have for this guy but neither of us describes it romantic. More like friend with benefits. My hubby knows that I'm the really honest type of a person, could not ever cheat, living with such a thing would be unbearable. He knows I would tell him the second I did something I would consider out of line. This other guy also knows where I stand, and he has no romantic feelings for me (have discussed about this, he is also really considerate and asks about things being okay with my hubby and all). My husband says that the only thing about this arrangement that he ever wonders about is it not being something that the society would approve, otherwise he says he has no problem. Being a person with pretty conservative values, I also sometimes wonder about it. From a person believing that one should wait with sex until you find your true love to a married woman having lusty sex with another man without hubby. Pretty deep dive to the deep end of things, right? Just that it feels great, I have a great friend to chat with and he makes me feel wanted and super sexy (he is a really intense lover, and uses verbal stimulation as well). He has made me more relaxed, since I feel less deprived of the human close contact during the weeks, so weekends are more relaxed in terms of fex hubby being able to have some me time as well (before I was quite demanding, wanting to have the weekend for family time since being away during the week. Before hubby and kids would visit me one night (wed-thu) during the week, but since Fall 2018 not being able to do so anymore since kids are all in school now and school begins always really early for at least one of them. So feelings about this arrangement are positive, but have read so many swingerstories about hall passes that solo activity and most experiences not so great, so that makes me wonder...
  4. Background: We are a U40 couple, together almost 20 years, married and have kids. Educated academics, husband more laid back, me (wife) more of an analysis machine who needs to think of all possible scenarios beforehand. Happy together, we are each others halves. Up until a year ago, all monogamous relationship (actually we are each others first sexual partners). Always been quite explorative sexually together with toys, tying (soft bondage I would describe it), even have a sex swing. Hubby already early on described me as a nympho, I do like my "meals" to contain several courses ? I think I was around twenty when visited a swingers site online, although nothing came of it. Group sex, as well as threesomes and gangbangs have sort of always been something that I was into as an idea (if I watched porn or chose an erotic novel or looked at sexy pics, they were most likely related to those scenarios). Never did I think I would ever consider acting out on these fantasies. Up until a year ago... that is when I had a bit of a wake up call, massive surgeries, and story short, made me think of the things I want to do for me and us as a couple as well. Not just make money for the mortgage, make my PhD on the side and be mommy. It has been like that a couple of years, me working 150miles away from home mon-fri so mostly stay over in a rental during the weeks. Don't actually know what was I.looking for, but came across a swingers site and info about a club that hosts swingers nights. Discussed with hubby, managed to get him come along and we visited the club. Actually had sex together there, no other participants at that point. He was intrigued by the atmosphere and actually sort of initiated the idea of me giving him a bj in a room where there were a lot of other people. The night was a success. After that we made a profile to an online swingers site, and started looking for couples, soft play in mind (my brain was dead set at that point that penetrative sex was absolutely off limits). Well, soft play couples are not easy to find, as you all probably know. We visited some meets and greets at bars and two other club evenings, where did actually some soft play with few couples. The thing is, we are a bit larger than other people (I'm a tall 5'10 BBW with curves (really big boobs), hubby is just tall 6'6 but normal weight. At clubs I either attract older men, or couples with a BBW woman, and mostly the soft play has included the couples wanting to play with my boobs etc, not really interested in my hubby. A few months in and discussed together we should change our rules and also what we are looking for. We were interested to expand our horizons so to speak since actually finding couples to meet even for coffee etc proved to be hard. I'm not bi, although can touch a woman and enjoy it, so my main interest in in men. I like my men tall, I think its because my hubby is my type and a big girl like me is less likely to feel like a giant if the guy is taller. My hubby on the other hand is not a BBW lover. He does love me and my curves, but if given a chance, would opt me being 60 pounds smaller like I was when we met, and actually I'm working my way to get there. That said, we are looking for something a bit different from what we are as a couple and that has proven to be difficult. We have only had two 4somes and both with couples where the woman had a good body, but the husbands were packing pounds in the mid section, also they were around my height. Since prior to these 4somes, we had had a couple of threesomes with guys found from the online site after widening our search to threesomes as well. However have had very little luck finding women for threesomes, but my type of men, well, there are quite a few. So, we had a few of those experiences, after which my hubby was not that into threesomes, since feels a bit leftout, not interested in voyering and since not all action includes both men (although my favourite part, dp, requires two), during those moments he doesn't really know what he should be doing. That being the background, I wanted to give him some great experiences as well, and after searching and messaging we have met a few couples for coffee and set a play night with two separate occasions. Both nights were great for my hubby, he was really pleased. Described the wives as having great bodies and I'm happy for him that he got those experiences. Me, well, wouldn't do them again and after the second meet felt dirty as if I had sold my body. That guy was really into me I guess and felt like had to.play along since I saw my hubby having a lot of fun with her and was happy for him. Just didn't quite expect having the gush of awfulness after the fact. Having no desire to have sex after the meet (we always have hot steamy sex after swinging experiences), scrubbing myself vigorously in the shower and after my hubby fell asleep, almost started crying, I felt so awful. Can't really discuss about it with my hubby, since that would ruin the experience for him. I just said that it was "ok" when he asked, and that already worried him and made him ask if I regretted it. I told him no, because sincerely I was so happy for him, but I can't imagine doing it again and hope I never need to have that discussion. I just feel sort of obliged to create him chances to have fun as well. We have a deep understanding for each other, swinging has deepened our connection even more and we have sexy sassy conversations all the time. He even is okay me seeing one of the guys we had a threesome solo during the weeks when I'm alone at work 150 miles away (guy lives in that city, is a man with open marriage, kids and we have met maybe once a month for the last 6 months, really my type, almost as tall as my hubby and athletic, sexually we really click and we also have a good connection and message each other several times a week, I can tell him about our adventures, he tells me his (he has bisexual side as well) and even regular stuff (my hubby and him and our kids share a hobby, and they both are coaching as well). Just sort of feels like a natural connection. And I have never met him without an okay from hubby beforehand, and always have told my hubby about the meets to the extent he wants. So, if there still is someone reading this awfully long post, these are my questions I would really appreciate advice on: 1. How should we continue this adventure of ours, compromising just seems to be a bad solution, is there ever going to be a chance we would appeal to a couple that we would both fancy? As people we are humorous, my hubby a bit shy at first but me, I'm the crowd pleaser, the one who always even at work makes people laugh and I enjoy making people happy, so would not expect there to be a problem in that sense. 2) This solo thing, is it okay or some sort of a slippery slope? Not something I was looking for, nor that interested in trying with anyone else. We have an amazing connection with him, and if and when we stop this, would consider him as a friend that I would want to stay in contact with. My hubby says that its okay for me to see him, since he sees that he is important to me. I have asked him on several occasions would it be better if I didn't meet him anymore, also because it has been difficult to arrange something nice like a FMF for him etc but he sees no reason for me to need to stop. Deep inside being quite a conservative person, I just second guess, although this feels great and seems like everything is okay, is it still wrong for us? Applause for anyone getting this far, and sorry for writing such a long story.
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