deecubed

We have been using the 3fun app lately, and it has brought up MANY younger couples in our area, maybe try that. DON'T PAY for the subscription unless you have some luck (we did) because your area may be more sparse in younger, on this app, swingers.

Ok, 2 weeks later. The neighbors and us are on good terms, the neighbors wife especially was mad at my wife for pushing so hard after telling her repeatedly not to, and this hurt my wife because she considers her a very good friend. The neighbors wife wants or at least wanted me before all of this shit show, and my wife really wanted that to happen (still does even though the neighbors are completely out of the realm of playing now). One of the things I have definitely learned from this is that my wife wants me to read into her statements (she is working on that with me) and I try to just say what I mean but fall short trying not to hurt her(also working on this). There are a lot of good things to have come from this, our communication has never been better, and both of us are trying to be candid about everything. She or I can masturbate openly and the other, when just walking in on it, may want to join in or just watch or go on about what they were doing. This small thing to me is very exciting. We are still talking expectations, rules, guidelines etc. and are ready to try again... But not anytime soon. We need to be in complete agreement, luckily we are in complete agreement about that. Something we are struggling with at the moment is that she can't research like I do because, for the last 2 years or so, reading gives her migraines. Yes I do read to her, but she gets bored quickly if the subject isn't in correlation to what we want. I am working through the fact she only has one hard limit and it is me kissing someone else (I'm fine with this). Everything else goes as far as she is concerned and I am not ok reciprocating these feelings yet, and may never be, but I can work towards them. As I have read many times before, it isn't a race. Again thanks for any input/critique/advice. Always learning, Dee

I love this, thank you for sharing. My wife wants to jump in with both feet while I have been dragging mine. We are working towards a mutual experience and hopefully I can alleviate this fear I personally have because I am definitely wanting more.

She has hit the brakes completely on pushing me, but now we are having active really good conversations. I am not, at all, out of the realm of a mfm or fmf mash up, but still a no go on a swap, I think a few experiences may help me with confidence in a swap, but time will tell. Her fantasy is being tied to a chair, naked with a blindfold on and having numerous men grope her. I can get on board with that and am actually looking forward to and into it. For me, it's the pushing that she was doing that was doing damage (again with the ex wife comparison). She understands that now and is not pushing, just discussing and listening to what I want, what I think and what I am reading about every aspect I can absorb on the subject from here and other sources. I am listening to everything she has to say on it as well and considering effects and so on. We discuss what is being said, how we feel about it and what we will do, what we are ok or not ok with. I explained that her being with the wife without me there and the husband there hurt and she agreed not to spend time with them (him specifically) without me as suggested by GoldCoCouple the first time. Communication is improving, trust is again improving. This woman means the world to me and isn't trying to leave me. It may be months or longer before anything happens, unfortunately (or possibly fortunately) the neighbors are out as playmates but still hanging out regularly as friends, the awkward is fading daily. About the control thing in earlier posts, my wife is my sub (light play) and it turns her and I on having me in control, but I do believe this needs (at least for us) to be an even ground thing all around, no control play, no permissions just understanding and agreement. I apologize, I don't mean to make this my journal, but who knows someone may get more insight working with a similar situation. Again thank you all for the advice.

Thank you again ColdCoCouple. We talked it over and are out of this realm for now. She understands she was pushing me too hard too fast. We will stick to our "normal" kinks for now. She said she wasn't going to tell me her fantasies and thoughts anymore because it hurt me, and in the last couple days has gone back to talking openly. I told her, hurt me or not, talk openly. It's the only way I know how you feel. She was nothing but rush forward and understands that is what hurt me. The relationship feels good right now, time will tell. Again, thank you for the advice and kind words.

Sincerely, thank you padoc. The other couple is still good with us hanging out, but yeah, we may not be. Oh and the control thing, she asked for specifically.

Well, she pushed past my comfort zone for about the tenth time, I said I wasn't comfortable with more than the 2 couple's having sex and the women interacting for now. Kept telling her I need time, and the neighbors are moving in a month or so, so it would probably never happen with them. She got mad, saying that I said it would happen eventually. I said yes, eventually. She want's him specifically because she considers the neighbors "safe",I thought for hours and said maybe if you let me control your actions while we are there but she says she can't (or doesn't want to) control her own actions. So all the next day I trying to figure out what to say and how to keep her from shutting down again, the neighbors asked me to drop something by to them, and I spilled some of what was going on to them. Come to find out they weren't into it either, and they were mad she assumed they were. I tell her the next morning and she looses it, says she never said that (not being able to control herself with him), says she meant possible other men and (obviously) was pissed that I talked to them before her. Told me "fuck it, this is over, never again" Then she wouldn't talk to me for 6 hours, just cried. When she finally would talk to me, last night, it came out that she has been feeling this way a long time and was finally comfortable telling me about it and I broke her trust and lost all that open communication. I told her she was moving WAY too fast for me, all she will say now is that it is a moot point because she is done. I am going to give her a few weeks (months) and slowly bring it up again, if she is feeling better (I doubt it) But just because she comes out with all of this and is ready because she has been building up to it forever doesn't mean I am on the same page or wouldn't be eventually. Again, she doesn't see it that way. Funny enough, as of right now I don't want to have sex with other people, I think I would enjoy seeing her do it, and share her with another man/woman, but that would also take time to be completely comfortable with. Again, thanks for the advice.

GoldCoCouple Thank you sincerely. She asked for me to read my message and any replies when I told her about this site. She understands what you are saying and asked my opinion on it as well. We keep an open dialogue and will continue to do so. She is good with putting the brakes on and continuing dialogue. Things will work out, they always do one way or another.

Sorry, going to be a long post, I am long winded in person as well. 38m wife is 40f *breathe in* So I come back from a weekend away, 3 weeks ago, to find my monogamous partner of 14 years completely open an honest with me about every thing she wants, feels, imagines, dreams, kinks, insecurities etc. It was extremely uplifting, I love the total breakdown of barriers, she is interested in other women especially, but men as well. Has a thing for the "open relationship" neighbors and being dominated (by me)all details included. I don't honestly know what got into her, but we have had the hottest sex in the last 12 years at least in 3 weeks. She wants to watch me with another woman and later join and, hopefully have me let her go with another man, etc. So last weekend we got together with the neighbors, rules included no male touching opposite female, and it was awesome. I was good when we came home, then she kept asking if the female could come home with us for the night. She wouldn't take no for an answer, but he doesn't want me with his wife if he can't have mine. I assume this jealousy is normal, and I am wanting more every day to say yes. I am ex-military, still in decent shape and she has been disabled for years and overweight though she has been loosing a bunch. I LOVE seeing her wanted by someone else (the husband and smoking hot wife) but I had an actual panic attack thinking about her with him. I asked for a few weeks to reflect and think about how I feel and why I am feeling it and she said she is ok with this, but she asks every other day where I am at on my thoughts. So yeah, I really really want to do this, but I am really jealous of him and would like to curb those thoughts. I have made some headway but not enough to be comfortable in saying "go for it". Any thoughts? If you need more information just ask. *edit* I forgot, possibly the most important part. My ex wife and I used to do this, she burned me bad, started seeing others without knowledge or consent and eventually led to our divorce. I am positive this is my hang up. But I used to enjoy swapping/swinging so much.