MS1999

That quick change in tone does seem weird. Its good it's worked out but it was a weird pivot

Our #1 rule in the lifestyle is 'any mistake that is innocently made is immediately forgiven'. We've both messed up on accident, in the heat of the moment going further than our rules really allow. We've never done anything that would put the other at risk (eg unprotected sex) and we've never done anything that was not, sincerely, a minor slip up. So, in your case it seems totally understandable how that mistake could happen and it doesn't seem like a big deal... I think he should be able to get past it

As others have indicated, this seems to have loads of red flags. Her getting angry and aggressive tone and suggesting you don't trust her. She sincerely feel that way - that you need to trust her that she can handle the feeling in that second relationship she has. But this is not about trust - she may not be able to control it. When she feels that new relationship energy with someone else, and when she is only with him, and chatting with him, about the good stuff as opposed to the day to day like you both have - it's hard not to develop inappropriate feeling for someone else. I think you are wise to discourage this.

We have some friends in the lifestyle who are extremely shy until you get to know them. The two things they've found to help (1) have a few prepared questions that get the conversation going, as someone earlier mentioned and (2) go to clubs with music and dancing; it can be easier to meet on the dance floor where talking is not as expected

I remember my first time. We never play separately, so it was a big step. We were hanging out with our good friends. We'd been watching a movie and his wife and I fell asleep. We woke up to the feeling of motion on the sofa. We were a little surprised to see them fully at it, but didn't take long to wake up enough to join in.

We've been able to try a sex swing a few times at a sexy resort we go to. The angles are perfect and, although I wouldn't want to use one daily, it's a fantastic treat

If you use condoms I would think they are reasonable close to the same levels of risk. I think the risks in soft swap are quite low, but maybe not as low as some think they are. And the risks of full swap are a little higher that I would think

From medical news today --- when used perfectly every time, the World Health Organization (WHO) Trusted Sourceestimate that 4% of people using the pull-out method will become pregnant. This is similar to condoms, which have a 2% chance of pregnancy when used perfectly Pull out is actually pretty effective. I stand by what I said.. .there plan of bareback with pullout - while not something I would do - is not nuts when it comes to pregnancy prevention.

My wife and I have a very firm rule -- "any mistake innocently made is immediately forgiven". You got caught in the moment. Thats 100% natural and understandable.

I'm going go try a different take on this question. Although jealousy has never been an issue for us, my wife has sometimes had difficulty interacting with the other women present at lifestyle clubs. She sometimes finds it hard to know what to speak about with them. Her theory is that women, when they are getting to know one another, often talk about kids, family, etc. For lifestyle friends, this is not as comfortable, so she's sometimes found herself trying to think of what to talk about.

I agree with most of what has been said above. We've had a few experiences with single women. For us, in each case it started with a legitimate attraction and friendship. Our first was actually with a vanilla friend who knew we were sexual and she simply asked if we would be open to it. It was wonderful. So, my advice pertinent to this discussion is to be politely open about your sexuality and opportunities will arise The other times have been with women we met through an adult dating site. Each time, it was after a couple weeks of chatting back and forth, getting to know each other, and seeing there was mutual attraction, affection and a safe feeling. SO, here, my advice would be not to rush things. Single women have tons and tons of choices... its really helps if you legitimately like each other and can connect non sexually as well. At least that is what we've found

We've done it a couple of times with close friends. It was pretty fun and sexy.. but maybe because we had a relationships and we could get past the inherent awkwardness. We've had another couple ask us, who we don't know. We're not sure how that would work. The idea of just watching others have sex as we are having sex is kind of appealing but not exactly what we want. But the interactivity would be tough if we dont know them. And we've talked about going on something like Chatroulette but have not yet.. for the reasons you experienced, Divinity,

This is such a good question. My observation is 'not really' ... women (and men to some extent) in the lifestyle rarely share their playfriends. And - as you say - its odd, since we share our partners. I think it has something to do with the very tennis link we have with our play partners... there is no stability so we worry - maybe - if we refer them to someone else, they will like that 'someone else' better. I also think there is a question of privacy and discretion. My wife and I never discuss play partners with others... for fear of 'outing' them. We had a situation once where we knew (but they did not) that twi different couples we played with worked in the same place and would have been really problematic had it been known they were in the lifestyle. So we keep play partners private

I really feel for you. Meeting people on swinging and dating sites is incredibly hard. My wife and I have been on a site for a few years, and would offer a couple of observations from our experience - at least half of the 'couples' on these sites have no real intention of meeting or being with other people. They are there to socialize or are fakes. So when things don't work out with them, its not them rejecting you... they simply don't exist in the capacity you are imagining them to exist in - energy and openness is much more important than attraction. We've been to Desire (a 5 star lifestyle resort in Mexico) a bunch of times and one of the things that really strikes me about the lifestyle is how open people are to different body shapes and appearances. There are (of course) many who place huge preference on looks, but there seems be far more who just want fun, friendly, sexy people. - examine how you 'present yourself' . My wife is a master at this. Whenever she enters a room (vanilla or otherwise) she radiates a positive, friendly energy. As a result, people are absolutely drawn to her. Its not her looks necessarily (although she's lucky to be attractive) its the energy she puts out when she's in a room of people. You say you lack confidence... we all do to some extent. But there is training and tips to allow you to still present yourself as confident, friendly, open .. even if you are not 100% feeling that way And I final point... I was intrigued by you saying that your vanilla friends feel like 'half friends'. Have you ever thought about why that is? Its trite to say (but soooo true) you need to be a good friend to have good friends. Do you show yourself to the 'there' for your friends when they need you. Do you go out of your way to do ice things for friends. Are you 100% open and honest with them. These are the things that deeper friendships are built on

As I read your post, the words that keep going through my mind is 'primacy' and 'stability'. I read an article in Psychology Today recently that explained why - physiologically - people are jealous early in relationships. Its because they are not yet confident that they have stable primacy and acts that pull that primacy into question shake them. Your situation is tough.. you have primacy and you feel stability, yet it seems that this [pretty much unilateral] decision of his to seek another couple when he travelled, may be margin you feel as though you're not as primary as you think. I think the idea of only playing when you are together is a good one. It makes it a shared experience.