I think too many mis understandings, lack of understanding or even self endulgences are going wrong.
As a single guy who has help work this out with some really special couples it’s obvious one of the few “unprepared swinger” norms may be happening. A lot gets left out of the translation as viewed from both sides.
You need to ask him exactly what he would like to try or what he really wants to explore. Then ask yourself if your into it too. Then do the exploring and experiencing together. ( It sounds like he didn’t intend for you to be the “HOT WIFE” while he sits back). I could be wrong as I hadn’t asked you both together.
Maybe he wants to try soft swing? How about you?
Maybe you went after her and the guys ( as you said you made out with a bunch of guys) and left him feeling like you abandoned the fantasy/relationship/him. ( to me this is what I’d guess and please don’t take it as judgment ).
A lot of swinging couples enjoy knowing, being a part of and/or feeling their partners pleasures with others. Knowing they are even the empowering partner helping make the situation positive and rewarding. If you just take off into the moment it may come across as a “thank you but I’ll see you later after I get me fun on by myself” then a lot of bonds get broken. Damaged.
Exploring together, knowing what everyone is excited for and respecting each other’s experience can lead to some of the most incredible and rewarding sexually mindgasmic times you’ve ever experienced
This is an awesome bond that needs to be respected when playing from both sides. It takes growth, time, trust and a developed understanding.
So please be sure not to sprint into the list but guide yourselves into it together if you choose. It’s much better that way