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Lavender Lily

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    8
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  • Days Won

    1

Lavender Lily last won the day on June 27 2018

Lavender Lily had the most liked content!

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17 Good

About Lavender Lily

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 05/10/1972

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Married female
  • Location
    State of Confusion
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. I understand that in theory, but all too often a person will be married to someone - and be happy - but it's more of a comfortable arrangement that is easy and familiar, not spicy... And then when they suddenly find that spice in someone, they don't realize how badly they need it until it's presented to them in a hot little package. That is something that I greatly fear - that someone else will be that package for him while I'm still scrambling around trying to figure out how to do it. I've read a lot of books on sexuality,, taken classes in erotic massage, yadda yadda yadda... But still I struggle to actually FEEL desirable and sexy. i This is BEAUTIFUL. I've never heard of it put this way before. This really does give me something to think about. Thank you.
  2. I think another fear of mine is that my husband will have sex with women who are younger, prettier and more sexually skilled and confident than me. Meanwhile, I will have a repeat of what happened last time, or get no repeat at all. Everyone talks about how women have it so easy in the lifestyle, but from my perspective it''s the men who have it easy... all these beautiful confident women, encouraged to approach men, while they sit back and receive. Meanwhile, those of us (women) who are not beautiful or confident have to flounder and hope we somehow figure it out.
  3. Thank you. My husband does know about my insecurities and does tell me that he thinks I'm attractive, but also says I am the only one who is in control of my confidence and self-perception, that all the compliments in the world won't help if I don't love myself. I understand what he means and I'm in therapy for this (as part of couples therapy). Our therapist believes that the "law of attraction" is in play and that I'm drawing negative energy to myself because of my negative self-perception. I've dealt with rejection all my life, but rejection in the lifestyle would be exceptionally painful for me because it would essentially confirm what I've always suspected - that I have no sex appeal and no sexual charisma. The fact that things went so poorly with me and that last couple (but very well for my husband ) is proof that the other couple''s husband was taking one for the team. It was clear that he had no interest in me. Maybe. We're fairly new to it (been doing it for three months) and, honestly, I'm really discouraged so far. I've tried striking up conversations with various couples so far and the women are always friendly and welcoming but the men ignore me entirely in most cases, or just speak to me as cordially as they would speak to my husband - no flirting at all. When I try to flirt, I get no response. This is further proof that, sexually, I'm a complete dud.
  4. So now I just need to find sexual partners to help overcome my shyness. . But I can't find them in the lifestyle UNTIL I overcome my shyness LOL Why am I starting to get the feeling that I'm too stupid for this? LOL
  5. Thanks. My lack of confidence stems just as much from my lack of sex appeal as my fear of rejection. If I knew how to fake sex appeal, my fear of rejection wouldn't be as strong. I don't know how to project sex appeal because I don't have it and don't know how to fake it. Sorry if this is confusing.
  6. Yes, my husband and I go to the clubs together. He is very charismatic and great with people. I'm the one who has trouble getting past general conversation. This is a problem because, at least in our area, the women are expected to be the ones to initiate everything. I lack the confidence to do this, as I am always dealing with this nagging feeling that whoever I approach won't be interested in me. We have had one experience with a couple that went very poorly. After meeting them at a club and hanging out with them a few times, the wife initiated things with me and suggested that we play. I was hesitant because the husband had not expressed any interestin me at all, but she insisted that he was just shy. Well, long story short, when we finally got together he couldn't get an erection no matter what I tried, and he showed no interest in pleasing me or helping me help him... he just wanted to watch the wife with my husband, and then fuck her afterwards. I was completely left out and felt like I was 2 inches tall. I would say that I lack confidence because I have poor self image, if that makes any sense.
  7. Ok, so how do you fake it? I know that sounds like a dunce question, but honestly, if I knew how to fake it, I would be doing it already
  8. I've always lacked sexual and personal confidence, to the point where I can't approach or evenot flirt with men. If a man doesn't flirt with me, I assume it's because he's not into me. I have no seduction game at all.. I've read books and websites about it but don't have the courage to try it because I'm afraid of rejection. It's happened so many times before that it's now kind of a default for me. I wear sexy clothes, I am in reasonably good shape and HWP, but I still lack that confidence that is supposed to attract others to you. I have no idea how to even fake it. Unfortunately, in the LS, women are expected to be assertife, seductive and confident. Ladies (and men who can speak from a woman's perspective)... how do I overcome this? I hate the rejection but have pretty much resigned myself to it... but I don't want it to be that way forever.
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