Sassymama45

In all honesty, I am seeing firsthand how hard it is to meet people in the lifestyle. I have taken the lead on that, and it isn't easy. So, I do see your point there. With the couple, I am not attracted to the husband. And my hubby told me during a previous playdate with them where he brought a female, his date was turned off due to the husband's size and ended up left out. However, my hubby still played with the couple. (This was well before we met.) I told him that situation is one I never want to be in--where I am not participating and he continues. He said he understood. It is never going to happen with the couple, although they are nice and fun hang out with. As for the female friend, I was not happy that he never told me he played with her before. We (female friend and I) have met on several occasions. I also have a thing about opposite sex communication. With any women we have met, I exchange contact info with them and that is how we communicate. This is HIS friend, so that doesn't work, and I get that. Because she is nice, I could see us all playing at some point, but his actions don't make me comfortable with it. I don't want to be controlling or overly sensitive. My husband has never been in the lifestyle with a significant other, so he is having to adjust to considering another person. I want him to work with me in building our own group of lifestyle friends and said he can initiate. However he is hesitant because at times he doesn't pick up on certain "rude" behavior. (If a woman is into him and barely acknowledges me, it won't happen. Again, that adjustment to considering his SO in those situations is tough sometimes.) Any and all suggestions and feedback are welcomed.

Background: We are newly weds, but have been in the lifestyle for almost two years. He introduced me to it. Because he has had way more experience than I have, he has friends both single females and couples with whom he has played with in the past and maintained friendships. Some were even invited to our wedding. However, early on, I told him that I did not want to play with his females friends or couples he played with in the past. The primary reasons for this is because I was not comfortable with him setting up play sessions with women or couples he already knew. I felt like I was JOINING them as opposed to them joining us. And I wanted to avoid any attempts to set up sessions with him without me. He has on four occasions attempted to set up these plays sessions, which has made me upset. First time: A female friend he played with in the past. We were out of town where she lives, and I found a club for us to go to. Instead of introducing me to her over lunch or dinner, he unilaterally invited her to the club. A big no go. Second time: A couple he played with previously. I had already conversed with the wife but never indicated I wanted to play with them. We were all visiting another city, so during my first in person meeting with them (which was after a club visit and dinner with my husband that they did not join us for), he had me in a situation where he was trying to get us to play, and they were all for it. I was exhausted and not really feeling the husband, but he ignored that and kept pressuring me to the point where I had to walk out of the room and say good night. Third time: Same couple but this time via groupchat. They were coming to our reception and during the groupchat about logistics, he brought up sex and us playing together. Offline I let him know I was bothered about it and to stop it. He apologized (again). Fourth time: Another female friend. Admittedly, during a weekend we were hanging out at a bar, and we were making out in front of my husband. However, he had never told me he played with her before. So, recently, he unilaterally invited her over for dinner, despite me noting I wasn't really up for entertaining ANYONE. I was still cordial and nice. He was extra bubbly so to speak and again tried to create a situation for play. Nothing happened, and I asked him the next day if that was what he was doing, and he said no. That was when I asked if he had played with her before, and he told me he had. It is THAT kind of backhanded time of behavior that continues to make me uncomfortable about playing with his friends. I am not sure how to address it or what to do. We go to clubs and resorts, and I initiate those trips 75% of the time. We have played with a mutual friend of mine that I arranged. I talk to the women we play with, and he always selects the guys. Any discussions with single guys, I always include him in a group chat. HELP! Am I being overly sensitive or too controlling? If not, how do I get him to stop this crap?