My boyfriend and I have been engaged in the lifestyle together since we started dating. I truly love this man and the chemistry we have together is incredible. The problem is, there have been several incidents that have really hurt me and I can’t figure out what to do or how to get past them.
We are a soft swap couple, and agreed that kissing between M-F is off limits. He enjoys seeing me kiss other girls. We also agreed that actual sex (penetration) is just for us. But oral, touching, playing with toys, etc. is all fine.
On at least three occasions, he has broken the no kissing rule. We always play together so I’ve had to witness it right in front of me. He is extremely territorial and I know if I had broken a rule, he’d be beyond upset. Any time we play with another couple, I usually focus more on the other woman and an VERY careful with what I do with the man. TBH, other than my BF, there are very few men I’m even turned on by - we have such an amazing connection and chemistry that it’s hard for me to feel much for any other guy. I do get turned on by women but not even to the point I do with him. Regardless, he’s broken this rule three times now. He always apologizes, says he was just surprised when the woman kissed him and he didn’t initiate it. To make it worse, all the couples are aware of our boundaries so it makes me feel doubly betrayed. He’s never once tried to stop a kiss or shut it down, it’s like he’s always more worried about the other people involved than me.
To complicate things further, my boyfriend’s BFF is a young, beautiful 20 something girl. She’s very protective of him and hesitant to be my friend. One VERY bad night, after lots of margaritas and tequila, we took her to a sex club with us. I truly, truly thought we were just taking her to show her the place. I watched them dance really sexy with each other (in my drunken haze) and before I knew it, we were in the sybian room together. He started playing with us both, I watched him go down on her, her on him, all the touching and moaning and I couldn’t take it. I used our excuse that we agreed on months before if either of us were feeling uncomfortable, and ran out of the room. I went to the bathroom, came back and they were still in the room with the door closed. He finally came out to check on me but I’ll never forget sitting there, alone, waiting. We agreed to leave but he was more concerned about hurting her feelings than dealing with mine, and lied to her and said I was sick. She was so drunk she “HAD” to stay overnight while I eventually had to go home because of my dog. Then she stayed the whole next day. He’s apologized for what happened and I’ve tried hard to get over it. I have to see this woman at least 3-4 times a week because of our businesss. And, have had to watch them work closely together on things. It’s killing me inside. She drunk texts him, they talk about sex, she always has some inside joke or secret to tell him and I watch them kiss and hug every time they see each other. I keep telling him I’m struggling but he won’t change anything. He’s assured me that things have just gone back to normal between them and they’ve never discussed that night again. But the proof is in their actions , isn’t it? I’m the one who was so uncomfortable I stopped it. I have no doubt they would’ve went through with it and probably more rules would have been broken. She’s also been to his apartment and he never told me.
The rules being broken repeatedly and this incident have me feeling awful. I wanted to talk to him about it today but he refuses because there’s other things to deal with. A rule was broken last night and I’m seriously questioning things. At the very least, I think we need a break from the lifestyle. I can never get a break from the BFF and he doesn’t care how much it hurts me. Does anyone have any advice (but be kind please, I’m feeling really low.) Thank you in advance.
