Hello!! Just have a premise to start with:
I would like to say sorry in advance if I make some grammar mistakes; English is not my mother tongue. Also, I am from the European side of the globe so it will probably look like I wrote this post in the middle of the night like some poor insomniac girl when here is actually 12 pm XD. Also, it will be a lenghty post. I did browse a little through the forum but I didn't find the exact answers I needed to my questions, hence why I did this.
So, on with it! I am a young girl (23) who has recently began to wonder about things and topics that in my environment - or at least within the people I know - are at best not really talked about or at worst heavily frowned upon. Sexuality is one of these. Please forgive me if it doesn't look like I belong in this forum, but I would really like to confront myself with other people, even if I don't think I'm cut out for the LS; I still would love a discussion and some answers if that's okay.
First off, I am an introverted person but I've become more and more happy about my social skills and I am definitely better at interacting with people; this is something that happened slowly in the past 3 years and along with it (before this I really had very little interest in sex) I discovered more about myself sexually: what I love, what I hate, what I am curious about.
About the latter, the swinger lifestyle is something that intrigues me: what made you decide to dive into it and how do you maintain that love and trust with your spouse/partner? If, say, they told you that they could not do it anymore would you drop everything? Is it bad to be a "vanilla person"? I ask this because I did have a discussion with another girl who told me that apart from what you do alone with your partner doing more adventurous stuff with other people or couples was what made you feel alive (in her own words). She told me that in the end monogamy doesn't work and the majority of people after a while in their marriage just stop wanting to get intimate with their spouse. Of this last thing I've heard about and it saddens me, yes, but everything else she said was very upsetting and shattering for me; I am not the uber jealous or possessive person at all and I do have my kinks and fantasies, and while I could totally see myself doing casual sex or even the mfm while single, if I fall in love with another (single) person I couldn't bear to share the love or affection we have with another couple or a single. But she said to me that this mindset makes you less capable of maintaining a rewarding relationship and that my partner would eventually leave me when confronted with more interesting things that I was not willing to partake in. Is that true...? in your opinion, I mean.
Onto another topic, another thing I am confused about is the difference between a Sex Club and a Swinger Club? taking myself as example: I would like casual sex (taking things really slowly though, there are times I may not be comfortable with it) or getting to know a person that would eventually lead to a one night stand, and I've been told that a Swinger Club is preferable to a Sex Club for that. And erm... I am not sure that's quite right for me? could you enlighten me on the subject a little? Like, what happens inside these places, how do you find one and get in? The only source of info I had was the same girl as before who told me she went as a single female at a Swing club (the so called mythological unicorn I guess? ehehe xD) and the couple she ended up with used her as a sex object basically; they talked about her, not TO her, in third person and only to comment about the things she was doing and leaving her out of the affection. She was okay with it but I found it disheartening; or maybe I'm the one who looks at it the wrong way? Is there a right way to behave with a single female/male who joined a couple for a night?
All in all, I'm quite sure I'm not a swinger at this point, I am for intercourse with other unattached people, that's why I don't think a Swinger Club would be right for me, but what are the other options?
Thank you for reading this through and finding time to answer!!! I'll just finish by saying that while I may not be part of the LS I totally respect the people who are. I have to say, at first, upon discovering this existed I thought of you as some mythical creatures that were kind of awesome and intimidating at the same time. But yeah, you're awesome. And probably you'll find it weird of me to say so, but in the end I'm an average girl who's discovering new things and loves to ask questions, while also wishing society was less prejudiced. I mean, I can't even say "Hey you know, tonight I really feel like getting some" without being looked at like I have two heads. Frustrating!
