Madamekingsway

Firstly, I am so sorry you experienced this. I am a survivor of rape. I know the feelings you are having. I half heartedly tried to stop my rapist but fear was my main driver and I felt safer to just go along then to stand up for myself. No matter how you label it, it was wrong. You and your rights were violated and you are going to need some time, love, and support to make peace with what happened. I have been sexually assaulted by four different parties. The first my grandfather as a toddler and young child, the second my stepfather as a young teenager, the third my cousin as a teenager and the fourth by a group of men as a young adult. I have seekes justice for the rape by my stepfather. The court process was the hardest thing I ever had to do and he even plead guilty. I never bothered with anyone else because it was just so hard emotionally and I was so fragile for so many years. The assault as a young adult was fueled by alcohol. I was too drunk to consent. I ended up in a situation I would have never agreed to otherwise and I struggled for years blaming myself. But I know in my heart it was wrong. They knew it was wrong too as some things happened after to protect themselves. I hope the best for you and much healing. I’d stay away from swinging for now. Sex was a big trigger for me. I’d have flashbacks all the time. I’d think it would be best to be with your husband if something like that were to happen for you. Feel free to contact me with any questions. I am an open book!