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NWlovin’

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About NWlovin’

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 09/11/1971

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple M/F
  • Location
    PNW
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Lovin’EyeFull... MrsNWlovin’ here... I continued to entertain it because MrNWlovin’, up to the time of his post above, continued to state that if it happened in a specific fashion he would consider it. He has agreed and then disagreed with this scenario multiple times.
  2. Sun&Moon...You said: “Firstly: This man has flirted with you knowing you are married. Secondly: This man has flirted with you knowing he is married and has been for over 30 years. So basically this man is NOT BOTHERED about respecting your marriage, or his own marriage. If this man is willing to lie to your husband. If this man is willing to lie to his own wife. Then do you REALLY think he won't be lying to you as well?” ~~~~~~ I’ve taken my time in responding you your comments as I did not want to respond based on emotions, but rather with patience. While it seems you want to protect me from myself and this man, your assumptions are horribly unfair to this person. Yes, he has been flirting with me behind my husband & his wife’s back...but so have I. His behavior is no worse than my own. Again, it has been friendly flirting. No invitations, no suggestions. Did I disrespect his marraige or my own? Yes, as equally as he did. He should not be judged any harsher than I. ~~~~~~ “He is probably already having 1 or 2 different affairs that you know nothing about, I mean do you think YOU are the only married women he flirts with?” ~~~~~~ No, in his line of work, I’m sure he flirts with many women. To assume he is acting on it is again presumptuous. Your experiences do not equal everyone else’s experiences. ~~~~~~ “You have said that you know this man, and then in the same breath say that he has been married for over 30 years and that is all you know, that he has hardly explained a thing, so he is obviously not been very forthcoming with information, he is obviously keeping the reality of the situation away from you. Like stated above if he is willing to lie to your husband, if he is willing to lie to his own wife, if he is willing to flirt with married people, if he is actively looking for sneaky affairs, then no he will not think twice about lying to you or anyone else that is involved, to me he sounds like a wolf in sheep's clothing.” ~~~~~~ I know this man well enough to know that he keeps his personal life private. I don’t fault him for that. In the second paragraph above you state “if he is actively seeking affairs”... Again, your experience with cheaters does not mean every one is a cheater. Is this man? I don’t know, and I don’t contemplate this. My original post clearly explained that I would enjoy a ‘friends with benefits’ experience with this man. I am not seeking a relationship, or a commitment with him or from him. Why does flirting automatically equate to affairs? I was flirting with him as well, with no intention of seeking an affair with him. It was a great ego boost for the two of us. ~~~~~~ “You have also said that he lives a fair distance away, that he lives several hours away from your home. Well are you actually sure he lives there? Have you been to his house?” Its not uncommon for men who are looking for affairs to lie about their real names / to lie about where they live / to lie about their wives / to lie about their current sexual partners. There is also an old saying....."Don't shit on your own doorstep" In other words this man doesn't want to cause shit where he lives, he wants to drive to the next town / drive 2 hours away to the next city to find his affairs, in other words he doesn't want to leave the shit on his doorstep, he wants to leave it on your doorstep instead. ~~~~~~ Yes, I am sure he lives almost five hours from me. Yes, I know his real name. He has never hidden the fact that he has a wife and I’ve never seen him remove his wedding band in an attempt to hide that he is married. I am truly sorry for you if you have had someone, or several someone’s, “shit on your doorstep”. If anything were to happen with this man, it would not be done in ignorance, and therefore any shit that rolls my way would be my own responsibility. A willing participant cannot and should not place the blame solely on one person and then play the victim. ~~~~~~ “If this situation went wrong, if this situation turned bad, if local people or your friends find out about this affair or threesome like deal then sure he can jump back in his car and drive 2 hours away and leave all that crap behind for you to deal with.” ~~~~~~ No, if the shit hits the fan he has as much, or more, to lose with our circle of friends than I do. He has been friends with them for a very long time. And I know he loves & respects them like family. So why stir the hornets nest? The flirting was just friendly flirting. The fantasy was stuck in my head until recently when I told my husband about it. The other man does not know of this fantasy of mine, and he won’t. Since my original post, I understand the repercussions that could follow anything actually happening and have decided that fulfilling the MFM fantasy with him is not worth risking everything over. ~~~~~~ “Your life doesn't matter to him, your home, your mortgage, your children, your social standing, your job, your friendship, NONE of that matters to him, he doesn't care if all of that explodes in your face because he can jump in his car and be sat back home like nothing happened at all.” ~~~~~~ You don’t know this man. You don’t know what he does or does not care about. Your shitty experiences with shitty men does not make them all pieces of shit. The remainder of your message has been included so that perhaps you can see how you have translated everything in your life and experiences to apply to everyone else out there. I believe that you feel that because you were treated poorly by “many cheaters” that all men are shitty cheaters. Sometimes they are good men. Sometimes they are flirty friends. Sometimes they suck. But not all men are the men you seem to know. Mrs.NWlovin’ ~~~~~~ I have dealt with cheating men many times before and usually YOU are not the only person they are seeing, usually such men will have 2,3,4, or even 5 other women just like you dotted around the place, I have also heard various cheating men openly admit they use prostitutes. Near my office there is a street where 3 or 4 hookers walk up and down the road, every night I walk back home and see them standing their, the type of street walkers who are using drugs, the type of unclean street prostitutes who have slept with 5 or 6 different men that night without even stopping for a wash, and honestly every person I see picking them up are all middle aged family men, they drive up in their family cars, some of them still have child seats in the back. Young healthy men don't use these hookers, its all middle aged family men who pick them up, and 30 to 60 minutes later they are back stud in the same spot and another married man pulls up next to them. I know one cheating man very well indeed and such men create excuses to leave house, they get jobs where they can travel around, they start hobbies where they can leave the house for hours, and sure they then cheat as much as possible. The cheating guy that I know has a lovely wife and 2 children yet every weekend he goes out and picks up 18/20 year old girls from nightclubs and fucks them, during his work he travels around the country and fucks married women, at any one time he has about 3 or 4 different women on the go. My honest guess is if this man is flirting with you behind his wives back then he is probably flirting with, or sleeping with 2 or 3 other women that you know nothing about. Regardless one of the golden rules about swinging is NOT to explore with people you know / people who know your friends / people who know your workmates / people who know your family. I mean lets say you did have a threesome with this man, lets say you explored a MFM situation with this man, then do you really think your husband is going to be okay with you wondering off to these hobby meetings and seeing him alone? Do you really think your husband is going to let you have sex with this man then see him on your own once every few months as well? More than likely your husband would want you to stop that hobby, more than likely your husband wouldn't want you going there anymore. In my experience cheating men do become good at flirting, they become good at telling women what they want to hear, they become good at reeling married women into the net, what you view as a connection could actually just be a well practised cheating man who knows what to say and do to interest married women. For me its a NO. If this man is willing to lie to his wife. If this man is willing to put his marriage at risk. If this man is willing to flirt with you behind your husbands back. If this man is willing to put your marriage at risk by flirting with you. Then he really doesn't care and will lie to anyone including you.
  3. Mr. NWlovin’ here. I would like to reach out to everyone here who has taken the time to read and post your thoughts on the matter. Your thoughts and words of wisdom has brought a lot of clarity to the Mrs and I in this matter. We’ve been reading the boards and learning a lot about this LS. We’re so glad that we found this forum, it’s a great community of people. So a great big Thank You for bringing clarity to this! I would first like to express that my initial concerns with the acquaintance still hold true today and will not change in the future after some recent reveals. I had reservations and a feeling in my gut about him from the beginning. He is a married man who I’m sure has a loving and caring wife at home who does not know of what started out as innocent flirting between Mrs.NWlovin’ and himself, and I suspect his wife would not agree to this LS. I was unaware of the flirting for sometime myself, I believe that his wife deserves the respect to know of this flirting, no matter what. Which I believe that he is responsible to communicate that in his marriage as we do ours. I also see in him something that could be seen as stronger feelings for my dear wife, (she is quite a catch you know). Either way, I firmly believe that he recently chose to behave in a way in front of myself and the Mrs that was crass and disrespectful, breaking the unspoken code of men. Innocent, friendly flirting is one thing, but you don’t, in a round about way, proposition another man’s wife. (Which Mrs. quickly put him in his place for). Also I strongly agree with the code of the community, no swinging with people you know or people who know of your friends and family. KEEP IT OUTSIDE! No need for a “head on” social collision. I have the most loving wife in the world by my side (“she’s the one and always will be”) and for myself and her the idea of a MFM is a total turn on for us. I have for many years thought this would be something I would want to experience. This is a hot fantasy for me and for her too and I know that I would love to show her off and see her being the center of attention. I’m also working on getting rid of some of those stigmas that the Mrs was explaining about earlier, it’s something I’m trying to shake off, and they are slipping away as the days go by. So in conclusion I just wanted to add a little of my thoughts to this and express my gratitude to the forum.
  4. Oh, honey there is nothing wrong with you! Some can & some can’t, that’s all. Just like everything else in life. Mrs.NWlovin’?
  5. Correction to earlier post by me: Hubs loves the thought of an MFM, not MMF.
  6. luv2was, you say to pay attention to people who post things that resonate with us. Funny that you should say that as we, husband longer than me, have been reading the posts here and have found that YOU are one of a few who we both feel gives sound, considerate and honest feedback, so we both appreciate hearing your thoughts. Even your advice to others has been taken into consideration by the two of us for our own growth in exploring this lifestyle. You call my specific MFM scenario a ”train wreck that is waiting to happen”, and husband is concerned about this also. I, too have heard your words and, although I, in my rose-colored vision, think that with time, respect for everyone involved, yes-even the 2nd man’s wife, then this might work. If not, it was just a fantasy a few months ago, and no harm if that is all it stays. I’ve stated this to Husband many times since we started talking about it all. I do hope that through the “long game” we can find answers to whether he would literally be a cheater, which I agree with Husband in that we don’t want to break up a marriage. I would never want to be THAT WIFE, the one whose hubby is messing with another woman while I sit at home alone. 2nd man travels for work and is away frequently, so part of our journey is learning if he and his wife have an understanding. If they do not, then the whole scenario must be reassessed. We agree with you that this IS a team sport, and that is so true wth the both of us. We have been each other’s best friends since we were so young. We’ve had ups and downs, goods and bad’s, all the things the wedding vows say you’ll go through. We always have come out stronger on the other side, and we have been through some stuff! “It’s about the journey and not the destination”. luv2was… Amen. We have had so much growth during the past few months of talking about this with each other and the information we have learned here has been, at least for me, clarity. A tug to the blinders I may have on. In a perfect world, this man who I have known as an acquaintance for over 10 years, (a friendship developing for one or so); who lives far away and only comes to our area a few times a year and so eliminates the “desire of a quick fix”; and again, in a perfect world- has an understanding with his wife AND would not cause ripples in the pond of our mutual friends—this man, would be a perfect candidate. But damn! That is an awful LOT of stars to align for this to work! That is why it is, perhaps, just a fantasy. I hope that our long game provides the answers that we need. And thank you, again, for your guidance to us and others. You really seem to have it together
  7. AdamGunn, husband wants to say that he appreciates your understanding about his feelings on this scenario. We are not looking to break up his marriage or ours either. Part of our “long game” is to get to know the second man better, including his situation at home, as well as giving Husband time to come to grips with the stigmas that his upbringing has ingrained in him. He loves the idea of the MMF, but needs to learn how to let go of the guilt and shame he was taught to feel. As for man #2, he travels constantly for work, so he and the Mrs. may have an understanding, but maybe they don’t. These are things we need to know before we would proceed with this man. As for me developing feelings for him, we have known him as an acquaintance for over 10 years, and after a year of me fantasizing about him, I have not had even a tickle of anything but sexual desire for him. I’m perfectly happy at home, Hubs is my best friend and will be the whole of my heart and soul for life. I’ve been with him since I was a girl & I’ve got wrinkles and silver hairs now!? I do respect your thoughts on this and appreciate your support in wanting us to find a safe path on this journey. Thank you.
  8. Vi, Thank you for your advice. I’m glad to hear that your adventures with friends has worked well for you. In reading the posts, they seem to run about 50/50. I am thinking of this particular man because he is familiar to us and because I believe he would be discreet, respect us and our marriage, and because he lives far away and is constantly traveling for work, would only be around a few times a year. A FWB that I get to play with hubby & him once in a while. My husband, at this time, has no interest in being with another woman. We had a FFM many years ago, so we have traveled this road before. I’m not sure, at this time, that I could watch him with another woman and we have no desire to go our seperate ways in this adventure. He loves the idea of seeing me handle himself and another man. I know that there may come a day when he changes his mind and wants to do a couples swap or an FFM, as nothing is set in stone, and through communication we will figure that out. I may be into it at that point too. I have asked him, in our current scenario, if he could handle an MMF knowing that I may never be comfortable with another woman, and at this point he has accepted this. If/when he changes his mind, we will talk and we will figure it out. Our #1 priority is honoring ourselves and our marriage. After all,we are walking this path together until the last page of our story is turned.
  9. Hello everyone, my husband and I have talked for years about bringing a second man into the bedroom so that we can have the experience of this MFM fantasy. We’ve never worked up the courage to try, but the kids are grown and out of the house and we’ve decided it’s time to open that door again. In the past I’ve stated that it would have to be a stranger, but as I’ve gotten older, this makes me uncomfortable. It is a very small gene pool in our area, and everyone seems to have huge mouths! I couldn’t trust a local in this. We have a long time acquaintance/friend of over 10 years, who I would consider to ask for this. In all fairness, he is very close friends with mutual friends of ours, and this makes both of us a little nervous as we don’t want to disrupt the friendships. That being said, I have developed a friendship with him a bit more than husband has over these years by being more involved with activities of the group of friends than husband has been. As husband doesn’t know him personally too well, and so doesn’t trust him, he does not want him to be involved. I do believe, if this were to happen, he would be discreet, although I do think that a few of the group already recognize the flirting, but with discretion, the rest could be kept quiet. It was about a year ago that, out of nowhere, that we started up with some subtle, friendly flirting back and forth. He lives several hours away and only comes to our area 4-5 times a year, so all that has happened is just that, a little flirting. (I would never cheat on Husband! Never have, never will!) The flirting has gotten stronger over the year, but I’ve compartmentalized this in my head-it’s just fantasy. I might like to see this become a “friends with benefits” situation in the future if it feels right. My heart is straight, I love my husband more than I could ever say, and I know, for me, this would just be sex. I told husband about this fantasy about 10 weeks ago and he was understandably upset. He is worried because he see’s the flirting and recently, more obvious actions and comments that indicate that this friend is into me too. Husband is worried that he is falling for me, or already has. I don’t think this is the case, he has been in a 20+ year marriage himself, although I don’t know much more than that. I’ve been told that his wife is not too supportive of him (this info comes from the mutual friends, not him). Husband stated he would consider this man if he was able to form a friendship with him & learn to trust him, but rescinds that frequently, not only because of the friend being who he is, but because of husband’s religious upbringing and other factors of his upbringing; there are things he needs to work through for himself before we did anything with anyone. So, obviously we would not be extending an invitation the next time we see him. We have talked about “the long game”, where husband tries to get to know him over the course of the next year or so when he is in town. I understand his fear, but I think husband would feel this way about any man that was a possibility until he experiences it for the first time. Also, I thought it might be best to test the waters for an MFM with someone other than this man as a first experience, and since we will be traveling soon, I thought I would compromise and I suggested that we might just find a stranger in another state to invite in to make sure husband can handle seeing me do another man. Our communication is great and I know there is a way to figure this out. What do you all think? Am I crazy?
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