benkenobi

Heh, well I think that's good news for me then I was thinking about this some more today, and I think maybe the situation with the couple at the adult theater was an especially bad environment for me. When I had sex with the stripper a few years ago, it was after my diabetes diagnosis and after I had started seeing issues with my erections, but I was still able to get it up and manage well enough and I think that's because it was a no pressure environment - she was getting paid regardless and there was foreplay, in a sense, with a few dances and talking beforehand. Obviously in a swinging situation there will always be a greater expectation to provide pleasure to the other person, but I could certainly seek out scenarios where we ease into it rather than jump right in like we did last week. That, and finding a woman who appreciates receiving oral: the woman in the couple last week didn't get any enjoyment out of oral so I was just at a loss in terms of how to please her. You've all helped quite a bit - reiterating some things I already knew I needed to work on, suggesting some new things like pelvic floor exercises, and easing my anxiety a bit. Thank you!

Thanks everyone. Just to clarify, I'm not really worried about my size, just performance. Size when flaccid factors in because it means there's less to physically work with to get me hard if it's not happening on its own (which is most of the time). I did used to feel concerned about size, but I think my difficulty performing really put that into perspective: I'd be happy with just about any reasonable size if it got hard and stayed hard when I want it to. I definitely need to get healthier and I'm sure that would help. I look a lot healthier on the outside than I am in reality, and frequenting the gym more often would make at least some difference. At least I don't smoke. Quitting masturbation would be very hard since it is the only truly reliable way I can get off, but perhaps if I can manage then it would help to have a lot of built up sexual desire? I haven't asked my doctor specifically about drugs, but I know my heart health is poor and that's the reason diabetes is listed as a warning on all of them. You're right, though, that I should ask specifically. At the very least, perhaps if I'm able to make improvements I could reach a point where I'm cleared for drug use. One other thing I think I can work on is reducing anxiety. I've only been with a few partners so far: my wife and I have been together since high school, we had sex with a female friend of ours a few times in our 20s, I had sex with a stripper a few years ago (yes, protected!), and then there was my recent failed attempt at a threesome with a couple I met while visiting an adult theater. I'm sure that my health issues are compounded by just having nerves from lack of experience. Any tips on getting more comfortable without being in situations where I'll feel pressure to perform?

I'm 35 and appear relatively healthy (minus belly weight), but I am a recently diagnosed diabetic and have difficulty getting and maintaining an erection. This issue is compounded by the fact that while my penis is about 5.5" fully erect it is just 1.5-2" flaccid, leaving not much to work with to start in the first place. I've come to terms with my size and my thoroughly average body shape (not being self-critical, just honest), but I don't know how I can have confidence - let alone actually participate - when my penis is so fickle. Even during sex with my wife, I often have to masturbate myself to get hard, and I have to "use it or lose it" so to speak. And even that doesn't work sometimes. How can I expect to perform with a new partner when nerves and condoms are on top of these other issues? (Viagra, etc, aren't options due to diabetic heart issues.) I am otherwise very interested in the lifestyle, but where does someone like me fit in? I am not into cuckolding or humiliation. People see me and think because I'm a young guy I'll be virile, and instead I'm anything but. I tried a threesome with another couple for the first time last night and it was a total failure. Nerves were certainly a factor as well - I had literally met the couple just 10 minutes beforehand - but I know that nerves aren't the only issue. How does someone like me get pleasure out of the lifestyle without disappointing people constantly or having to explain my penis doesn't work well and asking for patience over, and over, and over again? Honestly, it just makes me sad because I am otherwise eager to get into swinging, if only my penis would cooperate. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.