CuriousBabe

Thanks Erika&Peter and PB&J!! It’s really nice to hear from someone that experienced the same thing.

Thanks again for all of your input, everyone has been so helpful. We begin counseling this weekend so I’m hopeful that will be a good start to the process of repairing our relationship. ?

I completely agree that we need to fix our issues first and foremost. It doesn’t feel as though we want to use it as a solution per say. I think that it stems more from fantasies we both have been having but, due to a breakdown in communication and unfortunately us drifting apart, both of us were too fearful to share it with each other. I think my big concern is how OK with this I really feel considering the circumstances. I guess I feel a little weird or abnormal that a month after I discovered the affair, we are having seriously fantastic sex regularly and I’m totally on board with swinging. I feel like I should still be more upset maybe?

Fundamental Law - Thanks for this, I look forward to reading through the essay for some perspective on the road ahead. Yes, I’m a little shocked at myself at how calm I am and how reasonably and honestly I’m able to talk with my husband through everything. My hope is that this is some indication that we will be able to work through our issues successfully.

luvin eye full - it’s only been about a month and a half since I found out and we are still in the process of working things out. We begin seeing a marriage counselor next week. I think that we are in the very early stages of working on our own relationship, and EXTREMELY early in the discussion of opening up our marriage. The conversations we’ve been having on our own have lead us to the topic of swinging, and from what he’s saying is that the affair began because we got stuck in a rut, the attention from the other woman stroked his ego and it all took off from there. The thing is, I had the same feelings of being unfulfilled but I turned it all inward. So we obviously need to work on communication. When you said not to use this as a cover for problems in our relationship, that sums up exactly what I’m worried about. I think I’m looking for an outside perspective since I can’t really look at my situation objectively. So it’s really good for me to get both positive and negative feedback. I’m honestly surprised at how easily I’ve been able to begin to forgive him (not totally over all of the dishonesty yet but I’m making progress) and that the discussion of threesomes doesn’t do anything but turn me on. That’s what makes me think this is something thay would be a good thing for us to share.

I’ll be honest, I was bracing myself for some negative feedback so I’m really glad to see so much support! In talking together so far it seems as if the affair did stem from him wanting/needing to feel something “forbidden” and feeling as though I wouldn’t be into it (a fair enough assumption considering he has brought up scenarios in the past during sex and I have always been shy about it). Sun&Moon - thank you for your honest thoughts. I truthfully would never have thought of any of those details and as much as I want to be optimistic I’m grateful you brought them up. Overall though, this has made me feel so much better about the direction we are heading. So, on that note, any advice on how to start off slowly? We both are really into the F/F/M scenario it seems. I was thinking maybe a date night to a nice strip club where I could get a lap dance and see how things go? I have literally never even kissed another woman so I don’t know how far I’ll be comfortable with going right away.

Thank you for your positive words ? I want to take things slow but I’m really excited to see where this leads us.

Hello all, I’m a total newbie here and this is long so my apologies in advance My husband and I have been together for 18 years, married for 6. I recently discovered that he had a long time affair with another woman. He broke off the other relationship immediately and we have been going through the process of repairing our marriage - honest conversations, full disclosure, STD testing, marriage counseling, etc. Our sex life, which was basically nonexistent the last few years, is back to where it was when we first got together as 20 somethings. Between the reignited sex and our conversations, we’ve started talking about threesomes and various kinky scenarios. I’ve always thought about those scenarios in a hypothetical, fantasy way but I’m now realizing that it’s something I’m really into exploring. Obviously, we have work to do on our marriage to recover from his affair and we are both committed to doing that. But the deeper I think on it, I feel it was the hiding and secrecy of it that hurts me. The actually thought of sharing a woman with him or him watching me with another man drives me insane (in a good way). Is this a really bad idea? This is something I really do want, I know he wants it too, and I know we should take it slow considering we have other issues to overcome. But I don’t know if I’m being too naive.