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agreatguy

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agreatguy last won the day on February 13 2019

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About agreatguy

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    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 06/17/1964

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    Couple - Man posting
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    Houston
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  1. Sorry I didn't mention it specifically but that's the part I was referring to when I said you are overthinking it. You're making up a scenario based on someone else's experience and trying to react to it. Will it happen? Sure it will but it won't happen the way you expect it to happen so planning how to react is overthinking it. The only plan you need to have is how you will react when your partner's feelings about a particular situation are different from yours. To answer your question, I think unsolicited advice or some kind of attempt to analyze why we are feeling the way we are feeling would come off as intrusive to us. That's something my wife and I would need to discuss alone first. If we couldn't figure it out we might seek counseling. The last thing we'd want is some kind of impromptu attempt at analyzing what's going on between the two of us before we even have a chance to digest what happened and certainly not ever from someone we were trying to be sexually involved with.
  2. EMT, You're way overthinking this. Relax, go and have fun. Walk in like you own the damn place. Introduce yourselves and if there is no chemistry move on to the next couple. The last one wasn't worth your time. Get that in your head and use it to replace all the negative energy you appear to be wanting to go in with. Stop with the scenarios and the expectations! It's not going to happen the way you think it is. It never does. Confidence is sexy. Laughter attracts people because they want in on the fun. Physical beauty is skin deep. Those who can't or won't look past the outer facade aren't worth your time either. There are far more people just like you than there are hard bodies and snobs. It's not nearly as complicated as you have made it out to be in your head.
  3. I don't agree with trying to have that discussion during sex. Sure, have the fantasy all you want and play with it but have the discussion at a different time. It sounds like she tried to have it when you say she brought it up later in the day. That's a positive. I would suggest that next time it comes up during sex just go with it like normal but sit her down within 24 hours, if she doesn't bring it up again first, and ask the question. "You've made some comments about MFM and hotwifing, is this something you have a real interest in exploring? I don't want to do anything to hurt us but I want to do whatever it is that fulfills your desires and I do find it a turn on too." Or word it to that effect in whatever way sound like you. If she does make another passing comment then seize the opportunity and just ask if it's something she really is interested in. She'll probably take it from there. I do think that beyond asking that question and making that statement you shouldn't script anything else. Put it out there for discussion and let her know how you feel. You have to be OK with and accept whatever answer she gives you. If she says she's fine with how things are then let her know you love her more than anything and you just needed to know. Drop it unless she has questions. The risk, provided you have a good relationship, is that the fantasy games may cease, at least for a while. However, she may bring it up again at some point. If she responds favorably or brings it up later, let her tell you what she wants. Ask how she might see it playing out, both in the lifestyle and in your life. Let her write the script after that and enjoy being one of the characters. If it ever gets to be too much then tell her what you need. Be just as willing to hear her. As you get more experience and you both find out what turns you on you can then start writing some scripts if that's something she might like.
  4. Sometimes it's nice to have the last dance with the one you came with. There's that comfortable familiarity finishing with your partner after you've been all worked up by someone else. As I think most guys know, sometimes there is pressure to perform that can be debilitating. Shit gets in your head about performance, condom stress, whatever. Having the flexibility to go back to your own partner, or the understanding that's where it will end up can take the pressure off. Nothing wrong with that.
  5. Just say hello and introduce yourselves then take the cues. We've had people just walk up to us to tell us we made a cute couple. One couple came to tell us they watched us make out and they thought it was hot. Swingers generally don't mind being approached. The ones who might blow you off are doing you a favor because they aren't the kind to try to get to know you even if it's just for a few hours. When that happens take it for what it is and move on. If you want to be approached, make yourselves approachable. For people who aren't the get up and introduce yourselves type smile as people walk by. Make eye contact, just say "hi" and see what happens. As ICM said, have fun with whatever you're doing. If it's just the two of you pick people out of the crowd and find something funny about them, the way they're dressed or make up something about who they are and make comments back and forth just between the two of you. No one has to know what you're doing. The point is the two of you are playing a game, having fun, laughing, smiling and other people will want to be a part of it too. Sit there like a bump on a log, sullen faced because no one will talk to you and all you need to do is look in a mirror to figure out why. Also, there's no shame in just absorbing the atmosphere on a particular night and not playing with anyone else. Not every night has to be an orgy. Our club has different atmospheres depending on the crowd. Sometimes we play with others, sometimes we play alone, sometimes we hang out a couple of hours, realize it's not our night and we go get some late night tacos. We've learned to go out with high hopes but no expectations of anything happening. We seldom leave disappointed even if nothing happened. It usually means our return trip will be fairly soon to try, try again.
  6. Flirting and turning on the charm can be difficult when you haven't done it in a while. It sounds like you're winning though so don't sweat it. As you get more comfortable flirting and see the benefits of it you'll gain confidence. I think one of the easiest ways to flirt is to just give compliments. Don't be afraid to tell the woman that you find her attractive. Try to find things which are apparent she would like compliments on. It's not that hard to find if you look. Does her hair look especially sexy the way it lays on her shoulders? Does she have a playful smile or warm eyes. She's probably done something to look that way, even if she hasn't she'll appreciate you noticing anyway. Do her shoes make her legs look really sexy? Does the dress she has on make her breasts look really inviting or make her ass look really good. If it does then she probably wants to hear that particularly knowing what setting you are in so it's OK to get a little raunchy, say it with a coy smile and be ready to laugh. Above all, be sure that the compliments are sincere and don't go overboard. It will show a genuine interest and the conversation will flow much more easily when she gets comfortable with a mutual attraction. It won't take much and she'll probably be telling you all the shit she did to get ready for the night. Then all you have to do is listen and respond. Speaking of laughing, I can't speak for all women but making my wife laugh makes her panties fall off, if she's wearing any. That's a little more difficult as a flirting technique but you don't have to be Seinfeld. Think of some funny things that have happened as a part of your lifestyle experience and be ready to work one into the conversation. Or think of some horrible things and make a joke of it. It could even be how you had to apologize to the last couple because you were like a high school kid trying to make a move and had to give a back rub for 30 minutes before you got even got a BJ while your wife had been spending that 30 minutes getting busy. See, that's funny! The last couple we spent time with at our club was really funny and he had some great stories about things that had gone wrong like some woman giving him head with way too much teeth. He had us rolling talking about how he couldn't walk right for a week. Next thing I know my wife is in his lap rubbing his cock asking if it was OK now.
  7. Yeah, we can play out the "what if" scenarios to any conclusion we'd like and they'd probably all be pretty reasonable in hindsight. My first marriage was way too young. It was what was expected of us and we followed blindly along the trail laid out for us. Had she, by some miracle, been OK with the lifestyle she would have gone all in for a couple years just like everything else she did then arbitrarily decided she wanted to join the sweater knitting club instead, leaving me hanging and wondering what caused the lane change. It probably would have ended the marriage sooner than it did but then I might have ended up in another equally bad relationship rather than where I am now. After the divorce and a couple of tries at being in a relationship with vanilla women, yet hoping they might have a sense of adventure, I finally reached an age and level of maturity to be able to say "this is what I want. Who would like to join me on an adventure?" My wife had much the same frustrations, knowing there was more to be experienced but not finding the person she felt she would ever be able to trust with her "kinky" desires and her emotional well being in the aftermath. In a nutshell, that's how we met. After dating and getting serious we knew that we were meant to experience this together. We had to build the trust and communication first but we knew we were working toward a goal not only of a lifetime relationship but one that would allow us to play with others together. Since I am at a point that I am happy in life I don't think I have any real regrets about what got me to this point.
  8. We've come to realize that we have much the same perspective. It comes in degrees. Sure we're all looking for 10s but a 6 might do just fine. If my wife is really into him I will try really hard to find something attractive about her and it doesn't necessarily have to be physical attraction. This happened just recently. A couple walked into the club and we end up talking to them. I wasn't really attracted to her at first but as I saw my wife was getting turned on(he was really funny and outgoing) it turned me on. As that happened I began to find the other woman had a great personality and a sexy attitude that made up for my initial impression. When she relaxed and flashed a brilliant smile she was far more attractive than I first thought. She and her husband played off each other very well which made them a fun couple. As we got to know each other she became more physically attractive to me because of the other aspects of her personality. A woman I had initially pegged as a 4or 5 at best turned out to be at least a 7 in looks, in my then opinion, but a 10 in fun and personality and at the end of the night she proved to be super passionate and we all had a memorable time. I don't know, Is that taking one for the team?
  9. Inverted Jockey, a version of missionary where he penetrates her straddling her closed legs. Depth is naturally limited but it may not be enough. You might experiment with it. Done right clitoral stimulation can be pretty vigorous. Another position (don't know what it's called) is with her laying on her side, bottom leg in line with the body, top leg drawn up. He straddles her bottom leg and enters. She can adjust her top leg and hip to control depth. Some other advantages of this for her is she can look at him, touch his arms or even his chest and shoulders if he leans over a little. She also has access to her breasts and clit to play with fairly easily. For him it's very visually stimulating. Just the position enhances her curves. He can see and have access to her face, her breasts and her ass. It's more passive for her as far as thrusting back. She can't really get any leverage to do so but for me the visual stimulation usually makes up for that and if I want to get a little dominant I can lean over and kiss her deeply, grab some hair, or slap her ass. Physically for the guy, being on his knees like that he can alternate between long slow strokes or pound away as his energy and stamina allow and if he leans back a little he can see her wrapped around his cock. If anal might be involved it also makes a little digital or toy warm up pretty easy as well as transition.
  10. There's really a first for everything. We've had lots of firsts. First exhibitionism, First contact which involved a guy feeling my wife's breasts. First FF contact. First parallel play, first full swap, first MFM. Each one was a step and while I don't think we had hard and fast rules about what our limit was(We knew we wanted to be able to full swap) we also knew that it would take some time to get comfortable with it all, see how it felt and then adjust accordingly if needed. The first time a guy touched my wife it turned her on to the point she gave me a blowjob while he watched. There was absolutely no way she was going to go any further with someone else that night although several discussions afterward involved the "what if" scenario and it turned her on again but at that time she had reached her own personal boundary. I was fine with that. Along the way we've had other firsts just like that and within a few months we were engaged in our first full swap. Then it was a MFM for her, now she wants to seduce a BBC. I'd say each experience so far has been just right for where we were in our adventure at the time.
  11. Anxiety is a normal part of it. We all have mechanisms built in to our mental and physical make up that protect us from harming ourselves. In the case of swinging most of us have been led to believe that anything other than a completely monogamous relationship is dangerous and so we should protect our relationship by keeping it monogamous. Your previous relationship that was not 100% supportive reinforced the idea that relationships are fragile. Instead of you learning to lean on your partner for emotional support you probably learned to close off and not express who you really were. I've been there. A club is a great 1st step. It will be full of like minded people who, for the most part, aren't pushy or judgmental. You're all there for the same sexually charged atmosphere and they will respect whatever your boundaries are. Maybe the best thing is the confidence boost you'll get from it. Before you go treat yourself to something that makes you feel sexy. Take that confidence through the door and you'll be surprised what a magnet it is. The peacocking and cattiness that you'd find in a vanilla setting is almost non-existent so women aren't threatened by another hot woman. The one thing a club is not lacking on is compliments from men and women alike. As Sawman said. Just go and absorb the atmosphere. I would suggest even going the first time with an agreement that no play with others will take place. See what it's all about. Meet some people, watch others, let others watch you if it feels right then go home and digest it all. Discuss what you liked, what you didn't and modify your boundaries if you are both comfortable with it. There doesn't ever have to be a checklist of things you have to do or a sprint to the finish. There should be a discussion of what you are interested in doing and how you might get there. Take baby steps and keep communicating.
  12. Ranker: The Most Common Jobs in America You kind of have to do some math because they have some occupations separated out like teachers falling into 5 categories from preschool to secondary and including aides and assistants but they # close to 6,000,000 and at the top of what I would call professionals.(requiring a professional type degree or specialized training.) RNs, LVN's, assistants, orderlies, home health aides and attendants come in around 5,000,000 as well. Certainly both at the top of the list when combined so it would be expected that there would be a higher overall number from those professions involved in the lifestyle. Accounting professionals including bookkeepers come in around 2,000,000. First responders about 1,000,000.
  13. I went to Sandals Negril a couple of times with my ex back in the nineties. The one right next to Hedo. My observation was that there were possibly some "open minded" couples there but never really saw anything going on out in the open and it might have been just people getting to know each other with some innocent flirting. As much of a prude as my ex was she was cool with a little flirting and we even joined different couples for dinner a time or two. Of course nothing else was going to happen. Topless was pretty normal on the beach. I was shocked when she took her top off about three days into our second trip.
  14. Psychology Today: Are Swingers Freaky and Deviant? The demographic profile of the swingers suggests that they are white for the most part, between 36 and 55 years of age, mostly college educated, married for at least 11 to 20 years, and with an average household income between $40,000 and $200,000. Many professions and occupations were represented, from blue-collar and white-collar workers to individuals with advanced professional degrees. Some were self-employed; others worked in public organizations such as health facilities and educational institutions. The demographic findings of this study parallel, for the most part, those of previous studies. There is a Reddit page where it seems a lot of respondents also say Teachers, Nurses and Law Enforcement. One additional one that comes up a lot is self employed/business owner. I don't know that we've met any people in those professions yet personally except for a business owner. That makes me wonder if this is something someone has offered anecdotally and it has kind of grown into a "statistic". I can't find where anyone has actually published genuine statistics of the top swinging professions. As for us, well...Teacher and business owner.
  15. When we were online we got the line "We don't think we're a match" and we used it ourselves. It's disappointing sure but that seems to be the generally accepted line that says there really isn't any interest without having to explain further. I don't know that it ever hurt our feelings. Another reason we like the clubs. All these things get sorted out quickly. You get rejected, you move on. It's like going up to the hottest girl at the dance and asking her if she wants to dance. If she says no you move on to the next one til you find a dance partner. When we meet another couple or even a single guy but don't feel like we are compatible I'll take the lead and say something like "I think we are going to go mingle around the club a bit." We've had it said to us. It's kind of a signal that things aren't going to progress, we're moving on...and that's what we do whether we are the ones rejecting or being rejected. Part of it is learning to manage expectations. We never go out with any expectations that we are going to hook up. We expect to have a good time and we hope to hook up, that's why we go but we've learned not to expect a hookup. That way we don't leave upset if it doesn't happen. The worst is that are disappointed it didn't happen that night. It usually means we'll be making another visit fairly soon. Get back on the horse so to speak.
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