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CandDinCo

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CandDinCo last won the day on August 11 2018

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About CandDinCo

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 07/14/1969

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    colorado
  • Occupation
    healthcare
  • Swinging Experience
    off and on for about 10 years
  • Anniversary
    06/11/1994

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  1. When you mentioned having to deal with feelings you didn't know you had, I felt like I was reading my own post from a few months ago. It took both my wife and myself by surprise that I would even have the insecurities that I had. Those insecurities are the starting point of discussions with your wife. Both of you need to be open and honest about what scares the two of you. If you don't address those things openly, the insecurities will grow into something that could destroy your marriage. Once you get past what bothered you about the experience, you can move on to what you both liked about it. With both likes and dislikes all out in the open and addressed, you will have a clear picture of the kind of person you are looking to interact with in the future.
  2. I actually did think of that. Mostly because of liquor laws and licensing rules. That's why everyone brings a bottle or a 6pack to leave behind whatever is left when they go home. No cash exchanged and not explicitly required. We have never told anyone they can't come over if they dont bring something. Usually, people bring something just so they dont feel like a freeloader.
  3. The biggest hurdle most people mention is finding people where everyone clicks. A lot of times, 2 or 3 out of the four of you hit it off and the 4th person isn't feeling it. Don't force it. Just be polite and move on. And dont get hurt feelings if the someone in the other couple is not interested in you. Again, just be polite and move on. As long as you keep actively searching, using the options that have already been mentioned, you will eventually find people you click with.
  4. Through SLS and a couple meet and greets, my wife and I have put together a core group of 10-12 lifestyle friends. Usually, everyone wants to hang out at our house because it has all the amenities most people go out for. Well stocked Bar with beer on tap, pool table, karaoke stage/dance floor with all the lighting and sound, swimming pool and hot tub out back. (Not rich. Just know how to build stuff I can't afford to buy.) There is a room off the bar for more intimate interaction. We have some loose, honor code type of rules. The #1 rule is NO DRAMA. I won't have that in my home and it's an immediate lifetime ban. Rule #2. Contribute something to keep the bar stocked. Don't have to drink what you brought, but it's too expensive to let everyone drink for free. Rule #3. No judgment. Everyone is there to have fun, and more likely to get naked if they feel comfortable. (I sang karaoke naked on a lark one night. Talk about feeling vulnerable) Last night, after a party, someone suggested setting us all up as a club or group. They all agreed that it is more fun in my setting than any other they have played in. Mostly due to rules 1 and 3. So the question is, if we set ourselves up as a closed party or group, what other rules should I put in place? The first that comes to mind is a vetting process for new people. I want to be certain that they won't cause issues with the first 3 rules. Not sure how I would do that. Other potential problems are scheduling and privacy. My wife and I have jobs and late nights are sometimes a problem. Sometimes we also need time to ourselves and don't want people thinking it's ok just to invite themselves over. Hasn't happened yet, just thinking ahead. What other rules or potential problems should I be aware of?
  5. I think a theme serves as a conversation starter. It gives complete strangers something in common to talk about. "Nice costume" etc. It also brings an atmosphere of fun to the event. Outside of that, I don't think themes are too important.
  6. A lot of the jealousy and other emotions can be controlled and dealt with if you and your spouse remember to reconnect with each other afterwards. Talk about those feelings openly. Reassure each other. MAKE LOVE. That reconnection is really the best part of swinging.
  7. They are like that island in the first pirates of the Caribbean movie. They can't be found unless you already know where it is. You have to find someone already in the group and they have to invite you into it.
  8. After going to our first meet and greet after being in the lifestyle for years, we discovered 3 different Facebook groups catering to lifestyle people in our area. It has been eye opening to realize how many like minded people are in our area. Just wondering how common this is across the country and how successful people have been meeting others in this way.
  9. And there is the problem. If you are okay with this arrangement then all is fine. But I don't believe that is the case or this thread wouldn't be here. The common rule among swingers is that nothing happens without everyone's consent. You need to tell her that you don't like being left out. If she loves and respects you, she will either start to include you or stop having other men. If she continues in spite of your objections, then you know what she really thinks of you. At that point you can think about whether or not you want to end the relationship or accept your role as a cuckold.
  10. That isn't as uncommon as you would think. All you can do is be upfront and state what you want....and be blunt about it. That's a common thing with lifestyle people. Get right to the point and don't be embarrassed. We don't want to waste time trying to figure out what you mean. And if you approach a couple who has been around the LS community for a year or two they will either say yes, no, or "I know someone into that" and introduce you. My city isn't huge. The swinger community here isn't that big. But I guarantee that I could direct you to someone right up your alley with less than 3 phone calls. Even if I haven't met them personally. All within 30 minutes of me. Another thing, if you can find your way to a swing club or a meet and greet, ask around about Facebook groups. I didn't even know they existed at the 1st of the year. Most of them require an invite by an existing member and are local to your area. Introduce yourself in that group and state your interest. I bet you see several responses by the end of the day.
  11. My wife and I had this experience just last weekend. Wife recently had abdominal surgery and is unable to have sex without pain for a couple more weeks. She did not want me going without, so one of our friends took me into a bedroom at a party. We left the door open, and I kept seeing a shadow coming from behind me. Turned out wifey had come on to watch. She said later that it turned her on immensely to watch.
  12. Another thing OP mentioned that I didn't see anyone talk about was the impression most women have of men who post pics of their penis as part of their online profile. It is not a good impression, no matter how huge he is. A face with an engaging smile will gather a lot more attention. That is true for pics of both men and women.
  13. Could it be that he is just trying desperately not to finish first? Once the other guy cums, that's his cue that it's ok for him to finish as well. He relaxes enough to let it happen.
  14. I guess that was the genius behind the ring thing. Plausible deniability. If someone asks and you don't want them to know, you can feign ignorance. For us, the only people who asked about our black rings were people we were already meeting for that purpose. No random encounters. Btw, had to Google tide box in window. Never heard that one before.
  15. Sorry to necro this thread. Has anyone had any experience with the black ring thing? Has it resulted in meeting others in the LS, or awkward conversations?
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