WarandP

I actually have discussed that with her. When this first came up, one of the reasons that I thought we weren't having sex that often was because almost every time we did, her vulva was bruised and battered. I did not know if it was my size or my technique or what, but I thought it was my fault, and even though I knew she enjoyed sex, each time she would be out of commission for 5-7 days afterwards, and I thought that she thought that it just was not worth it, so I suggested we have an open relationship so she could find someone either smaller or gentler. She thought my fears about being the cause of her reluctance to have sex were hilarious, and re-assured me it wasn't my fault. Still, we at this point have agreed to be totally open and honest with each other, and she knows that she has my support to do anything she wants, as I now have confidence that I have her support. We are going to go forward as couplers suggested, one step at a time, re-adjusting as necessary. She has fantasized a lot about her only girl-girl experience, and wants to repeat that; only this time, she really wants me to be there to share in the experience. Once we do that, we will try other things. She is the one who convinced me to do this, not the other way around. She is in the drivers seat on this, as it should be. I only started this thread because while I do fantasize about these things, no fantasy of mine was worth my marriage, and I was nervous about risking her emotional well-being and our marriage. Now I am confident this is what she really wants, and I think it will make us closer. I married the coolest bitch I know! After this ("this" being how open we have become with each other, not any physical act or the act of having an open relationship), I will never trade down (never would have before either, but still). As a side note, we are now having sex 2-4 times a day, and every time we do, she talks about it, and gets so wet that she has not been bruised or battered. Turns out it was more a lubrication thing I guess. And, I have been paying more attention to the littler things as well, so that has helped.

I know! We are both feeling a little giddy about this new phase in our relationship at this point. The stars are just not aligning right with the volunteer that we had, but my wife went out for drunch* yesterday and had a hot and heavy make-out session with another woman, and she has admitted (to herself) that she liked it. Will keep you posted. *Drunch = Drunk Brunch

I have to say I find this post a little bit disturbing, as if it is written by someone in the middle of an emotional crisis or a psychotic break. Do you need help? Or maybe I am just not understanding this post? I am too new to these forums to really know what is a normal post I guess...no judgement intended. Just concern, having a background in recognizing signs and symptoms of distress.

Okay so I learned something since the last post. First, I think I now know why she has been fantasizing about something new, and my understanding of what she is really fantasizing about has changed. Apparently, my understanding of her girl-girl experience was not accurate. About 5 years ago, a friend of hers invited her to Florida to spend the week-end with her, with the understanding that it would be her first lesbian experience. She was very uncertain about it, and I encouraged her to explore that side of herself. It turns out that my wife is not attracted to women specifically, but rather to specific people, and the experience ended up being one of the most erotic and sensual experiences that she has ever had. In fact, she fantasizes about it all of the time. The only thing that she would change about it would be that she would like to have shared the experience with the person that she loves most. She does not consider herself bi-, but she does consider herself open to sensual experiences, with the sex of the person (or people) involved being less important than the sexiness of the person (or people). And she wants me to have these experiences as well. Now, about last night... She went out with A., her shoe broke, she got intoxicated, the music was too loud for her to really talk to A. about what she had in mind, and ultimately nothing is likely to come of it. But who knows, I think I now get where my wife is coming from, and am open to trying new things, and now feel secure that exploration is not likely to jeopardize anything with my beautiful wife. So there's that.

So, I should probably add a few more details, as searching others experiences on forums and web-searching cuckquean have really helped me allay my apprehensions. First off, we have been talking a lot recently. The whole conversation started off because both of us were too tired to have sex after work, the kids, school projects, house work, etc. At the end of the day both of us just went to bed exhausted. We had stopped making time for each other. I finally had had enough and told her either we start having sex more often or we open up our marriage and let others take over that "burden." I predicted that her response was going to be: "I love you honey, I will put in more effort into us but you have to as well. Now let's not talk about having sex outside the marriage." Boy, was I wrong... We talked about why she was open to this sort of thing now, and her response was basically (I am paraphrasing) why the hell did it take 9 years for me to open my damn mouth. Looking back, I think there were many missed opportunities (all my fault) to be open with her. For example, I remember a couple years ago while watching The Real World on MTV (don't judge, she likes those kind of shows), when one of the participants had a chance to have a threesome but declined because of loyalty to his girlfriend back home (which he of course eventually cheated on anyway) and my wife laughed at him and called him a pussy. I think that was a totally missed opportunity to talk openly about an alternative lifestyle, an opening that she offered and I was too clueless to recognize. I can think of many other examples like that but won't bore you with them. As far as the cuckquean thing goes, I get the vibe that it is not about humiliation at all for her, but more of pride and bragging rights. It's like when she buys a sexy dress, she does not wear it at home and then cover up when she goes out. She loves attention, and loves going out and showing off. I get the feeling that she can't wait to show off and say to some woman: "That's MY husband that just made your eyes roll into the back of your head!" So, I have decided not to be "a pussy" and instead dive in head first with the expectation that our marriage will be stronger and I will love and appreciate my wife more for it. As far as it actually happening... We already have a volunteer. A few years ago someone I knew was identified as having an affair, and he told me that he and his girlfriend were in an open relationship. They broke up last year, but I still have contact with the female 1/2 of that couple. So, I asked her about how open relationships work, if there were places in DC that they went to, etc. She said she was never in an open relationship, and things got awkward real fast. But then she said she always admired both me and my wife, and would be happy to help out. She said she goes out every Thursday with a bunch of her Russian girlfriends who are all hot, and invited my wife out to go with them. But she also said that if we wanted a volunteer, she would be happy to be that volunteer. So, my wife and A. are going out tonight for girls night out, and my wife is going to either step on the gas and formally ask A. to be that volunteer, or put on the brakes and withdraw the offer if it does not feel right to her. I will update how it goes tomorrow.

So, my wife and I have been together 9 years, and recently we discussed opening up our marriage. We talked about a lot of things, but she keeps going back to one specific fantasy. She wants to watch me with another woman. She is straight, but has tried being with a woman only it just did not float her boat. Which makes me have doubts. Specifically, is this a set-up? I have heard (a lot) about guys who want to be cuckolded, but I have never heard of a woman who wanted to be. Especially when she is not interested in girl on girl at all. We do not have the type of relationship in which she has ever "tested" me before, so I do not think this is a test. And the idea really excites me. Our sex life had been on life support until this subject came up, but it was still a good relationship nevertheless. Now our sex life is in overdrive, and she keeps talking about watching me almost every time (now 2 or 3 times per day). I love her ideas, but at the end of the day, my marriage is way more important to me than fulfilling any fantasy. I am confused and aroused, worried and excited all at the same time. Any advice appreciated.