AutumnRomance85

I think you're right. I would be perfectly comfortable with the l/s if the microgestures were there. I just don't know how to convey to him that that is something that I need. I have tried verbalizing it and giving specifics.

How were you able to figure out what the issue was behind the struggle with physical affection? I honestly have tried to tell him that this is something that I need in order to feel fulfilled in the relationship...it feels like I'm speaking Greek when I try to tell him though. He just doesn't get it and he's so guarded with his emotions.

I would have to say that I've thought quite a bit about this considering his very traditional background...i believe this is definitely in play on a subconscious level.

I should clarify. He has said he loves me. I can count on one hand the number of times he's said it. Only twice has he said it sober. He's never told anyone he's dated that he loves them. As a matter of fact, he has said he never loved anyone else. Saying it makes him horribly uncomfortable. He does little things on occasion...shoveling out my car when it's covered with snow and terribly cold out so I can sleep in...stuff like that. We were both single in the lifestyle before we met. We always respected other people's boundaries when we were independently active. We both want to do this. Can you clarify what the "rules" are for couples? Neither of us have ever done a lifestyle relationship so maybe we were just ignorant to those rules and that is contributing to the turmoil. I would really appreciate the insight. Thank you for all your help...I appreciate it more than you know

What bothers me is that he is able to flirt, sext and compliment others but not me despite claiming he loves me. There should, in my thought process, still be a healthy sexual desire including those things. We are missing a huge part and it's hard not to be downright offended that he can do those things with other women due to the anonymity, but not with me.

I've been dating this man for about two years. We actually met through the lifestyle and in the beginning things were great. We wanted to establish our relationship and occasionally dabble in the lifestyle. The problem is this...he says he loves me (not in those words because he has a hard time expressing any emotions). Throughout the relationship things changed...he stopped cuddling, holding hands, or making any sort of sexual comments toward me. He stopped sexting or acting like he was attracted to me. He's more than willing to sext or compliment other women. He says that "it's easier because of the anonymity". The fact that he never does this with me or compliments me has me feeling insecure. I practically have to beg him to have sex with me after we meet other couples. Watching him turns me on and I love to do it but at the end of the night I want to save the best I've got for him. I can't help feeling like the used dildo in the drawer and he just wants to play with the new toys. I feel horribly inadequate. This is my first lifestyle relationship...is this normal? What should I do? I've tried to talk to him about it and he doesn't seem to get it. He says "What we have is more than simple sexting" and I agree. Nevertheless, every woman wants to feel sexy and wanted by her man...i definitely don't get any sort of feedback making me feel that way. I'm at a loss. Please help!