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Ragnar19531212

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Ragnar19531212 last won the day on May 24 2017

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About Ragnar19531212

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 12/12/1953

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Minnesota
  • Interests
    biking paddleboarding
  • Swinging Experience
    4 months
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    Ragnar19531212

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  1. Luvin Eye Full She does know I posted here, we share the email account, it's our Lifestyle secret identity email. However I don't think she read the thread or not all of it. I mentioned in a text to someone yesterday what you said. This is the way I put it. "Believing you could make an average sex life better by the LS I don't believe works like people think. Take an awesome sex life and share it with others who have awesome sex lives that is one helluva rush and an unbelievable high." We are working on the honesty and trust rebuild. It's getting there but will take time. Not a long time because of our long relationship, but time nonetheless.
  2. Funny you should ask for an update. Here it is flashback style. On Saturday night we went to our first house party. Rules and play plans discussed. Nothing went as planned, but all for the good and we had a wonderful time. We group played with 2 other couples and left with that wonderful Lifestyle high that comes from a rock the world play session. On the way home my wife says the gentleman she was with asked for her phone number and she told him no. She told him she gets herself into too much trouble. She then told me that when the texting with the smitten husband began she got a taste of the LS high. The night we played with this couple, she got a LS high from being with him, but it was the first time it wasn't experienced by us both and all playdates after that didn't provide a significant LS high. It didn't take long for her to get addicted to getting the high every day through his text and then it turned to sexting. It replaced the high we weren't getting from subsequent playtimes. He was kind and attentive telling her what she wanted to hear. She admitted it was like an addiction and we all know to the addict it's all about the high, nothing or no one else matters. That was a huge admission and the first time I sensed regret. She was sorry for the hurt she caused me. The flashback. My wife had a relapse last Friday. I got suspicious when I mentioned something about our problem couple and her body language changed and her response was not what I suspected. Turns out the smitten husband and her had been texting throughout the day, but she had deleted the conversation like she had done previously when I asked to see her phone. So we are finally alone for the evening she's in a good mood and affectionate. I'm a powder charge ready to blow trying to figure out how to calmly start the conversation without going right to angry hurtful and say things you can't take back. Ultimately she senses my mood and says "you're mad at me aren't you"? I told her I was going to pull up some info on the computer and have her read it and we'd talk. I had been researching ”emotional infidelity” “emotional affairs” “cyber cheating’ etc. I showed her a series of 3 memes. The first said “AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR - Is toxic to your relationship with your spouse and will cause serious damage to the marriage whether or not it ever becomes sexual”. The second explained some of the key points of the affair. Denial of wrongdoing, “we're just friends we didn't do anything” and stating it can be worse than sexual infidelity because there can be sex without emotion but emotion is the key element in this kind of affair. The third said “CHEATING doesn't mean you have to kiss, meet, or have sex with someone else - once you find yourself deleting messages so your partner will not see them, then you already are there”. At that point she knew how serious this was to me and blocked the numbers. What still bugged me was the “I get it, it happened, I'll stop, get over it and drop it” attitude. Even after a discussion of dishonesty and the loss of my trust. So all day Saturday I felt that all I solved was the current problem and would be questioning her honesty and whether she could ever gain my trust waiting for it to happen again. So you can see how relieved I was to hear her thoughts Saturday night. Bottom line for us and this makes sense that it really isn't a person that loves you going out of their way to hurt you. It was getting sucked into an additive activity where the high meant everything. Nothing else was even on the radar. How many smokers have had family members beg and plead for them to stop and it falls on deaf ears. We were lucky because from an addiction standpoint this was easy to deal with once it was seen for what it was. We're good now and realize the need to be careful. Who was it that stated their wife said we're playing with gasoline. That is so true. An additional discussion we had was as a long term married couple, we get complacent in the simple interactions with our spouse. We don't ask about their workout, because we see the sweat and flushed face. We don't have to tell them they are beautiful, they should just know it. Do we walk up and whisper what we'd like to do to them when we're finally alone. I'm going to work harder at being far less complacent with the love of my life of 43 years and my true soulmate. Thanks everyone and If this helps anyone else I'm happy.
  3. This is 90% of the problem from my standpoint as well. Granted in the beginning I thought if they chatted when I contacted his wife she'd be open minded for getting together without​ excess of booze and party distraction. However once that was shot down and him all of a sudden saying he has a Hall pass changed that dynamic. To me he became a single male and those rules of courtesy and etiquette applied. Ignoring me and disrespecting me guaranteed​ his downfall. He's been cut off for texting. He's sent some "how are you" texts, but my wife has not replied. We're back on the same page and I'm working on writing up a combination of our rules and procedures for different situations. That way we're more likely to stay on the same page. Thanks everyone.
  4. Hey everyone thanks for continuing the input and chiming in on the various replies. No I'm not going to "dump the bitch" but thanks for saying it so I don't in an irrational moment. My 90% comment relates to our swinging life. We've had many good moments and of course the bad. This couple and this one encounter account for 90% of the bad. I made mistakes that night which include not sticking to our plan to work the venue for future playmates, it was a BYOB and when I went to refresh drinks we should have both went and I should have read the signs the other wife wasn't into me earlier and when she got dressed after I got her off I should have taped out her husband. All very newbie mistakes, they were our 3rd encounter, they much more experience. We've sense found out at these events they operate for themselves. They met newbies at the last one and ignored them all evening. However, I am paying for everyone of those F'n mistakes with interest. My wife showed this husband the time of his life at the venue and it's like he's been smitten. His thank you text and can we get together again was sweet and I figured once he talked to his wife and she shut him down for all of us getting together this would stop. Well wrong there as well. Funny thing is the last thing my wife wants to do is meet this man for real. The fantasy will never live up to the reality and as someone quoted on another thread about sexting, "your mouth is writing checks that your ass can't cash". The man and I will have our face time and will be told to totally back off and if we are together at a gathering he has absolutely "no privileges". This was a rough learning experience, but we'll get back on track and work through it.
  5. We're in our early 60's don't act or look our age. We've been married 43 years. Our first LS experiences​ we're almost mind blowing and so much fun. We're going back to one of those couples this Thursday my wife's birthday to get our mojo back. We've also slowed things down. Sun& Moon we had our talk and I guess I used a combo loaded and none loaded. Mr Playmate not asking and getting permission to continue past the initial I had a good time text has really chapped my ass from the get go. 90% of our not fun LS issues are coming from this one encounter, and it just keeps on giving. That couple has also been married 40+ years and I'm sure when I talk to him he will understand and not want to be the one to cause tension to our marriage. We'll see how that conversation goes.
  6. The phone thing was one of the mistakes I alluded to. Wives exchanged because other wife wanted to share a spa link. Normally it's my phone only and that night it should have been no phone. We're learning.
  7. Moon&Sun I need to spend some time with your reply. You make some good points. I do need to clarify some items. The other wife is the the dominant LS half. He's usually shy and takes a back seat. My wife is a world class flirt and for the first time at one of these parties he had a great time. I said in my OP we made a lot of mistakes that night. The girls originally exchanged phone numbers because the other wife wanted to share info about a spa she liked. He got the number from his wife. One issue I have is my wife's​ desire is to flirt and text. She's not even sure she'd enjoy actually being with him for real because it may destroy the fantasy. I keep saying that is dangerous and playing with fire. So when it became known we'd be at a party together things got out of hand because his reality was going to come face to face with her fantasy. This isn't really a jealousy issue as a protective issue. We have men from 3 other couples that I'd have no problem her doing this with. They are friends and I trust them. This was our one meet at party and play couple. Doing this with this couple just has all kinds of bad dynamics associated with it. I offered the 3some and she says it makes her uncomfortable. This is all kinds of F'd up and how can I have her back when I'm being pushed to the outside.
  8. Thank you everyone for your advice it was greatly appreciated. I did come to the conclusion you all did and that my wife and I need to have a good conversation. Because once again last night she defended her actions as being innocent and not meant to hurt me. I lost it, but didn't act on that anger. I just clammed up. I told her several times I wasn't ready to have a discussion because all I had on the tip of my tongue was angry and hateful words. She now knows this is not a subject that can be treated with a "get over it". We'll see how it goes tonight. The cold shoulder is kind of childish, but it was best not to say what I wanted to at the time.
  9. This is my first help me understand post. I'll try to condense as best I can. We met and played with a couple at a hotel take over. We made plenty of mistakes that night another story.. End result my wife and the husband hit it off. Me and the other wife not so much. She politely told me in an email she took one for the team. The husband texted my wife the next day and couldn't wait until we can all get together again. The texting has been continuous. The other wife must have finally told him it's ​not going to happen. So he asked and got a hall pass. His wife calls mine to confirm that he has it with her blessing. They get a string of texts going about their experiences in the LS, hall passes, etc and now they are texting friends. I've told my wife no to a hall pass because I hardly know him. The music that night was so loud and we talked for maybe 20 minutes tops. I told her all this sexting has me uncomfortable and since he has not communicated with me in any way I feel very disrespected. And to that she's texting friends with both of them and I've been totally left out. My wife feels I'm over reacting and says I'm benefiting from his texts making her horny. We had to cancel out of the next party because his texts were telling her what he hoped and expected to happen. Never asked what mine and my wife's plans actually where. BTW the other wife in her email stated she didn't want the 4 of us to meet and do something vanilla in real life, but did want us all to be friends. I guess she meant 3 of the 4 of us. Am I wrong for my feelings of being ignored? Should one husband disrespect another in his quest to be with the other wife? We are a play as a couple and their profile says the same. Help me understand and process this.
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