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808calm

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15 Good

About 808calm

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 01/26/1968

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    US
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for over 5yrs. Mainly MFM threesomes. I recently found out that I have been cheated on. She had been playing on her own with guy she met on CL. Myself, along with my kids, some friends and relatives received a private message through Instagram & Facebook from an unknown user that shared explicit and detailed description of what took place between them. And there were pics that supported it. I confronted her… she broke down and admitted to her infidelity. She explained this happened 3yrs ago, when things between us weren’t going so good. I didn’t understand that, as we were already in the lifestyle and had a few encounters with men that we now see regularly. She explained that our get togethers weren’t as fulfilling as she wanted it. I have to mention that I’m BI, however our regulars were straight and there were no M2M contact other than the incidental while DVP, which was agreed amongst all of us. She explained that she wanted to experience another male on her own without me being present as it sort felt to her as I was in control. She wanted that rush and excitement of being in control emotionally and mentally. She had met with this person on a number of occasions and had sex without protection, which is big no-no. He knew she was on birth control and mentioned in his message that I couldn’t sex her up the way she wanted to. She admitted it was shellfish of her and that it was mistake that she regrets ever doing. Although it was just sex, she said it too wasn’t as fulfilling as she wanted it to be because there wasn’t that connection and having the thought of me not being there. She couldn’t come terms and right mind to tell about the affair. But she assured me that it was a 1x thing and it would never happen again. As twisted as it may be, I was actually turned on knowing that she had done this and I keep imagining her getting pleasured by another male without me being there. I make dirty talk about her having sex with the other guy while we're having sex and it seems to get her much more excited. I must say we've gotten more intimate and passionate when we make love and I feel we both are very satisfied. But I still can’t shake the thought of her possibly doing this again. As much as I hated that it happen, I still get turned on by the idea that it did. Am I hating this because she hadn't told me about her plans? Because I was betrayed and this was kept from me for over 3yrs? What would have happened if I didn’t find out? How could she have kept it from me for this long? Would it have continued? Were there other men she played with? What about her safety? What could have happen if I wasn’t there? How can I save face and carryon like normal for the benefit of our kids and to save our marriage? I love my wife of 25+yrs, forgave her, but I can't forget. She had broken the trust, respect and commitment between us. I was betrayed. And moreso, breaking the main rules we had in place for being in the lifestyle: we never play alone…always together; always play safe w/condoms; and always communicate, share our thoughts, after thoughts, our fantasies. But I also don’t feel that she's remorseful of her actions. Sex is awesome but our discussions out of bed sometimes end up in arguments. I just feel that there's more she's keeping from me as it seems as though she avoids the subject. We haven’t swing since. With all these questions in my mind, I’m (we’re) also having to dealing with the humiliation, the questions and speculations of people knowing, the insecurity of marriage, making sure the kids feel loved and supported and reassuring them that everything between us is good . Not to mention dealing with her pics lingering on social media. Anyone in a similar situation? Any tips on how to move forward? Betrayed & Confused
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