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Girlygirl

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About Girlygirl

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 12/20/1967

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  • Relationship Status
    M. Female
  • Location
    Houston
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. Yes, this topic is sensitive. And yes, it took on a direction that I never intended. My purpose was to search for someone who had been through a similar situation and get advice. I did get some good advice about therapy and stepping out of LS for a while (or maybe forever), and especially validation that it wasn't my fault (as that small voice.inside still screams that I could have done more to fight him off). I do not think anyone was marginalizing or condoning the guy's behavior. Whether or not it met legal requirements for rape is not really the issue. I am not dragging my family into a he said/she said legal battle. I have warned the people I know and cannot take on the responsibility of ruining my life even further by taking this into a court room, with no real evidence besides my memory and account of things.
  2. Thank you to all who have posted. I appreciate the perspective. At this point, I do not think it matters if you call it rape or a bad decision or whatever other label you want to put on it. The guy should have listened the first time I said no. And certainly by the third and fourth times I said no, he knew I was not consenting. Alcohol was not a factor in my reaction....had not yet started to drink anything. Why didn't I scream or kick him in the nuts? I cannot say. It was all surreal, in slow motion, but you are trying to think two steps ahead to get out of the situation. The reason why I told him to put a condom on is that I wanted to protect myself from physical harm like HIV. I stick up for my husband because he did not know that Mr. Host went into the house after I went in to go to the bathroom. He thought I stopped to talk to someone. He did not intentionally "leave" me somewhere by myself. It was me who left my husband to go to the bathroom. If I thought it was so "unsafe" as to need an escort to the bathroom, I would never have gone to the party in the first place. And as to why I would go back to a party if I thought the guy was a creep....I NEVER thought he would have done what he did. Hell no, I would not have gone back if I thought he was a creep and would not respect a "no". I am not attracted to a guy who just wants to see how many notches he can get on his dance card. I also do not like it when a guy keeps making comments, innuendos, and false compliments to try to get you to go in the bedroom with him. He tried to pressure women at the first party, including me, and I just said I wasn't interested and went to another area of the party. Mr. Host found other women to play with at party 1 and quit trying to lure me into the bedroom. I only told my husband to not leave me alone in the same room with Mr. Host because I found his forward compliments and talk uncomfortable. After party 1, I thought of Mr. Host as forward and likely that way due to too much alcohol, but I did not think of him as creepy. As for the STDs, I know when I had clean labs. I know that four months later, this incident happened. A month after the incident, I started having small discomfort that got worse. I tried OTC meds. I was pretty shocked when it turned out not to be a yeast infection but TWO STD's. Technically, I could have been exposed and contagious right after my checkup with clean labs, since STD's can live in your body asymptotically. So, I felt it was my duty, though EXTREMELY embarrassing, to contact our two sets of FWB to tell them to get checked out because I had no way of truly knowing when exposure occurred. Both couples were tested and were clean. That is why the likelihood of Mr. Host being the one who gave it to me is very high. And now, after a week of doxycyclene, a rosefin injection, and a large dose of z-pack all taken about a month ago, initial test results show that I still have some sort of infection going on...should have cultures back tomorrow or Monday. And yes, my husband was treated with same treatment (his 2-week labs show he was clean) and we waited the prescribed time before resuming sexual activity with each other. Am I bitter? Yes, to the asshole who I think gave me the infection. The fact that no one has yet to say, "A similar situation happened to me" and tell me "this is what I did to work through it" or "yes, I felt on some basic level like I deserved it too" just goes to show something I already knew. This situation is rare in the LS community. Most people are very respectful and do not take pleasure in pushing their way onto someone who says "no". I am not new to the LS. We have been to many parties, we have attended clubs a time or two, and NEVER saw anything remotely like this. I am not a girl who leads a guy on and changes her mind. I am not a girl who gets easily offended or makes up drama. The night of the party, I lost a part of myself. Yes, I've got to work through this somehow. On a deeper level, a small part of me does think I deserved it because I did not do everything I could have to get out of the situation (scream, kick). I need to get past that...I cannot change what happened but can change how it affects me. As for the LS, not sure I will be able to go back.
  3. First, we have been swinging for 5 years and NEVER had such an experience before. We go to 2-3 parties a year (and don't always play at each party or sometimes just play with each other at the party), and have encounters maybe once every 3-4 months, usually with the same FWB. I had a situation at a party where there were only a few couples (like 3-4) who attended this party. We attended our first party at this place about 6 months prior and there were probably about 20-25 couples then. At the first party, Mr. Host was a bit forward with me, saying he wanted to get me in the bedroom and telling me how beautiful I was. He wouldn't let it go. I wasn't interested because he seemed to be having sex with several ladies at the party and his compliments seemed so shallow and designed to just get me to go to bed with him. Before we got to the most recent party (which the couple had regularly, but only our second time to go), I told my husband not to leave me in the room alone with Mr. Host because I did not want to be pressured by him. We were hanging outside with the other couples. I went inside to go to the bathroom. When I walked out of the bathroom, Mr. Host grabbed my hand and said he wanted to show me something. He pulled me into a bedroom and locked the door. I told him "no" and "not now". He proceeded to start undressing me. Again, I said no and tried to push his hand away and rezip my pants. He kept grabbing my hands and holding them behind my back, continuing to undress me. At some point, I finally said "at least use a condom". He pushed me on the bed, held me down with his hand on my jaw and then on my neck. I am not into being a submissive (or any role play). He had this glazed look and started saying nasty things to me, like "Tell me you want me, bitch." And "Tell me you like it hard, bitch." And "Whore, beg me for it." I was afraid and decided the best thing was to just go along with it and get it over with. I did as he said, half afraid that he might just smack me (which he didn't in the face, but did in the rear and I do not like being spanked). He came with me on my back. After I thought he was done, I got up to grab my clothes, and he pushed me back onto the bed where I was bent over. He came again, the whole time telling me what a nice ass I had, and spanking it, even after I asked him to stop. I felt humiliated, like a piece of trash. I hated myself for not being more forceful in my "no". I had tried to be nice since he was the host when I first said, "Not now". And worst of all, I asked myself, "What did you expect?" I knew he was trouble and fell for the "let me show you something." I've been in this LS for a while and should not have been so stupidly naive. When the ordeal was over and I got up to get dressed the second time, I noticed the used condom on the night stand. He told me what a beautiful ass I had and how good the sex was. I just grabbed my clothes and ran to the bathroom. I got dressed and cried. I finally gained composure and went outside. My husband was talking to a couple, so I did not immediately tell him what happened. But within 5 minutes, he was asking what was wrong. I whispered to him a shortened version of what happened. By then, the host was doing another girl in the same bedroom. We left. My husband called Mrs. Host (he did not have Mr. Host's phone number), who only said she was sorry. My husband said I should have screamed if I needed to. I guess I was trying to be polite and not make a scene. Shortly thereafter, their profile said they were taking a break from the lifestyle (some other FWB told us, as we had blocked them). I do not know if he had the condom on the whole time, or if Mr. Host conveniently took it off prior to finishing up. Two months after the party, I thought I had a yeast infection. Turns out it was chlamydia and gonorrhea. I cannot tell you if the std's were spread with or without using a condom. The only STD I've ever had was many years ago and was HPV (not the genital warts type, but the "linked to cancer" type) that was likely from when I was 19, which is before the monogamous relationship with my husband. My husband and I have been monogamous with each other for 20 years before diving into swinging. At this point, I do not know if I want to return to swinging. We are clean. I know my husband enjoys swinging, and I like seeing my husband pleased. He's a little more casual about the STDs, saying that it happens. To me, it's a bigger deal. I am glad it wasn't HIV or Hepatitis. I thought we were careful (condoms) and selective. I do not KNOW for certain if the STD came from Mr. Host. We do not have their contact info anymore. I NEVER want to be in a position where I feel helpless and afraid of the guy on top of me. I can't get over feeling like I have no reason to complain...I mean, I DO choose to have sex with other men. If I so willingly give my body over to other men, why should it bother me that someone took advantage of me? I hate drama, and part of me wants to forget it and stop bringing up the drama internally. Has anyone ever had a similar experience? If so, how did you get over it?
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